All comics by Speez

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by Speez
2-19-02
OK, IF YOU MUST KNOW! I have a crush on Ian!
!!!!
He's quiet, too quiet.
OH..........MY.........GOD!
Denza, you got quiet all of a sudden.
Too many jokes going though my head at one time! I can't pick one to say!

 

by Speez
2-20-02
Misty, you do know Ian is alittle different from other guys.
How so?
Ummm, his door swings the other way. He swims in the wrong pool. He swims against the current, you know what I mean?
What are you talking about Denza?
Man, this could be tough.
I love the way he does his happy dance.

 

by Speez
2-20-02
Umm, Denza, what's with the hammer and nails?
Misty, your are blind to see that you and Ian will never be. Your heart will be broken in the end, trust me, Ian will have no interest in you.
Denza, the nails always ends up in your head. Always.
Not this time, I am on a mission. I bet you a dollar that they will be in your head.
Misty gets a dollar.
So, do you need help or something.
No, just let me be alone so I can cry in the corner.

 

by Speez
2-20-02
That's it, I'm telling Ian I love him.
No wait, you can't!
Sheesh, why do you care so much about who I like? Why?
It's because....well.....ummm....it's like this....
COME ON YOU MORON, SPIT IT OUT! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!
IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MISTY!!!!!!

 

by Speez
2-21-02
HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME, YOU KNOW MY HEART IS WITH ANOTHER MAN! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
Man, this is the worst day of my life.
There is no way it can get worse.
Denza, I have something I want to get off my chest.

 

by Speez
2-21-02
OH, OH, OH, DENZA, I LOVE YOU!!!!
Dear god, this is like some bad dream!
I LOVE YOUR ROUND HEAD, AND THE FACT YOU HAVE NO NOSE.
Dear god, Ian loves me?!?!?!?!?!?!
Umm, what are the nails and hammer for? Something kinky?
I just lost the will to use these.

 

by Speez
2-24-02
OH MY GOD! I hit someone with the hammer and nails without hitting myself! Go me!
Oh big guy, so you want me on the floor.
...
Ok, maybe if I nail my head I'll forget what he last said.

 

by Speez
2-24-02
While I try to hammer myself more, let's recap on this sucky day.
First the girl I have a crush on, Misty, says she likes Ian, who is "that way". Then Ian came to me saying he has a crush on me. How can this day get worse?
DENZA, WHY DID YOU JUST BEAT DOWN THE PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.
I stand corrected.

 

by Speez
2-24-02
There's got to be a way to tell Misty that Ian is "that way" without hurting her feelings and to get her to like me.
HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO POOR DEFENSELESS IAN! HE'S THE CURRENT SLAP LIKE A GIRL CHAMPION! HE'S A FAMOUS PERSON!
Dear god, her screaming at me is getting annoying. How do I get though her screaming to tell her easily?
YOU KNEW THAT I HAD A CRUSH ON IAN! WHY? WHY?
DEAR GOD WOMEN, IAN IS GAY! HE'S GAY LIKE A FOX! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!
No! It can't be! It just can't. Wait, maybe that would explain why he wears women's clothes.

 

by Speez
2-24-02
Denza tells Misty about the whole love triangle...
My god, if the rest of the UBCS finds this out, we are ruined!
I know. I won't tell, and I hit Ian pretty hard, maybe he'll forget it all.
Ok, no one can find out about this.
Yeah, we'll never mention again I had a crush on you, but you had a crush on Ian, and how Ian had a crush on me.
Never again.
Oh goodie, I heard everything. Go me!

 

by Speez
2-25-02
What you heard everything I said!
Yes everything! It be cool. I'm going to gossip about it now.
NO, YOU CAN'T!
Oh yes, I'm going to tell everybody!
DON'T JUST STAND THERE, GO GET HER!
Underpants aleart, underpants alert.

 

by Speez
2-25-02
Pretend everyone is running.
My god, she can run fast for a dumb cheerleader.
I've got my hammers and nails ready to take her down.
Note: GD is running backwards.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!
OK, WHY DID YOU STOP NOW!
Whoa, major jiggle. Nice.

 

by Speez
2-25-02
No she's getting away! And running backwards to mock us too! Dang, this is a low day in my life. GD outsmarted us.
Wait, she just tripped over Ian, who is still knocked out!
Whoa, she landed in Ian's lap!
My god!
My god what?
Ian never had that happen to him or ever will again.

 

by Speez
2-25-02
This should be good Misty, Ian is coming too with GD still on his lap.
MY GOD WOMEN GET OFF MR. MAN! NO WOMEN ARE ALOUD TO GET NEAR IT!
So Ian, what do you think about women?
If Lance ever found out about that, he'll would dump me!
Lance? I thought you had a crush on me?!?!?!?!
Ummm, I'm in trouble.

