All comics by shank

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by shank
5-13-04
hmmm, nah this isnt going anywhere

 

by shank
5-13-04
So it's like...4:00am and nothing to do but sit here and stare at a big square glowing screen
dude, you so arent doing what you just said. You just going to sleep in all day?
no, probably just sleep for a few hours, then get up and do the same thing that im not doing right now.
what the hell are you talking about? What are your plan for the weekend?
Shit, like usual, get fucked up, then wake up in the morning and wait for the awesome stories of what i did the night before.
Yes i know, im the one that usually lets you know. You dont even remeber what you did 5 minutes of the night before ON the night before.

 

by shank
5-13-04
...
haha, yeah like that one time when you were hammered, you hid your cigarettes, passed out then woke up a half hour later and forgot where you hid the cigarettes.
Yeah shut up. i never found them until like, 3 days later. They were hiding beside my god damn bed, behind the hanging sheet. Im such a moron.
yeah, then we told you that you were macking on that chick and she didnt even want you to. what the hell were you thinking?
I still dont remember that, although i do remember the part BEFORE it happened. I noticed there was a spare spot inbetweem the two girls, the alcohol gave me the idea that i had pimp skills.
good work you "pimp". you gave them the idea that you're a fucking moron.

 

by shank
5-13-04
Yeah so, i get more action than you do, fucking hippy.
Well its btter than looking like a drunken moron. You're always drunk for first impressions.
i am not. i have only drank like 3 times in the past month, i've had PLENTY of sober and successful first impressions.
oh like the time you saw that chick checking you out and you went up to her and said "Hey baby, nice legs...what time do they open?"
i thought i seen a mirror in her pocket, because i could totally see myself in her pants.
oh god, shut the hell up with the pick up lines.

 

by shank
5-13-04
hey hey! get this, i got a great one i should try out:     "Im great at math: U + I = 69" LOLOLOL GET IT@!??!??
yeah uhhh, thats great...i'll pass on the 69 though.
my shirt has magicly changed
wierd....hey, i got a bet for you...
oh yeah? whats the bet?
I bet YOU $20 that if you give me $50, I'll give you $100 in return, Want to bet?

 

by shank
5-13-04
You asshole, no i dont want to bet, i'll be out $50. Nice one though!
yeah haha i know, i like using it on people with deformed brains...causes them to pass out.
Yeah well, i'd be your dad, but your mom didnt have change for a dollar.
how about i pull a better one out of my ass?
what, a dad or change for my dollar?
fuck you, im leaving...and stop changing your shirt half way through you asshole.

 

by shank
5-13-04
so i asked your mom where you came out, and she said "HE CAME OUT OF MY ASSHOLE"
uhh haw haw...actually i came out the best way possible, c-section.
Hey john, guess what?
What?
hahaha, you really are a piece of shit
why dont you grab a spoon and eat out my asshole.

 

by shank
5-13-04
nah thats ok, i dont eat shit! GET IT~!?!??!
oh yeah. So wich hole did you come out of?
I came out naturally...Through the vagina of course.
WOW look at that, the only time you've been in a vagina was when your mom was pregnant GET IT~!?!?(brb got to change my shirt)
great, thats just great. you piece of shit.
was it warm or what?

 

by shank
5-16-04
Warm like apple pie.
yeah
yeah
well then
yeah...turd boy
you lost your virginity to your mom

 

by shank
5-16-04
being blind is great, i can do whatever i want without getting into trouble.
oh yeah? like what?
touch chicks asses and titties, run into people i dont like.
You fucking cunt.
also, i can tell the cops anything, if im caught in a bad situation all i have to say when they get a statement from me is "i didnt see nothin'!"
Yeah and all the girls are like "OMFG WhAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE SEx EWITH A BLIND GUY?!?!@" then you get laid. wtf?

 

by shank
5-19-04
so im sitting in the sun, tanning...
you know, roasting my nuts under the hot sun...
BOY OH BOY does the intense UV Rays give me some crisp nuts

 

by shank
5-23-04
Damn rights, Last Friday i was asked some odd questions...
what kind fo questions?
One chick asked me "What's it like having sex with a blind guy?" and im thinking, how the fuck am i supposed to know!
so yeah, what ddi you do then?
Well i heard she wasnt too great looking so i slammed a few beers and then said "Hey, so you want to know what its like to fuck a blind guy?" and then we went to her car...
wtf...what else?

 

by shank
5-23-04
Well, we went into her car and, wich was on the street obviously...out in the open. I didnt care though, i was fucked plus i was about to get some action.
So what the hell happened?
The bitch said she was on her Rag, so i ended up getting a blow job instead.
...and you are complaining...?
Nah...i couldnt blow though. Later on that night a shit load of more people came to the backyard and some other chick was like "I wonder what its like to kiss a blind guy!??!"...
...and then...?

