All comics by JoeBlough

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by JoeBlough
4-07-19
Go ahead, my child!
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been....forever...since my last confession!
Why are you dressed in all black-out curtains, Mr. Blough?
None of yer bees-wax...and call me Joe!
Alrighty then....no Blough for Joe! Joe? Hello?
Maybe this is a bad idea!

 

by JoeBlough
4-08-19
What ya doin', d_bacon?
I'm waiting for "Lunch" to create a new CC!
You ever gonna make a new contest, dude?
Oh shit! I forgot!
That's unacceptable! Don't you realize there are "certain" individuals who live & breathe this STUFF? It's their only reason for living! So get with the program CHOP, CHOP!
If yer referring to that Gooey Bacon Blougher, he'll just have to wait till I'm damn good & ready!!

 

by JoeBlough
4-08-19
You guys are getting pretty tight with that Trump fella!
So? It's good for business.
With THAT attitude you'll NEVER shake the "money grubbing", "Shylock", "Sheenyness" you Jews are known for.
"YOU" Jews? I seem to recall the loins from which thou sprangest, my friend!
You tryin' to "shade" my virgin mamma?
Ya need to chill, homey! Take a nap back at the Kibutz and stop gettin' so "Verklempt"!

 

by JoeBlough
4-08-19
So...is that about all, Mr. Blough? I mean, JOE!
Pretty much except I'm a bit envious!
Don't be ridiculous! "atomiclunch" isn't THAT much better than you are!
Not "atomiclunch"! I'm talkin' "RCLG"! He's got 110 followers and all I got is 6.
Calm down, Joe. Everyone has followers. They're kinda like ass...
"LIKE" nothing! In HIS case they're ALL his ass-hole relatives...100%!

 

by JoeBlough
4-09-19
St.Louis, Mo. 1954......
Mama, what do ya think I'll grow up to be?
Well, lil ragu4u, the plan is for you to grow up and become a wonderful Priest!
St.Louis, Mo. 1973......
Her name is Deb, Mom! We got married last Saturday!
Married? You're a Priest! Did Vatican II go & change "Priest's celibacy" too?
St.Louis, Mo. 2001......
Rags, now that your mom has died you certainly won't continue dressing up like a Priest on Sundays, will you?
I guess not but ya gotta admit, I did look snappy in those vestments every Sunday!

 

by JoeBlough
4-09-19
What was that guy JoeBlough doin'?
I think he buried two bodies.
You don't mean he...?
I DO, and they smelled a lot like "Pasta-Prima-Porkchop"!
Look what "Old Yeller" dug up!
Funny, but this bone tastes familiar.

 

by JoeBlough
4-10-19
Lemme ask you somethin', d_bacon.
What's on yer mind, Rags?
Are you gettin' the feeling we're being made fun of around here?
Heaven forbid! What gives you THAT idea?
Well, there's a cow's tongue nailed to our front door, a burning cross in our yard, a pentagram painted on our driveway and 2 gay....
So nothing out of the ordinary?

 

by JoeBlough
4-10-19
Rags & d_bacon at "Area 51"
Ya'll can't be here, sirs! This entire site is "Off Limits"!
That's B.S. fella. We used to be taxpayers.... when we had jobs! We got RIGHTS!
Yeah! What HE said! We're here to see all the aliens yer hidin'!
Sir, there are absolutely no aliens here sir. As you can see, just Mexicans!
Si, gringo!
Aye chi hua hua. He es muy gordo!

 

by JoeBlough
4-10-19
Afro American Art History....
You must be the model for my sculpture!
I sure am! Thank ya'll for this here opportunity!
You'll do perfectly. Now I need you to get into costume!
Costume? What kinda costume?
It's just the cutest little Jockey outfit. And don't forget the lantern & riding crop!
My peoples all gonna be so proud...

 

by JoeBlough
4-11-19
Scientific Cummunity stands in awe!
There it is! The "Black Hole".
"M87"!
Wait a minute! Sorry, wrong camera!
You mean it's the...? Oh no!
Oh it's still a "Black Hole" alright, just not M87! Oddly enough, it came from one of our "remote" cameras.
I assume you mean the one clipped under the toilet seat in the Ladies Room at Chuck Berry's Ranch, correct?

 

by JoeBlough
4-11-19
The "National Enquirer" is now up for sale...
Yo ragu4u! Come quick! Drop what yer doin'. We're gonna buy us a newspaper!
...due to the massive Libel Suits against it from Donald Trump & Jeff Bezos!
Stop! WAIT! Abort! Abort! The deal's OFF!
He NEVER does this kinda shit till I start making the "Head-cheese"!

