All comics by eggy_mcmuffinman

 

Wanna rock out for Christ?
No.
Wanna rock out for Christ?
Oh, will you look at the time...
"Jesus Aid" isn't going so well.
For the last time, stop trying to organize a concert and get me down!

 

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Yo.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

 
What the hell was that?

 
I was drunk, okay?

 

I'm a ninja.
I'm a penguin.
Am I the only one who notices how much this comic is starting to suck?
Starting?

 
Okay, I'm feeling a lot better now.

 

Easter's here.
With A Gun.

 

Hello, author.
Hi there. Do you have a question?
Yeah. Why has this comic been sucking so bad lately?
Ow.

 

So, yeah, I'm down with Adbusters. I think everything about the mainstream is just total crap. What do you think?
I'm thinking of taking a large blunt object and beating you senseless, then shoving your pencil-necked, oversized head up your ass where it belongs.
Interesting...perspective...

 

So anyways, after I went camping, I was covered head to toe in poison ivy! Pretty neat, huh?
No.
Oh. Well, whatever. Say, what was I talking about before?
Something about someone's birthday.
Eh, it probably wasn't that important. So do you think the comic's started yet?
Uh oh.

 

Excuse me ma'am, we're conducting a survey. If you could just take a couple of moments to answer our questions...
Oh come on, I didn't hit your husband THAT hard...

 
What the hell is this?
A happy place!

 

Why exactly am I here?
Because, Grey, we feel you're in need of some attitude adjustment.
We're here to turn your frown upside down, and make you feel light as a feather! And we'll do it together, like one big happy family!
Dude, you are SO gay.
HEY!

 

Get me out of here.
Now, Grey, you can only leave once you've conquered the anger within yourself.
Seriously, get me the fuck out of here.
Righto!

 

So where do you want to go?
Somewhere very, very far away.
Sweet.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-07-04
My face hurts.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-07-04
God, you suck.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-07-04
I know.
Sweet.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-07-04
'dja hear the one about the blind man in the lesbian bar?
Tough crowd.
I hear Jesus crying.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-08-04
Heeeeey, crippy crippy crippy.
Every night, I pray for death.
Want some ice cream?
Death ice cream?

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-08-04
The doctor says my lungs could give way any second.
Way to ruin my day.
I try.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-08-04
Wanna grab a burger?
My teeth aren't strong enough to eat solid food.
Plus, I'm a vegetarian.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-08-04
Will you be my friend?
No.
Is it because I'm crippled?
No, it's because you're ugly.
Oh, cheer up.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-10-04
Hey, you can walk!
Yes, they finally found a cure for my condition.
Finally, I'll be able to fit in and feel normal!
You parents must be thrilled.
Parents?

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-10-04
So anyways, I go up to the girl, I'm like: "You wanna start something, bitch?" and then - excuse me.
There you are, Fido! Oh, who's a good boy? WHO'S A GOOD BOY? You are! That's right!
Yeah, sorry about that. Christ, that guy annoys me. Anyways, as I was saying...
I hate talking dogs.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-10-04
Listen kid, there's only one cute character around here, and that's me. Wanna know why? 'Cause I'm the fucking dog, that's why.
Try any of that baby stuff and I rip your arms out. Got it?
Go suck an exhaust pipe, you ill-bred, ball-biting bastard.
He's good.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-10-04
Sorry about how nasty the humour of the comic has been lately.
I promise that I'll return to my usual brand of wholesome humour soon enough.
BOOBIES!
Not too soon, though.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-16-04
I am...
BATMAN!

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
11-18-04
Due to a case of temporary insanity, Stickman is temporarily being taken out of the comic.
I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE CANCER! SEXY CANCER! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
As soon as we can get rid of him.
is that my PINEAPPLE????

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
12-17-04
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree! Much pleasure thou can'st give me! How often has the Christmas tree afforded me the greatest glee!

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
12-17-04
And now, a special holiday message from Jesus!
In retrospect, I probably should have killed you all.
This special holiday message was brought to you by Gatorade.

 

by eggy_mcmuffinman
12-23-04
We here at Eggy McMuffinman remind you this holiday season to try and stay as warm and cozy as possible.
Put some pants on, dammit.
Never.

 

Hi. As you may have noticed, the last time I did comics was in December and they were pretty lousy. If I'm going to continue doing this comic on a semi-regular basis, I'd better do something original.
Therefore, I'm scrapping plot development altogether and skipping straight to the punchlines.
Yes, I think there's a significant difference between Angelina Jolie and a talking toilet.

 
For the last time, when they say "Glazed Testicles" they mean GLAZED FUCKING TESTICLES!
I'll take my chances.

 

You forgot how to spell punchline, dumbass.
Fcuk.

 
He's a Hitler!
If The Pope ever heard that joke, he'd kick your ass.

 

I heard the funniest thing today!
A girl said she liked you for your personality?
GET. LAID.
You're just jealous 'cause I'm smart.

 
Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha.

 

Dude, I just read the best Garfield comic ever.
Garfield sucks. What's your point?
No, really! See, Jon Arbuckle somehow gets convinced that he's a modern incarnation of Nazi scientist Joseph Mengele and -
Say no more.
Say, can I borrow the funnies section of your newspaper for a moment?
Why...Jon? Odie...was your friend...Jon...

 
Okay. Trying to land on the mountains is definetely out.
See you in hell.

 
That last comic made absolutely no fucking sense.
Agreed.

 

Hey, Grey, what's up?
Jeezus, man, where the hell have you been?
I was off fulfilling my lifelong dream of spending a day with William Shatner.
How could that have taken you over a year?
Well, let's just say things get kinda "sticky" once you "violate a restraining order", if you catch my drift.
I never like talking to you.

 

So, did you go to prison?
In a manner of speaking.
What the hell is that supposed to imply?
Well, technically, I should still be in there.
Just for stalking Shatner?
In a manner of speaking.

 

Sitckman, what exactly did you do to get such a long prison sentence?
I shot a man in Reno.
...JUUUUST TO WAAAAATCH HIM DIE!
sorry.

 

Hey, wanna hear about an amazing invention I came up with?
Sure.
See, it's a kid's toy called Baby's First Blowtorch, and it's, um...
Did I mention I just spent 10 months in prison?
It helps.

 

It seems we've been drafted back into active service.
Ooooooh, someone's gonna pay.
by eggy_mcmuffinman, 1-10-11

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