All comics by WiLzzt

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by WiLzzt
10-07-02
...that was disgusting.
*crackeacrlkrcklarc*

 

by WiLzzt
10-07-02
Just then, everyone enjoying the feast stopped, frozen somehow in time!
Well, it all started when the ti
Everyone, that is, except Bauzaloozabub.
This is bad. Someone has pressed the button in the Temple of the Button.
...really?

 

by WiLzzt
10-08-02
A new evil has awakened. _______________ Its name is.... no, I can't say it...
Whoa! _______________ Say it!
... Nakabakanakalilizharzak. There, I said it, and please dont' ask me to say it again!
So... what do we do?
You will need to climb to the top of a mountain far to the east of here. There waits for you the great evil.
WOH!

 

by WiLzzt
10-09-02
well there you have it, folks.
tune in next time for another exiting episode!

 

by WiLzzt
10-14-02
One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them!
Heh, heh.
I SEE YOU, FRODO BAGGINS!

 

by WiLzzt
10-14-02
... CLOWNFARTS?

 

by WiLzzt
10-14-02
So anyway, this Plato guy is writing it all down right AS IT HAPPENS... so it's like you can take a trip back to 500 BC and actually witness this event.
And the lawyer is all "well you're corrupting the little children" and he totally takes apart the whole argument, and he was all "yeah man, you suck" and the lawyer was crying and everyone...
... denise?
Keep talking. I love the feeling of your trunk blowing against my tail.

 

by WiLzzt
10-14-02
You have been chosen for this time and place. The prophcies all point to the time of the feast and the temple of the button.
Wait... so you knew about this all along? Why didn't you just hire guards to stop those idiots from pressing the stupid button?!
uh..... we have a bad economy.
THE END
TRIVIA: in the original script, the story ends here. However, more has been written, and so more comics will be made! Lucky you.

 

by WiLzzt
10-16-02
Whoo, nice set. Uh... hello?
Why, hello there, Mr. Wood. My name's Jeff - I will be playing the dark lord Spanklon in the film. You're here to try out for the part of Dildo Baggins?
er...
I think I got the wrong set.
No, this is right. You are here auditioning for "Lord of the Nipple Rings". Now, time for Tobor, the casting director, to see if you fit the part.

 

by WiLzzt
10-19-02
Where is he? Disappointor was supposed to be here to pick us up an hour ago!
Meanwhile...
KYAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! I, Disappointor, have let someone down yet again! My list of evil deeds grows and grows!
Now, it is time to formulate my next evil plan!

 

by WiLzzt
10-19-02
BWAAAHAAHAA! This latest plan of mine is my finest! Now, to carry it out...
HA! You thought I was going to do something INTERESTING! Disappointor strikes yet again!

 

by WiLzzt
10-19-02
Music: CHICKEN DANCE

 

by WiLzzt
10-19-02
*RING RING* ______ *RING RING*
*RIIIIIIIIIIAMTHE VERYMODELOFA MODERNMAJOR GENERALIKNOW OFALLTHINGS VEGETABLEANIMAL ANDMINERAL*
HAH! Disappointor switched the phones while you weren't looking! Disappointor is evil!

 

