All comics by RizzleMcIzzle

Profile

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-01-05
This is John. John made a call to Enzyte... And what did he get? Why, a big boost of confidence, a new car, a high paying job at the office, a hot secretary to satisfy his every need...
But John lost many things as well, including his wife, custody of his children, and eventually the new car, the high paying job, and secretary of his dreams...
He still has a pretty big cock, though.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-01-05
So now you're going to use DMS...
What?!
I said you're going to use DMS...
What'cha really want, what! What'cha really want!
What?
You know, DMS... DMX... "What'cha really want".... eh, the squirrel was better.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-02-05
C'mon just try them...
I will not eat them in a bar, I will not eat them with a car, I will not eat them in a hat, I will not eat them with a bat... baseball bat or animal bat, it doesn't matter. Anyway...
I will not eat them in a soup, I will not eat them with some poop. I would not, could not, never, not even maybe, eat them with a naked lady. I don't like green eggs and ham, they're "ewww... nasty!"
In conclusion, I do not like them Sam I Am or you either for that matter. Now go away and let me be... and shave while you're at it.
Did he say naked lady? Crap dude, I'll try them.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-02-05
I fizzled his wankler! I spozzled his spankler! I gibbled his snizzy and dibbled his wizzy!
Yeah, and then what?
I tippyed his smippel and poppled his clippel! I fonkled his rippy and hoppled his crippy!
Oh...
So that's why you're in jail now?
Yup.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-04-05
Hey, Mr. H.
Hey Ryan, what can I do for you?
Well, I need someone to talk to. You see, I'm kinda sad.
Well, could you put what you just said in precalculus terms? I don't understand.
*sigh... Fine. I'm at an angle of depression.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-05-05
She's an angel, Dee. But everytime I try to talk to her, she just stands there and says nothing...
I'll go talk to her. Be right back.
Rizzle moves over to prepare for the punchline...
OK, I'll stand here.
Dee returns...
I hate to break it to you, Ryan, but she's a statue.
I was wondering why she had so much bird poop on her...

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-05-05
2 PM, pedophilia time!
3 PM, bestiality time!
I'm 16, mister.
Wow, the time this will save!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-05-05
Don't you like your steak, sweetheart?
I do, but I'm just not that hungry.
Do you want a super-sized combo that is also super-sized mega meal deal meal?
No thanks, I'm just not that hungry.
Eat lead, Tracey!
I'M NOT HUNGRY!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-05-05
Hey little buddy. What's wrong?
Oh, Tubey! Everything's so horrible! I tried to kiss this girl and she said, "No, not if your ugly's contagious!"
Haha, that's friggin' hilarious... I mean, there there, it's ok. I still love you.
You do?
Yeah. So why don't you give ME a kiss?
I guess... I mean, at least it's not MY hand this time.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-05-05
TOY STORY: The deleted scenes and takes you were never meant to see...
Wait, so I'm Woody?! Haha, more like I have a woody!! Hahaha!
Damn, you're such a stupid, unfunny, immature asswipe.
That wasn't flying! It was falling with style!
Well even that is something you can't do! I mean, you wear those gay shirts to the clubs every night and drink till you pass out!
It's not a laser! It's a little light bulb that blinks!
Kinda like your dick! But without the blinking! Hahaha.... I thought it was funny.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-05-05
TOY STORY: The deleted scenes and takes you were never meant to see...
To infinity and beyond!
What are you talking about? Your drug habit?! Hahahahaha!
Just because Andy plays with me more doesn't mean you can be an asshole.
First off, he's not 'playing' with you, he's giving you anal sex. Second, it's not Andy, it's Andy Dick.
Doesn't Randy Newman suck?
Yeah. "You've got a friend in me, you've got a friend in me..." he sounds like a frigging senile old man trying to sing while his tongue's in a butthole.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-09-05
Breaking news...
Well you guys, I don't think I'll be making as many comics as I used to. The ideas just aren't coming to me anymore. It was good while it lasted though, right?
Wait a minute, you had GOOD ones?! Harharharhar!
Ouch, my self-esteem.
Esteem? More like steam, as in "Ryan's steaming pile of crappy comics".
Now you know why I didn't want to use you in my comics, Larry... you're a fucking asshole.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-24-05
One day, while signed on to an Instant Messenger program...
I've always thought your were really cute, but I couldn't say it till now... will you go out with me?
Stacey?! Holy shit, I've like her for years! I better say yes!
Hahahaha...
Wait a minute...
Got you!
SmarterChild, you asswipe!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-25-05
So, how's your spring break?
Kinda crappy. No one will talk to me...
Aw.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-25-05
One Day, Billy went to feed his bird...
Set me free, and I shall grant you a wish!
Well, ok!
So he set it free...
Cool, I wish for...
Suddenly...
Tweet tweet.
Fuck, I'm an idiot.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-25-05
So you did read the sign right?
"Don't walk on the grass"? Yeah, I did.
hmmmm....
So I suppose you'll be writing one of those up for yourself too, huh?
Oh, this one IS for me. I'm gonna slap you around a bit.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-25-05
Hey kid, wanna buy some drugs?
No thank you. Drugs are the reason I'm in this chair.
So I guess you're still in a lot of emotional pain?
Yeah...
Want something to clear that up?
Shit yeah!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-25-05
Alone in the library, Ryan writes various poems...
Depression runs deep in the veins of the lonely, for their feelings go unfelt and their dreams unfulfilled...
She'll never know the truth, or have this love within her heart, for these feelings are unrequited, and it only tears me apart...
And I'm going to be happy for her, even if it means being miserable...
Fag.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-26-05
I'll just open up word processor...
It doesn't look like it's working.
MICROSOFT WORKS WORD PROCESSOR: (NOT REPSONDING)
Microsoft Works?! More like Microsoft DOESN'T Work!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-29-05
At the college assembly, spnosored by monster.com (which doesn't even list vampire as a profession, it's false advertisement)...
Hello everyone, I'm here to talk to you about your college career...
... So do any of you hear your friends always asking, "How am I gonna get in? How am I gonna get in?"
I do, but he's not talking about college. He's talking about some girl's bedroom.
Um... here's a book about colleges.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-29-05
I'm telling you, Dee. That Fitzgerald guy's a genius.
Oh really? How so?
Well, it's that stuff we talked about in english, about how rich girls don't marry poor boys. He's my idol, I'm going to make a fruit candy in his honor.
Oh really? What are you going to call it?
The 'Grape' Gatsby.
Ryan, this isn't working out. You're going to need a new straight man for your jokes.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-29-05
Aw, my little foo foo! Aren't you my little foo foo? boochie bookie booo!
You're such a good girl, my little honey bunny boo boo! Aren't you so cutesy wutesy!
boop boop boop boop boop! Peek-a-boo!
Abortion, where are you?

