All comics by DJWeeman

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by DJWeeman
9-04-03
Hey, you guys wouldn't happen to have any pickles in here would you?
We're busy, one second.
You guys have been in there for a couple hours now. What are you doing?
Nothing, nothing at all. Don't come in.
Oh my gosh, you guys are smoking in there aren't you?
Yeah, yeah, smoking. Now go please.

 

by DJWeeman
9-04-03
Many hours later.
How's the party going guys?
There's only a few people left thanks to your absence.
What can I say.. I had some things to do. wink wink.
That's all fine, though I do reccomend your guests now.
Fair enough. Wait, a minute, you weren't invited. Go away now.
No one loves me. *sulks away*

 

by DJWeeman
9-04-03
Hey there John Wilkes Tooth. How about a game of a potato mash?
I don't know what you are, and I don't like it. I'm going to walk away now.
What's the matter Sampson, can't find the cup of cake?
Were you raped in the ear as a child or something.
I think someone woke up on the wrong flower bed.
I'm going to leave, and if I here one more word from you I'm going to hurt you.

 

by DJWeeman
9-04-03
Hi there sugar pop. I was just talking to Mean Joe Green.
I've never been called sugar pop before. Why does that turn me on?
You want to play twister with a can of corn?
I'd play twister with you.. you.. thing.
No need to sweet talk me melon muffin. I just made outs with Thunder cat.
If I knew what he meant I would be able to respond...

 

by DJWeeman
9-04-03
Whoa, whoa. Were you trying to hit on my ham hawk?
I thought it was... single.
What the hell, we got married a couple days ago. And you gave us a toaster.... Thanks by the way.
Oh yeah, you did huh?
*silence* Maybe you should go before I hurt you.
Yeah.. *walks away* Last time i flirt with a cow thing. They have defensive cigarettes.

 

by DJWeeman
9-04-03
A few moments later.
Well, looks like our guests have all left now.
I night well done. And alls quiet on the western bun.
Nothing really left to do...
I think I know who's going with this you Sky fox.
Want to get down and dirty?
Wow Della Reese, you read my mind like proffesor XL of the finatic fort.

 

by DJWeeman
9-06-03
Um, sorry about that getting frustrated with you thing. I just don't like losing at games.. to idiots..
It's fine Huber Stank. I keep my pain on the flipside.
So, umm, we're still friends right?
You bent. Just like on Mr.Rogers hood.
Good to know. I'll be going now.
Don't forget to write Mr.Clemens. I get lonely on those long easter nights.

 

by DJWeeman
9-06-03
Meanwhile:
Umm, what are you still doing at my house?
I was looking for that sexy thing with the big lips.
I thought you left with Captain Pickle.
No, he went into the bathroom with a plunger and I haven't seen him since.
I think he's on to us.
Is the cost clear?

 

by DJWeeman
9-06-03
What were they doing in there?
I'm a wall, why the hell are you asking me?
I guess I might as well step inside.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Oh my gosh. What is that? It smells familiar, and looks like toothpaste or something.
Oh no.

 

by DJWeeman
9-06-03
Captain Pickle, what did you do to my bathroom?
Excuse a man for marking his territory, in a sexy way.
What was that on my toilet seat?
Would you believe me if I said it was man-aise?
Whatever it was, it tasted like salt water or something.
Salty water, but thicker my friend. Thats my kind of eating.

 

by DJWeeman
9-13-03
DJ, do you know what that stuff was on my seat?
You're married, you should reckognize it.
It's part of being married?
Yes, yes it is.
What am I supposed to do with it?
That would take a while to answer...

 

by DJWeeman
9-13-03
Guess what Kurt Franklin, I just found the happy meal.
Where the hell did you come from?
I was in the in house, and found the dressing of the salmon salad.
Oh no...
Tasted like mom's apple pie on a cool winters noon.
It's ironic, yet still I'm sickened.

 

by DJWeeman
9-13-03
Are you the one that left the bread of life, Anix Chrisp?
If thats what you want to call it my four legged friend, then si.
It was like sauce berry steak, and warmed all fourteen stomachs.
Oh I know the feeling you fiesty fajita feaster.
I think it came from the rubix tube, though I can't check them like the ice.
I know where you're going with this, and I'm way ahead of ya.

 

by DJWeeman
9-13-03
Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you doing with my husband.. wife..?
Oh, yeah, just blame it all on me. The thing starts talking about my tubes and I'm supposed to stand there and take it?
You were talking about his tubes cow thing?
Sure not Smoking Joe, I just dropped the bunker buster and he started flipping the lip.
See, it never did a thing!
Everytime something sexual goes on around here they have to get all emotional, catching me red handed.

 

by DJWeeman
9-16-03
I just realized something. Am I the only girl around here?
No, I'm here too.
It's like, i'm the only one that can understand the wants and concerns of ladies.
Obviously I can't...
I'm going to go find another girl to talk to.
I really should leave.

 

by DJWeeman
9-16-03
Hi there, what's your name?
I'm Kristy. And i like boys.
Oh wow, me too! Want to be best friends?
If you hook me up with rediculous amounts of boyfriends to go through one per day.
Sounds like fun. Lets trade phone numbers and are whole life until now.
I thought you'd never ask.

