All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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Good evening, Ladies and Germs! Welcome to the "Tiki and Pinky Vaudevillian Revue"...
I'm Tiki...
...and I'm Pinky!
Now, that we've cleared that up, it's on with the show!
Waffles!

 

BUTCH HERE TO DO CIRCUMCISION!!
Damn! That thing is HUGE!
BUTCH MUST CHARGE A LITTLE EXTRA FOR SUCH A BIG DICK!!
Be gentle...

 

Hmmm... I can't decide!
At first, I wanted it...
Now, I just don't know...
LISTEN, ASSHOLE! DO YOU WANT BUTCH TO CUT STEAK OR NOT?!

 

Waffles!
Sorry! All I got is pancakes...
Fuck!

 

Yeah, I know it's just you and I stranded on this deserted island...
Bee boo beeple boo bip-bip beeple boop!
Well, since you put it that way...
Bee bo boop...
You got protection right? I don't want to be raising any of those alien hybrids I read about in the National Enquirer...
Bee bee boople bippy bo boop! (Heh, heh, heh!)

 

Do I hear one hundred? One twenty-five? One-fitty?
One-fitty? One-fitty going once... Going twice...
SOLD! To the tranny in the back row wearing the plaid leather kilt!
Suh-WEEET!

 

Horsey ride?
No.
Horsey ride?
NO!
Horsey...

 

So, the new Pope says we are to have NO sex whatsoever?
Ook!
No men, no women? Not even children..?
Ook!
What about monkeys?
Whaaaaaaaaaat?

 

Damn!
That is one, UGLY fish!
WILL [glub, glub] SOMEBODY [glub, glub] GET ME [glub, glub] THE FUCK [glub, glub] OUTTA [glub, glub] HERE!!

 

CRACK!!
[hic]
CRACK!!
[BURP!]
CRACK!!
Shtop it! [hic] You're making me shick! [BRAAAAAAPPP!!]

 

Moh!
Say, feller... What happened to yew?
Well, Mr. President... If, you must know, I stepped on a land mine and blew my skin clean off!
Sorry about that! I guess Iraq can be a very dangerous place...
Iraq, Shmiraq! I did this while creeping around outside my ex-wife's house!
Ta-DOW!

 

Okay, children... When you see a man like this creeping around the playground...
...I want you to come get me IMMEDIATELY!
That way he won't leave, and charge me double later for having to make a second trip!

 

"It's so hard to decide..."
"They both seem so nice..."
"I'm going to choose Bachelor number two."
Fuck!
Suh-WEEET!

 

[ring, ring]
YAY! TOBOR GET PHONE CALL! !
Hello?
TOBOR WILL NOW CORNHOLE YOU!!
[click]
THAT'S THE THIRD TIME TODAY! SHIT!!

 

I say death to the "Great Satan"' aka The United States...
Hmmm... There's something familiar about this guy...
...and all of it's partners-in-crime for the unwanton killing of Muslims across the globe!
I can't put my finger on it...
And, goddammit to hell if I'm going to spend the rest of my days on Earth hunkering down in some stinky cave on the border of Pakistan!!
Did I blow him out in the parking lot last winter..?

 

*sniff* *sniff* What's that smell?
It's my new potpourri...
It's really nice! What's it called?
"BigFrank106"...
"BigFrank106"? Hmmm. It must be new... Have you ever tried "BigFrank105"?
Once... But, it really stunk! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]

 

Sure... I can set you up with one of my fine beotches!
Cool!
One night of pure, unaldulterated pleasure... No strings attach-
!
I mean...
You better hope they don't untie me, asshole!

 

Anything..?
Nope!
Are you positive it's not bleeding?
Looks okay to me...
I swear! It felt like that guy had a Louisville Slugger between his legs!

 

Jesus!
I thought I was a "fish out of water"!

 

Take this down...
"In re: next door neighbors.... Put into motion plan to kill the next door neighbor, Mr. Rogers..."
"...in order to get Mrs. Rogers alone so I can cornhole her."
Is "cornhole" one word, or two?

 

So, to recap, children... Never, ever play with your daddy's tools, or you may end up like my friend here!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Any questions?
Yeah! Why do I have to be the dumbass with the nail in his head?
Shut up, Gene!

 

CRACK!!
Ha, ha! You missed me!
CRACK!!
OUCH! How the hell did you do that?!
Simple... I cracked your ass from the previous panel!
CRACK!!
Yee-OUCH!!
Who's your daddy now, bitch?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]

 

Whatcha doing?
Drawing a "fake bullet"...
Don't you mean a "blank"?
Whatever, clown!
Groovy!

 

♫ Merry Chrishmash [hic] to me... ♫
♫ Merry Chrishmash [burp] to me... ♫
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLE! IT'S ONLY AUGUST!!"
Shorry! [BRRAAAAAAAPP!!]

 

Remember... When I'm ready to leave, I need you to create an opening by laying down suppression fire in a standard two-by-two pattern...
Get it?
Got it!
Good!

 

Are you seeing what I'm seeing, Osama..?
Even I can't believe they would air such tragedy on TV!
These horrible events need to be covered, no matter the potential effect it will have on the public...
I don't think I can bear to watch this anymore!
Ah, shit! Tiger missed another fucking putt!
Damn! I shouldn't have put all my money down on Woods!

