All comics by TheElPaso

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by TheElPaso
12-14-01
Oh yes, yes!
YES! Give it to me baby! Oh yeah, bring it on!
Wait just a damn minute, you're too red to be the pink donkey!

 

by TheElPaso
12-15-01
So I said, "Them gravitons ain't gonna generate no rotor turbines by themselves."
Ha ha!
Well, I'll be damned! What the fuck was I talking about?

 

by TheElPaso
12-19-01
Hey.
Hey.
So, what kind of music you like too listen to?
I like metal, such as KoRn, Limp Biz...

 

by TheElPaso
12-26-01
Hey kid, what can Santa get you for Christmas this year?
I want a Harry Potter magic levitator and some pokemon cards!
.....
.....
Too fucking bad, kid.

 

by TheElPaso
12-31-01
Great party or what?
Actually, this party sucks.
How do you figure?
Nobody's here.
Well, obviously! They're all over at Ryan's! What did you expect, Steve Young?
Well, you said on the card he would be here.

 

by TheElPaso
1-01-02
Yk! Cum! Mucky!
O, moh, mees make Ekam seem homo!
How, Tn, did you name me, man? You didn't? Woh.
Tn? Uck! I'm Ik, cunt!
Ya gay?
Si, semen nemesis!

 

by TheElPaso
1-03-02
My big sexy penis wants to talk to you.
Yeah?
My big sexy penis will pay you 5 dollars a night.
Five bucks? Are you nuts?
My big sexy penis says you are a five dollar slut.
Fair enough.

 

by TheElPaso
1-04-02
What's the meaning of life?
I dunno.
My big sexy penis doesn't know either, nor does my big sexy penis care.

 

by TheElPaso
1-04-02
What would you like for Christmas, Dpor?
My big sexy penis would like Internet access.

 

by TheElPaso
1-04-02
It's just five dollars.
Well, I'm homosexual. On second thought, I'm bi. Just do it!
LRIGNIASA will cornhole you! Or maybe just some light sex, because it's my period and I'm on uppers and I don't want a negative X-ray.
My big sexy penis is currently masturbating, but my big sexy penis has stopped so my big sexy penis can tell you "wank off".
At the zoo:
I'm the better German girl, because I stole a potatoe. Was gewinne ich?
It's just five dollars.

 

by TheElPaso
1-05-02
My big sexy penis needs some fruit to eat.
KIWI KIWI FIVE DOLLA!
My big sexy penis wonders why you stopped sucking and started selling fruit.
Actually, I do both.
So that's how I made these five bucks.
Riiiiight.

 

by TheElPaso
1-06-02
First stop, Heaven. Though not my destination, the infinite warps found there can help. Plus, there's free Chex Mix.
Ah, here is the correct portal. This sure makes me dizzy. Say, what happens when you puke in zero gravity?
Ah yes, hell. The birthplace of all satanic. Fiery, wrathful, and merciless, this is where all long and many short narrations should go.

 

by TheElPaso
1-07-02
Today, I will not give out socks, even though people have paid me and expect me to do so.
I wish my socks were as good as hers.
I will be too busy eating doughnuts to sell socks today.
DAMN YOU, WHY DO YOU KEEP SELLING MORE SOCKS THAN ME, YOU BITCH!
You've gotta have pride in your sock-selling abilites.
Yeah, and selling them at five million a pair probably also makes it harder.

 

by TheElPaso
1-15-02
My will is the best ever!
When I dye, I want all my money to be burned, because people are bastards, and none of them deserve it.
Oh no, I used the wrong spelling of "die", but I don't have the time to fix it, I have to go check the bug report on Windows02.
I know, I will help master by fixing the error, and while I'm at it clean up any other errors he made.
Wow, we're down to only 152 bugs!
Let's see, how about I change it to say "I give everything to stripcreator."

 

by TheElPaso
1-15-02
You bad bad robot. How could you let this happen?
Tobor never thought it was possible for a robot to get genital warts, but that's what Tobor gets for cornholing Richard Simmons.
Here's all our money. Go get some condoms, this is important. Hurry. And don't bother haggling, just buy them at whatever they cost.
Right, my man. I'm sure Tobor will understand.
.....CONDOMS'(BACKWARDS-R)'US.....
And so, it seems Bill Clinton has had a lasting effect on teenagers. In another story, latex supplies in America are short.
This supply and demand crap is making me sell at five mil each.

