All comics by Rockjock

 

_hip_-_hop_-.mp3 by Rockjock 10-23-04
Funky Fresh Caleb discovers the Internet... You've got mail! Awwww, dag! Yeah, got my mom's computah! Yo, Windows 95? Dizzamn, that owns!	He eventually discovers a means of "sharing" files... We're the Icy Hot Stuntaz and we're here to say, our moms drop us off and we come to play! Yo, bug out! I can download free jams off dis site, playa! Ta-a-a-a! Dayum! FFC got me some .mp3, sucka!	Your IP has been traced, Funky Fresh Caleb. The FBI will be arriving at your home shortly to charge you with Internet piracy. Yo man, dis site is weak! I bust a cap in some fed pigs, yo!

 

Back-seat rider by Rockjock 10-24-04
Funky Fresh Caleb is slapped by the 5-0... Do you understand your rights, kid? You can have an attorney provided you through public-- Bap bap bap! Save that skeezy fo' yo' mama, who I be ballin' tonight, PIG!	Kid, do you not realize the charges levied against you? The MPAA does not take kindly to stealing its intellectual property. Psssh, whateva. Yo, how'm I gonna throw down to mah grooves if these MPAA fags is steppin' to me?	Perhaps whoever's doing you in the greybar hotel can tattoo the reason on you so you never forget. Word? Y'all givin' me a slimmy? Daaaaang. Internet is TOIT!

 

RDX can double as snake oil by Rockjock 10-30-04
John Kerry tries one last time for an "October Surprise"... And did you see? George Bush lost 380 tons of explosives! It was due to his incompetency and through not involving the UN! Sir, wasn't that figure closer to three tons? And didn't the IAEA inspect them already and determine they were not a threat?	Well...even three tons! I mean, why did the troops not secure these explosives? If we had a coalition including the French, the Russians-- Actually, didn't the Russians help move those explosives? And didn't they do it BEFORE American troops invaded Iraq?	See, this is why we need a president who can get his facts straight... Why don't you just call him "Jenjis Khan"?

 

Dubya pleasure by Rockjock 10-30-04
Meanwhile, the prez makes one last attempt at campaigning... Come on there, Stick-boy. I need a new sign to make people think of "Dubya."	What about that three-finger sign you used in 2000? Nah, that's passe now. I need something that makes people think of me when they see it, and also makes them think "W."	? THAT'S PERFECT!

 

It's the Great Jihad, Charlie Brown! by Rockjock 10-31-04
And now, the obligatory Hallowe'en strip... Hello, America. I just wanted to wish you all a safe election on Tuesday. Please make sure to punch the holes fully and double check your touch screens, and so on.	Also make sure all your little trick or treaters do not zig-zag across the streets, and that they wear bright reflective tape. Also make their eyeholes for their masks extra big so they can see.	Okay, Osama. That was a good mike check. We're starting to film for real now. Finally. Death to the infidel pigs and their Zionist conspiracies!

 

Capital notion! by Rockjock 11-05-04
The president briefs the press corps after his decisive victory Tuesday... Mr. President, are we able to harrangue you with insipid questions and pretend it is YOU who are dumb and unaccountable? Uh, hell no, and if I catch any of you fools asking me more than one question I'll bust you down to weathergirls.	Hey, don't take that tone with us! You're just a lame duck now. Let me ask then, how are you planning to bridge the great divide in this nation? Ah, that's a less stupid question. Well, I have some captial to start spending, and I thought I would spend some of it hiring a Democrat in charge of White House security.	YEEARGH! Governor Dean, kindly escort this riff-raff off my lawn. I'm going to the ranch. See you in January, bitches.

 

Props to da mom by Rockjock 11-05-04
Funky Fresh Caleb's mother pleads for his boy's freedom... For the love of God, my baby should not be in jail! He's just a young boy who can't fathom copyright laws. Ms. Wonderbread, isn't your son attempting to break into the music industry? How would he feel if his songs were distributed on the Internet?	My son has made it clear that he believes that music is art that belongs to everybody. Won't this severely compromise his ability to make money selling his "art"? And won't this ensure you're stuck in your dead-end job until you die?	You're right. Better make an example of him now. Besides, the jail time will increase his street cred. At least JonBenet Ramsey took the EASY way out.

 

Dissecting a CHUBBY strip by Rockjock 11-06-04
First, it is imperative that you read some biased website like moveon.org, rip off their ideas, and pass them off in strip form as your own... S is for Superman, a symbol of what is true and free...CHUBBY needs to sit down in order to pee...	Next, suggest random conspiracies that by virtue of being unprovable can only mean that that PROVES they're real! Mr. President, we have not only drugged the water supply in Ohio, but have bought legal ownership of the Bill of Rights. Ah-heh-heh. I read stripcreator.com every day. Watch what you say, America.	And finally, have the audacity to make jokes about a man named "Dick" with a name like "CHUBBY"... Your name also means "penis"! Oh my God, I'm gonna use that joke 3,052 times! Maybe when I retire I'll have the time to write twenty comics a day.

