All comics by umfumdisi

Profile

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-10
I can't see anything.
What about now?
Still can't see anything.
What about now?
Wait, I can just make out some letters ... P ... E ... N ... I ... S?
I love this job.

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-10
I'm leaving you, Chef.
Skarm de foovee in dee oovin?
It's like we don't understand each other anymore.
Cheeckin in dee oovin.
I'll always love you too, Chef.
GEET IN DEE FOOHKIN OOVIN!!

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-10
Hey, Baby, you make-a da nice partner. You feel-a good in-a my hand.
We make-a da beautiful-a music together.
Giuseppe! What are you doing with another!?!
I'm-a sorry, Charlie, you tune-a me out too many-a times.

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-10
How many of my dead Dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Beats me.
Two. One to screw in the light bulb ...
and the other to spread open my vagina.

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-10
This is a random comic.
Why would anyone want to read it?
Maybe it's funny.
Not likely.
Maybe it shows boobs?
Boobs? Where?

 

by umfumdisi
4-17-10
This way?
No, turn the other way.
Like this?
Perfect! Now go ahead.
You are going to look so good in here once you decompose.

 

by umfumdisi
5-28-10
RIP, Ronnie James Dio!

 

by umfumdisi
5-28-10
Isn't this the cutest little shirt, Marge? It has a picture of a gushing whale and says, "Mom's l'il squirt!"
Actually, it should say, "Dad's l'il squirt!"

 

by umfumdisi
5-30-10
I just had to come and visit today, Todd. I have some terrible news.
Gary Coleman is dead!
Whatchoo talkin' bout, Phyllis?

 

by umfumdisi
5-30-10
Sadness reigns at the CDW studios today. Actor Gary Coleman is dead at age 42.
He truly lived a short life.

 

by umfumdisi
5-30-10
Here you go, Boss.
Have you been huffing paint, again? I said, "Bring me Gary Cole, man."
Feels like another day, Gary.
Sure does, Abe, sure does.

 

by umfumdisi
7-08-10
Doc Ted, we need to talk.
Oh no.
I think it's time we saw other people.
No problem...
I just sawed one.

 

by umfumdisi
7-08-10
Is someone you know lonely, depressed or even suicidal?
Yes....me.
Then cheer that someone up with a special gift from Squidco.
Not even a present could cheer me up.
GOD-DAMN! I LOVE YOU!!
Yay!

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-10
You're never going to believe this...but I was in the hospital recently with lung cancer. I was weak from chemo and radiation treatments, but, luckily,
Strip, you dog!
Nurse Biggins was there to cheer me up with her fleshy mounds and pert nipples. If I ate all my applesauce, she'd let me motorboat those sweater puppies!
Now bend over!
Unfortunately, I died before we could go "all the way." Ain't life a bitch. Sincerely, Bob Guccione.
I better be in the will...

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-10
How many panels does it take to get to the
Where you been?
Yeah, we lonely.
creamy white center of an orgasm? One,
We lonely long time.
So lonely.
two...three!
We lick each other.
Over and over.

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
I can't decide which one to get, honey.
Get 'em all, babe. Don't matter how much. Buy whatever you what. Money ain't no problem.
Daddy!

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
What are you going to do?
I don't KNOW. He's SOOO cute. I have to go out with him. What if I DIDN'T?
You'd regret it.
I KNOW. And I'd HATE myself. I hope he doesn't think I'm STUPID.
If he's made it this far...

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
More like "undressing" room for you, stud!

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
No, it's the "Learn How to Read Signs" room.

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
It's actually the local MENSA meeting room. You must be lost.

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
Sorry, it's the Salad Room.

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
It's the Employee Lounge. Now GET OUT!

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
Why do I feel like Phil Connors?

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
You Can't Say That in Retail, Obviously (7)
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
ctrl + v ctrl + c

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
See all those stalls? It's the Ladies Room.

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
Yes, hurry up and change. You're on in five minutes!!