 

by TheElPaso
1-18-02
Oh my god, I feel real sick!
Stinkbombing DH was my best trick!
I'm so sick, I'm turning yeller!
So that makes you a man of color!
Burma Shave. Needs more sodomy, but other than that it's the best there is, was, and ever will be.
Can I eat you now?

 

by TheElPaso
1-18-02
MY DICK IS ALWAYS WAY TOO HAIRY
YES, VERY VERY VERY
IF ONLY MY DICK WERE CLEAN AS A BUCKET
THERE'S A CHANCE I JUST MIGHT SUCK IT!
No wonder I don't suck dick.
Oh no DH-01's gonna show me his cockring, I hope he uses Burma Shave (unlike me)

 

by TheElPaso
1-18-02
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a hammer slave.
Burma Shave
That's your first line, and your second line is just one word, I already know.
Moh.
It says here those are your only lines, how you like that, you half wit?
Shit.

 

by TheElPaso
1-19-02
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE ANYONE HERE WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE PLAN (and everyone who does as well, but they don't know that)
You forgot to end your sentence with a period.
i hopp that afganstan has laaws aganst rapping so i can brake them
Everybody around here told me that Osama bin Laden is shit... I hope it's true!
I hate the off-season.
It looks like this is America's worst army on record! How can I help?

 

by TheElPaso
1-21-02
Dammit!
Meanwhile
Here's your mail, sir.
What the????? Gyro-electric scooters?????

 

by TheElPaso
1-23-02
Oh no, my tongue just exploded all of a sudden!
I know that smoking is supposed to give me cancer, but not at this rate! Diablo, what am I doing wrong?
I believe it's because you're smoking from the wrong end.
Well, no wonder!

 

by TheElPaso
1-25-02
Palpatine, I'm sure you'll agree that both sides are losing too many lives.
I agree, Kenobi, so let's fall upon Plan B.
And now, the winner is to determine the ultimate controller of the universe.
Five minutes later
I won! I can have tyrrany besiege the Universe! I'm the luckiest man alive!
No, I am: I get to eat the biscuit.

 

by TheElPaso
1-26-02
Hi, I am the magical girl that says words that all little girls should know, plus one they shouldn't.
I want to hear these words, little girl!
play shoe balloon pony hug pony lollipop balloon hug shoe candy shoe clit shoe puppy
Aha the magic word is clit.
Shoe trUCK YeS lUCKY FInd VEst DOLL Ass
Now you're just being a whore and... wait a second, I found it! It's "truck".

 

by TheElPaso
1-28-02
FuhCom Games tech support? In "The Adventures Of Jack Nough", when I try to use the poison bomb in the facility, it won't let me.
The poison bomb needs ventilation to work. Try opening a door, a window, a vent... something.
OK, now it should work, right?

 

by TheElPaso
1-30-02
Tech support here, what's the problem?
After following the instructions on the television I bought from you, I can hear sound but get no picture.
Did you try turning it around?

 

by TheElPaso
2-01-02
Red Bull gives you wiiings!
Wings are cool.
I want wings.
Disclaimer: Red Bull does not actually give you wings.
So now where am I gonna get tampons?

 

by TheElPaso
2-01-02
HELLO GENTLEMEN!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION!
YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME!
HA HA HA!
Disclaimer: Results unusual, Meow Food does not usually make your cat this 1337.

 

by TheElPaso
2-10-02
Humm, C not beautiful that!!
Sadd!! Touched you with the piton?!?
Ben my mother had Ben reason!!

 

by TheElPaso
2-10-02
I can't figure out what Thanksgiving is all about. I think it's about eating lots of food.
But I've also been told that it's all about thanking the Indians.
So I decided I'd combine the two ideas and eat lots of Indians.

