All comics by 0401040

Profile

 

by 0401040
9-23-06
So I said to him, "you'd better recognise..."
And...
Shut the fuck up.

 

by 0401040
9-23-06
So, what are you playing?
Excuse me? Who are you?
It's me. Your "buddy". John or whatever.
My "buddy" John died in Iraq.
He sure did. Speaking of which, have you ever considered following in his footsteps with a career in the armed forces?

 

by 0401040
9-26-06
I'm not interested in joining the army, so please fuck off.
Okay.
Hours later...
I said fuck off.
You do realise this is my bedroom don't you?

 

by 0401040
9-26-06
Man, John has been acting like a real idiot since he got back from Iraq.
Jon?
You know, John.
No I don't.
With an H?
Oh wait, John? Oh of course I know John.

 

by 0401040
9-26-06
Yeah I know you just got back from Iraq, you don't have to keep going on and on and on and on about it.
So what did you guys get up to while I was gone?
I bought a hat.
It looks the same as the old one.
Not this one.
Oh, okay.

 

by 0401040
9-28-06
So what brings you to my room?
We need to talk John.
May I ask why?
We don't like you living here anymore. You're too polite.
Well, fuck you then. If it's not too much bother.
It is too much bother John. Now get out.

 

by 0401040
9-28-06
Goodbye, John.
So now I'm homeless.
Well, time for some waffles.

 

by 0401040
9-28-06
So John left?
Yes he did.
That be awesome.
It sure be that, ho har.
Ho har indeed me-jingo.
Fa-la-fa, fa-lolly, do-lolly, rol rol rolly ho har hum.

 

by 0401040
9-28-06
So, how does it feel to be homeless?
It fucking sucks.
What?
And fuck you, you dickhead. You didn't stick up for me at all. After ten fucking years as your best friend.
Woah, calm down John.
How dare you drag me here to ask me that. I was there for you when your Uncle died. Remember that, you ungrateful little shit?

 

by 0401040
9-29-06
John has really lost it now.
What happened?
He told me to go fuck myself, and then he stood on the bar and pissed into my glass.
Wow.
Only it wasn't my glass. It was some woman's glass, and her husband dragged him off the bar and beat the shit out of him.
That is so awesome that I just ejaculated.

 

by 0401040
9-30-06
So, basically, he's not too happy about being kicked out of the house.
So what do you want me to do about it?
Could you possibly send him a virus or something?
Is he a robot?
No.
Then fuck off.

 

by 0401040
9-30-06
It's no good, apparently he can only send a computer virus to a computer.
Well why doesn't he just send it to his computer?
Because his computer is in his old room.
And?
Well, we kicked him out of the house.
Kicked who out of what house?

 

by 0401040
9-30-06
We came up with a better idea.
I'm listening.
Could you hack into his bank account?
Actually no, I'm still trying to get Knoppix to install on my eighth partition, but apparently it has some conflict with SUSE on the sixth.
Why the hell are you installing so many Linuxes?
Because I'm a geek, now fuck off.

 

by 0401040
10-03-06
We should really go on a holiday or something because this place sucks.
Are you kidding? This place rules!
It's full of angry drunken yobs, idiot students, the streets are dirty, the air tastes like refuse, the river is the same colour as gravy.
There's only one nice green space, it's noisy, the topography is extremely dull, there are vast ugly wastelands everywhere.
Well yeah, but it's still totally awesome.

 

by 0401040
10-03-06
What's so great about this place then?
Out here, you are free of the tyranny of electricity. You are disconnected from the horrible commercially driven machine that is modern life.
This is what the world was like before everything went digital.
I want the internet back.
That's because you're a complete fucking idiot.

 

by 0401040
10-06-06
So that's my story. Can I live here then?
No.
SLAM!
And fuck off.

 

by 0401040
10-06-06
Hey Bakerton.
Wot up, my nigger?
Oh nothing, just chilling.
Word. That shit is the bomb, chicky-chicky-kaibosh. Hey, word on the street says you kicked John out yo crib.
Indeed we did.
You is such a playa, boy! Gimme some skin, meeow!

 

by 0401040
10-06-06
Can I help you?
Yes, I'm looking for a new hat.
We don't have any.
Oh.

 

by 0401040
10-12-06
Theoretically keeping puppies and the pedigree.
Small fetus brought Santa Claus to greet us.
Rappers know I'm equipped with Clorox and chemicals that would burn off your lip.
Intestines, investments hide, money in your stomach.
Who could stop Pepto-Bismol? Only a Gremlin eating in Larry Parker like Gizmo.
As Doctor Octagonecologyst, girls open legs for beer kegs, french toast and herbs were covered with giant eggs.

 

by 0401040
10-13-06
Excuse me, do you happen to know somewhere I could sleep?
Sure, you could come and sleep in my warren.
I doubt I'd fit into your hole.
Get the fuck out of my forest.

 

by 0401040
10-13-06
I'm looking for a jacket.
What colour would you like sir?
Bropular.
You made that colour up.

 

by 0401040
10-13-06
Hello.
What can I get you sir?
How about the 250,000 square kilometers of the Amazon rainforest you've torn down in the past five years to raise your cheap cattle?
Would you like fries with that?

 

by 0401040
10-14-06
This would be your room. Don't worry, John won't be coming back. We changed the locks.
What laundry facilities do you have?
We have a mangle and a hose.
Any soap?
Any what?

 

by 0401040
10-14-06
Well, this is the bathroom.
I notice that you don't have a bath.
So?
So is it really a bathroom if you don't have a bath?
Shut the fuck up.

 

by 0401040
10-14-06
So, basically, I don't have anywhere to stay.
So what do you want me to do about it?
Can I stay here?
No. Fuck off.