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
OK Sarah, which one of these represents you the best? I need some help here because you certainly made me feel guilty today...
Hey, I'm Sarah. I love God with all my heart.
Hey Sarah! Remember me? I played you once. I have experience! Pick me!
I'm taken.
I'm not.
To be continued...
I'm perfect for ths part!
I'm Sarah. I taste delicious.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
The question remains: Who will play the role of Sarah?
We're the most popular comic characters, one of us should be her!
Oh! Me! Me! Me!
Arf!
I'm obviously going to be her.
Still to be continued...
Caw! Caw! Caw!
This just in! I'm Sarah!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
Who will it be?!?!
Me!
Nonsense, dawling. It is I.
I could do a pretty good job... for a bench.
Is that bench thinking?
Still to be continued...
No... (this is Ryan talking, not this character)
I'm the last one, so who is it going to be? hmmmm?

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
Two cool people (well, one cool girl and one depressed little kid) discuss current events...
So who do you think will play the role of Sarah?
I don't know. Personally, I like the valkyrie.
Which character is that?
This one.
Wow, you just shapeshifted.
There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Dee. I run the show around here. If I want to be girl, then BAM! Instant sex change!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
*sob... *sob
Ryan, why are you crying?
uh, no reason. I have something in my eye.
That's such a generic excuse. Besides, I can clearly see both your eyes tearing. What did you get in both of your eyes?
Rejection and self-hatred.
I'll go get you a bucket and some tissues.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
*sob... *sob
Still crying?
Yeah, may I have a glass?
What for?
I want to drink my tears. I want my sorrows back.
Why don't I buy you some Hawaiian Punch?