 

by DJWeeman
9-16-03
Guess what? I found the greatest girl ever.
Somehow I doubt it.
It's true. Her name is Kristy. She likes guys a lot, and talking on the phone.
Geez, sounds so special and different then other girls.
I'm going to go give her a call. It's been fifteen minutes since we last talked and something might have happened.
That scares me.

 

by DJWeeman
9-16-03
Oh my gosh, you will not believe who I'm going out with now. He is so cute Sabrina you have no idea.
Does he look like Frasier?
Nope, even better. Meet Sampson.
You call me Sugar beat? When danger calls I'll be there in a hair.
Cow thing, what are you doing here?
Don't spoil the action. The fun is catching a mouse trap.

 

by DJWeeman
9-16-03
Honey, I have serious news. Sabrina said you we're cheating.
That test was hard Cutbert, it's a good thing I brought my thinking cap.
Are you dating some hooker on the side?
I never hooked a book in my life Lambert Lion, don't you worry. But if you see one let me know.
We need to be honest in our relationship you know.
Just call me Honest Ape and cut my cherry tree.

 

by DJWeeman
9-18-03
I'm sorry cow thing, I'm dating someone else.
I'm not that apple in your eye any more Tassel?
I founder someone bigger down below the street, so I'm with him.
Doesn't sound like true loves to me Misty.
Meet Johnny Boy. I love him and want to marry him.
I'm really not sure why I'm here.

 

by DJWeeman
9-18-03
We've been together for a day now. I think its about time you proposed.
Doesn't that seem a bit fast?
Well, if you love me you'll do it.
That sure sounds loving.
I love you too much for you to say no.
I don't think she's going to handle me being gay too well.

 

by DJWeeman
9-18-03
It's so great to have you back my little house cow.
I'm domesticated and missapropriated.
You might get around, and not love me, but at least you're here.
Truer words we're never said, Hancock.
Come on over here and give me some sugar.
Those are words I know by hearts.

 

by DJWeeman
9-18-03
You know what I realized?
You're a bisexual loser?
Not that. That cow thing is taking all our lime light.
It's true. Should we kill it?
Nah, how about we hog tie it and slap it with pickles?
Now you're talking.

 

by DJWeeman
9-18-03
Oh my gosh, what happened to you?
A gang of bandits raped my home and stole my blessings.
I swear to go if they touched you..
Only in my special unknowns.
Should I call the police?
They're worse then the peoples who grab me.

 

by DJWeeman
9-18-03
So, what exactly did they do?
I was cow tied and led to water. Then the bats came down like lengthy loins.
You know, its going to cost you 300 dollars just for us showing up here. You might as well make sense?
Aren't the tax payers taking your breaks?
People pay for me. Then I make them pay me, again. Even victems.
Makes perfect sense to me Office Dog. I'm just clearing my goods name.

 

by DJWeeman
9-20-03
Doesn't seem a lot left to do here sir. And with rapes being at an all time high in these parts, after allready being rediculously high, I really don't care.
But, that was my husband.. wife.. they raped!
If it was a person I might care. Whatever it is now, I don't care. I got to be heading out though, we got another call from the little indian girl.
What should we do till you get back?
Get back... yeah.. why dont you play scrabble?
I love scrabble! I'll do it.

 

by DJWeeman
9-20-03
Well, think you're going to survive my salsa dumpling?
Sure thing Corneo Flat, I'm back on my whole two feet again.
Until the officer gets back we're supposed to play Scrabble though.
I always loved Grapple. I'm going for the charlie horse this time.
It's fine with me at least. We played lots of board games when we were dating.
You can say that again Tessie. We played so many I owned the board walk.

 

by DJWeeman
9-20-03
Well, now that the cow thing has been deal with me might get a little more air time, what do you say demon?
You can say that again.
Should we do some funny prank, or possibly scare small children?
That's okay, I'm a bit preoccupied these days now. I got a girlfriend now.
..the hell... who?
It's not nice to cuss. Especially to my boyfriend you meanie.

 

by DJWeeman
9-20-03
Want to go to the store.. or um.. fashion.. designers. Wherever it is young girls wanting to get action go to.
Wow, I never had anyone actually ask me out on a date before. Normally they just push me into a dumpster and have their way with me.
Well, that's what I do normally too, I was just trying to sound kind of like a gentleman.
That's sexy. Let's do it.
Nice. This is the easiest girl I've ever met.
We haven't done it and its been a whole 5 minutes. I'm going to date someone else.

 

by DJWeeman
9-20-03
Geez, that was funky, I hope she was joking.
Hi Demon. I just wanted to let you know that now I think you're fat. And dumb.. and have a small penis.
If it wasn't for the penis part then I could manage.
Still, you can meet my new boyfriend. He's hot, and named Chris.
Should I really care?
I don't know what I'm doing here. Or why she gave me this cigarette when I have no way of taking it out of my mouth. Help me please.