by WiLzzt
10-22-02
In the beginning, God made Earth. But He didn't make it so that we could return to Him. He made it so that his cute nieces and nephews would have something to play with.
mumblmumblBLOODYmumbl SEPERATE THE WATER AND FIRMAMENTmumblmumbl
The next day, little Elohim and young Jesus are still very excited about their new toys.
Woah, look! You gotta collect 'em all! Oh cool! Then you can fight them with your friends! Thanks uncle God!
.. my favorite part is the collecting. Thanks Uncle God!
Then, Allah joined in on the fun!
My favorite part is gonna be the fighting. Thanks Uncle God!
FECK!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
some years later...
Check out my follower, Jesus. He's #49 Israelite!
He lives out in the middle of Caanan desert, and his attacks are 'Manage Egypt' and 'Throw into pit'!
What followers do you have?
I... havent' done a lot of collecting yet. But I will! I'm gonna be the best trainer there ever was!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
I know... I'll start out small. I'll ENTER the world of Pocket Followers and get them one at a time!
#76 Apostle. Weak, but has potential. I choose YOU!
Apostle! Apostle!
Go, Apostle! Convert others! Spread the word!
Apostle!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
Apostle is changing! Apostle Evolved into #77 Martyr!
Martyr Martyr!
Martyr!
Great job. Keep it up and we'll be the best there ever was, no problem!
But trensions were alreadty starting to form...
Pikajew! Jesus is training too fast! You and Roman go and stop them!
Pika!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
Pika! *Bzzzzt*
Martyr! Martyr! *beats down Pikajew*
Roman! Roman!
Martyr Martyr! *passes out*
Great job, Roman. Too bad Zeus owns you.
Roman man ro Roman!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
many more years later...
#78 Catholic and #79 Orthodox are cool, but let's see what I can get for trade with these guys! Hey Buddha!
Hey there. All I got are these sucky #22 Pacifists. Wanna trade?
many more years later...
Hmm. Uhhh. no thanks.
Didn't think so. Say, where's Earth Goddess?
many more years later...
Oh her? She hasn't been around since I took out #19 Pagan. Why?
Man that 'Nicene Crreed' attack really hurt your competition! I'm sure glad I'M not up against you.

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
And, presently...
Hah! I sure miss #115 Fascist. At least my #154 Crackwhore is still going strong! What about you, Jesus?
I've got a buncha Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses I'm willing to trade. Their "knock door" attack is really powerful! Whaddaya say?
You? Trade? Hah! I remember that #175 Koresh fiasco. All it did was self-destruct!
Koresh! Koresh! resh resh Koresh!
Hey! Earth Goddess! You're back!
Yeah, Guess what! I used 'revive' on Pagan! I'm back in the training biz again!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
Elohim, I've got Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, Episcopalian, and so many more even *I* lost count. I've done all the collecting I've wanted.
Yeah, and so have I.
You've only collected Pikajew! What makes him so special?
Well, he wears a little hat, just for me! And check out what happened when I fed him that 'rare candy'...
WHOOOO!!! This White powdery 'Manna' is great stuff! *Runs around in desert for 40 years* Thanks Elohim!
Try laying down a line and sniffing it! Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
Hey, Buddha. Same as always? Did you check out what what Allah's new follower, #188 Terrorist, has been doing to Elohim and I?
Yeah, but what am I gonna do about it? Ain't my fight, Jees my boy. You want to be the best trainer, you have to do the work.
But... You've got more folowers than anybody! Surely you could just spare a...
No can do, Jeezman. I got my own problems.
Sheeva! You've got an extra pair of hands. Can you help me out?
Shut up, you little freak!

 

by WiLzzt
10-24-02
And so, the fight continues. Jesus and Elohim, faced with a common enemy, are allied against Allah!
Hey, this is just like when Pikajew beat #115 Fascist during the last season finale!
Heh heh, yeah! 'Make nuke' sure surprised the hell out of em!
I'm gonna be the Best! Someday, somehow. I'm gonna collect 'em all! Even #154 Crackwhore.
Now, what am I gonna do with all these Mormons, Uncle God?
FECK!

 

by WiLzzt
12-09-02
You know, sometimes I feel like you're the only guy I can talk to. Everybody else just seems to say the same thing over and over again - it's like talking to a broken record!
It's-a me! Mario!
You're a perverted little fuck, you know that?

 

by WiLzzt
5-21-03
Ok, so Michael Moore wins an award for a genre in which he is supposed to be telling a true story.
that's right.
But when cornered about his poor research and lies in his books and movies, he says "How can there be innacuracy in humor?"
He's so right! He's using humor to bring about truth!
BUT JUST BECAUSE LIES ARE FUNNY DOESN'T MAKE THEM TRUE! YOU CAN'T LIE AND SAY "IT'S A JOKE" AND EXPECT THE LIE TO BE TRUE!
You're calling me unamerican aren't you you fascist shit! Does this mean i'm a terrorist? of course not! Does this mean i don't support the troo...

