All comics by TheGovernor

Profile

 

by TheGovernor
2-27-03
Stuart's parents had never gotten around to telling him that he'd been adopted
Hi Mum, Hi Dad
Welcome home son
How was your trip?

 

by TheGovernor
2-27-03
You know what they call a quater pounder with cheese in Paris?
They call it a Royale with Cheese, because of the Metric system, they wouldnt know what a quater pounder is.
You dont understand a word Im saying do you?
Quack!

 

by TheGovernor
2-28-03
ALIEN!!!!!
Shit, Ive been spotted, Im going to have to abort the mission. "Come in Zeeboo, request immediate pickup"
Later
I dont get it, the disguise should have worked, how did they manage to see through it so quickly?
These Humans are a lot smarter than we first thought
ALIEN!!!
Come along Sue, lets go back to the Mental Hospital. You havent been taking your pills have you my dear?

 

by TheGovernor
3-09-03
I like to do it two to three times a day
I like it when my wife invites her friend denise over and we all do it together, and sometimes I enjoy just letting them two do it while I watch
I like to do it all over the house, the bedroom, the kitchen, Ive even done it on the stairs
I like to do it everyday, sometimes I get so excited just with the thought of doing it
Do it today! Play with your LEGO, go on, you know you want to!
MUM can I get some LEGO for my birthday?

 

by TheGovernor
3-09-03
Why hello there big boy, aren't you a handsome desert man. My thats a lovely beard, I love men with beards, may I stroke it?
my lucky day
Im here as a representative of a company looking to sell its product in this region, but I havent sold any yet, so I'd be EVER EVER so grateful to the person who placed an order with me...
Yes Yes, I'll Buy, I'll Buy, where do I sign?
Later
Hi, Delivery from the ACME Sand Company. Where do you want me to put the 200 tonnes of Sand you purchased earlier?

 

by TheGovernor
3-11-03
My fellow Americans, since the war on terror has stalled somewhat we've decided to fight a new war against the ultimate in evil which is again threatening our nation...
Truely this disease, this blight on our society can not be allowed to continue, so terrible is it that Im adding it to my Axis of Evil and making it our number one priority..
This wickedness must be stopped, which is why I've decided to divert our entire nations might to help fight the war on DISCO!

 

by TheGovernor
3-13-03
Back to the Future: Alternative Ending
Marty, you gotta come back with me
back where?
BACK....TO THE FUTURE!!!
*Sigh* not again, Look Doc Id love to go on a zany adventure with you and meet my own progeny to whom I bear a resounding resemblance, but I can't, Time travel has a weird affect on me
What effect? Is it a problem with the flux capacitor?
I guess you could put it like that. My Anus is Bleeding

 

by TheGovernor
3-16-03
The Monkey conspiracy
Hey Bob, how's the plan to eradicate the humans coming along
We had a bit of a set back with the ebola, and they've cottoned on to it, never really reached the point of an epidemic, but the research is continuing
But HIV is working well?
Hell yeah
Sweet

 

by TheGovernor
3-16-03
Beer?
Chardonnay?
Jack Daniels!

 

by TheGovernor
3-17-03
I cant believe the humans still haven't figured out the Bush thing
Yeah, I mean I thought we'd been rumbled when that email circulated comparing him to a monkey
They still have no idea he is our agent sent in to destroy mankind
He's doing a damn fine job of it too
Well the Americans will insist on voting rebublican
Sometimes they just make it too easy!

 

by TheGovernor
3-18-03

 

by TheGovernor
3-20-03
My word Holmes, you've done it again. You solved the case of the missing Rothmere diamonds but how did you do it?
It's was Elimentary my dear Watson...
I noticed in the footprints we found that the suspect walked with a limp, had ginger hair, a mustache, a penchant for small boys and was carrying a cat under on his right arm...
Only Mr Mengigo fitted the profile and was criminally insane enough to attempt to smuggle diamonds out of the country up a cats bottom. Take him away Lestrade

 

by TheGovernor
3-20-03
After Hogwarts, Harry and Ron go to wizard college, where they start to drink booze, smoke magic weed, and discuss the more important things in life
Come off it Harry, the best James Bond has to be the original Sean Connery
It was Roger Moore Dude
You cant be serious, Moore was the fat comedy Bond, Connery was the elite spy, man
"Hazulbaar ZekkyThrub"
*POOF*
All right, all right, Moore was the best Bond
Thought you'd see it my way

 

by TheGovernor
3-20-03
Hey Hermione, who do you think was the best Bond?
Hey dont ask me, Im not interested in that shit, I just came over to see if me and my boyfriend Mengigo can borrow some doob
What about you Mengigo, who do you think was the best Bond?
Tough one that, personally I like the Timothy Dalton's cool, angry Bond
*POOF*
What did I say? Damn that Potter's an asshole at times
Just be thankful you didn't pick Lazenby

 

by TheGovernor
3-25-03
A.D. 35
...and the winner of this years 'Most Benevolent Man in Judea' award goes to..... Jesus of Nazareth. Sadly Jesus can not be here tonight,...
....and so accepting the award and prize money of 10,000 sheckles on Jesus's behalf is his very close friend, Judas Iscariot.

