All comics by Stevorama

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by Stevorama
8-28-13
Did you see Miley Cyrus twerking last night?
Not exactly.
What does that mean?
Twerking involves very specific, extreme moves. Miley just bent over and wiggled her butt a little. I wasn't surprised.
Why not?
She did the same thing with her dad at the Viper Room last weekend.

 

by Stevorama
8-28-13
Mom told me to come in and tell you she decided it's OK for you to watch "Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo".
That's been off-limits for weeks. What changed her mind?
She watched the VMAs and decided that the hillbillies from hell were a step up.
Progress.

 

by Stevorama
9-30-13
I'm just checkin' up on ya. It sounded like someone was crying over here last night.
Yeah, sorry. I was having a nightmare.
I didn't know dogs could have nightmares.
It was horrible...
I dreamed that I never found out who's a good boy.

 

by Stevorama
10-04-13
It has come to our attention that holy water can be unsanitary.
In fact, a study has shown that 80% of it contains fecal matter!
In the future, however, hand washing after child molestation will be priority one, so no biggie.

 

by Stevorama
10-21-13
I almost got a tattoo today.
What do you mean, 'almost'? What stopped you?
I suddenly remembered that I already had a personality.

 

by Stevorama
10-21-13
...And so, children, my life is not necessarily easy, but it's the life I must lead in service to God. Are there any questions?
What's the hardest thing you've had to endure for your faith, Sister? Poverty? Chastity? Loneliness?
Probably that time I had to tell a group of Tea Party members that Jesus was black.

 

by Stevorama
12-02-13
A surprise visitor...
Oh my God, you're RUDOLPH! I can't believe you stopped at my house!
I love you so much! Is there anything I can do to make you as happy as you've made me over the years?
For starters, you can tell your Great Dane to get off me...

 

by Stevorama
12-13-13
And now, the final court...
Have you seen all the fighting over America's Second Amendment?
Yeah, can't miss it.
People are praying to you for answers to this complex conundrum.
I prefer to throw them a question instead...
WHAT PART OF "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" DO YOU RETARDS NOT GET?

 

by Stevorama
12-20-13
And now, a word from God...
A thought for all you gun nuts that call yourselves "Christians"...
Thou shalt not kill.
And tell that Palin bitch to go home and raise that grandson that she pretends is her son. I'm omniscient, retard. Google it.

 

by Stevorama
5-07-14
New Lewisky phone tape released...
But he kept making passes at me, Linda! Besides, you told me to do it.
Monica, that's not what I meant by "just blow him off".

 

by Stevorama
8-05-14
Did you hear that the Rock n Roll Hall Of Fame is removing seminal DJ Alan Freed's ashes to make way for Beyonce's tights?
That's a dangerous precedent.
If Meat Loaf ever gets popular again they'll have to clear the entire Sixties wing.

 

by Stevorama
1-13-15
Millions marched in Paris today to condemn last week's terror attacks.
While some have laid blame at President Obama's feet for not being there...
...to be fair, he's pretty busy defending America from Republican terrorists.

 

by Stevorama
4-24-15
It's Robert Schuller again, Lord.
What in My name does he want?
He's unsure of why we're not letting him into heaven.
It's easy. I brought Jesus here to prepare a place for the saved...
...and I sent him to Hell to get a really small house ready for that Joel Osteen asshole!

 

by Stevorama
12-21-16
Donald Trump is having trouble finding an A-list musical guest to perform at his Inauguration.
But fear not...
At least we have Melania's donkey show to look forward to.
I'm wetter than Michael Jackson at a Cub Scout jamboree.

 

by Stevorama
12-21-16
So if I win the bidding, I get lunch with Ivanka?
It's true. It's a brilliant fundraiser.
So what charity does the money go to?
I'm calling it the "Keep Melania In New York So I Can Bang Ivanka In D.C. Fund".

 

by Stevorama
12-21-16
Here in China we have a "One Child" policy to try to reduce our population.
America has nothing like that.
I know they sound similar, but "One Child Per Priest" isn't the same thing.