 

by JoeBlough
4-11-19
We gotta get this lawn cut! Our neighbors are bitchin'!
Don't look at ME! I've mowed it for 40 years. Now it's up to YOU!
Oh SURE! Make the little guy with no-opposable thumbs do all the work! Hmpf!
Stop griping. If I know you, you won't even break a sweat!
...and he most certainly didn't!
I'll trim!
Oh sure! Make ME do all the big stuff!

 

by JoeBlough
4-11-19
Rags, our daughter called & said her well pump & compressor went out!
Didn't that happen just two months ago?
Yeah...you and d_bacon bought the parts & fixed it yourselves.
So how in God's name could this possibly have happened AGAIN in 8 short weeks?
I wonder!
Well, Mr. Fatso and your pork chop protege', Chen charge this $1500 dolla on your Visa! And, once again, thank you for shopping at "Harbour Freight".
Hey Rags...these DO come with the normal 12 hr. warranty, right?

 

by JoeBlough
4-12-19
Hey Schvartzer!
?
You BEST NOT be talkin' to ME, you Kike mutha fu...
Whoa...sorry my nigga!
Apology accepted, ya Hebe ass-hole!

 

by JoeBlough
4-12-19
Hop to it Bambi! The client wants you there at 10pm.
Who is it this time?
Some old horny fart, but so what? Money is money, honey!
Easy for YOU to say. You don't have to cater to these old goat's sexual whims.
10:05pm
So straight sex is $500 but if ya wanna go "round the world" we're talkin" two large!
Is that WITH my A.A.R.P. discount or not?

 

by JoeBlough
4-12-19
I'm tellin' ya, the map says dig RIGHT HERE!
Map, shmap! I'm sicka diggin' fer this shit!
But we're so close! Closer than we've ever been!
Alright, alright...quit yer belly achin', I'll dig. But these things better be worth sometin'!
Breaking News! A report of a great discovery from our reporter on scene, TOBOR!
That's right Bob! Apparantly a team of scientists have recovered the priceless..."Lost Comics of ragu4u"!

 

by JoeBlough
4-12-19
"...Lost Comics of ragu4u"!
Holy crappola! Yo Rags! Get in here pronto! Surely yer gonna wanna see THIS! They found em'...they found em'!!!!
What in the hell is he yellin' about NOW?
Quick, quick...come see! They found your missing comics!
I call "BULLSHIT" on that! And STOP calling me Shirley!

 

by JoeBlough
4-12-19
On behalf of ragu4u ...
...and Makin_d_bacon...
...and ME, JoeBlough...
Congrats to RCLG...
...on his latest comic #6700!
Never quit, dude! Because we HATE quit...uh...nevermind!

 

by JoeBlough
4-12-19
Ben interviews gals for Complaint Dept.
Lemme hear how ya'll would answer the phone.
"Hi! I'm Casey. How can I help you?"
"Hello! I'm Lara. How may I assist you?"
"Thank you for calling! Mary here"!
But they just weren't what Ben wanted!
"I'm fuckin' busy! You got 10 seconds to tell me what the fuck you want or I'm hangin' up on yer sorry ass"!
Fuckin' "A" bro! You're HIRED!

 

by JoeBlough
4-13-19
Welcome to "GNC" The Supplement Store!
Gimme that NEW supplement that the FDA just approved!
Do you mean the "Breast Milk" supplement tabs for adults?
Tabs? Screw THAT!
So Rags tried "The Phreaky Pharmacy"
You sell that new "Breast Milk" supplement? And, if so, how does it come?
In jugs, of course. In big ole JUGS!

 

by JoeBlough
4-13-19
Hello 911? They be burnin' a cross in my yard...HELP!
What? Yeah, I'm black, so what about it, you honky bastards? Send HELP!
Hey, Cracker...the fire's on the LAWN!
A Honky bastard, am I? Take THIS soul brutha!

 

by JoeBlough
4-14-19
What the hell ya'll lookin' for, lil cracker?
A "Black Hole"!
Sheee-it! You wanna see a black hole, follow me boy!
For REAL?
So you're the black hole Mr. Pimp was talking about?
That's bullshit, lil cracker boy! It's all PINK on the inside!

 

by JoeBlough
4-14-19
Us? The glue? What's this dude smokin'?
Yo Rags, I'm not sure but I think RCLG just gave us a compliment!
HA! That'll be the day when pigs fly!
But a short time later......
HELP! I don't know how to land!
So JoeBlough finally got ya to sit in that "Trebuchet", eh?

 

by JoeBlough
4-14-19
All Faiths Are Welcome, except.......
So we've got reps here from the Evangelicals, Jews, Muslims, Budhists, Wiccans and those no good, lousy, God-forsaken Jesuits!
"Lord, may that ROLEX rot his wrist off! Amen!"