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-03
So maybe normal dolphins dont eat people, but I think we've kinda established that I ain't your average dolphin here, and Im hungry so unless you have a better idea Im afraid you, my friend, are lunch
Well.....
Later back at the Christ-Cave...
Mon Diu, du pompt du Messiah du Super Jesus, I erd you were attacked by ze mutant radioactive dolphin with ze penchant for human flesh, Ow deed you escape?
I gave him directions to Japan.
Oh the Irony of it all.

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-03
Day 20: I've been stranded at sea with Jane on this life raft for just under 3 weeks now. Fresh water supplies are low, and the rations are sparse.
The situation is quite grim, if we do not find dry land, or are rescued soon we will probably die out here...
Fancy a shag?
On the other hand things aren't looking that bad.

 

by TheGovernor
4-04-03
Degobah: With the rise of the Empire, Yoda's usual lavish birthday celebrations are a more solitary affair this year
Bored am I

 

by TheGovernor
4-10-03
George Mason University Health and Wellness Center, Fairfax Campus
Ok, stick out your tongue, and cough for me please
*ack*
Come on, try harder, I need you to COUGH Man!
Sorry Doctor, *cough*
You Called?
*Sigh* I didnt see that one coming

 

by TheGovernor
4-10-03
Hot Dang, Im ordering me one of those
4-6 weeks later
Sweet it arrived
Me love you long time
I told you selling young asian brides was the ideal merchandising opportunity, you may make a profit out of this site yet
I agree that was a success, but it's still nowhere close to the Tobor shaped Dildo in terms of sales

 

by TheGovernor
4-12-03
What ya reading?
"Stripcreator.Com present the Ultimate run-on sentence" in book form
What Really?
Good god no! I was joking, I mean honestly who'd pay money for that crap, well apart from Canadians, and maybe the Dutch
So what are you reading?
"Stripcreator for Dummies"

 

by TheGovernor
4-12-03
Says here in "Stripcreator for Dummies" Do's and Don'ts section that you shouldn’t use internet abbreviations in your comics as it detracts from the joke of the comic
OMG rly?
It also says that you should make sure the comic is completely finished before you press the save button

 

by TheGovernor
4-15-03
Paranoid Schizo Attack: You are convinced the asian girls are watching your every move, Miss a turn or pay five dollah!
Free Parking
*wink*
Divine intervention:- You use the Jesus character in a strip in a way that isn't blasphemous, move forward 3 spaces
Bugger, I knew I shouldnt have eaten those chillies last night

 

by TheGovernor
4-17-03
Complicated Comic Competiton Rules Square. If your first name has an 'E' in it, but the total letters do not exceed 6 roll again. People from Europe miss a turn if blue is their favourite colour.
?
Goat Square. Pick up or take the Goat card (only one player can have this at a time during game), Gives immunity from ass rape until someone else lands on square. Also pays $10 if rapist is Welsh.
GOOD v EVIL: Roll the die, if the number is odd (which rhymes with God) then your cause is just and you get to roll again, if the number is even, the devil has you, roll again but travel backwards
Nasty Pig Fucker!
Nerdy Do-Gooder!

 

by TheGovernor
4-18-03
Jesus Ponders his last words
Hmm, lets see, it has to be pithy, yet easy to remember...
Has to give my death meaning, yet be original,, wait, Ive got it!!!
I'll BE BACK!

 

by TheGovernor
4-22-03
Ive made some bad choices in my life
For example?
1991
I'd sell my soul for a Game Boy
Done. See you in 57 years time
1993
I'll give you my Game Boy if you let me touch your breasts
Okay

 

by TheGovernor
4-25-03
Is this really necessary?
You insulted my honour, I demand satisfaction. Walk ten paces, turn and fire
Can't we just have make up sex like everybody else?
That depends
Depends on what?
Depends on my aim

 

by TheGovernor
4-26-03
What if I said im sorry?
I think its a little late for sorry
I can't see what I did that was so wrong, I had a great time at the party
You got drunk, made a pass at my best friend and then said I'd agreed to a threesome with you two
Is it my fault she said yes?

 

by TheGovernor
4-26-03
You did put bullets in my gun right?
Maybe
Come on, do we really have to go through with this? You must admit it is rather harsh, Ive said I'm sorry. Have you no compassion?
I'm not completely heartless
Thats a relief
I mean I will probably cry at the funeral

 

by TheGovernor
4-30-03
UNPOPULAR HOBBIES
Want to see my collection of Dog-Shit shaped like American Presidents?
WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR
Ignorance is bliss
HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE
Tonight in Bomb Disposal class, Grenades and how to diffuse them in under 10 seconds...

 

by TheGovernor
5-04-03
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR
Good news. My cousin owns a funeral parlour, and if you tell him I referred you, you'll get 10 percent off
INSTANT IQ TEST
Actually I thought Minority Report was a brilliant film, with a well developed plot, and a great ending.