 

by umfumdisi
3-01-11
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] DRESSING ROOM [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Excuse me, is this the Dressing Room?
No, we're fast being sucked into the hideous vortex ... of a black hole!
You eediot!

 

How has the rising cost of gas affected you?
I AM REECH BEETCH!
by umfumdisi, 3-02-11

 

by umfumdisi
3-11-11
Coffee Guy!
Fish Guy!
Weirdo.
Nutjob.

 

by umfumdisi
3-11-11
You're the man of the hut now, Jonathan. Go kill us some supper.
With a hammer and nails?
You're a smart boy. You'll figure it out.
Whatever.
Two days later...
Mom?

 

Blah...I've come to suck your --
donkey dick?
by umfumdisi, 3-11-11

 

by umfumdisi
3-12-11
Uh-oh.
What?
.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` . ..`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` ..`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` . ..`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` .
.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` . ..`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` ..`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` . ..`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` .
Ascii rain.

 

by umfumdisi
3-20-11
Yes, Sir?
I was in here late last night, and you guys made me great tacos stuffed full of meat!
And?
I just wanted to say Thank You.
You're welcome, but we do that late at night all the time. Otherwise, we have to throw away a bunch of meat.
Really? There must be something I can do about that...

 

by umfumdisi
3-20-11
Pretty slow tonight...
Hey, Gus! Go ahead and throw away the leftovers!
YES!

 

by umfumdisi
3-20-11
Vera Wang make panties!
Vera Wang make bras!
Vera Wang make purses!
Vera Wang make nighties!
Vera Wang make sunglasses!
Vera Wang make us work long time in sweatshop!

 

by umfumdisi
3-20-11
Bitchin' Kitchen...
Hit Chen.
Preacher, Teacher...
Creature.
Sucky, Fucky...
Bucky!

 

My eyes are up here.
So are mine.
by umfumdisi, 3-20-11

 

by umfumdisi
3-20-11
Stardate 3056.8. I've landed on a spooky planet inhabited only by pumpkins.
The pumpkin leader does not seem aware of my arrival.
Perhaps I will turn him into a pie.

 

C'mon, let me check.
by umfumdisi, 3-28-11

 

by umfumdisi
3-29-11
Prithee, Duke Beau, I say my turn to drive the General Cornwallis has arrived.
Hogwash, Duke Luke, I am the more experienced driver. Besides, where wouldst thou go?
Verily, I merely wish to drive around aimlessly whilst shooting woodland creatures with our crossbows.
Capital idea, old sod!
Yeeee-ha, I say.
Rather.

 

by umfumdisi
3-29-11
I'm the Ether Bunny. Give me a hug.
Oh, you have a lisp. Why do your ears smell fun --
~/ Here comes Peter Gettin' Tail, hoppin' down your chocolate trail /~
ZZZZ

 

Woah
by umfumdisi, 3-29-11

 

That guy almost assassinated Franz Ferdinand!
Wow, 2004 would have sucked.
by umfumdisi, 3-29-11

 

by umfumdisi
5-04-11
Look at this purse, Mama!
Oh my, that's a nice one, and it's on clearance.
I ain't never found no clearance purses I liked, Mama.
Must be your lucky day, honey.
And an unlucky day for the English language...Mama.

 

by umfumdisi
5-04-11
I'm not dead!
Quiet, you.
Can you direct me to the Self-Help books?
Sure, what's the problem?
Oh...just not feeling as hale and hearty as usual.
Then you really need our Gnome Improvement section.

 

by umfumdisi
5-04-11
Mr. Fuzzykins, I'm going to file you under "Adorable."
What's the call number for adorable?

 

by umfumdisi
5-04-11
~/ And the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon -- /~
Shut up, Dad!

 

Gil?
by umfumdisi, 5-04-11

 

by umfumdisi
5-04-11
Fly, you stupid thing!

 
by umfumdisi, 5-04-11

Showing page 31.

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