All comics by Beeko180

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by Beeko180
4-25-09
Now Sally, where did you hide the pictures?
Debbie said not to tell you.
Who's Debbie?
Oh, she's a Phantom that lives in our house. Remember that time the car broke? That was Debby...
Flashback...
WHO THE HELL PUT A GIANT TREE ON MY CAR?!!!

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
And then you screamed your head off at me...
Flashback...
I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU CRY GOT THAT KID?!!!!!!!
Ok Daddy! But be gentle!
HELP ME MUMMY, HELP ME!!!!!

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Honey, please don't hurt the hostages.
OK! MUMMY!
After several Gunshots....
What just happened Sally?
You said don't hurt them! You didn't say anything about me strangling them and then in a barbaric act: stab them and hang them on the clothesline!

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Does he know yet?
Nope!

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
I was taking a ride on my bike a couple days ago and something happens.
I slam on my breaks but still manage to crash into a tree.
You'd think after seventy times I would have learnt not to drink too much before I ride my bike wouldn't you?

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Why are you here again Jesus?
Oh, I'm just dropping by...
Getting my undies out from behind your couch...
My what?
Nothing.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
I went to the zoo today. It was great.
On the way home I stopped by the drug store to go to the toilet...
I walk into the bathroom and I find an extremely overweight squirrel sitting there drinking from the toilet.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
I visited my girlfriend the other day...
I couldn't figure out how to tell her the news.
So I told her she was fat and that she takes more interest in a packet of chips rather than me.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
The other day my doctor told me I had twenty minutes to live...
But after I killed him and shoved his body in a trash compactor I was told by another doctor that they were wrong.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
All I'm saying is that you didn't meet the requirements to survive the ship crash...
And you spock, I am disgusted in!
What did I do?!

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Why hello little girl.
Hello scary old guy!
Have you ever seen an old man in really tight short shorts?
Why I'd love to see that Mister!
Follow me then...

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
I left the fridge open today.
Only now do I realise just how desperate this sounds for an attempt at a joke...

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
I used to hide my shame in a pit of flaming rage...
Now I scream out insults to everybody within a 5 mile Radius.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
So you're saying you DON'T want to be a puppet?
I WANNA BE A REAL BOY!
Have you ever thought that maybe the blue fairy is just a load of "The Magic Potion of which you must only speak of when it is to do with toilet issues"

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Sometimes I like to think that the world revolves around me.
If you think of it that way, Al Gore would be stark raving mad and sooner or later, he'd shoot me.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Last week I attempted to make pancakes...
Everything was going fine until I got my finger jammed in one of the hot plates.
I figured that was the worst it could get, but eventually I had to resort to cutting my arm off, then driving down to the hospital to get it stitched back up...

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Every so often I experience unique trauma in my life...
I only realised that when I watched a taped episode of The Carebears instead of The Mentallist...

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Hey! You! I have a question to ask you!
NAUGHTY boy!
That makes you gay doesn't it?
I'm sorry, what?

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Aw come on Gene! How long are you gonna stay mad at me?
Not until you give me my teddy bear back!
Oh, yeah... Funny thing about that....

 

Now that wasn't so bad was it?
by Beeko180, 4-25-09

 
by Beeko180, 4-25-09

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
How long do you think it'll take until Harry realises he has the invisibility cloak on?
Enough time for us to grab some KFC!

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
Which one of those suspects broke into your house at night and killed your daughter Maam?
It was the fat red one, officer.

 

by Beeko180
4-25-09
The surgeory was a sucess.
You are now a very hideous woman.
But I didn't ask for surgeory.
Oh sorry, I tend to get my patients mixed up.

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
I just got back inside after a very painful bike ride.
I decided to take my bike up a steep hill located in my backyard and go down on it while my dad was painting a bookcase just in front of the hill...
As I was nearing the bottom of the hill, I realised that he was there and that I couldn't slam the breaks.
So I put my high IQ to use and by instinct I slid my feet against the ground.
As it slowed down I began to slide backwards off the seat. And got my groin caught between the seat and the wheel. As it fell down "they" began to hurt a lot.
About 10 minutes later while I was riding my bike I slammed head first into a pole and hurt them again...

