All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
6-14-05
Roses are Red, Violets are blue...
Boo! You suck!
Animals feel pain...
Get off the stage!
...and so do YOU!
Yipe!

 

by HCRoyall
6-14-05
We need to keep the noise down, Butch. The landlord left us a warning letter on the door.
Was it the screaming? I can gag the guy next time.
No, I don't think that's it.
Well, it can't be the chainsaw, because I only use that in one room, and that's soundproofed.
Apparently there's too much thumping on the stairs.
I told you it was better to walk to the door in your socks, but noooo...

 

by HCRoyall
6-14-05
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
Tell me of your deeds, my son.
Well, you might want to go to the bathroom now, because this might take a while...

 

by HCRoyall
6-14-05
Are you enjoying yourself, sir?
Actually, no. I seem to have booked a gay cruise by mistake.
What did you expect from a name like "Tossed Salad Cruise Lines"?
I'm going to kill my travel agent. "Lots of fun" my ass!
Careful what you say around here, sir. You don't want someone getting the wrong idea...

 

by HCRoyall
6-14-05
Guess my name and I'll grant your wish!
Bob? Frank? Larry Jo? Herman?
No, keep trying.
Bartley? Heimdall? Fruaschwitz? Gibbledorf?
Nope, not even close!
You know what? My wish changed, and suddenly I don't need to guess your name for it to come true...

 

by HCRoyall
6-14-05
Not to seem ultra-Conservative, since I'm not, but I don't see why the issue of torturing prisoners is such a big deal.
I won't argue that it's "inhumane", but so is refusing people the right to die if they're terminally ill and in pain.
Granted, most people I meet don't beg for death for at least a few hours, but that's beside the point...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Clown...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Where the fuck are you going, you little shit?!
Jus' goin' over to Bobby's...
Did I tell you you were allowed to go anywhere, fucker? Did I? DID I?! GET THE FUCK BACK IN HERE!! I'M NOT TOO DRUNK TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCK!!
Looking back, I guess my relationship with my mother wasn't that great.

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Nothing over here.
Nothing here either.
Are you sure you buried the guy here?
I think so. Or did I bury that judge here...?
What I really want to know is why you buried the winning lotto ticket with him instead of looting it from his corpse...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
You are Butch, correct?
Can I help you?
Yes, I represent one Lucifer B. Satan, and I am here to inform you that you are in violation of the contract you signed with Hell.
I didn't sign anything.
I t was a verbal agreement signed in proxy. As a settlement for visiting places of Christian worship you are obligated to surrender possession of your immortal soul.
I've got a settlement for you right here...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Threatening me will not work, Butch...
Who said I was threatening you?
That guy looked like the Devil, Butch...
Satan, Lawyers... Aren't they all the same anyway?

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
What a wonderful evening, Jim. I'll call you soon...
I doubt that.
Why do you think I won't call you?
Call it a hunch.

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Excuse me dear sir, I seem to be lost. Could I bother you for some directions?
Damn roaches...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Howdy, Y'all! This here's yer prez-uh-dent, Gee Dubya. Ah jes wanted t' let y'all know I'm comin' down hard on crime! No more violent crime!
'Cept for the assault, detaining, torture, and possible murder of suspected terrorists, 'course.
*sigh* Time to go to Washington...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
And next I want you to invade China, because they're Godless Communists and therefore aren't really people.
Okay Jesus. Ummm, before I go, how cum you's always dressed like yer Satan or sumthin'?
Ah, er... It's a disguise, George. You're the only one allowed to know who I really am.
Oh! That makes sense, since Ah'm the prez-uh-dent and ever'thing. Later, Jesus!
Meanwhile...
Man, the Secret Service is really hurting for people nowadays...
Gborltz...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
So next we're gonna invade China, 'cause Communists aren't really people so it's okay.
Right-o sir.
Now Ah'm off ta play sum more golf at Camp David.
You're Dick Cheney, huh? You look a lot different on TV.
It's all makeup and camera angles.

