All comics by mutsje2000

Profile

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
Alright, so your Lasombra's dead... what's your next character gonna be?
K? K. I was thinking, right, maybe a serial killer, yeah... maybe a cannibal...
Right...
Right. Cannibal, a real gentleman he is, too, on the surface. All calm and shit, yeah? And... and to rhyme with his name, he'll be called--
Hannibal. No. Next idea?
K? K. Get this... one half of a duo. Jay, this motormouth youth, and Robert, his silent pothead friend...

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
What did the Scribes and the Pharisees say when Jesus was crucified?
"It took us three long years, but we finally nailed that bastard."

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
After seeing its creation come alive for the first time, the andrgynous Tzimisce had found that it wanted to roger her rotten.
Just one small problem...
Where did it leave its penis?

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
Why was pursuing the escaping Israelites through the Dead Sea the most costly mistake of the Pharoah's divine career?
It turned the tide of public opinion against him.

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
I've had a pretty good day, all told. I found ten quid note just lying there in the street.
Cool.
Yeah. Then I got short-changed by some spotty bitch in Starbucks and my coffee was free.
Cool again. So did you get laid, too?
No...
It wasn't really all that good a day, was it?

 

by mutsje2000
8-06-02
Do you think he forgot about us?
I hope so.
You do?
Yeah.
Why?
It's hard to keep wood with all those people watching.

 

by mutsje2000
8-06-02
I liked being watched...
Got off on it did you?
No, it was just the existence of evidnece.
Evidence of what?
When I'm 50 and I'm talking to my grandkids, do you think they'll believe me?
You have to get laid, first...

 

by mutsje2000
8-06-02
You know... these hockey masks are kinda dumb.
I mean, we have this air of mystery about us... like that guy on TV, that revealed the magic secrets.
The Masked Magician?
Yeah, him. And he took his mask off eventually and set the world on fire...
I don't think the world's ready to be subjected to your hideousness.

 

by mutsje2000
8-06-02
I'm doing it... I'm taking my mask off.
I'm warning you, it's not a good idea. The world can't handle it...
Fin... (Or is it?)
Wanker.

 

by mutsje2000
8-06-02
To: Network Admin F. Man. i am tryin 2 get my account 2 wrk, but its not loggin in.
To: Fuckwit # 1. Your account password has been changed to "colonmuncher" which I thought was more appropriate.
To: Network Admin F. Man. Y u change my pswrd? i didnt ask u 2. ill report u 4 abusin ur admin privliges! u r fukked!!111
To: Fuckwit # 1. If you report me for abusing my admin priviliges, I'll report you for the contents of your account. Now... who's your daddy?
To: Network Admin F. Man. ur my dady...
To: Fuckwit # 1. That's better. Now, let's talk about the picture with the donkey and the carrot... Did you have a disturbed childhood?

 

by mutsje2000
8-06-02
Rob...
... has a...
Cool...
... thought.

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Meh. Not enough caffiene to play the anger... not enough sleep to play anything else right now...
Try method acting... think of something that really pisses you the fuck off.
Not getting any pisses me the fuck off... but that just makes me want to masturbate.

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Turn around...
*Fap*Fap*Fap*Fap* *Fap*Fap*Fap*Fap*

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
[*Innane setup*]
[*Poor reply*]
[*Another poor reply*]
[*And another*]
Whoo!
Someone's been working out.

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Fuck it, I can't compete.
Fuck it, I can't compete.
Fuck it, I can't comete.

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Bills...
Another job rejection...
"Dear John"... My name's not even John, the bitch.
It's all getting so much...
My day can't get any worse...

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Did you just grab my cock?

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
You're a donkey.
You're pink.
You're a dick.

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Oh God, Benny, I've been waiting for this moment for weeks.
Me too... God, you're so fucking hot I want to tear your clothes from your body and...
Yes! Yes! Do it, do it now! Take me, Benny...
pierce you with my man-meat, quivering and filling you with my love juice...
... what the hell? Fuckin' lightweight.
Zzzzzzzzzzz...

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
I'm going home...
Huh?
There you are! Where have you bee! I've been worried sick, with you all out late at night God knows where...
*Sigh*
Back so soon?

