All comics by Stevorama

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by Stevorama
4-30-12
I need an example of "irony" for my school paper.
That's easy.
Irony is God throwing Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden for eating apples...
...and then telling them to be fruitful!

 

by Stevorama
5-10-12
Mommy, Beth said gay people can't get married in North Carolina. Why not?
Well, Darla, the people voted that way. They decided that marriage is sacred and should stay exactly the same as it is now.
So daddy gets to keep banging the babysitter?

 

by Stevorama
5-12-12
So it's settled.
Gays cannot marry, women cannot use contraception, and young black men cannot wear pants with the tops of their underwear showing.
You do realize that means you're Muslim, right?

 

by Stevorama
5-12-12
Hey, Marcie, wanna hang out? I'm up for a good party!
I'm not sure if I can trust you, Davey. I love having a good time...
...but with you there always seems to be strings attached.

 

by Stevorama
5-26-12
This is Ryan Seacrest with tonight's lineup on E! Television.
At 9:30 Eastern, it's "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", followed at 10 by "Kourtney And Kim Take New York. Then at 10:30 Eastern, it's "Khloe and Lamar."
And finally, at 11 Eastern, it's "Let's Teach That Worn-Out White-Trash Child-Pimping Bitch How To Spell 'Courtney' and 'Chloe'".

 

by Stevorama
5-26-12
Yes, Mrs. Massie, I was whispering with Debbie in the back of the room.
We were trying to figure out how a woman of your age can still look so young, supple and vital.
Fuck it, it was worth a shot.

 

by Stevorama
5-28-12
Trying to teach Polly to talk...
Pretty bird!
Pretty bird!
I know you are, but what am I?

 

by Stevorama
6-06-12
I hope Dianne does a poetry reading at open-mic tonight.
I find her performances fascinating. The intensity, the detail, the passion...
...are nothing compared to those melons.

 

by Stevorama
8-05-12
Leviticus 18:22 has been seriously misinterpreted, and I'd like to clear it up.
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination"- that is not a reference to being gay, because gay people do not lie with women and men the same way, now do they?
It means bisexuality is a sin.
Yeah, pick a damn side already!

 

by Stevorama
8-19-12
I see no reason to release my tax returns. Being rich doesn't mean I haven't had monetary responsibility and burdens. They never end.
Just ask my wife...
it costs $5000 a day for her makeup and she STILL looks like Tipper Gore on meth.

 

by Stevorama
8-20-12
In local news, singer Hank Williams Jr. launched into a diatribe against President Obama today at the Iowa State Fair.
He claimed that the President is "a Muslim who hates farming, hates the military", and "hates the U.S.".
However, despite his valiant efforts, Williams still finished sixth in the Fat Pig Contest.

 

by Stevorama
8-20-12
Now that the Curiosity rover's landed, we may get to see if there's intelligent life on Mars.
Yeah, right.
You don't think it'll happen?
I don't hold out much hope...
We haven't even found intelligent life in the Tea Party yet.

 

by Stevorama
8-20-12
So a guy walks into a bar...
...then his two friends walk around it and head into the club.

 

by Stevorama
8-20-12
Now that the Curiosity rover has landed on Mars, there is once again talk of possible manned missions to the red planet in the future.
And in a surprise move, former vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin arrived at NASA headquarters in Houston today to apply to be the first astronaut to go there.
When asked about her qualifications, she explained that she can see the night sky from her house.

 

by Stevorama
8-27-12
There's regular yogurt on the top shelf, and yogurt with cherries on the next shelf down.
You mean....?
Yep.
Above the fruited...plain!

 

by Stevorama
10-10-12
"The $20,000 Pyramid" returns to TV...
Fingers... a penis...
Ann Romney...
"Things That Are Stuck Up Assholes".

 

by Stevorama
10-10-12
"Sesame Street" is brought to you today by the letter "S"...
...the number "7"...
And freedom, you Republican assholes!
Word, Bird!

 

by Stevorama
10-18-12
In national news, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's wife stated today that if Mitt loses this election, he says there will be no more political campaigns for him.
"Of course", she admitted, "since he changes his mind about everything 12 times a day, he may just be blowing smoke up my ass."

 

by Stevorama
10-18-12
Ready for the Halloween party, Joe?
Yep, let's roll. Where's Bob?
He said he'd meet us there. Something about having to tweak his costume.
He's pretty inventive. I'm anxious to see what he comes as.
This is NOT going to fit in the car.

 

by Stevorama
10-24-12
Scientists at Duke University today named a new species of fern after singer Lady Gaga.
When asked why the name was used, Dr. Andrew West, head of Duke's botany-studies department, explained the fern's unique characteristics...
"It mimics other ferns yet pretends to be original, and every couple of years it doubles in size."

 

by Stevorama
10-24-12
In entertainment news, the new reality show about the late singer Whitney Houston's family debuts tonight on Lifetime Television.
The originally-announced title of the series was "The Houstons: On Our Own"...
...until truth-in-advertising laws forced a name change to "The Houstons: Milking The Cash Corpse."

 

by Stevorama
10-26-12
The new word-association...
Obama's such a Communist.
He's a Nazi... and a Marxist... and a Kenyan... socialist... and a... um... a...
You're really just too chicken to say "nigger", right?
Curses. Foiled again.

 

by Stevorama
11-02-12
Thank you for coming to the Paul Ryan Rally!
Congressman Ryan will be here in just a few minutes...
...we're just waiting for Mitt to take him off the roof of the car.

 

by Stevorama
11-02-12
So Halloween's over.
Here I am, two days later. Unwanted, unloved, forgotten.
And, um, this candle is burning like a bitch.

 

by Stevorama
11-02-12
We would like to wish America well with its elections next week.
We know that what happens in America affects the rest of the world, even our secluded village.
So we're hiding our dogs, just in case the scumbag wins.