 

by JoeBlough
4-14-19
About 25 years ago, with Rags & Deb...
You DID hire the caterer for our daughter's wedding, right?
Of course, and Abdul is the nicest man...
ABDUL? ("You all see where this is goin', right?")
Yes, Abdul! I gave him Carte Blanche on everything! He's waiting for you in the living room.
The menu will consist of Seekh Kabobs, Bheja Fry, Murgh Mughlai, Nalli Nihari and for dessert, Sheer Korma! No exceptions & no substitutions OR..
I know. I know! All your waiters wear suicide vests!

 

by JoeBlough
4-14-19
What the hell happened, dude?
I couldn't pay a debt.
I can help. I know a guy. Wait right here!
Say WHA...?
...so take it or leave it! And don't forget the VIG! Capice?
These grease balls are EVERYWHERE!

 

by JoeBlough
4-14-19
It appears JoeBlough is attempting a coup!
Front Page Domination, eh Pops?
He couldn't do it under his 2 other personas so his chances are bleak at best!
So he's already a lost cause? How depressing!
So where is JoeBlough? He was supposed to meet us here!
I drove by his house. I don't think he's comin'. He's inside that old freezer in his backyard again. You know the one that he runs a hose from the exhaust on his Edsel into?

 

by JoeBlough
4-15-19
Day 1: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6923151....
Someone will surely rescue me!
Day 7: at 8am
Thanks for saving me, mister! Can I be the ship's pet?
Yeah, but the skipper says ya gotta be...uh...fixed first!
Day 7: at 8:03am
Screw THAT!
"DOG OVERBOARD!"

 

by JoeBlough
4-15-19
Back up. A little further. One more little step ba....
What the...?
...oops! Too far! hehehehe
Oh NO!
*Bwahahahahah...*
Another accident was reported here at the Grand Canyon today. However, this reporter has his doubts as to...

 

by JoeBlough
4-15-19
Where you go now, Lily?
Out to sell "Girl Scout Cookies", daddy!
Wait...I go also, for protection!
SHOOT! I was afraid he'd say THAT!
I see Lily didn't want an escort!
Why she no just say "No thank you?"

 

by JoeBlough
4-15-19
Shipwrecked: Day 1
Don't even think about it, FAG?
Day 180
That's right, gay boy...just STAY uninterested!
Day 450
OK, ok...but be gentle, tough guy!
Voila!

 

by JoeBlough
4-15-19
And what do YOU want, my good man?
I want a REWARD!
A reward? A reward for what, pray tell?
I done saved yo wife's sweet little ass from being raped! THAT'S what for, Homey!
Heavens to Betsy! Did you have to resort to brute force?
Nope! I just quit chasin' her! Now pay up!

 

by JoeBlough
4-16-19
The Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire...
"...and French police are looking for the cause."
My money is on that pyro hunchback playing with matches again!
"C'mon mon ami, light my fire..."

 

by JoeBlough
4-16-19
Welcome to "Tobacco Road", the last hope of the persecuted smoker!
You do know that your damned cigars gave me cancer?
Sorry Bud, but I got "Nicoderm" if ya want it?
I just wanted you to KNOW that I blame YOU for my upcoming death!
I thought you left! What now? Another guilt trip?
Just gimme a pack of "Lucky" shorts & shut the hell up!

 

by JoeBlough
4-16-19
Wash. Redskins Locker Room...
Folks, I'm here with Russell Wilson, the highest paid player in the NFL!
Make it snappy Vic, I got a money truck comin'!
So you feel it's fine to joke about your exorbitant salary, eh Russ? Don't you feel bad you make so much more than your other team-mates?
Go "F" yerself ass-hole! Here comes Gronk...ask HIM!
So Gronk, you OK with Russell Wilson getting paid so much more than you did?
I can't complain, cause the owner gave me this lifetime job the second I retired!

 

by JoeBlough
4-17-19
Last night over Washington, D.C.
You see that bright light Timmy?
Yeah. It's streakin across the sky.
I'll bet it's another meteor!
Maybe, but look at all that stuff behind it.
Earth: Interstellar Waste Repository
Sewage dump successful, Beldar?
Affirmative! Both massive fesces pods safely released!

 

by JoeBlough
4-17-19
Thanks for the hand out...but I'd rather learn HOW TO FISH!
Too good for charity, huh?
No! I just think it's wiser for me to learn a skill to help myself.
What kinda stupid, whacked out, moronic MAGA thinkin' is THAT?
Here, take it back! I feel funny not to have worked for it.
Screw THAT! I ain't eatin' it! It's full of toxic mercury. You tryin' to kill me?

 

by JoeBlough
4-17-19
**************************************************************************************************************
OK bro, I guess we're gonna do this! Start up the engine. I got all the doors & windows sealed up air tight.
We came into this world together so it's only right that we...
**************************************************************************************************************
...leave this world together, right bro?
Leave? Say wha...?
**************************************************************************************
You know...die! Suicide! Hey! Come back here, you chicken shit!
Suicide? No wonder dad NEVER gives you the keys. Peace out, bro!