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
Typical setting...
Wow, look at that bird! Oh man, look at that squirrel! Oh nature's beauty brightens my nights like sunlight!
What have I done?
Ryan runs away, leaving room for Sarah (played by valkyrie) to enter.
Hey Dee. Was that Ryan who just ran by talking about mother nature's bounty or something?
Yeah, he's been smiling and reciting poetry for hours. It's all my fault.
What did you do?
I gave him a placebo... he thinks he's on Zoloft.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
Um, Sarah? I think I'm experiencing some side effects from the medicine Dee gave me.
Ryan, it's all right. Dee just gave you a sugar pill.
A sugar pill?
Yeah...
Uh, well in that case, I have 'sugar pill' in my pants and it's running down my leg, so I'd better change.
Good idea.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
Ryan?
Sob*... Is that you, Dee? Hey.
Ryan, what are you doing crying in the bathroom?
I like the way my sobs echo in here.
Ok, but why are you crying?
They ran out of hand soap and I just lost it.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-30-05
Ryan! Hey, you don't have tears streaming down your face.
Nope.
So are you happy?
Yup.
No depressing punchline?
Not this time.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-31-05
Sarah and Ryan wait for Dee so they can go shopping (because stereotypes tell us that girls love to shop and Ryan's not heterosexual enough to do otherwise)...
So what are you going to get?
A rolodex of course.
Why are you getting a rolodex?
So I can keep all the information about my friends and other people that don't hate me in it.
I don't think five people are worth getting a rolodex for.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-31-05
In a grassy field...
So I was thinking, now that there's three main characters here, it'll be kinda hard for us to all be in one comic.
Yeah, wait just a second, please...
Yes Sarah?
I was just thinking about how we could all talk in one comic. Oh wait, hold on just a second, please...
Yes Ryan?
I was thinking the same thing, but it took me a trip around the world just to tell you this. Oh, I got you an Egyptian kid as a souvenir.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-03-05
So uh, how about these crazy people with tattoos huh? They have so many tattoos, that the people tattooed on them have tattoos.
... and these teenagers with their piercings. I mean, I see kids with their acne pierced! C'mon...
Hey, when I talk into this thing my voice gets all loud!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-04-05
So have you heard about the Terri Schaivo?
No...
....
....
Me neither!
We're Amish!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-04-05
So did you hear? The circus is coming to town.
Oh, awesome.
I just heard the circus is coming to town.
Oh, awesome.
Hey, the circus is coming to town.
Damn! So much for being unique.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-05-05
Ryan complains to Dee... in a warehouse.
I can't stand those stories they make us read on the PSSAs, and the SATs, and all those other tests.
Why not?
Because they always make me feel bad about myself. They're like, "Look, this baby found a cure for a disease", "this girl's the world kickboxing champion and she's only 9!"...
"This 6 year old saved a busload of dyslexics from a burning busload of nuns." or "little Jimmy Taylor never gave up and now he has his own oil company!"
and then I just think to myself, "Wow, I'm 17 and I haven't done shit!"

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-05-05
Sarah asks Ryan if he saw some radical movie on television the night before.
No, I was watching American Idol.
You watch American Idol?! Why?!
It's only so I can make fun of it.
Sure...
McClellan Out!
I wish I wasn't in this comic.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-07-05
Ryan sifts through someone's garbage when suddenly...
Exuse me, what the hell are you doing?
Huh?
You can't go around rummaging through people's garbage.
I'm sorry, I just saw some things that interested me.
Well I don't find my trash interesting, nor do I find it interesting that you're going through it.
Well maybe if you didn't leave these Hardy Boys books out here I wouldn't be going through them! Learn to appreciate literature, bitch!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-08-05
Excuse me, are you one of the Lost Vikings?
Not anymore. You found me!
Hahahahahahaha!
Hahahahahahaha!
What a funny video game joke that was.
No, it wasn't.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-14-05
So did you watch that news segment about that lady with the horrible spine disease that left her bedridden for the rest of her life?
Yeah, that was really horrible. How do you think she got it?
Maybe she's born with it...
Maybe it's Maybelline!
Maybe it's Maybelline!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-18-05
Hey Sarah.
Hey Ryan. What's with the suit?
Oh this thing? I bought it after watching that movie Outbreak. You know, the one with Dustin Hoffman. He wears something like this.
Oh yeah. That's the movie where the monkey spreads a deadly virus in the US and Dustin Hoffman tries to stop it with the help of Cuba Gooding Jr.
No, you're thinking of Monkey Trouble.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-18-05
Ryyyyyyaaaaannnn!
Ahhhhhh!
Relax, it's me, your future self.
Oh hey! What's up?
Nothing....
...oh.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-18-05
Hey Sarah.
Ryan, is that you?!
Yup.
What happened?!
I'm number 28 now!
Ok, your story checks out.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-18-05
What really should've happened in the Rugrats...
Chuckie, I'm going out to search for Reptar.
I don't think that's such a good idea, Tommy.
Well a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do, Chuckie. You, you're just a pussy.
Aw...
Moments later, after shoving his screwdriver into an outlet...
Oh shit! Damnit, ahhhhhh!
I told you Tommy! I fucking told you, you ass!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-20-05
Hey Ryan. What are you doing?
Oh not much. Just counting the number of girls I got pregnant on my hand.
You got four girls pregnant?!
Oh heavens no! I just wrote a zero on my palm and...
Shit, I only have four fingers!!!!!!!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-20-05
Get the goober beans men!
Beans!
Beans!
Beans!
Beans!
We love goober beans!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-20-05
Gosh, she looks so beautiful. I can't believe I'm here alone with her. She's so nice...
Thanks for taking me out to dinner, Jake.
Yeah, I'll be thanking you when I get a piece o' that sweet ass tonight, suga buns...
hmph.
Aw shit. I forgot she's a mind reader!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-20-05
Hey Dee, where'd that really rad dress go?
I don't know...
...
...
Ryan!
Ryan!

Showing page 3.

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