 

by TheGovernor
5-04-03
INSTANT IQ TEST
Ooh, Popstars is on!
HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE
Russian Roulette? Hmm ok, sounds like fun
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN
Actually yes, I was the TV executive responsible for cancelling "The Critic"

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Hi, I’m professor Xavier, so you want to join the x-men, what’s your mutant name?
Bugs
Why are you called Bugs?
Ahh gotcha!

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Ok, so you can morph into a rabbit, can you not shoot lasers from your eyes or something?
No
No talent at making fire, or controlling the weather, something like that?
No, sorry
Well what can you do?
Well I can eat vegetables and dig holes and generally look cute to young girls

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Well we try and help every mutant who comes to the academy, Im sure we'll find a use for you.
Later..
Hello Bugs, Im Bitch, Xavier said you'd be the perfect partner for me. I have mutant PMS, which is why I HATE MEN SO MUCH, I WOULD KILL XAVIER NOW IF I HE WAS HERE, BIG USELESS PILE OF TESTOSTERONE...
...Aww, what a cute bunny, now where did I put my chocolate
*Sigh* well its better than the petting zoo.

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Bugs meet the rest of our X-Team; Frosty, Pimp, Geek and Mike
hi
hi
word
hi
hello

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Bitch, assemble your Squad, Ive got a mission for you
What!, Has Magneto escaped and is up to his usual tricks?
No not quite.
Well has some anti-mutant insane military commander, bent on destroying all mutants, reared his ugly head
No, I just need someone to go out and get pizza
I HATE YOU

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Please Bitch, The big game is on in half an hour, and Domino's are reluctant to deliever anymore, not after that incident with Wolverine and the lack of pepperami on his meat feast.
Fine Professor Xavier, I guess you'll be wanting anchovies on yours?
Yes, but remember, if you say you're a mutant you get ten percent off your order
Well if thats it, I'll get going
Make it so
*Sigh*

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Damn, look at the queue Bugs, we'll never get back in time for kick off, unless....

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Five Meat Feasts, one Sea Special extra anchovies, a Ham and Pineapple, two garlic breads, and a bottle of coke please.
Aww, what a cute bunny
Can I pet it next
Isn't he sweet

 

by TheGovernor
5-14-03
Excellent work Bitch, I must say you seem a lot calmer now that Bugs is around
Yeah, he has had a good effect on my mutant PMS.
Where is young Bugs anyway?
Im not sure, I haven't seen him since we were at the takeaway...
Good catch chef!
So is this rabbit going on the four seasons pizza or the meat feast?

 

by TheGovernor
5-21-03
Act V Scene I. Hamlet returns to Denmark from England
Does thou know the funniest thing about England, Horatio, its the little differences, I mean they haveth the same shit over there they haveth here, but just there its a little different
Prey give an Example
Alright well thou can walk into a playhouse over there and purchase a beer, and Im not talking about a small vessel, Im talking about a flagon, and you know what they calleth Vienna Bread?
They doest nay call it Vienna Bread?
Nay, the English call them Danish Pastries!

 

by TheGovernor
6-08-03
Seriously though, Ive heard nothing but good things about France
The people are really friendly, the streets are clean, and you really have to respect them pretending to surrender so they could continue to fight the Germans during World War Two, that was genius
Yes indeed, no better place on Earth than France
*sigh*

 

by TheGovernor
6-15-03
Hold on a second, tell me again why you were banished down here again?
Well.....
Go forth my child, for I have chosen you to spread the message of my second coming. Tell the world that their messiah is returning
Im on it like a fluffer on a porn set!
Ahh, gotcha!

 

by TheGovernor
6-19-03
"Rosebud"? No. "It is enough", No. "Oh, I am so bored with it all", No. I need something original and unexpected
Grandma, you dont look well, maybe you should lie down
hmm, what to say,, what to say?? ahh got it...
Grandma???
KAUFMAN!

 

by TheGovernor
7-06-03
1.00am-2.00am
This is Jack, Im not available, please leave your message after the Beep. *BEEP* Mr Bauer we need you at CTU, Aliens have landed and are planning on killing the president!
Zzzzz
2.00am-3.00am
This is Jack, Im not available, please leave your message after the Beep. *BEEP* Hello dad, its Kim, Ive been kidnapped by a group of militant Harry Krishnas, help!
Zzzzz
3.00am-4.00am
This is Jack, Im not available, please leave your message after the Beep. *BEEP* Hello Jack this is Tony at CTU, we've found your car keys but theyve been stolen by terrorists....
Zzzzz

 

by TheGovernor
7-10-03

 

by TheGovernor
7-11-03

 

by TheGovernor
7-22-03
Tomb Raider boring
One google search later...
Lara Croft completely NAKED!!!
Patch is Downloading!

 

by TheGovernor
7-25-03
Press Conference
So Mr President, any luck finding the chemical or biological weapons in Iraq now the war is over?
Im sure we will find Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction any day now....
One week later
Any day now....
Another week later
Any day now...

Showing page 3.

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