 

by JoeBlough
4-17-19
It all happened so fast! This black man thrust his 10 inches of rebar up into my every oriface again & again...
Calm down ma'am. I've got the general picture so...
...and then he tweezed my nipples & forced me to tea-bag him....
ENOUGH already, lady! I'll get you a female officer so you can tell her...
No wait! Lemme finish. I'm getting to best part...the feltching! Why did you just turn away? Did you cum?
Jesus, lady!

 

by JoeBlough
4-18-19
Homeless Shelter: Seattle
Damn, you folks got nice facilities up here!
Thank you, Wiley! Your private room awaits!
Homeless Shelter: San Francisco
Chill, dude! Room service will bring you your daily bag-o-kush! Kick back & enjoy the view!
The Pacific Ocean is absolutely breath taking!
Homeless Shelter: Brooklyn, NY
What? No room service or massaging water beds? Do I at least get a wake up call?
You guys from the West Coast just kill me!

 

by JoeBlough
4-18-19
Granny hires Dandy to save BIG $$$....
Done with the window alarm yet, Dandy?
I'm closing it tight. Just gotta go outside & give er' a test drive!
Now I'll just jump up to simulate a break-in...
Oh please be care...
...AiEEEEE!!!!
Shit! There goes my damned senior discount!

 

by JoeBlough
4-18-19
At home with Makin_d_bacon....
How in the heck can NetFlix list "Passion of the Christ" under Horror Movies?
...because it was extremely HORRIBLE, THAT'S why, d_bacon!
Oh well. I guess ya needed to be there!

 

by JoeBlough
4-18-19
Ya went & destroyed the whole world & I'm all that's left! Happy NOW?
Not yet!
What? The "Great & Wonderul OZ" forgot something?
Not anymore! Happy, happy happy!

 

by JoeBlough
4-18-19
I'd say "Ahab the Arab" was one of the best novelty songs ever.
Nah! No way!
Oh really? And what's your pick, old boy?
(I show him, hehehe)....时髦的冷梅迪纳!
"Funky Cold Medina", eh? I took you for more of a "Sukiyaki" type guy!
Smug bastard!

 

by JoeBlough
4-19-19
Tell our audience, Kellyanne Conway, how can you stay together with that worthless bum you've linked yourself up with?
Well Anderson, I...
So then what did you tell that little Cooper faggot, Kellyanne?
Actually sir, I think you'd be proud of the way I nailed him down to be specific.
So do tell! DO TELL!
I asked him if he meant the guy I married or the guy I work for! Pretty smooth, eh?

 

by JoeBlough
4-20-19
Coming Soon to Washington State.....
Right here looks like a good spot.
You sure this is even legal?
Trust me! It WILL be. We got the votes!
OK then, if you're sure? You did say ten to a hole, right?
Ten at LEAST! That's the environmental beauty of it! Can ya dig it?
Sure! Diggin' is what I DO! It's the "composting of humans" that's NEW to me!

 

by JoeBlough
4-20-19
At home with Rags & Deb......
OMG! We got all six Power-Ball numbers! We're MILLIONAIRES!!!
Rags...gimme the PowerBall ticket I told ya to buy! We actually WON the darned thing!!!
Well honey-bunch, I sent lil Chen to buy our ticket last night but he never showed.
Hi there lil Chen. Here to buy Rags Power-Ball tickets again, eh?
Screw him! he NEVER wins. Gimme a "Hustler" instead!

 

by JoeBlough
4-20-19
Is everything set for the Easter Egg hunt after Mass?
Oh yes, Father! The eggs were all very well hidden by our...uh...ahem, Deacons!
I hope THIS year they get more into the spirit of things.
I think they plan to, Father! I hear they've even rented costumes!
Easter Bunny Costumes to be exact!
I hope them eight year old girls are as hot as last year's crop!
Girls? HA! It's them little boys what makes THIS rabbit's foot thump!!

 

by JoeBlough
4-21-19
What the hell YOU want, lady?
I have a petition here to ban racial bigotry in music. Care to sign?
Hell NO! There ain't no racial bigtree in music.
It's pronounced "bIg-o-try", sir! So what IS your favorite song, may I ask?
"Brown Sugar"! You got a problem wit that?

 

by JoeBlough
4-21-19
At the inner city "Free Clinic"...
My goodness Nurse Funnybone, but we've been busy today.
I know. I've never seen a Sunday so busy!
And every woman has come in with a severe vaginal infection. Very odd, indeed!
Not if ya really think about it Doc!
So what am I missing?
Today is "Yeaster Sunday"!

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