 

by TheElPaso
2-18-02
State of the Union Address, 2002
I guarantee that our new plan will prevent any inflation for a long time.
Sidewalk, 2022
Sucky sucky
just five billion dollars!

 

by TheElPaso
2-23-02
ALLRIGHT THAT IS IT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE CUNTGOBBLERS!
THE NEXT PERSON WHO PISSES ME OFF, I KILL THE BASTARD!
SO IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, IT HAD BETTER BE REALLY IMPORTANT!
I MEAN, THERE HAD BETTER BE MY LIFE AT STAKE OR SOMETHING IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK TO ME!
Yes?
Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you're using caps lock. Would you mind turning that down?

 

by TheElPaso
2-23-02
LadyJ decides to use the "look behind you" trick then pushes Dr. Pedantic.
Look, someone's skywriting with a misplaced modifier!
Where?
And it works.
"The Red Lobster Is Near You With Crabs." Well, what do you know, it IS a misplaced modifier!

 

by TheElPaso
2-23-02
Let's see, I can use this jetpack to get out of here with enough time to live.
Yes, that's a choice
But I'll stick with the other alternative.
You do that then
And with that, his last words were "Even fishes aren't allowed to not use periods."

 

by TheElPaso
3-01-02
Hey, look over there... it's an immunity idol!
Immunity idol? I don't see any...

 

by TheElPaso
3-01-02
Hey, did you all hear about the Camelot version of this game? They called it "Sir Viver"!
And did you hear about the game with lots of women in one house? "Big Brothel"!
And the divers really enjoyed "Who Wants To Breath A Million Airs?"
The mathmaticians really have gotten into "Four's Factors"!
I can't wait until Saturday and Sunday to watch "Weekend Link"!
Kaufman... Kaufman... Kaufman... Kaufman... Kaufman... Kaufman... Kaufman...

 

by TheElPaso
3-03-02
I heard that naked_gay_fat_guys have an excellent track record at this game.
So that's why you've been eating a lot recently?

 

by TheElPaso
3-03-02
Wow... less than 200 comics before number 60000. That's plenty of time to think of a reason why 60000 is an accomplishment.
porn

 

by TheElPaso
3-03-02
Alas! There will not be enough time to look at my porn and then get back and take comic number 60000.
Porn it is, then.

 

by TheElPaso
3-03-02
Wow... I looked at my entire porn collection and we're barely close to comic 60000.
Maybe if your porn collection had porn in it...

 

by TheElPaso
3-03-02
You know, comic 60000 won't happen for a while.
At least untape yourself to the chair for god sakes.

 

by TheElPaso
3-04-02
I missed comic 60000 yesterday, thanks to your "waiting" advice!
No, you didn't. This comic is number 59960 something. You've still got plenty of time.
My bad.

 

by TheElPaso
3-04-02
So, what comic are we on?
I don't know at this time, but it is unlikely we have gotten to comic 60k.
But it's possible?
Yeah.
Goodbye, cruel world.

 

by TheElPaso
3-04-02
In my last comic, I killed myself because there was an offchance that I couldn't get comic number 60000.
I apologize for this, as I now realize that there may be kids reading this and I would like to teach them that suicide is not the answer.
I meant to have killed the computer.

 

by TheElPaso
3-04-02
Dear Paso, it seems you are trying to get comic numbered six thousand. How can I help?
Well, you could create a macro that will automatically get me comic 60000 as soon as 59999 is created.
And while you're at it, could you get me some nachos?
Talking_to_a_paper_clip? They normally start talking to pencils...

 

by TheElPaso
3-05-02
Comic 60000 is long past.
hmmm
Launch!
So, you wanna bluescreen me now, bitch?

 

by TheElPaso
3-16-02
If these two black lines continued forever, they would never intersect.

 

by TheElPaso
3-16-02
six minus 1.. no
six minus 2.. no
six minus 3.. no
six minus 4.. no
six minus 5.....
That works!

 

by TheElPaso
3-16-02
Hello, little girl.
Hello, President Perot!

 

by TheElPaso
3-23-02
Now pull!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by TheElPaso
3-27-02
One of these people has had sex five
minutes prior to this picture. Can you
guess who?

Showing page 3.

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