All comics by xenogamy

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by xenogamy
11-22-02
SO, HOW HAS YOUR BUSINESS BEEN HOLDING UP?
GOOD, GOOD. CAN'T COMPLAIN. HOW ABOUT YOU?
I MADE $5000 LAST NIGHT ON ONE APPOINTMENT
WOW!! HOW DID YOU DO THAT??
I FUCKED THAT "FINE MAN-ABOUT-TOWN" GUY
You're damn right you did!

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
FUCK ME.
NO.
FUCK ME!!
NO!!
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH MY DICK IS TINY BY HUMAN STANDARDS, IT WOULD STILL SPLIT YOU APART.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
lol hye i thot zamros wuz gonign 2 stpo makeing thes comicz!
lol me 2 he sed he wuld stop unteil he got laid!
omg do u thikn this meenz some1 fuckd him???
...
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
WELL WELL WELL! LOOK AT US TWO
YEAH
JUST TWO APPLIANCES, GETTING ALONG.
YEAH

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
AS THE ONLY BLACK PERSON AVAILABLE ON STRIPCREATOR, I AM OFFENDED.
HEY WHAT ABOUT ME
YOU AIN'T BLACK!!
*YOU AIN'T BLACK!!!*
YOU AIN'T *NOTHIN'*
WANNA SMOKE A BLUNT?

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
Types like you really get me going, mister.
I mean, we have a perfectly good country here and you have to go and mess it up with your AFGHANI FUNDAMENTALISM and your PLANES and TERRORISM
....I'M FROM QUEENS. MY ANCESTORS AREN'T EVEN FROM AFGHAN--
That's not what matters right now.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
GREAT PARTY, EH
YEAH.
I'm kind of freaked out, though. Our designated drivers are all drunk off their asses already.
Hmm... Is anyone not drunk?
I KNOW I AM.
AMEN, BROTHER.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
Hmm.
This is the most complex book I've ever read.
Involving, though.
...WAIT A SECOND
I'M HOLDING THE BOOK UPSIDE DOWN.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
DECEMBER IS COMING UP AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY SLACKING.
YES SIR.
TELL THE REINDEER TO SWITCH TO EXERCISE SCHEDULE "F"
I WILL, SIR.
AND WHEN YOU GET A FREE MINUTE, MEET ME IN THE SECOND STALL ON THE LEFT IN THE MEN'S ROOM
GOLLY GEE

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
Something's up there... on the ceiling...
Oh my!!
MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED
I'M GOING TO SUCK YOUR DICK, MISTER

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
"He approached her dressed in a plain hooded navy sweatshirt emblazoned with an emblem of his college alma mater and torn, faded blue jeans."
"Although he appeared as a normal, run-of-the-mill type, he acted towards her with the sincerity and concern of a truly compassionate person."
"It was an out-of-the-blue chance of meeting, something that is often seen in tear-jerking, romantic movies; his slight muscular build even lends to the typical actor to play the lead role."
"The only words that were audible were “We shall have the Dance of the Winds tomorrow. Come and follow Luna’s trail and seek my hand beneath these many arms.”"
....
I HAD TO THROW MY BRAIN OUT FOR READING THAT.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
IN MY DAY WE DIDN'T HAVE FANCY TREES LIKE YOU DO
ALL WE HAD WERE TWIGS!! SMALL, EASY TO TRIP ON TWIGS.
AND WE LIKED IT.
GO TO HELL YOU OLD BASTARD

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
Excuse me, God of Hellfire?
WHAT DO YOU WANT, MORTAL
I was thinking - could you possibly make me more awesome?
HMM... WELL, HOW AWESOME DO YOU WANT TO BE, EXACTLY?
However awesome I have to be to get women to like me.
...OKAY I'LL NEED ABOUT FOUR OF YOUR SOULS FOR THAT ONE.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
WELCOME TO MY PARLOR!! CHOOSE ANY LEVEL OF AWESOME YOU WANT.
Great!! I'll just take a look around.
Wow, this guy looks sufficiently awesome!
Minutes later...
OKAY!! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY DOMAIN BEFORE YOU ASK TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.
Wanna have-- damn.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
Now, to test out my newly acquired awesomeness!
Excuse me, wench! What is your going rate?
....
Well? I demand to know how much money I am required to pay you in compensation for earthly pleasures.
I am disgusted, yet strangely attracted to how awesome you are.

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
After a fine evening of dinner and a movie...
Well! That was just top-notch! Excuse me while I strip my outer layers so we can get to sexual intercourse.
Okay!!
Let's get to it, woman!
...where did the awesome guy go??
What are you talking about? I'm right... OH GOD DAMMIT

 

by xenogamy
11-22-02
When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut!
When I grow up I want to be Chef Boy-ar-dee!
That's stupid. Why?
Because Chef Boy-ar-dee is fat and dumb but he still gets all the girls.
You like girls?? Ewww
What, am I supposed to get BOYS to suck my dick? I don't think so.

 

by xenogamy
12-30-02
lol wtf
wut
zmaros stoped updaeting!!!!11
mayb he got laeid adn hes 2 kewl 4 teh comik now!!!11
LOLOLOOLOL!!!1
LOLOLOLLOL!!!!11

 

by xenogamy
12-30-02
Excuse me, little girl!
What?
Walking home from school, huh?
Yeah!
Want to come back to my place so I can rape you and kill you?
Okay!

 

by xenogamy
12-30-02
Another evening in which I must go to town!
What mystical wonders await me tonight?
You, there! I demand that you point me in the direction of a local drinking and social establishment!
Hel-LOO!
Right this way, sir!
I have a good feeling about this one!

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE A MONTH OR SO SINCE I STARTED THIS GODDAMN COMIC
YOU'D THINK THE BITCHES WOULD BE FALLING IN MY JOCK BY NOW
BUT NO!

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
I ACTUALLY CAME SORT OF KIND OF CLOSE TO SEX RECENTLY
SO, IN HONOR OF THIS EVENT, I PRESENT YOU WITH A REWARD!

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
I'M PRETTY SURE I'M GOING TO HELL ALREADY
AND MOST OTHER PEOPLE ARE, TOO
SO WHAT'S THE USE IN UPHOLDING THESE SO CALLED "MORALS" AND "VALUES"

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
WHEN I WAS IN KINDERGARTEN I MOONED MY CLASS
I THOUGHT THE GIRLS WOULD BE LIKE "HEY, NICE ASS"
BUT NO, I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL HOME

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
I WAS THINKING
WHAT IF I DECIDE TO LIVE A LIFE OF CHASTITY AND BECOME REALLY RELIGIOUS AND REPENT AND GO TO HEAVEN AND LIVE IN A GOLDEN PALACE
YEAH, RIGHT

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
I HAVE THIS HAMMER SO I CAN "NAIL" GIRLS!! HAHA
...JUST KIDDING.

 

by xenogamy
1-08-03
IN THE TRASH AGAIN
THE *WHITE* TRASH
...*SOB*

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