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Sir! There's been an intruder spotted on the grounds and--- You!
Jeebus H. Christ...
Go away you ridiculous freak of nature!!
Sorry about that. Now as I was saying about this Crime issue...
Hold that thought. I think we might be able to make a deal...

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
So you're saying I can get complete government sanction to murder whoever I want so long as I do the occasional torture on the side for you?
That's about it.
I dunno. It sounds tempting, but...
I'll throw in full health and dental...
Ah, what the Heck.
Good! Your plane leaves for Syria in two weeks!

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-05
Hey, you're back. Did you get everything settled?
Yeah, I've got nothing to worry about now.
Did you have to kill the Prez to do it?
I never even saw him. Cheney turned out to be a quite a character, though.
You sold out and became a government stooge, didn't you?
You always make everything sound so negative...

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
How's it going, Jim?
I can't complain.
Monica and I have been wanting to meet your roommate, though. He can't really be as antisocial as you say.
You both should be meeting him soon, actually.
Really? When can we expect him?
I've already said too much.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Lookin' for somthin'?
Yes, actually...
$50 and I'm all yours.
I like it a little... violent...
That's $300 up front, then.
Why not? I'll get it back when I'm through, anyway.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
What the hell are you supposed to be?
TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU!!
Yeah. And how're you gonna do that, pray tell?
Puny fleshbag dares to mock Tobor?
I'm just asking how you're gonna cornhole someone without something to cornhole WITH.
Tobor realizes he has appointment for oil change...

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Mommy, where do babies come from?
Well, honey... It starts with an egg from the mommy and sperm from the daddy...
while the egg is inside mommy's tummy the sperm feritlizes the egg and the egg grows into a baby.
But how does the sperm get inside the mommy's tummy? Does the mommy swallow it?
If the mommy wants a new cocktail dress, she does.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
You're insane! A madman!
Yeah, whatever. Heard it all before. Can't somebody just go quietly for once?
Well, since I'm going to die anyway, I have to admit...
I like the theme you've got going...
Thanks! It's literally murder to keep fresh entrails all over the place.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Butch...
What? Didn't I just kill you?
Yes, but I have risen again and become something greater...
But I already spent an hour and a half digging a hole to put you in...
Before I leave to usher humanity into a new era of peace and goodwill, I wanted to thank you for the part you played, Butch.
Oh, no. I'm not digging a perfectly good grave just to let it go to waste!

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
You remember that time I went hiking with a date, and you followed us and triggered a landslide to kill her?
Yeah, what about it?
Well, not to complain or anything, but...
Would it have been too much to ask to wait until after I got me some?

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
That should do it...
Hey Jim. Wanna go get some lunch?
What are you doing here, Butch? I thought it was dangerous for you to be out in the open.
Yeah, well. You can't exact vigilante justice with a high powered rifle if you don't have fingers, now can you?
True enough. There's a great chinese place down the street; I'll buy.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Don't ask.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Butch, it's over between us. I'm moving to San Francisco with my lover Sandy to start a new life. Do me a favor and stay out of it.
And I think that was when I really started hating women...

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Isn't that sunset lovely, Karen?
Oh, yes, John. It simply beau---
What was that dear? I didn't hear you. Karen?
Ah fuck...

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
So then I said, "I'll spend my Welfare check on whatever I WANT, bitch!"
Hey, look over there! A hundred-dollar bill!
Whoa!
This'll teach you to be a drain on society!
I don't see anything... mebbe itsh too far away...

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
So when I heard parents on Welfare were getting an extra hundred dollars per kid, I knew I had to get pregnant again. That will help us pay off our big screen TV.
Big Screen TV, eh? I bet the DVD player and stereo system payments don't help either.
I know! It's so hard to afford the things we need.
Yeah, who cares that your kids have to wear duct taped shoes and ill-fitting hand-me-downs while eating potted meat and discount canned vegetables.
I don't have to take this from you! You don't know how it is!
But I know how it should be...