 

Oooooh! Check out the funbags on this hosehound! She's hot, dude!
I know!
Dude... This magazine rocks! May I borrow it for a few days?
Dude... The last one I lent you came back with all the pages glued together!
Uh... It wasn't exactly "glue", if you know what I mean...

 

Damn, mister! Your cat bit me on my nuts!
Did you hear me?
HEY, MISTER!
Just ignore the bad man, Snookums...

 

What the fuck..?
What's wrong?
Why are you dressed like a clown?
This is what you wanted, right?
What I wanted..?
Yeah! Didn't you say you want to "fool around" tonight?

 

Do I hear a hundy? One-fitty? One seventy-five? Two hundy?
Two-hundy? Two-hundy going once... Two-hundy going twice...
SOLD! To the French-looking, fag-boy in the third row!
Oh, God! Not HIM again!

 

I don't get it...
[scribble]
People always ask me why I crossed the road when I'm done crossing, and leave it at that...
[scribble, scribble]
THIS asshole asks me, and then cites me for jay-walking!
How would you like me to beat you like a dozen eggs! Get it? EGGS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]

 

Gee... That's a great question!
Hmmm...
I may need to sleep on this...
OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!! TRICK OR TREAT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
AAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
For some unknown stupid reason, this went on for days...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

C'mon, baby..!
BRING IT ON!!
Hmmm... That's one, HUGE, motherfucking bull! Maybe, I should re-think this..

 

Welcome, sports fans, to the World Professional Rugby Championships, coming to you live from Queensland, Australia...
I have with me the captain of the Sydney Assailants, Phil McCracken. Say, Phil... It's a little rough out there today, eh?
Oy! You're telling me, mate! But, to be quite honest, I'm really mad at me self!
Why?
Because, I just had this fookin' arm replaced last month!

 

Are you going to protect our southern border?
No!
Are you going to pull the troops out of Iraq?
NO!!
Then, I ain't changing you back! Hope you like spending the rest of your life in the circus, Dubya!
Well... Atleast I can lick my own nuts now!

 

"Old McDonald had a farm..."
"E-I-E-I-Ooooooh.."
"And, on this farm he had a COCK..."!
"E-I-E-I-Ooooooh.."
"With cluck-cluck (ha ha)... With a cluck-fuck (ha ha ha)... A fuck-fuck HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...

 

OUCH!
You nailed me right in the nuts!
What the hell you do that for, Jesus?
The next time you want to curse the darkness, keep my name out of it, fuck-face!

 

Welcome to the Happy Place! Where all your desires are met!
Step right this way and let us fulfill your greatest fantasies...
Hold on... Injokester stepped away from his computer, and I'm almost done peeing all over his keyboard!
Suh-WEEEET!

 

Me love you LONG TIME!
Who cares...
You want I give you sucky-sucky hard?
Nahhhh...
How 'bout I strap on dildo and drill you in the ass?
For how long?

 

Oh, Frank...
What's wrong, Roger?
I found out my wife's been sleeping with the assistant pool guy again! I'm so depressed I could just fart!
Here... Have a second cup of coffee. I brewed it myself...
Nahhh... I'm cool.
Gee, Roger always has a second cup at home...

 

Hey, Frank!
What's up, Roger Jr.?
Mom's sleeping with the assistant pool guy again! I'm so happy I could fart!
Here... Have a cup of coffee! I brewed it myself...
Fuck that! Got any heroin..?
Gee, Roger Jr. hardly ever says "fuck" at home...

 

Next on TNT: "Blind Cop Justice"...
So, ma'am... After your husband cornholed you with a spatula, you say he fled to Europe with his male assistant, Mandy..?
Ma'am..?
Hello..?

 

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAYYYYY!!
"YOU'RE TOO LATE, ASSHOLE! THE PRESIDENT'S ALREADY DEAD!!"
Oh...

 

Hey, Guys!
Check out these cool moonrocks I found!
Guys..?

 

What did you do, TOBOR?!
Nothing...
Bullshit! You cornholed Tabby, didn't you?!
Um... Um... No.
Then, why is that cat walking around with a limp and saying, "Meeouch"?
Okay! TOBOR confess to it! But, Tabby want it more than TOBOR!

 

...and, as you can see by last quarter's figgers, net profit in eye-of-newt sales are down 34%. Next...
Uh, next... Hello? Next..! NEXT, GODDAMMIT!!
"The program's not responding, sire..."
My PowerWand must be jammed, again! Shit!

 

...do I hear one-hundy? One-hundy? Anyone? Okay, fitty? Twenty-five? Anyone..?
Ah'ight... One dollah! Fitty cents..? Anyone? Anyone? Okay... Free! Any takers..?
Tell ya what I'm gonna do... Take the bitch, and I'll throw in two third row tickets for "We Will Rock You" playing at Paris...
Cool.

 

MOCK!
MOCK!
'ING!
'ING
NOTE: No need to IM me on this comic. I know it's lame, but I love "Dumb & Dumber", and I couldn't resist!
BIRD!
BIRD!

 

You ready..?
Nahhh... Just go on ahead of me...
Are you sure? It's going to be a great party!
I know... I just want to be alone tonight with my thoughts...
Okay, dude... Don't wait up. I'll be home late...
I really need to take a long, hard look at my life, and figure out how the fuck I ended up in THIS situation!

Showing page 3.

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