 

by WiLzzt
5-21-03
LAVBLAVBALVBAVLB POLITICS (ACTUAL QUOTE!)
BALBALBHLAHB COLLEGE
BLLCBLCBL RUSSEL CROWE
ABLHABLHATLH SELF-REFERENCE ABOUT MY COMICS SUCKING

 

by WiLzzt
5-21-03
Two gentlemen meet together on a street in Verona and exchange words.
Behold! I spake mine self unto the lad: "Them rotor turbines will not generate / gravITrons by themselves!"
Indeed! Ha, ha!
Wilt thou not say of what the fuck thou speak'st?

 

by WiLzzt
5-21-03
She is in love with him, he not with her; he loves another, who loves yet another.
Some Hijinks are for certain on the way, to bring the sunder'd couples back together!
Oh, fuck. My goddamn kidney hath a stone. But my Boragio won't pull it out!
I've not no fucking pants, self-centered bitch! Think of someone ELSE's problems for once.
RAARRR, BY MY TROTH! TOBOR SHALL CORNHOLE THEE!
No prob with that, cause my name's pink don kee.

 

by WiLzzt
5-21-03
Some wacky shit has happened, you can see. The lovers found their best fits, finally.
Oh, God! Oh, Fuck! Oh Fuck yeah, Tobor! Yeah! I'm coming, please! Oh, fuck! Oh fuck! TOBORRRRR!!!!!!
THOU ART THE BEST CORNHOLE TOBOR HAS HAD!
Half donkey, and half boy. Need we say more?
fin
And there you have it, folks! Our time is up! We played the rules, and we expect to win!
Suck suck, Fi dollah, in-jokes ain't no sin.

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
If you want to set things right, here is a map to the castle of the evil one.
Gotcha.
And I will give you the only weapon that can destroy the evil one. It's sort of, uh... well you have to keep it hidden or he'll notice it, you see...
Hehe... Yeah, I guess that's a good place to hide it...
Hey! That's MY wife you're "preparing for battle" there, flatfoot!

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
And the map led them out of the city...
And deep into the desert.
So, hun... what's that secret weapon that Thell dude gave you?
to tell or not to tell... to tell or not to tell... naaah. his imagination will be better than the truth.
but what COULD it be... No, it coudln't be...

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
Yes! His eyes are glazing... I wish I could see into his head right now...
DAYDREAM DaYdReAm DayDreAm daydream  da.dre.m   .a.d.e..... 
So, you wanna see what that "secret weapon" was, huh, honey?
Of course... it's nothing compared to you...
I HATE being old.

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
*grr* It's just a plastic tupperware container full of water. The Thell says if even a drop gets spilled, we will not have enough power to defeat the evil one.
DAYDREAM daydream *drooldrool*
Zbob?
*drool*
A tupperware container shaped like a DILDO, by any chance?

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
It's hot out here.
It's really, REALLY hot out here.
Zbob, it's so hot out here, all of the sand is beginning to melt and the sky's on fire.
C'mon, Chil. I know it's hot; no need to hyperbolize.

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
As the ground underneath them turns to boiling lava...
Can't... stand it anymore... *zzzzip*
*pop* *glug glug glug*
Honey, what're you doing back there?
Oh, nothing, just... wishing really hard... and pretending... that I had some water.
Ahh, see the castle up ahead? We'll be there in ten minutes, honey. Hold on.

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
Ahh, yes. You've been expected. First door on your left. End of the hall.
Young lady, we need to inspect your pantaloons...
Well, if you say so *zzzip*

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
now keep your arms to your sides...
now turn around... slowly... oh baby.
I feel really sorry for you.
And why's that?