 

by DJWeeman
9-20-03
So you're her new boyfriend huh?
Yeah, I guess so.
What's it like dating an odd skank?
It's comforting to know she'll probably have found someone new by the end of the week. Goes through guys like clean underwear.
Makes sense. I change my underwear about once a week too.
That's just wrong.

 

by DJWeeman
9-23-03
Oh, Chris, I was wondering something.
What's that?
Have you met the cow things wife...husband yet?
Nah, I suppose I should.
A little later:
Hi there.
What the hell are you doing to my brother? Murderer!!

 

by DJWeeman
9-23-03
How would you feel if someone was just sucking away on you, huh?
Do you really want me to answer that question?
Just puffing away on my friend like its some worthless rolled plant. It's aweful.
I wish they were worthless. The carton was 30 bucks.
Wait a minute, you're smoking a match.
Hmm, I wondered why they burned so fast. And tasted like wood..

 

by DJWeeman
9-23-03
Hey babe, how you doing?
I'm not talking to you anymore.
What'd I do?
I don't know. Good question. But anyhow, I have a new boyfriend. And now I'm going to go tell others you have a small penis.
You wouldn't even know if I did.
If they know they'll think we did. And beside, we were together too long anyways.

 

by DJWeeman
9-23-03
I got rid of my old boyfriend love. Aren't you happy?
You bet. Sure looks like I'm happy to me.
Now do we run away and make out or something?
Why should we run away? This is my house.
Oh, yeah. I'm used to guys with no houses, or money. We'd just roll around in bushes. That's what the bandage is from.
I say thats enough talking for today my little skank. Now give me some loving.

 

by DJWeeman
9-24-03
Well, it's great. Kristy gets boyfriends, the cow thing gets a husband.. wife. What the hell do I get?
Doomed to a life of singleness and large amounts of internet time.
I'm here.
I meant a girlfriend.
Oh, I guess that means no then.

 

by DJWeeman
9-24-03
I'll rephrase that I guess. I can get no one by gay guys.
Maybe I should try singles bars or something.
Don't worry Cotton Top, I'm here to help you when your lows are feeling.
You're married. And you're a cow thing.
It's okay Daliah, I won't tell anyone your special secrets.

 

by DJWeeman
9-24-03
This is helpless, all I can get is odd things.
What about me?
I don't know what to hell you are, but get out of my comic.
I'm a man.
You're the gayest thing on Gods green earth, now get out of here before I slap you.
Well, someones a meanie.

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
Demon, we got a problem.
Did the cow thing eat someones underwear again?
Not this time. We got another idiot in our comic.
Oh no. What is it?
I'm a man.
Wow that's gay.

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
A Few Moments Later:
And so I said to that waiter, you get a life man!
You really creamed his crop Hanson.
I'm telling you, I totally showed him whos boss!
Someones knocking on my cherry tree Thomas.
Hello?
I'm a man!

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
What are you doing in my house?
Food samples!!
Cow thing, is this a friend of yours?
You bet Rocky Top. That's Pablo from the fountains of you.
How you doing my bean drippings?
Grand!

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
You been on the high lows my green go?
Slam!
It's been mini moons since we last mate.
Sure!
Did someone hit you upside the head too many times or something?
Correct!!

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
Can the puppy have the house bed Trolly?
Oh, I can't say no to you. Fine, Pablo can stay with us.
This is the happiest life of my day.
It'll be like part of five! But, we have three people. Three things..
Make yourself at home Jungle Splat. We're twisting our way through Sunday.
Pores!

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
Hey guys, whats shaking?
Hey Sabrina, we're just hanging out and having a party.
The cow thing told me you guys have a new hot guy hanging out here.
We have some sort of finger puppet thing if that counts.
Hi there honey.
Greets!

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
Hi cig, I dropped by to pick up some cigarettes from you.
Glad you dropped by DJ. Meet our new house guest!
Oh good lord, it's you.
Passive!
I was really starting to think the cow thing would be the dumbest thing I meet too.
Table... tops?

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
You want to go out?
Placid!
Well, I'm taking that as a yes.
Tanked!
So, um... want to make out?
Oh no!

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
You know, Cigarette thing, we've been known for a lot of mistakes here in this comic.
You got that right.
Sadly enough, a lot of them have been mine. And theres a lot of bad relationships here too.
Oh yeah, tons of those.
But when the crap did your home end up this stream bed?
Umm... we moved?

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
I figured out the solution to all our problems.
A massive orgy?
That's plan B.
At least it's an option.
But I was thinking we kick everyone out of the comic with an IQ lower then 70.
It's a good thought, but you do realize that would make all the women we know leave. Except the indian girl, but you scared her away.

 

by DJWeeman
9-30-03
I know what to do.
What's that?
A plan so clever no one else would ever understand it.
Sounds good.
A few moments later:
You, fat idiot. Get out of here.
I guess it's my time to shine.

 

by DJWeeman
10-01-03
Well Popper Shaman, looks like we've lost our tour bus.
Chrome!
Maybe me can move to Missouri, where the mice are free and chitlens swim in gravy.
Neat!
The smoking bunt can drive our tram stapler.
Pleasure!

Showing page 4.

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