All comics by allenhenderson

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by allenhenderson
7-13-02
Hey I know! Since we're all undead let's go on a Final Fantasy II adventure!
BRAINS!
Great! Now I can be Rose, the beautiful white mage with the power of healing, like I've always dreamed about!
Ha ha ha!

 

by allenhenderson
7-13-02
Ok ok, I'll be Edge, and zombie Allen can be Kain. There, happy?
RA!
I changed my mind I want to be Tellah. And Matt, you can be our chocobo.
You guys are gay I'm NOT playing this stupid game. It's bad enough you turned me into an undead ghost. And if Edge were anybody you know it'd be me.

 

by allenhenderson
9-05-02
I like smokin', yes I do
I like smokin' how 'bout you?
Smokin' christian, smokin' jew
Let's all smoke like the triceratops do!
MAAAA
Who gave that critter a cigarette? I don't know! I've been smokin' since nineteen-foty-fo!

 

by allenhenderson
9-08-02
Let's tell story from real life!
Ok!
I'm going to kill you, you 99-cent-store prostitute! Right here on the beach like all the others!
*choke* OH GOD!
Is this his way of telling me he's been reading my online diary?

 

by allenhenderson
9-08-02
I knew an online diary was a bad idea! Maybe he didn't read it, let me check the web log, his IP address is just one number away from mine...
c:\pcplus> pcplus -set baud 1200 -dial 569-6333
What the- I didn't make another entry!
"...and that's why that summer will always be the best summer of my life. Till next time, Lil Bot." ENTRY 6.6.02 "P.S. I jerk it to The Cure with hair mousse!" -Lil FAG 6.7.02
Oh no wait I remember leaving that. Whew, he hasn't been reading it.
>shell (Type EXIT to return) c:\pcplus>cd\zork

 

by allenhenderson
9-08-02
One time I dropped a twenty-pound weight on a puppy.
I smothered this crippled girl with saran wrap.
It was late at night and I ran into the back of a car being hooked to a tow truck. The driver was between the two vehicles and got cut in half. I was drunk and in a stolen car; I staggered away.
There is a void in my life that can only be filled with latin dancing.

 

by allenhenderson
9-08-02
Dude what are you doing with that dead horse's dick in your hand?
Well, not LICKING it that's for sure.
You know there's a live horse right in front of you with wants and needs.
!

 

by allenhenderson
9-12-02
"HotNBlackNSideYa: Hey Allen, I read the senior science writer at reuters thinks the privatized colonization on Mars would lead to a wild west scenario."
"TheCure4Ever: Imagine the wacky scenes we might see if that were to happen!"
*CHOKE* Can't *GASP* breathe!!
Skin....exploding!..YARG!!!
"...the horrible burning sensation would be felt on the outside AND the inside until catastrophic brain hemorrhage."

 

by allenhenderson
9-12-02
Sweet Allen, we're on Mars! And subsidized by the Fortune 500 companies!
And I am I giant robot for some reason!
Welp, back to work.
That's right, if you don't finish your quota they turn off the biosphere.

 

by allenhenderson
9-12-02
Wow, Mars really IS like the wild west!
Were all cowboys indentured servants in 80,000 dollars worth of debt like us?
Don't you have some drilling and heavy lifting to do?
Yes, and also some smelting.

 

by allenhenderson
9-15-02
Welp I have to go away again, maybe forever this time
The methadone just isn't doing the trick
I'd like to leave you with these parting words: Don't touch my stuff
He's serious. My arms didn't used to be paralyzed like this

 

by allenhenderson
9-29-02
PLEASE I need some heroine PLEASE! Just a little! Come on! I know you have some! PLEASE!
I'm hurtin' here.
Slag off.

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
Is this upside-down or did I have a stroke in my reading cortex?

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
Hey I'm going to the gas station you want a Shasta?
Sush I'm reading.

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
So what's the big deal why did you call me out here to talk? What's wrong?
It's Allen! He's been READING a LETTER. For like an HOUR.
Well that's not that unusual. Maybe he has a pen pal.
Maybe one in prison. Well I guess if you don't think it's that weird I'll let it drop. See you later.
He got my letter!

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
So what are you reading?
Fucker.

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
Here he comes!!!
Clango!
Yes!??
You know how to read, right? Help me with this...