 

by shank
5-23-04
...Then she just grabbed me and started porno kissing me. I heard she was hot too.
k, fuck you, what the hell is different about whether you can see or not?
I dont know, maybe im better in the sack.
I doubt that.
Jealous?
hmm i wonder what its like to kill a blind guy...?

 

by shank
5-23-04
I seen nothing!

 

by shank
5-23-04
Ok im not sure if i have told you this story or not, you want to hear?
sure, go hard...
Ok so, i started dating this girl, i was on the phone with her and i guess some guy asked her out over email, and her friend got into her email and said Yes for her...
so now he thinks he is going out with her, it was my friend...he calls me while i was on the phone with her and says "Whats Heathers number?...
go on...

 

by shank
5-23-04
...And i was like "Im on the phone with her...why?" and he says "Well, because she is my girlfriend" and i was like wtf?
haha
ok so i let him go and went back to the other line and then i get another beep, so i click over and there was another guy that says "You know Heathers number?" and i was like "wtf, why?"...
...He says "Because she is my girlfriend" i was thinking What the hell, these guys both called me asking for her number within a 5 minute period. Well she ended up staying with me, haha
wow, so she was a whore then eh?

 

by shank
5-23-04
No she isnt, she never even knew she was going out with these guys. Once they found out they got shafted, they werent too happy.
what a whore
no, fuck you...i ended up going out with her for about 4 months.
oh, so what happened with that relationship?
I was always fucked up, getting high and drunk...never spent any time with her really at all. She was my best girlfriend ever, she put up with so much of my bullshit.
Oh yeah...Now looks like you are stuck with getting blow jobs from bitches you dont know, good work.

 

by shank
5-23-04
So me and my friends were sitting in my car...just finished a 26oz of smirnoff right beside my house...
yeah
Then a cop pulled up and went to the passenger window, friend rolls down the window and the Officer was like "What are you guys up to?" and we said "Nothing"...
He aked if we had consumed any alcohol or anything, we said "No". He asked why we were sitting int eh parking lot...
(continued in next strip)

 

by shank
5-23-04
I said "Oh i just live right here, we were just sitting here for something to do" He told us we couldnt and that we had to go into my yard. So we all go to get out and i take the 26oz...
...and place it on the ground, on its side. Me being drunk forgot all about the slant on the park lot...so guess what, it started rolling and you could hear it and out of COMPLETE coincidenc...
it rolled to the Officer's feet. Damn i thought we were done right there, but he picked it up and said "This yours?" We said yeah and he ended up giving it back and told us to go into my yard.
You got lucky. Lucky bastard.

 

by shank
5-23-04
So once again, we were sitting in my car beside my house, My friends had just finished smoking a bunch of joints. They were all roached in my ashtray. Then all the sudden...
while everyone is high as fuck, some cops rolls up and its night time by the way, so his headlights were right in our eyes. He comes up to the passenger side and the car is just hotboxed...
So we roll down the windows, he turns his flash light on and deliberately points it in everyones eyes and says "You guys only smoking tobacco products?" we say "uhhh yeah"...

 

by shank
5-23-04
Then he points his Flashlight around the front area, right at the ashtray where the roaches are visible, you know what he says...?
no what?
he says "Alright, you guys have a good night." and left, He knew damn well what was going on.
jesus, get away with the alcohol and now the weed?
I guess, we co-operated and everything, so he just didnt care i guess.
maybe the hotbox gave him a buzz and he wanted to get to Tim Hortons fast...?

 

by shank
5-23-04
this is where you run
pussy

 

by shank
5-23-04
This is where you run
GOTCHA
AHHHHHHH

 

by shank
5-24-04
i fucked your mom last night. hahah
Ewww, thats sick.
i guess now you'll have to call me daddy.
i cant believe that she'd stoop as low as you.
man, i was just fucking with you.
yeah i didnt think she'd do that.

 

by shank
5-29-04
Thanks for the light.
No Problem.

 

by shank
5-30-04
hey
hey
Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
actually, its a banana
Who would have thought.

 

by shank
5-30-04
oh
oh yeah
uh huh
yeah
That tickles
I'll be here for you as long as you live.

 

by shank
5-30-04
waaaaaaaaahhhh waaaaaaaaahhhh
waaaaaaaahhh
wwwwwwwwaaaaaahhh waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
god damnit, Michael Jackson is late for his appointment.

 

by shank
5-30-04
ok, this baby is driving me fucking mental
The fact that im talking to a bull is crazy, anyways, whats your point?
ummm its driving me fucking mental
well what the hell do you want me to do?
Michael Jackson...
hey, he's late for his appointment. i cant do a thing!