 

by mutsje2000
8-07-02
Dear Mr. Gates, you are a big fat gay loon who stole all his ideas from Apple. Please do the world a favour by dieing to redistribute your wealth.
"SEND? Y/N"
Hold on, you silly one-eared rabbit, you, I don't think you want to send that e-mail.
Damn! Fuzzyman- email supervisor! I swear, I wasn't going to send that on the company address...
Hmm? Nono, here look. There's an e-mail spoofer program. Reword your e-mail FROM Mr. Gates, and send it TO the shareholders...

 

by mutsje2000
8-09-02
At last!
After decades of long hard work, my creation is finally complete! Finally, a new generation of robotic servant! Presenting...
TOBOR 2!!!
Tobor 2 might try to cornhole you. If he can be bothered.
...

 

by mutsje2000
8-09-02
Time for your hot meat injection.

 

by mutsje2000
8-09-02

 

by mutsje2000
8-09-02
So I hear there's no point to this strip.
Nope.
So... what then?
Just an attempt to bury the last one. Get digging.

 

by mutsje2000
8-09-02
Hi there. Thank you, so kind. Hello Edinburgh!
Hello!
Hi. My name's Noel, which as you may be able to guess, I was born on a special day of the year... April Fool's Day!
Boring! Do you tell jokes, too?
Yeah, I tell jokes... An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went into a pub, and they all agreed that you're a cunt!
[*Silence*] [*Crickets chirp*]

 

by mutsje2000
8-10-02
*Sigh*
Hi!
Please don't say it, please don't say it...
Time for your hot meat injection!
... my subconcious hates me...

 

by mutsje2000
8-10-02
Brujah.
Tremere.
Ventrue.
Toreador.
Nosferatu.
Fuck you all! Gimme nuts!

 

by mutsje2000
8-10-02
When business in the Necromancy industry is low...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
... it's a good time to drum up some work for your local undertakers.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The best place for doing this without notice is Primal Scream Therapy.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

 

by mutsje2000
8-11-02
(Luka) The fiend tilts its head slightly, smiling in incoomprehensible blackness as - - [*Oh, shit...*]
* Cinders has joined the scene.
[*Think quickly*] (Luka) The fiend presses closer against the wall, sliding its form against her, pressing its hips between her thighs...
*Cinders has left the scene.
(Luka) "We have to move fast, and now, Excellency..."

 

by mutsje2000
8-11-02
Tuesday morning... The best laid plans of mice and men.
So whaddya say, will you come out with me Saturday night?
Sure thing, Benny. I'd love to!
Tuesday afternoon... Because everyone needs to brag.
She actually agreed to go out with you? Dude, I thought there was this whole deal about only dating Jewish guys?
There is. It was easy enough to get around that... I just told her -I'm- Jewish, too.
Saturday night... I knew I forgot something.
Oh... oh yes... Mmmm, I've been waiting for this moment all night...
Me too... Oh god... Wha-- what the hell? A foreskin? You have a foreskin!

 

by mutsje2000
8-11-02
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like your attention for a few moments.
It's come to my attention that Benny apparently neglected to make honourable mentions when running CC135.
This glaring oversight, particularly of Hernandez the ambiguously gay soldier, is completely unnacceptable.
As such, I will be appealing to Benny myself to make sure this injustice is dealt with swiftly and decisively.
My only hope is that you don't hold this against me, just because I'm often used as Benny's avatar.
1048 FOREVER!

 

by mutsje2000
8-11-02
Okay, I've just got back from talking with Benny about this situation and he's authorised me to read a statement on his behalf.
"Dear users of Stripcreator.com and ObiJo in particular..."
"I find it disturbing that you think I am so short of backbone and so eager to please that I would whore out CC135 to pressure..."
"I am a moral, just and fair judge, who picked only the best of comics in CC135. The competition was as stiff as Hernandex in the showers..."
"Unfortunately, it slipped my mind to do honourable mentions. As such, this situation will be rectumised posthaste..."
"Happy now?"

 

by mutsje2000
8-11-02
Secretary of State: Mr. President, we have here a few treaties that need your approval... First, the Kyoto agreement.
President: What is the nature of the Kyoto agreement?
Foreign Minister: It governs nations and their emissions into the atmosphere. Many EU countries plus Japan have signed--
President: --Sounds flawed. Trash it. Next?
Secretary of State: A bill passing through Congress to bring the death penalty to those States not currently emplying it.
President: Approved. Next?