 

by Stevorama
12-21-16
Now that we have found a location that holds no intelligent life, we are ready to claim it.
Have you locked in the target?
Yes, Xorxyl.
Couldn't we have held out for something bigger than a Trump rally, though?

 

by Stevorama
12-21-16
Dear Santa, we will leave our Christmas list by the chimney.
We are also leaving milk and cookies for you on the mantle.
And how about skipping the anal this year, Tubbo?

 

by Stevorama
12-21-16
I spit on Christmas! The false hope of the savior myth!
The enslavement of the ignorant masses! The reality of nothingness is right before your unworthy eyes! You are DOOOOMED!
You know this is an audition for "Celine's Christmas In Canada", right

 

by Stevorama
10-01-18
"...and I drank beer. I liked beer."
"I still drink beer. I like beer."
Shit, he's drunk NOW.
"Beer beer beer drink like beer drink, damn it!"

 

by Stevorama
10-12-18
So some of you don't believe in global warming? Really?
I heard one of you the other day saying something like, "If there is trouble with the climate, God will fix it!"
AND JUST WHO THE **** DO YOU THINK GAVE YOU CLIMATE SCIENTISTS, YOU IDIOTS????

 

by Stevorama
10-20-18
Mother!
I can see our house from here!

 

by Stevorama
10-20-18
There's a pack of Camel cigarettes on the ground here.
They are mine.
I had no idea you smoked! Do you save the coupons?
Of course. How do you think I got this nifty cross?

 

by Stevorama
10-20-18
Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.
I take that back. I just remembered it's before Labor Day.

 

by Stevorama
10-26-18
A suspect has been arrested in the bomb-mailing case that saw crude incendiary devices sent to several high-profile Trump critics.
The FBI stated that they had previously narrowed the suspect list down to Trump supporters...
...because each package had the inscription "NOT A BOM" in crayon on its side.

 

by Stevorama
10-26-18
Megyn Kelly is rumored to be fired from NBC after her latest controversial statements about blackface as a Halloween costume choice.
Kelly intimated that she may return to Fox News.
"After all," she was overheard saying, "most of the old guys are gone and there's a whole new bunch of dudes to blow!"

 

by Stevorama
10-26-18
Father, I have so many questions.
For instance...
...how did they know to do this three days before Easter?

 

by Stevorama
10-26-18
Oh, my goodness, a burning bush!
Maybe God Himself is about to speak to me!
Either way, it reminds me to pick up "Preparation H" on the way home...

 

by Stevorama
10-26-18
Remember, my friends, do not cry for me.
I am fulfilling my Father's purpose, and I shall arise in three days.
And do not forget, there shalt be a prize for Best Colored Egg...

 

by Stevorama
12-26-18
This is a test.
We want to see if "racist" jokes are still considered as such if someone of a specific race jokes about their own race.
"If you're Asian and you know it, crap your hands!"
We'll get back to you.

 

by Stevorama
2-12-19
Just another day at the Office...
I hate it when President Trump has his meetings here.
All the cups and paper I can handle just fine...
...but between the glitter on the table and pee in the carpet, I wish he'd take the hookers to a Russian hotel like the good old days!

 

by Stevorama
2-12-19
Mr. Trump, your three o'clock is here.

 

by Stevorama
3-17-19
You are approved for membership in Mar-A-Lago.
Please send a cashier's check for the $200,000 membership at your earliest convenience.
This fee will be discounted to $200 if you sign the accompanying affidavit stating that you think President Trump is pretty.

 

by Stevorama
5-10-19
I can't find any of the food I hid last spring.
That's just nuts.
How did you know?

 

by Stevorama
5-10-19
My little brother is out of control.
My parents think that what he watches on TV may be at least partly to blame.
I, however, have my doubts that "The Hello Kitty Flower Hour" could do this shit.

 

by Stevorama
5-14-19
Jesus, all I said was "pass that roach.."