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
er... yeah, I...
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
Follow me. The map leads into this room.
Phew! He still hasn't caught on yet!

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
That's so weird. Why would guys want to see you naked in YOUR condition?
Hey! Don't be unsupportive of the way I look!
Unless...
Chil! Why didn't you tell me?!
It.... it was the only way to get you here!

 

by WiLzzt
5-23-03
When I was looking through time in 3D grid land - you know, before you were reborn...
I saw two sides of the same man - one evil, and one good. And all roads led to the evil one killing us both. All roads except one. I saw that if I acted as though I could not make us young again...
...you would be motivated to come here and destroy the evil one.
You know you could have just asked. Now I'm jealous. _____________ Can i see you young just one more time before we go?
That jealousy is your weapon. Let's go now, and fight the evil one together! _____________ No.

 

by WiLzzt
8-08-03
A "mumblemumblemumble..." sound emanates from behind the curtain!
Zbob... there is a "mumblemumblemumble..." sound emanating from behind that curtain!
Check what's behind it.
Ahh, the last giant smelly death slug has finishde its murky growth. Now finally I can destroy the Good Nakabakanakalilizharzak!
Well, apparantly that's the evil one. And he has an army of slugs. I hate slugs.
... PLEASE let me see you young once more?

 

by WiLzzt
8-08-03
well... c'mon, i'm not goign to remain old forever! Do something!
I'm staying here! YOU're the one who lied to me, and YOU're the one that has the secret weapon. What, honestly, do you think *I* can do?
a few moments later...
You're here to stop me, I see.
Well, yes.
Before you do, let me show you why I imprisoned my Good side in the first place...

 

by WiLzzt
8-08-03
In the beginning, we were one, him and I. We shared everything, all our feelings, thoughts, and emotions - even the same body.
We could be evil or good, depending on our mood.
then there was an explosion. Most of my good side split off and formed... HIM.
Now I am more evil than good, and he is all good and no evil.
Never, EVER talk out narative like that again. That's too frigging creepy.
Don't interrupt... the story continues as our personalities drifted from one another...

 

by WiLzzt
8-08-03
We had an argument and I realized that I was evil to begin with. My good side was stupid; obscenely so, and frighteningly forthright about it. When I saw him on television, I knew it had to end.
one... and two... and three... and four... and five... and six... and rest.... now the other leg!
one... and two... and look! We're sweating to the oldies! Your'e doing it... you're becoming mighty!
So I put him in the dungeon of stop signs, to save my faltering sanity.
May the world be rid of you once and for all. I am ashamed that my genetic material ever produced you.
And two... and three... ooh, look! a stop sign! Gotta stop!

 

by WiLzzt
8-08-03
And so, I calmly left his to his own devices, knowing the world was safe.
fifty... and fifty-one... and oh look here's another stop sign! Better stop!
and sixty-five... and sixty-si... and oh, look! yet another stop sign! Better stop!
So how many stop signs did you PUT between him and freedom?
Half a million. And he's almost out. That's why I created the slugs.

 

by WiLzzt
8-08-03
Ok, I'm convinced. This guy needs to die. But why were we sent here after pressing the button at the temple of the button? Seems to me you've got it handled.
It's because I needed someone to meld with the slugs - it give them a group mind and thus make the capture of the Good Naka simple and efficient.
So what are you waiting for? I've always wanted to try doing it with a slug.
No point in wasting good genetic material. Is your husband handy?

 

by WiLzzt
10-27-06
Did any of you guys see Jesus a little while ago?
"Jesus" is not here.  Now go away.

 

by WiLzzt
10-27-06
I have discovered the secret of life!
What good is that to either of us?

 

by WiLzzt
10-27-06
Sir, would you mind telling me where you got that brassiere?
'Cause mine are all looking kinda ratty.
I'll let you take it off me for ten bucks. You can even do it with your teeth. I want to feel your dirty hands all over me baby. Please take me now. Please fuck me.

Showing page 4.

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