All comics by JonProctor

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by JonProctor
8-04-05
A long time ago............
This ice cream tastes like shit!
Mind your language, Butch!
Present time, Butch is delivering gay items................
Here's your box of cigarettes, Pimpo. How's your marriage going?
Very good, Butch. How's your life going? There must be something wrong 'cause your shaking.
It's my past.
Very nice. Very nice...........

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
Hah, the old house. This brings back memories.
What the--!
You picked the wrong house, asshole!
Cut the shite, Kirk. It's your brother, Butch.
Damn, you look fat!

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
I wanna know what happened to mom and dad!
Dad's over here and mom's in jail. She got done for skating in a local place.
Dad?
I don't want you to see me. I'll change. That's why they keep me chained to a wall. I lov--
I'm coming for you!!!

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
In my lifetime, I've shagged a lot of chicks.
Were they hot!
What do you expect. They were the spawn of chickens!
Dude, that's grose. I think I'll just stpe out into the battlefield.
Welcoming party at home............
He's dead!!

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
Just a stupid, gay normal day. I wish something good would happen to me.
*sniff*
Hi, Mr Squirrel. You're the best thing that happened to me today.
Did I do that?

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
That actually felt good. You know, killing! I should do this more often. Huh? Good idea!
Yo. My mother kicked me out again.
Fucker!
Help! Fuck you, Gabe!
A new Gabe is born.
Hi.

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
I need a new look so they don't know that it's me!
Isn't that Jeremy's skin and clothing there?!
Nah.
Absolutely not!!
COOL!!
Pyroman!

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
Who the fuck are you?!
I am your guide. My name is Mister Ass. I will guide you through being Pyroman. To the HeadQuarters!
Hello, I am the FUCKERTRON, your transporter. If you insult me or mess with me I will casterate you and shove your balls up your ass. After that I will make you be transported to a shitty place.
This place sucks!
I love flying!

 

by JonProctor
8-04-05
Jeremy is in the diary room
Hello Big Fucker!
Jeremy, you will be up for the public vote because of your attempt to set fire to the BF kitchen.
11:48. Jeremy has just left the diary room and has met up with Brian in the Gay Room.
What happend in there, Jeremy?
I'm up for the public vote because of my foiled attempt to set fire to the kitchen. Look at Butch. All he does is chat with Bret.
That's a nice shirt. Where'd you get it from?
I got it from Gayvill in Austin, Texas. It's a big shop saying Gayville on the roof.

 

by JonProctor
8-05-05
Yo, Skelter! What are we doing today?
I was thinking along the lines of getting to the top of JonProctor's profile.
Hmmmm. How will we do that?
We will murder all the characters! That will give me my skin back!
Let's do it!
Yo, we need a crue first. You know, a group of blood thirsty killers from my world.

 

by JonProctor
8-05-05
Where are we?
The dead HeadQuarters. This is my brother, Brainzo.
You look funny. Ha-ha-ha!
You asshole!
Oh.

 

by JonProctor
8-05-05
Skelter, what's wrong?
The spaceship is falling down to earth. The chance of survival is 1000 to 1.
This is what happened to Dave's back during the landing. It's gotta hurt.

 

by JonProctor
8-28-05
........I don't wanna hear it, Dave! You're fired!
Well, you and all of your men are gonna die. My army of the dead will kill you.
One hell-like hour later...........
Are you a member of Dave's army or mine?
Asta lavista........
...................baby!

 

by JonProctor
10-13-05
Whoa! My girlfriend is sending me pictures of her on tour with Carmen Electra in the porno buisness!
Let's see!
Pretty sweet, huh?
These are pictures of Ashton Kutcher in the first Punk'd episode. Your thick.

 

Penny for the homeless!
Bill, your thicker than I thought!
by JonProctor, 10-13-05

 

by JonProctor
10-26-05
Freddy, what the hell are you making?
Bogey Sponge. It's kinda nice, y' know. Wanna try?
A minute later......
Crap!

 

by JonProctor
10-26-05
A normal day at the mall. David is the easter bunny this year!
Hello.
Your a fatty and have serious body odor. Did I tell you that your a fatty?
President George Bush approaches David and David still thinks that the girl is still there......
I'll use this to kill that little bitch! HA HA HA!
Happy Easter, Mr Bun- -
A beheading later......
Oh, my gosh. I killed the fu(beep)ing president of U.S.A! I gotta get out of here.
That bunny killed Geroge W. Bush!

 

by JonProctor
10-26-05
Sir, what do I use this axe for?
I dunno. Killing people, chopping stuff. You name it.
Name it? I'll call it Chester.
Don't be sarcastic.
Sarcasti-who?
You wanna die?

 

by JonProctor
10-26-05
Dumb boy, get some more cats from that flaming building over there!
Go one then!
I have a good impression of a cat.
Let's see.
WOOF!!