 

by Speez
3-02-02
How could you cheat on me Ian?
Even though I'm not that way, way would you mess with my feelings like that?
Why would you say you liked me while going out with some guy called Lance?
Well, your a moron, so I thought you wouldn't find out.

 

by Speez
3-02-02
How could you mess with my feelings like that?
Don't worry, you still have a speical place in my heart.
Really?
Of course. Now you should spank me for being so bad.
What's with the hammer.
I killed Ian with them.

 

by Speez
3-02-02
Ian not dead, he's still moving.
Excuse me for a moment.
*WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK*
That was just plain mean.
Dear god, he was moaning when I was hitting him, and not in pain...

 

by Speez
3-05-02
Speez wants to break away from the saga for one comic to tell this joke...
Hey CP, I made a large donation to the United Nations today.
That was a nice thought cheese.
But they had to name something after me.
I wonder what they will name after you...
Meanwhile, at the United Nations.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm still sure I still want to call the country I represent "France"! Stop asking me to change it.

 

by Speez
3-13-02
Ok, Ian is dead, so I think we can finally end this long UBCS comic saga.
What are you talking about? GD is still on the loose?
Crap, I forgot about her? Where is she?
I dunno, I lost her when you were brutally beating down Ian.
Elsewhere...
Hey CP, I have a secert to tell you.
Jeez GD, if this is about the happy bunnies again...

 

by Speez
3-13-02
My god, she's talking to CP! If she tells him, it will be the end of us!
I'll stop her!
Runs slow motion, Baywatch style
NOOOOOOOOOO!
It's not about the happy bunnies this time. It's something way different. Teehee!
Dear god, is that Denza running in slow motion baywatch style!

 

by Speez
3-30-02
Hey, I'm the only person at UBCS that can run slow motion, baywatch style!
GD runs off, Slow motion baywatch style.
My god, GD is running slow mo baywatch style. This is even better than my Gamecube. Wait, no it isn't.

 

by Speez
3-30-02
Hey DJ.
Hey CP. What is going on back there.
GD is running in slow motion. But out of my way, I want to play SSX Tricky.
Instead of watching GD run in slow motion.
CP would rather play Gamecube than watch GD run in slow mo. Man, he likes Gamecube too much.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
Hey DJ, what is up?
GD is running in slow motion.
Nice.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
Ok, GD, this ends now! I want you to forget everything you know!
I already did! I reach my maxium five seconds ago.
So you forget everything about me, Misty and Ian?
Who's Ian? Where am I? Who am I?
Ok, why were we so worried in the first place?
Oh, shinny object!

 

by Speez
3-31-02
So, our reputations are safe now. Do you think me and you can ever be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Well Denza, I don't know.
Just tell me what you feel in your heart.
Ok. Hell no you jerk.
GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!
I was just kidding, I will be your girlfriend. Umm, you can stop hammering. Denza...you can stop.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
One day CP is playing Gamecube (you didn't see that one coming.)
CP, this is an emergency! You have to see what just arrived outside the UBCS.
God, I was just going for the triple back nut breakers in SSX Tricky. *sigh* Ok, I'll look.
My god, I swear it's judgement day out there.
Didn't I tell you it was bad?
My god, 38 buses full of Canadians! UBCS is in deep trouble.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
My god, 38 buses full of Canadians just came to the UBCS. My god, just think of how many hockey sticks there may be!
Nothing can be worse than that many Canadians!
CP, some bad news.
Dear god, what is it?
The trailer park was flooded. There are hicks everywhere!

 

by Speez
3-31-02
Man LAP, I know nothing about women.
Come on Speez, tell your tale.
I don't understand, I see nothing wrong with what I did.
I bet there was nothing wrong.
GD wouldn't go out with me. Not even if I gave her a shinny quarter.
I see nothing wrong with that.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
Ok, let's have a converstation of everything we know about women.
Sure, let's go.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
What are you talking about?
Women. Want to join in?
Sure.

 

by Speez
3-31-02
Ace comes upon Speez, LAP and JNJ's converstation about women.
Ah, you're talking about women, aren't you?

 

by Speez
4-04-02
Hey guys, what is up?
Umm, how the fudge are you?
I'm Bigred, I know useless facts about movies.
Is that so.
Do you know there were actually 24 different R2D2s because they liked to wonder off set and become exotic dances.
I'll be standing over here.

 

by Speez
4-05-02
Hello fellow UBCS!
Hi Bigred! I have a bag!
It's a known fact that if you give a million monkeys a million typewritters a million mintues they could write the whole works of Skakespear!
I like Squrrels!
But if you give 4 monkeys 2 typewritters with no paper, they could make up a better character than Jar Jar Binks.
One time I caught a squirrel, then covered it gasoline, and sent it ablazed. I laughed so hard I wetted myself.

 

by Speez
4-06-02
Hey Speez, you want to hear a movie fact?
Sure Bigred.
In the movie Aliens, it took 14 died when the alien fell over.
I never heard of that.
2 more died trying to pick it back up.
Do I smell cheap whiskey on your breath?