 

by Stevorama
11-02-12
It's true, Mitt Romney belongs to a "religion" that doesn't believe in the Virgin Birth...
...they also don't believe in a Holy Trinity, or even that God is celibate...
...but hey, he's not black and he hasn't denounced raping altar boys, so he's got my vote.

 

by Stevorama
11-07-12
Okay, so the election is over and it's safe to go back online.
I can go back to posting pictures of my skateboarding prowess, tweeting about Taylor Swift, texting to all my friends...
Kill me now.

 

by Stevorama
11-07-12
And then she said, "You can all blow me. I'm gonna get drunk and find some sailors somewhere to take me away from this f&#*ing crapfest."
That "Teen Mom" show is insane.
I'm talking about Ann Romney at the Boston Waffle House last night.

 

by Stevorama
11-07-12
Congratulations to President Obama, but condolences to Sasha and Malia, since they don't get to have a second dog.
I wonder if Mitt Romney would have gotten a dog if he'd won?
Please, girlfriend. One bitch is enough.
And boom goes the dynamite.

 

by Stevorama
11-21-12
Here at Halliburton we faithfully celebrate a traditional Thanksgiving just like our forefathers did.
We prepare a huge, delicious feast for our employees...
... then we kill them and take their homes.

 

by Stevorama
12-21-12
Whether you celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah...
The underlying spirit is the same for all of us...
Love, baby, love!
...So where's my damn presents?
Oops. Wrong spirit.

 

by Stevorama
12-21-12
What are you writing?
I'm checking my notes to see who gets a Christmas present this year.
You keep notes?
Just a list of the ones who don't. I'm not about to spend money on people who treated me like scum last year.
So who's on the list?
Mostly Republican senators.

 

by Stevorama
12-21-12
Excuse me, Father, but there is much unrest on Earth.
Oh, really? what is it now? Did somone shoot a fetus?
No. It seems that Earthlings are in a panic over their existence. They believe the world will end today.
What, they're cancelling the fucking Kardashians?

 

by Stevorama
1-02-13
It looks like President Obama is caving in on the limit for raising taxes. It's now exactly where Congressmen won't get a tax hike.
I can't believe he can't stand up to terrorists like Boehner.
Yep. Nowadays, deciding on your political party is like getting in touch with your sexuality.
Howso?
Well, you have to decide if you're more into assholes or pussies.
And boom goes the dynamite.

 

by Stevorama
1-02-13
In Congress today, Republicans pushed for a bill to limit the number of times a person can apply for food stamps.
Democrats are busy working on a strategy to block this...
...while Tea Party members continue work on their bill to make Honey Boo Boo's birthday a national holiday.

 

by Stevorama
1-02-13
The dead converse, 2018...
So, what did you die from?
Breast cancer.
I thought they found a cure for that in 2014.
They did.
McConnell filibustered it.

 

by Stevorama
1-20-13
I think all we need is to keep guns out of the hands of mentally-ill people.
So how do we figure out who's mentally ill?
That's easy...
If you want to own a gun...you're mentally ill.
Or a total a-hole.

 

by Stevorama
1-20-13
I'm so glad you're not species-phobic. Let's get it on.
Shouldn't we wait until we're alone?
My friends like to watch.
Nice nuts.

 

by Stevorama
1-20-13
Oh, come on, officer... I've been here in the office for four hours...
Why would you possibly think I'm illegally parked?
Because your car's in the men's room.

 

by Stevorama
1-20-13
Don't do drugs, kids.
If you do, you can destroy your life, lose your home, your family, your money...
...and drugs can cause severe hallucinations.
Makes sense, since you were a lamp five minutes ago.

 

by Stevorama
1-20-13
I can't believe the car's broken down on this deserted highway.
Why do they call it a 'highway', anyway?
Because if you think we can make it to the next town on foot, you're way high.

 

by Stevorama
1-20-13
Welcome to Hell.
Prepare to suffer more pain than you could possibly imagine, as your flesh is seared with the fire of eternal damnation.
This new monthly "Opposite Day" thing sucks donkeys.

 

by Stevorama
2-15-13
In other news, the Carnival cruise ship "Triumph" finally arrived back on shore after breaking down five days ago.
Weary and anxious passengers told stories of no power or fresh water, raw sewage and makeshift tents.
And speaking of Afghanistan...

 

by Stevorama
6-19-13
Well, this is awkward.
When I said "pass that roach"...

 

by Stevorama
6-19-13
I heard on the news today that Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber might be dating.
I wonder if they'll get one of those couple names like "Brangelina" or something.
Not if I have my way.
I vote for "Lipsync Lesbians".

 

by Stevorama
7-04-13
So, do you see it?
Kind of. Looks normal to me.
Are you sure you heard that lady at the store correctly?
Yep. Right after I slid past her on my rollerblades, she said, "Look at that crazy ass."

 

by Stevorama
7-04-13
To celebrate American Independence, we're going to the park to watch fireworks!!!!
Which come from China.
Unlike Debbie Downer here, who comes from Buzzkill Bitch World.

 

by Stevorama
7-04-13
OK, Bingo, I want you to stay and guard the house while I'm gone.
If anyone tries to break in, bark real loud. If they make it into the house, tear them to shreds.
But what if he has treats like the guy I just let take your car?

 

by Stevorama
8-25-13
It's official. President Obama is a genius.
What makes you say that?
He finally got every single red state to quit griping about "Obamacare".
How the hell did he pull that off?
He renamed it "The Dale Earnhardt Memorial Act".

 

by Stevorama
8-25-13
What are you wearing?
Um...ah...it's a purity cloak to signify my virgnity.
So your sister doesn't count?

Showing page 3.

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