 

by mutsje2000
8-11-02
Secretary of State: ABM Treaty...
President: Tell me more about the ABM Treaty.
Secretary of State: Signed by the US, supported by the rest of the world...
Foreign Minister: ... it's kept the peace for 30 years, Mr. President.
Secretary of State: That's right, sir--
President: Sounds flawed... next.

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
Secretary of State: Mister President there are some things we will have to go over in quite some depth before the matter is addressed publicly.
President: Of course, anything and everything... this matter must be resolved.
Secretary of State: That is correct, Mister President. The press will be ruthless when we go public with this, it is something the public will need to know. The consequences are astounding.
President:I know, you don't need to tell me. It's for this reason that I called you in.
Secretary of State: The fact of the matter is, Mister President, that you did not disclose a medical condition upon running for election. That...
President: ... Constitudes perpetrating a fraud on the public, I know. I know this. But really... all this fuss over chronic gas?

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
What's that headstone say?
"Here lies Elmer Fudd."
Is that supposed to be a joke?
No. Hey, it has his last words here too... have a guess.
Suprise me.
"And HE said 'Where's my tractor?'!"

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
FROM THE GREAT ABYSS, THE DARKEST CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE... I SUMMON THEE, SATAN TO DO MY BIDDING!!!
Please don't hurt me...

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop playing with your testicles in public.

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
The world progresses at a pretty swift rate.
WHAT DID THE SCRIBES AND THE PHARISEES SAY WHEN JESUS WAS CRUCIFIED?
The comedy circuit, for example, is already trying out robot comedians.
IT TOOK US A LONG TIME, BUT WE FINALLY NAILED THAT BASTARD!
Your mother generates gravitons in hell!
But the art of dealing with hecklers remains an elusive goal.
AAW... YOU MEAN PEOPLE.
Fuck off back to the scrapyard, you piece of shit!

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
01100111011 10010011000 01011101100 11010010111 01000110111 10110111001 110011!
DOES IT LOSE SOMETHING IN THE TRANSLATION?

 

by mutsje2000
8-12-02
Try as I might...
... I just can't see it.
How the fuck is this dog funny?

 

by mutsje2000
8-13-02
This is the bit where I ask you if I can fondle your breasts and you say no.
Gotcha.
An avid and cuss ridden no, would be the punchline of this gag.
You're probably right.
That would be the only logical outcome of this comic.
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN PENGUINS!

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
Are you... offering?
Are you asking?
I'm asking... how much?
You're talking to the wrong chick...
Talk to my pimp.
TEN DORRAH SUCKY SUCKY! TWENTY DORRAH SHE RUV YOU RONG TIME!

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
Okay, I hate to repeat gossip...
So I'll only say this once...

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
So, I was passing by the Kwik-E-Mart this evening, when... *whisperwhipser*
And then... *whisperwhipser*
*whisperwhipser*
Stop whispering, I can't hear you.

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
So what's a "whipser", anyways?
Shut up.

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
So, the gossip.
I'll just pretend to listen, while really continuing to read my book.
I bumped into Jeff, you know... that demon guy? He told me there's a two for one offer on souls. He says...
I haven't a clue on this Necromancy lark... I'm actually reading back issues of Hustler.
... if we both sell him our souls, he'll give us the power to raise the dead. Apparently he's a big pal of Satan's, and...
Hey, nice tits... Mmmm... nice ass.

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
So waddya say? Shall we sell our souls to Jeff?
Sure, why not.
Meanwhile...
I'm telling you, boss, these guys are complete morons. I bet you I can get both their souls for the price of just one promise.
Really? That is quite interesting...
Yeah. Ain't had a coup like that since we struck a deal with David Bowie's business sense and Ozzie Osbourne's sobriety...
... to creat the amalgam that is, today, known as Bill Gates. Excellent.

 

by mutsje2000
8-14-02
So what's the deal, kiddo? Are you guys in or out?
Oh, we're in.
Oh sweet Jesus! What's happening to me?
What's happening? I feel like my body is being stripped apart, torn away and violated on a molecular level!
Welcome, to your new identity! You are one body, one soul! Perfect in every way!
You bastard, my balls haven't dropped yet!

Showing page 3.

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