 

by Stevorama
5-14-19
Behold, the Mueller Report.
It covers treason, obstruction, and conspiracy in the White House.
It's also covering two interns and a Winnebago.

 

by Stevorama
9-29-20
Well, gotta go. Don't wanna miss the debate.
I admit I'm impressed that you want to hear the issues and see how each candidate would handle them. It's important to know what you're voting for!
Nah, I just have a bet on how long it'll take Dumbass to slip and call Biden "crooked Hillary".

 

by Stevorama
9-30-20
I'm so depressed.
This time last year I was at a concert, or a soccer game, or at least hanging out with friends. This year is nuts.
I heard "blah blah blah nuts"...

 

by Stevorama
9-30-20
Mommy, what's a cuck?
Well, um, honey, that's, um, a person who enjoys, um, seeing their partner having a good time.
So, different from an anal gangbanger, then?

 

by Stevorama
9-30-20
The unveiling...
Welcome to the unveiling of the Trump Wall!
A feat of modern engineering! The finest construction! The strongest materials! Totally impenetrable!!!
Of course, it's only 20 feet wide, but Mexico's check keeps bouncing...

 

by Stevorama
9-30-20
On top of everything else, they're cancelling Halloween now!
Oh, man... I spent big bucks on this costume! I guess I can get a refund...
Elsewhere in town...
Damn, I already bled on it.

 

by Stevorama
9-30-20
...so she told me, "Cheese is cheese, just take it! Do you want to starve to death? You need your strength to provide for your family! You have a wife and three little babies at home who need this!"
...so I told her, "Listen, honey, I have standards! No American cheese for this family! That crap is nothing but empty calories! Trust me, I'll find something nourishing, just get out of my way!"
...and she said, "Suit yourself!", and I said, "You betcha, Betty, I've got it down! I didn't live three years to hear your gums flap about what's best for me and mine! You'd best be watching..."
Kinda makes you wonder where the hell "quiet as a mouse" came from.

 

by Stevorama
9-30-20
And now, a word from Southeast Asia...
We saw your presidential debate on state TV last night.
But we couldn't tell what either guy was saying.
We always have a translator in the bottom corner of the screen for these things...
...but he couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell us shit!

 

by Stevorama
10-01-20
Manhattan middle school, 1995...
Okay, girls, cheerleading practice in the gym in fifteen minutes!
And remember, don't just wear your uniform - wear your pride!!!!
Oh, and Ivanka, wear your underwear.

 

by Stevorama
10-01-20
Boy, that debate was a real cartoon nightmare to watch.
Should that even be called a debate?
Sure it should!
They gave Trump a chance to prove he's an idiot, and he took debate!

 

by Stevorama
10-14-20
So, Officer Jones, how hard is it to enforce the local mask mandate?
Well, to be honest, there was a real learning curve.
I had to develop a thick skin and realize that while everyone has an excuse, those excuses just can't matter in the face of a pandemic. If ya gotta force 'em, so be it.
So what's your secret to get the job done?
I just started pretending that everyone is black or Latin.

 

by Stevorama
10-28-20
All right, class, a couple of announcements. First, don't forget about the quiz on Tuesday, see me with any questions...
Also, don't forget you'll be meeting in Sister Mary's classroom next Friday while I'm out for my procedure at the hospital.
And finally, whoever left the fudge and the "happy colonoscopy" card on my desk can go screw themselves.

 

by Stevorama
10-28-20
You can do anything in a cartoon.
In keeping with precautions, it looks like we're only a couple feet apart but we're really 8 feet apart!
Yet Trump's penis has been in frame this whole time but it's too small to see.
I mean, we're not magicians.

 

by Stevorama
11-04-20
In other news, the last Trump rally in Miami was even stranger than usual.
The president told the crowd, "I am going to take your healthcare, kill your families, and force your businesses to close so corporations won't have competition..."
To which the crowd loudly replied, "Thank you, Sir, may we please have another?"

Showing page 4.

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