 

by 0401040
10-22-06
Say Grandpa, you wouldn't happen to have a boat or a helicopter somewhere on this island would you?
You'll have to speak up sonny, I'm a little bit deaf.
Never mind.
No, I was never officially ordained, although I did qualify.
The sea is pretty blue.
12.30-1.30 as far as I remember, but I don't think they do bacon rolls after breakfast.

 

by 0401040
10-24-06
So, enjoying the house?
Yeah, it's pretty nice.
We're heading out later to throw eggs at old people.
Why?
Because it's Throw Eggs at Old People Day.
No you idiot, that was last tuesday.

 

by 0401040
10-25-06
What's going on?
I'm on the school message board telling parents not to use IE and to get Firefox.
You know, the new IE has everything Firefox has, and in recent months Firefox has had more critical security issues than IE6.
Sob.

 

by 0401040
10-29-06
I'd like to buy some socks.
If you don't leave, I'm going to punch you in the testicles.

 

by 0401040
10-30-06
You can't move back in, we already let your room out.
To who?
A duck.
to be continued...

 

by 0401040
10-30-06
... continued
Fuck.

 

by 0401040
11-05-06
Ambugaton!
'_'
'_'
'_'
'_'

 

by 0401040
11-09-06
So, where have you been? It's nearly 1.00 already.
Sorry, I slept in. I had a really strange dream.
John has filed a lawsuit against us.
Hello?
I'm speechless.

 

by 0401040
11-11-06
John, please don't sue us...
Too late fuckbeard.
What's gotten into you lately John?
Why don't you shut your goddamn mouth, and take that hat, and piss in it, and then put it back on your head, and do a dance, or something?
I think you've had too much to drink, John.
And I think you've had too much fucking whatever fucking shit cock. WANKERS!

 

by 0401040
11-11-06
I'm looking for a t-shirt that says "There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."
Click!
AAAAARRRGHHH!
Click!
It's what God would have wanted.

 

by 0401040
11-12-06
So what are you going to do about this situation?
I don't really know, every lawyer I've talked to says we're fucked.
That's a real shame. You could end up getting kicked out of the house.
Of course, I'm not involved, but I imagine that's pretty scary.
Stop talking.

 

by 0401040
11-21-06
Yes I will take the case. However, I should inform you of something at this juncture.
Yes?
I'm a Cylon.
Shut the frak up...

 

by 0401040
11-24-06
Yo dog, what down? I'm just keepin' it fresh-chick-chick-check it out.
Oh, hey Bakerton. Have you seen John somewhere around here?
Shit, that bizzity-bizz-ass bitch dragged his sorry shit down this way, keepin' it real, motherfucker. Slidin' like a biz-wozzle up in his nig-na-noggin, few minsnizzles ago, pointo facto.
Ow, my brain.

 

by 0401040
11-29-06
We're basically fucked. I can't find any lawyers willing to defend us.
Then there's nothing left to do but pray to some god or another.
Thor? Zeus? Osiris? Ometotchtli?
Who was that last guy?
Ometotchtli, leader of the Centzon Totchtli, the four hundred Aztec rabbit gods of drunkenness.
Perfect!

 

by 0401040
12-10-06
So, we basically pray to this Ometotchtli guy, and it solves all our problems?
Well, no.
What?
Well, you can pray, but it won't change anything, it'll just make you feel better. Plus, this is a Christian Church, not an Aztec Temple.
What the fuck? This religion stuff is a real con.
In an unrelated matter, I accidentally just shit myself.

 

by 0401040
12-11-06
So, when does the trial start?
Ten.
What time is it now?
Nine.
So how many grapes do you think I can hold in my mouth at once?
Eight.

 

by 0401040
12-21-06
Tonight on channel 3 news...
Doctor Emery Footstool was released this afternoon following his acquittal in the High Court.
The Doctor was accused of murder, but was later found to have simply been involved in an accident involving a ketchup bottle.
An accident in which three people mysteriously died from blood loss resulting from wounds clearly caused by some kind of a saw.

 

by 0401040
12-21-06
Hi, could you tell me the way to the main... Hey wait, aren't you Doctor Footstool?
I sure am. My trial just finished.
I didn't realise that was today... Can I ask you a favour?
Does it involve sawing?
Yes.
Count me in.

 

by 0401040
12-21-06
By the way, I think I may have solved our little problem.
How?
Let's just leave it at that for now, shall we?
Oh no, it's something bad isn't it?
Bad and messy.

 

by 0401040
12-24-06
Hey, would you be interested in some free shoes?
Sure...
Follow me...
Okey dokey.........
Later...
Good god, that guy had a lot of blood.

 

by 0401040
12-26-06
So, I guess that plan was really bad.
And messy.
You are an absolute fucking cunt.

 

by 0401040
1-07-07
You are free to go sir.
What?
Yes, we recieved a confession from Doctor Footstool stating that your buddy told him to do it and that he had never seen you before in his life.
Don't leave me here all alone!
Fuck you. You deserve this.

 

by 0401040
1-07-07
Jeez, I can't believe John's actually dead.
Yo motherfucka I'm here, that's right!
Oh hey Bakerton, I take it you heard?
That John be dead? Yeah, that nigga be all about the "mmm I'm buried in a box" and shit.

 

by 0401040
1-14-07
I'm so alone.
You'll be happy to hear your new cellmate has arrived.
They let me bring my syringe!
Fuck.

 

by 0401040
1-14-07
Watch what you're doing with that thing.
Don't worry, I'm a professional.
Later.
Come on man, get up. It was an accident.

Showing page 4.

« Previous Next »