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-05
Then I woke up.
And I thought I was crazy...

 

by HCRoyall
6-17-05
You killed mandingo just because he was funnier than you?
I have inferiority issues.

 

by HCRoyall
6-17-05
You think it's safe here?
Sure! Nobody owns this place!
oooh!
Oh yeah, baby!
Yes! YES!
Dammit. This always happens just as I finally clean up the last patch of blood and entrails.

 

by HCRoyall
6-18-05
All right. How much will it cost me?
Well, it's gonna be $300 to repair the damage to your drains...
...and another $500 to keep me quiet about the body hidden under the sink.
::sigh::

 

by HCRoyall
6-20-05
Making an unfunny comic with the Nail-In-Head Guy.

 

by HCRoyall
6-20-05
If everyone had just listened to us and embraced the concept of brotherly love this wouldn't have happened.
This happened because we listened to you freaks and destroyed all of our weapons and efense systems.
But...
Then, when some nuts came out with a huge store of bombs they'd kept hidden, we didn't have any way to defend ourselves or prevent this carnage.
Excuses, excuses. You people never want to accept that you could be wrong, so you always blame us for whatever goes wrong, and... hey, what're you doing?
We both know how this argument is going to end. I'm just cutting to the chase.

 

by HCRoyall
6-20-05
Who are you and what are you doing in my house?
I'm renting out the apartment above you. I just came by to say hello and introduce myself.
I have to say I like the decor in here. You've got a nice thing going and...
What?

 

by HCRoyall
6-20-05
blahblahblahblah. blahblahblahblahblah...
GAWD! This is the single worst date Ive ever been on, and Butch had to decide NOT to follow me around this time...
Blahblahblahblah? Blahblahblahblah. Blahblahblahblahblah,
I've got to get out of here somehow. What would Butch do?
Blablahblahblahblah...
Oh, yeah. Silly me...

 

by HCRoyall
6-21-05
If I knew Episode 3 was that violent I would have seen it on opening day!
Why'd it take you so long to see the new Star Wars?
Well, to tell the truth...
I kept forgetting that the projectors don't work if they're soaked in blood.
This is why you need to learn how to Force Choke people.

 

by HCRoyall
6-21-05
So you donated to StripCreator, huh?
Yeah, I should have access to the extra features in a couple of days.
It doesn't affect the quality of your comics at all?
Nope. I'll even be able to delete all the really bad ones.
Isn't that all of them?

 

by HCRoyall
6-21-05
So I said, "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha Ha!
What the fuck was he talking about?
I've been asking that for years.

 

by HCRoyall
6-21-05
Jim? Where'd this donkey come from?
I like green. Grass is green, and I like to eat grass. Sometimes the grass tries to eat me.
What?
I was eaten by a whale once. Then by a flea. Fleas like to tapdance, you know.
For the first time in my life I'm going to commit a murder that no one would ever convict me for...
Tapdancing fleas are almost as fun as gorilla ballerinas. My mother is a gorilla, but only when she's not a sloth.

 

by HCRoyall
6-22-05
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!
Aaaaiiieeeeee!!
Wow. You really like Drowning Pool, huh?
Who?

 

by HCRoyall
6-22-05
So you can make one- and two-panel comics now?
Yep.
Why haven't you abused this power yet?
Well, it's a bit complicated, but the reason is...

 

Anything that combines Tobor and a Little Asian Girl
by HCRoyall, 6-22-05

 

Deadly Sin #27: Anal Retentiveness
I asked for the ketchup to be in lines perpendicular to the grill marks and five pickles connected by mustard lines in a star shape, not a pentagon!
by HCRoyall, 6-22-05

 

Deadly Sin #432: Catholicism
by HCRoyall, 6-22-05

 

Deadly Sin # 82: Urinating off your porch onto a midget
There we go...
What the fuck?!
by HCRoyall, 6-22-05

Showing page 4.

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