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
Why are yee havin' some sort'a trouble wit' that there radio Sergeant Peppers?
Reading, Alien life-forms in face to face communicable radius. I'm going to try and get a DNA sample... Over!
Why I say... I say that was pritty weird folky dokey!
Sure it was..
Now strip and let me wave this odd looking crobar over your body.

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
You're gay.

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
Dance Rummy!
I'm not a Rummy!
You have a point there....
Wiggle those jiggles fatty!

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
You're a Stupid Garbage Can.
In A TeChNiCaLiTy YeS I aM a StUpId GaRbAgE CaN.
Ha ha, you just said you're gay.
WhAt Do YoU MeAn I'm GaY?
I didn't think that one through did I?

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
How long are you gonna make me sit out here?
I dunno. Probably until you learn that selling my baby to get money for a packet of chips isn't a very good approach to maturity.
So you're saying that I really shouldn't have sold either of them? Or just one of them?
Wait, are you telling me that-
Pick a weapon, any weapon.

 

by Beeko180
4-26-09
STOP RIGHT THERE FIEND!
Maybe you know I'm here. But if I completely fall silent you will lose all ability to know where I am.
SHOW YOURSELF!!!

 

by Beeko180
4-27-09
And now for something, completely different.
I LOVE YOU!!!!

 

by Beeko180
4-27-09
I saw my best friend last month, who I always play fight.
I wish he wasn't in a coma due to me slamming his head against a brick wall.

 

by Beeko180
4-27-09
My mother used to always plant these small trees in the backyard.
I found out a while ago what they really were.
What do trees and jail have in common?

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
FREE FOOOOD!
HEY HEY! YOUR FAT!
HE'S GOT A KNIFE!!!!!!

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
Still no luck eh?
Teach me fatty! Teach me the ways of the Pregnant Bum!
3 hours later....
This is all your fault!

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
Ok, there are three styles of begging.
What are these styles?
There's crazy begging, entertaining begging and harassment begging.
Show me what harassment begging is, just to make me laugh.

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
WOOO!
HIT HIM IN THE HEAD! IN THE HEAD! IN THE HEAD!!
HOLY MOTHER-!!!!
HAHHAHAHHAHA, THAT'S GOTTA HURT!
Maam, I'm going to have to arrest you for physically assaulting someone.

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
GIMME YOUR GOD DAMN-
5 minutes later
You don't happen to be gay do you sir?

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
I'M POOOOR
Really?
I thought you were just one of those homeless fat guys.
Give me your wallet and I won't beat your head into the ground.

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
Ok, let's make the rules clear, I make you fabulously rich, if you jump off the top of this building and survive.
What if I die?
Everyone throws a big party and orders fireworks and a huge amount of party foods. And then Everyone gathers around your body and throws an egnited match on it while dancing around you screaming:
"Spill the blood of the cold hearted worm, spill the blood of the cold hearted worm"

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
Ok, well think of it this way Frank...
You will most likely fall to the ground and crush every organ inside your body along with some bones...
Ok, don't think of it that way.

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
Waaaaaaaaaaa
Waaaaaa
Waaaaaaaa

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
I still don't understand how you did that. Ok, seeming I made a deal I have to make you fabulously rich.
HAHAHAHAHA! THE MIDGET LOOKS LIKE A FAT GOAT!

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
Haha! You're dead!

 

by Beeko180
4-28-09
You don't happen to have some red keys that belong to an extremely expensive sports car do you?
You're not gettin' em.

 

by Beeko180
4-29-09
Captain, the aliens will be here any minute and my gun won't work.
That's because I replaced it with the the TV remote.
Why the hell would you do that?
Spock said he'd give me fifty bucks if you suddenly fell on the ground and layed there in a motionless fit.
OH MY DEAR GOD!!!!
Sorry, I accidentally activated the taser.

 

by Beeko180
4-29-09
What the hell is that?
A giant pile of muffins.
You carry around a pile of muffins for what reason?
Don't judge me.

 

by Beeko180
4-29-09
And you dress like that every day for what reason, exactly?
Shut up or I shove this stick up the tunnel of no returns.
Make me.
HOLY HELL, RUN!!!

Showing page 34.

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