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
..and then the letter goes on to say (sniff) that the author would love you forever and ever, no matter what life brought, just to be with you.
Oh.
Wait you're just throwing it away!?! Don't you want to figure out who it's from?
(Car driving away)

 

by allenhenderson
10-12-02
Ok, now minimize that window and click on that box...and set your options..
(click) ok (type type)
..and now click on that panel..
(click) OH GOD!! Oh Jesus Christ WHAT IS THAT? Oh holy hell!!
Oh no, I meant double-click! Double-click!
(Double-click) Oh, whew. Yeah. Yeah that's better. Though I was going to be sick for a second.

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
I want Charles in charge of me.

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
"..and_furthermore,_it_is pointless to search my residences for the doomsday device in my absence. I keep it secured in an off-site location.."
"..I once again remind you if I am ever to vanish it will be activated and cannot be stopped. This is my final warning."
Your email has been sent to info@thedisneystore.com

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
..There we go...all done.
And now to start making the stuff for the inside.

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
Ah C-SPAN. You are the poor man's sleeping pill.
Or the guy in rehab's valium and vodka tonic.

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
More like chief "doesn't know what he's talking about" analyst.

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
Man, there's nothing like romping and playing in the wilderness with a happy dog.
Here ya go Allen, here's the frisbee
Go long again!
*cough cough*

 

by allenhenderson
10-13-02
Hey kids!! Smokin' sure is cool! Hey, I was thinking-
Wha-what's going on?? Get your hands off me!!
Mr. Stinkybutt, I represent the estate of Garry Trudeau. You are a clear violation of his copyright of his big giant cigarette character. Come with me.
Technical difficulties
Please "hang" in there!

 

by allenhenderson
10-14-02
It's my birthday! This giant bug must be here to wish me a happy birthday!
That would seem to be the most logical outcome of this cartoon.
CRUNCH CRUNCH
Hiss!!!

 

by allenhenderson
10-14-02
It's my birthday! This giant bug must be here to wish me a happy birthday!
That would seem to be the most logical outcome of this cartoon.
CRUNCH CRUNCH
Happy Birthday!

 

by allenhenderson
10-14-02
It's my birthday! This giant bug must be here to wish me a happy birthday!
That would seem to be the most logical outcome of this cartoon.
CRUNCH CRUNCH
Hiss!!!

 

by allenhenderson
10-14-02
It's my birthday! This giant bug must be here to wish me a happy birthday!
That would seem to be the most logical outcome of this cartoon.
Hey man, happy birthday. Happy birthday, man.

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Ok, I think I understand what you're saying Allen. By the way you look a lot like Brad Pitt today. So what do we do next?
Thank you Phillip. Well, you obviously DON'T understand what I'm saying or you'd understand we have to incorporate our interests without delay.
Sweet! I call C.E.O.!
I call C.I.O.!
Aw..

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Oh man you guys took the good positions. Now I am stuck being C.F.O.
That's right, you're going to have to take the rap when we inflate our earnings and run off with the investors' money.
I thought we were just going to provide customized networking solutions.

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Yeah Allen, I thought we were just running a normal company. Clue me in about the massive fraud thing.
I have a degree! I can't go to jail! I'll be like Tim Robbins in Shawshank! I'll have to do people's taxes to stop the butt-rapings!
LOOK I told you that was just a movie. The butt-rapings DON'T STOP, even if you do inmates' taxes.
*gulp*

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Look I don't know about this. I can't go to jail. I think I am just going to take the money I've made and leave.
I've already told you about the plan so you're ALREADY GUILTY of anything I will EVER DO. You're either a team player for us, or a catcher in a prison full of pitchers.
Oh no! I took a law class! He's right!

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
I don't get it Allen, I thought you were going to groom me to be C.E.O. What does that have to do with this old lady at the top of the stairwell?
You gotta prove you're a TOUGH MAN who won't let nothin' be HOLDING HIM BACK, right?
!
Yeah man, you know I am a good business man.
Good enough to...push that OLD LADY down forty CONCRETE STAIRS?

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Man I can't push that old woman down those stairs! What does that have to do with running a business!?
EVERYTHING Phillip. EVERYTHING. You let this old lady walk all over you, standin' at the top of these stairs, mocking you, everyone will know_you_don't_got_what_it_takes.
DON'T GOT WHAT IT TAKES HUH? NOT MAN ENOUGH HUH? Is this what you want? *PUSH!* Does this make you happy!?
THUMP_BONK_THUMP_THUMP_BONK_Thump_thump_bonk_bonk..