 

by JonProctor
10-26-05
Please save my dog, sir.
I'll be back in exactly 1 minute.
It's just gone a minute. He'll be here any second.
2 hours later......
Is this your dog, sir?
Is this guy for real?

 

by JonProctor
10-26-05
2:00 AM......
I'll steal everything in his house. HA HA HA!
eek
......
......
Nice shirt.

 

by JonProctor
10-27-05
Why have you just slash me.
Ho, ho, ho, Bitch! Here's the bill.
SHIT!!!!!!

 

by JonProctor
10-28-05
At the ROCK arena in L.A......
Dude, it looks like a tough crowd out there.
I know. I don't know if I can do this.
Behind the cutain, it's an empty house......
Hurry up, guys. You're on in five minutes.
Yeah. Um.......yeah. It's an empty fucking house!

 

by JonProctor
10-28-05
The show starts......
*In my house, there's shit stains on the roof. It drips down to the floor, I have to clean it up.*
*Clean it up now!*
Are you looking for a bass player?
Yeah. Show us what you got.
......
You suck, motherfucker!

 

by JonProctor
11-05-05
Hey, Buzz. How do we get out of here? Our ship sunk and the plane crashed into Mount Shitlips.
Holy Shit, that's bad. You don't wanna leave in the FORD SHITZAR. It's......well, shit!
20 years later......
Well, Anna. We aren't gonna get out of here alive.
What will make it hard enough to die?
All this time, you've been talking to yourself because I don't exist! The only weird dude is Buzz Shiteyear!
Great! So I've married thin fucking air!

 

by JonProctor
11-25-05
Mr Jefferson had just entered the office whilst Doctor Wilson was making notes.
Hello, there. I'm Doctor Wilson. What seems to be the problem.
I keep getting spots on my chest. Is it serious?
Spots? On your chest? Your heart needs to be ripped out.
But they're only spots! Spot cream will do the trick.
Cancel all my other appointments, Debra.

 

by JonProctor
11-25-05
This will only hurt for a second, sir.
Thank god it's only a needle.
He throws away the needle and pulls out a saw. He then slashes the man's chest open.
How's that, bitch! Now to slice your heart into pieces and replace it with a tennis ball!
No! Anything but that!!!!
He rips his heart out and slices it into pieces and then replaces it with a tennis ball......
That was pretty easy.
Oh, my god!!

 

by JonProctor
11-25-05
This will only hurt for a second, sir.
Thank god it's only a needle.
He throws away the needle and pulls out a saw. He then slashes the man's chest open.
How's that, bitch! Now to slice your heart into pieces and replace it with a tennis ball!
No! Anything but that!!!!
He rips his heart out and slices it into pieces and then replaces it with a tennis ball......
That was pretty easy.
Oh, my god!!

 

by JonProctor
1-05-06
Hello, my name is Mick. I think your good-looking.........
Thank you. I haven't seen you around here before.
I've just been released from that place that's worse than hell.... a prison..... I think. Is that right? I dunno.
Really? Why were you sent there?
I burnt this bar down four years ago. Ashes to ashes, dust to pust......I mean, Dust. Hehe.

 

by JonProctor
1-05-06
It was a peaceful day and Brian was in the lounge with his wife......
Honey, Dylan is out of control. He called me a worthless piece of shit that wanks over Brad Pitt movies...and I don't do that!
Brian, I don't think that this marriage is working out. You were shagging a moose last night at Wackerfield farm!
Who the fuck said that?!
Mick. Mick is a gentleman and I believe every single word he says now.
That guy is dead!
Asshole.

 

by JonProctor
1-05-06
Oh, hi, Brian. How's it moing...going?
Me and you right here right now!
No, Brian. I'm not gay. Oh, how's your mom?
My mom died years ago you fucking spacker!!
Spacker!!
Call 911!!

 

by JonProctor
3-17-06
Yo, Benny. I am dying to have a pee.
Hold it, man.
No, man. I really need to go.
No, Juda. You know I'm allergic to urine.
Glad to get that out.
Help!!

 

by JonProctor
7-29-06
Hello, there. My name is Satan--I mean Doctor Jones. I am going to get rid of a wart on yourchest.
Okay. I smell,too. Hahaha.
There's the first slice. Now I just need to remove your limps and shove them up your anus.
That wasn't mentioned in the leafet!
I think we're about done, now.
My Leg is up my ass!!!

 

by JonProctor
8-10-09
Rorschach's Journal, 10th August 2009. Anus smells of raw shit. Not nice. Spoke to homeless guy today. Wasn't fun.
Hey, aren't you that Rorschach guy?
WHERE'S THAT LITTLE GIRL??!!!!!!!!
Just leave it, Rorschach! He's not worth it!
OH MY GOD!!!! IM BURNING ALIVE!!!!!
*hmph*

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