 

by shank
5-30-04
Whats wrong? you look fine to me.
yeah, from your point of view i do, but they made some seriously flaws when creating me.
like what? everything seems to be in working order and all.
Thats where you are wrong, LOOK AT ME. IM A MESS!~
holy shit, what the hell happened? and where did your left arm come from?
If only i knew...If only i knew :'(

 

by shank
5-30-04
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
where the fuck is michael jackson?

 

by shank
5-30-04
you know what bob?
What now?
you see this ass? The one underneath my coat?
What?!? yeah why?
because you, my friend better get used to it.
what the ass-pube are you talking about?

 

by shank
5-30-04
Hey sweety, hows it going?
i didnt do nothing, please dont hurt me!
Listen here, you are going to turn around and im going to fuck you up that ass, got it?
uhhh, errrr, uhhh, i-i-i have uhh AIDS, yeah!
Hey, what a coincidence, so do i.
NO I LIED OH PLEASE IM SORRY NOOOO

 

by shank
5-30-04
Hey big boy
oh please, dont hurt me, i'll do what ever you say!
Listen here bitch, you are going to turn around and then im going to ram my stinger up your ass and you're going to enjoy it, got it?
no no no, im sorry, please dont. i uhh dont even have an anus anyways.
One can easily be created. Oh yes, thanks for the shoes too.
Please make it quick.

 

by shank
5-30-04
Ok, so how much is it?
There is a wide range of services that each have their own significant price.
oh...ok. Uhhh what does that sign say?
Free STD with every lay.
Oh...so is that like a coupon or something? like buy one lay and get the second free or half off or something?
yeah, you could say that.

 

by shank
5-30-04
Hey you...yeah you....you seriously need to chill out.

 

by shank
5-30-04
HEEEEEEELP HE'S TRYING TO ERASE ME
hey you..yeah you...you seriously need to chill out.

 

by shank
5-30-04
THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP I STUCK A FLUTE IN YOUR PUSSY
OH YEAH I REMEMBER THAT HEHEHE
DID IT TICKLE OR WHAT?
IT WAS ALMOST LIKE HAVING SEX WITH A PENIS
PENISES MAKE ME ORGASM
TOOT TOOOOOOOT

 

by shank
5-30-04
Where exactly do you get your idea's from?
Well, you see...i sit on the toilet annnnd all the sudden i feel an idea pass through my intestines. Then out of no where, it comes out of my anus.
Go to hell you sick bastard.
*TURNS GOTH*
Oh my god, what did i tell you about turning the lights off?

 

by shank
5-30-04
I think my brain works best when i only get like 2 hours of sleep.
you think so?
Yeah, i bet it like runs at 10 milliseconds a second.
10 milliseconds a second? That doesnt make sense...?
only you can prevent forrest fires.
ummm

 

by shank
5-30-04
I rest my case.
Hey you...yeah you...you seriously need to chill out. Oh yeah, and put it on the bed.
How's it going?
Fan-Fucking-Tastic
Thanks for saving me, i almost lost my pecker!

 

by shank
5-30-04
hey bob
what?
look behind you...
what am i looking at?
oh wait, nevermind, i thought i seen something. Hold that position though.
god damnit

 

by shank
5-30-04
sticks and stones may break my bones, but you're ugly
*POOF*
AHHH IM ON LE FIRE
*POOF*
who said anything about sticks and stones breaking your bones?

 

by shank
5-30-04
Hey, you need help carrying that?
nah im fine thanks...
Alright, but dont say i never asked.
hey wait a second...
What?
i didnt know dogs wore underwear.

 

by shank
5-30-04
Hey! you arent bob, where is bob?
he went for a coffee break.
hmm a coffee break, he took a break to drink coffee, what exactly was he taking a break from?
you.
hey, those are some nice undies, mind if i try them on?
im going to go join bob.

 

by shank
5-30-04
my head is like, killing me really bad!
Really? Run into a wall really fast, it'll cure that right quick.
what does that prove?
How gullible you really are.
really? teehee ok, thanks i'll try it.

 

by shank
5-30-04
Hey guess what! I wish i could create more expressions!
me too, i'd totally fuck your finger up.
hey, thats sounds sexy.
no, you shut up, you know damn well thats not meant to be sexy.
oh come on, it can be sexy. Hey, Can i interest you in sodomy?
coffee break..

 

by shank
5-30-04
mmmm Katie sure looks like a good fuck!
Excuse me, what did you just say?
The end result of this comic made me hungry
uhh i said uh You know where i can get KD for a buck?
Oh KD, as in Kraft Dinner. Try superstore.

 

by shank
5-30-04
hehe so what do you do for a living?
well, you see, im an architect.
Oh really!?!? what buildings have you designed?
umm ok, maybe im not so much of an architect, more so a designer.
well what do you design?
trailer parks and trailers...err well i help uhh i mean im the manager of motor home construction and technologies, yes thats it. Im just dressed like this because i was going swimming, yeah...

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