 

by Speez
4-08-02
Hey Denza, you want to hear a fact?
No, I do not! I heard from the others!
Come on, it's pretty neat.
No, and I smell cheap whiskey on your breath! I bet it's another one of your drunken lies, you sick man!!
Hey! I maybe drunk, and I do lie, and I am a sicko, and, umm. What was the last part?
I think you had one too many "Magic drinks".

 

by Speez
4-08-02
Speez, I need a hug.
I still smell cheap whiskey on your breath.
No one wants to hear my witty facts about movies no one likes.
Well, I just got the thing for you. Something special that is coming to UBCS.
Really Speez? What ever could it be?
Bigred, get ready for this. Who Wants to Be a Millionare is coming to UBCS!!!!

 

by Speez
4-23-02
Hello, and welcome to a special UBCS episode of "Who Wants to be A Millionare"! Let's see the contestants on today's show!
We have The Great Speez and Bigred.
We also have Ian and...OH MY GOD HE'S HAMMERING A NAIL INTO HIS HEAD!
I hate being on TV. Must nail head.

 

by Speez
4-23-02
Let's do the fastest finger. Put these States in the order they are located starting with the most western.
Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, California and Texas.
*psst* What is the answer to number 2?
Eleventy billion.
And the results are in, and, what the? No one typed in another thing?

 

by Speez
4-28-02
I'm sorry, but I have to end the game.
Come on, we don't suck that bad.
Money reasons.
What, money reasons?
Just ask the webmaster, CP.
Oh, I will.

 

by Speez
6-09-02
CP, we didn't have enough money to sponser Who Wants to be a Millionare?
Yes. We have to go back to the temp board.
No! Say it isn't so CP!
It is Speez.
Hold me CP
Maybe if you showered once and awhile.

 

by Speez
6-10-02
So, we are back at the temp board.
Yeppers.
Hey, is this like owned by anyone else?
I dunno. This was just right across the street. Who would live at such a place like this.
What's all that noise downstairs? It's interupting my Senfield.
Giddie up!

 

by Speez
6-10-02
Cool, there is an upstairs in this place.
My god, you have feet for ears.
Tell me something I don't know.
You look so lickable.
I said tell me something I don't know.

 

by Speez
6-10-02
So, this is my talent.
My god, is he hammering a nail into his head?
I've done this since I was a wee lad and gotten no brain damage.
I think I see his brain.
I see little pink dressed corn on the cobs.
Boy, is this guy annoying.

 

by Speez
6-10-02
Your are annoying me. And you shouldn't annoy someone with magic powers.
Argh! It burns! It burns!
I'm gonna turn you into your worst nightmare.
God, it still burns. Make the hurting stop.
I am so evil.
NOOOOOO! I'M AN ASIAN GIRL!

 

by Speez
6-12-02
My god, I've been turned into a small asian child!
How horrible! I'm a man for god sakes. I...I...
I feel like a small school girl discovering herself for the first time. Tee hee.

 

by Speez
7-10-02
Denza tries to warn other UBCS peeps about Feetforears
Speez, you gotta help me.
Hey look, it's a little asian girl. How strange.
Speez, you got to listen to me. We are all in grave danger!
Look, the little asian girl is trying to communicate with me.
SPEEZ, LOOK OUT! FEETFOREARS IS BEHIND YOU!
Are you lost little asian girl? Asia is far from here.

 

by Speez
7-10-02
OH GOD, IT BURNS!
So, your another one of those UBCS punks!
MY GOD, IT FEELS LIKE FIRE IS SHOOTING UP MY BUTT!
I will turn you into the most ugliest creature in the world!
God no! I'm Ian! Why me!
Now, I will go and destory the real UBCS!

 

by Speez
7-10-02
Feetforears is gonna destory the real UBCS! We have to stop him!
Right, but what can we do?
Look, there's CP. Let's go tell him!
Oh my, I never notice what a nice butt CP has.
My god, not only did he make you look like Ian, he made you gay like him too.
Umm, yeah. Sure, gay like Ian. That's it.

 

by Speez
7-10-02
Feetforears makes a mad dash for the real UBCS
I'll get revenge for all the UBCS has put me though. I'll turn the UBCS into a big bowl of pudding.
Not so fast!
Who said that?
It's me, I Like Cheese. Lowly UBCS peon.
Ok, what the hell are you gonna do to stop me?

 

by Speez
7-11-02
How am I gonna stop you? Well, your the person who made me a squrriel, and that made me mad. And you don't want me to get angry.
What are you gonna do about it little squrriel? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Scene too violent to show.
My god, I didn't think a squrriel could do that!
He's taking his feet that are his ears but shoving them somewhere else! I think he beat Feetforears into submission!
Hey, I am me again! Feetforears curse has been lifted!
Look, something happening to ILC!

Showing page 4.

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