 

Cagey by Rockjock 11-06-04
The bird sings sweetest in the gilded cage! Fascinating. What a poignant axiom to describe the plight of those trapped, and yet unaware that they should be entitled to freedom.	Seriously, does that pompous observational style of speaking ever get you laid? You can lay it on thick all you want around women, but try it here, and--	The bird sqwaks loudest when you spin-kick its pedantic little ass into traffic.

 

LF and RJ get theological by Rockjock 11-06-04
Everyone says Jesus was anti-war. What makes you think Jesus wouldn't like soldiers?		They fucking nailed him to a cross and stabbed him! Okay...just asking.

 

Depressed conference by Rockjock 11-07-04
Rockjock fields questions from his devoted fans... Mr. Rockjock, have you made amends with mocking CHUBBY? ...am...we're...that...	Beg pardon? ...text...you're...	Sorry. Check, one, two...that's better. Why did I have to pick such a short character?

 

Depressed conference continued by Rockjock 11-07-04
So back to the CHUBBY scandal... Oh, come now. CHUBBY contacted me personally and said he enjoyed my comic immensely. We're on amicable terms.	It's not nice to make fun of FULL-PAID members when you yourself are being quite cheap. Tell you what--as soon as I find a new job here, I'll send them some money. Happy?	What about constantly ripping off boorite? THAT'S NOT...er...I mean...who?

 

Depressed Conference 33 1/3 by Rockjock 11-07-04
Don't think we haven't noticed you using the constant RGB background panel scheme.	It's a little play on red-green-blue as a TV pixelation colour, right? Also it denotes different moods for each panel. Sneaky, but clever nonetheless.	Wow, we didn't see that coming. It also makes for great camo.

 

A little behind the times by Rockjock 11-07-04
Trick or treat! Ah, nice try kid, but that was over a week ago.	Actually, I'm a serial rapist here to rupture your sphincter. AT LAST! I was praying for this day! I bet you're a power top, aren't you? Let me just get comfortable here...	TAXI! Heeeey batter batter batter! Come on, open shot!

 

As Mark Twain once wrote--"gaol" by Rockjock 11-07-04
Funky Fresh Caleb adapts to jail life... Psssh, dis hole be WEAK, yo. Can you make one o' dose boss-ass tattoos on mah back? Caleb, this is only juvenile hall. We don't do all that stuff you see in the movies.	We best form a gang, yo. Fresh Rollahs FO' EVAH! No--now LOOK! I have two weeks until I get released, and I am NOT having it screwed up because of you! So cut this gang crap out, all right?	Yo, FORGET you, man! You is DEAD to Big Poppa Caleb. Download someone who gives a damn.

 

Hell hath no fury by Rockjock 11-07-04
Whee-hee-hee! A snowman sent for me to torture! You know what they say about a snowman's chance in hell of surviving!	One hour later... WHAT?! It does not melt, no matter how much I turn up the heat! What brand of trickery is this?	*POOF!* HA HA! Man, I had you fuckin' GOING! *sigh* Even in evil you kick my ass.

 

Yes, Virginia, there is a Virginia by Rockjock 11-08-04
Back in the days of old, the two Virginias decide on naming schemes... Sirrah, we wish to call our fair state "Virginia." Wait! WE wish to call OUR fair state Virginia!	They negotiate for days... Look, since we want to BOTH be called Virginia, the answer is obvious. Those of us in the west will be called "West Virginia." Agreed? Agreed.	And those in the east will be...? Virginia! HA! You guys will look like such also-rans! BURN!

 

Yes, Virginia, there are a lot of states by Rockjock 11-08-04
The people of the Carolinas also met one day to discuss names... I represent the great state of Carolina. No, I believe I represent the great state of Carolina.	Days pass... Okay, since we are the northern state, obviously we should be the great state of NORTH Carolina. Yes? Agreed.	And that would make you...? Too ignorant to know how to answer that.

 

My salute to boorite by Rockjock 11-10-04
I believe in a thing called love...just listen to the rhythm of my heart... Actually I don't like the sound of that murmur. You should consult a cardiologist.	There's a chance we could make it now...we'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down... Excessive noise might cause an irregular heartbeat. Maybe rocking is the cause of what could be a premature and unfortunate death.	I believe in a thing called LO-O-OVE... And I believe...I'll have another beer.

 

A lame joke a Saskatchewan fella told me by Rockjock 5-10-05
Ha ha! Thought you could elude me! What the--?		Not so tough NOW, are you, Batman?

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