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
ALLEN! You motherfucker. Olson just called me and said he can't come in to work today!
So why get mad at ME?
He said SOMEONE pushed his grandmother down the stairs! He sounds like he is going to kill himself! You knew all_along_didn't_you? That_I_was_killing_HIS grandmother!
Sounds like you have some apologizing to do, mister.

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Keep those hands in those pockets, mister, until we rustle up some handcuffs.
You can't do this! Yeah, I pushed that old lady down the stairs! But Allen told me to!
If Allen told you to jump off a bridge, WOULD YOU? Get in the car.
Meanwhile on the overpass
He's right! Just jump, and then the moment of pain..and it'll be over, all the heart-ache will be gone.

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
How dare you visit me in prison! You're lucky they don't let me take my hands out of my pockets or I'd tear through this glass so fast..
I just wanted to officially notify you that all of your holdings now revert to me because of your sentencing..unless you forgot about this little clause..
What??
"..and all parties agree that should one party push another party's maternal grandmother down stairs unto death, anywhere throughout the universe, that all held shares of said company revert to the.."
What? No! I thought that was a standard clause! You_planned_this_all_along!

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Well, I guess you'll do for a secretary since you're the only one who showed up to interview.
And now with one partner dead and one in jail, I can get down to business!
(DEFRAUDING!!)
(DANCING!!)

 

by allenhenderson
10-17-02
Hey Micah, if you were locked in a fallout shelter forever and could only eat one dish over and over what would it be?
I guess...Lobster tails with butter sauce and garlic mashed potatoes. Why what would you pick?
Hmm..I guess...Canned pees with ketchup.
What? Why would you pick something nasty like that?
Because I will actually get my wish granted! Find a can opener and get to the fallout shelter, they are dropping the bombs!
Well great. Let me finish downloading this playlist and I'll be right there.

 

by allenhenderson
10-31-02
Trick or treat!
Oh man you're a scary varmit. Here ya go. You can have your choice of a decaf frappuccino, dried shrimp raman, or an apple.
Those aren't treats!
Please don't judge how I live my life.
Come on honey, leave that man with his pain.
I'm just sayin' "decaf"!? What the hell!...I mean "heck", sorry mom.

 

by allenhenderson
11-23-02
Hey guys! I'm back!
What? I heard you were in rehab for six-months!
No way I heard you were hunted by the FBI for killing seven while breaking out of court-ordered drug rehabilitation!
That is too what happened, Brent said he heard it on the news.
You're just being dumb-
Hey! Stop this silliness! You are BOTH right!

 

by allenhenderson
11-23-02
Aren't you worried maybe Allen wasn't joking when he said he was here hiding from the FBI for mass-murder?
Well, jeez I don't know, if we're in for it what can we do to prepare for something that is inevitable? Just calm down.
I mean if we're gonna die..you know..we're gonna die.
Want to repent your sins while we're waiting?
*SOB* One night when it was raining I skidded through an intersection and hit some bum and I kept on driving! *CHOKE!* oh god when he hit the windshield his eyes were looking right at me!

 

by allenhenderson
11-23-02
So this concludes the imperially-mandated class on sexual education. Are there any questions?

 

by allenhenderson
11-23-02
Weeeeeeee!

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
What are you doing on my computer?
What are you doing standing behind me with a hammer and nail?
I know it seems menacing but I really only have 2 or 3 poses.
Well stop it it's freaking me out.
Who are you anyway?
Oh I'm your roommate, there is just only this new guy who is on the computer pose, so, you know, I had to change form.

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
God I feel so limited in this environment.
Hey, look, don't feel bad-
I mean, things could be a lot worse, you could-
Oh Jesus Christ! Your hands! They are chopped in half!
Oh man! Oh man! What the fuck! I can't feel my legs! Allen, I can't feel my legs!

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
Oh man, it's fine now that I turned around...God that was scary...my hands and legs vanished...
God Allen, I think I'm stuck here forever! Oh God! This is like some kind of horrible dream!
Did I put on deodorant this morning?
Allen?

Showing page 4.

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