All comics by lima

Profile

 

by lima
6-06-06
Dude, my newly 'Brazilianed' girlfriend went out and did an Argentinian
Meh, its not so bad. My new girlfriend just 'did an Argentinian'
You mean another one cheated on you with an Argentine?
What? No. I mean she 'did an Argentinian'. She was drugged, carried off in a plane and dropped into the ocean.
Bloody spics
Bloody spics

 

by lima
6-09-06
Dear Stormfront.org. I, like you, am concerned with protecting our white race from impurities.
However, i am carrying a deep, dark, secret
My father is ginger. As you're probably aware, the 'ginger gene' is recessive, as well as being a communist and a jew. Well, at least i think so.
I, like you, have no need to study any facts surrounding this assumption, and instead base this assumption on my own mistrust of the 'redness' of freckles.
I digress. What i mean to say is, i don't feel i can carry on as a white supremacist with my impure ginger genes. I'm just gonna go ahead and marry this rather sexy black woman. Yours sincerely,
'Abdul'

 

by lima
6-09-06
This guys saying that the France team of 1998 were the worst French teams ever because of the amount of blacks on the team
The France team that won World Cup '98?
He's also saying their best player was Zinedine Zidane, because he's european
The Algerian born Zinedine Zidane?
No, the other one.
Oh.

 

by lima
6-16-06
I don't understand how you make money from doing technical drawings.
Want me to draw you a diagram?
Go on then
That'll be five pounds

 

by lima
6-23-06
What do you mean you don't like Kevin Smith films?! Next thing you'll tell me you don't even like comics!
Well I haven't been ten years old for twelve years so i've kind of lost interest in them
Bastard...
Yes! That was a great come-back! I'll have to remember that for when i log onto Stripcreator tonight
What the...

 

by lima
6-23-06
That last comic was based on a true story. It happened in the pub last night.
After putting down someone because they liked comics, i actually thought about how the scene would make a good strip for SC
As you may know, my longest running and best rated series on this website is the 'Sort of Like Iron' set
My supposedly unwavering grasp of the concept of irony is the basis for this series. This includes the aforementioned true story.
However, in spite of all this, its taken me 18 hours to realise that the situation was ironic in the first place.

 

by lima
6-24-06
The German team are frighteningly efficient and well disciplined.
They're also showing ruthless contempt for the definite article
It must be that 'never say die' attitude

 

by lima
6-24-06
In Nurenberg this evening. Germany were 2-0 down before coming back to win 3-2
In short, the Germans rallied in Nurenberg
Sorry. We promise not to make any more tasteless 'third reich' puns
In other news, the Israeli team were on fire against Poland, but ended up losing by six million goals to nil
On his team's win, Polish manager Gopher Joebells said 'its all about piling bodies in the box'

 

by lima
6-24-06
Germany's strikers Klose and Podolski were born in Poland
Funnily enough, they only came to prominence after Germany beat Poland in the first round
We're wondering whether they'll be taking Italian, Dutch and Czech players on board for the later rounds
If they do, they'll be all set for the next three games
...against Schleswig- Holstein, Rhineland and France
With all those teams, this world cup should last a thousand years

 

by lima
6-24-06
English tabloid newspapers are talking of Alan Shearer becoming the new England coach
As you may know, current manager Sven Goran Erikkson is to step down after the world cup to manage Bayern Munich
Erikkson was quoted as saying that no other club would have suited his tactics
After all, where else would he be able to bring on Owen Hargreaves after seventy minutes

 

by lima
8-03-06
I thought you said you were just gonna smoke Marlboro 'lights'
Er..
You've got a pack of reds. When i saw you smoking earlier you told me it was a light!
It was alight.
I have an English degree too, Liam
fuck

 

by lima
11-08-06

 

by lima
11-08-06
'Clerks 2' opens today. God I hate Kevin Smith
Always with the shit films and the dire script and the tired jokes. I'll bet it opens with a defence of his last godforsaken film.
It'll be some exagerrated portrayal of a pretentious armchair film critic, standing in line at the cinema and talking loudly about how juvenile Kevin Smith films are...
And the guy in front will do something hilarious like turn round and punch him in the face.
And... CUT

 

by lima
11-08-06
Kevin Smiths made it impossible for people to take the piss out of his films in cinema queues, especially ones full of his fans
I don't see why that makes him an evil genius
Don't you see?! The longer my tirade against him goes on, the more it feels like i'm acting out a 'hilarious' fourth-wall scene from one of his fucking films
So by just saying something like that, you've made it worse for yourself...
...
Its OK honey, its OK

 

by lima
11-10-06
//WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A SHEEP WITH A KANGAROO?//
Thank you, Joke Analyser, now to check the punchline
//TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE//
//GEDDIT?//
not entirely...

 

by lima
11-12-06
Can I order the "Huge Great Big Expensive Over-Sized Duck"?
No
The bill would be huge

 

by lima
11-18-06
Shit, i've got a virus. Fucking 'trojan nebula'
Trojan Nebula? You moron!
What?
How the FUCK did you not see that coming?! Its a NEBULA!
Its a term for a computer vir..
HOW BIG WAS THE FUCKING HORSE?!?!

 

by lima
11-25-06
I was bored yesterday, so I decided to try and work out how many atoms there are in the solar system.
First of all, I decided that the definition of the solar system should be all points within the Kuyper Belt, and the orbit of Pluto
Then I finalised my formula for finding the density of the planets, adding the mass of the materials below sea-level to the planet's atmospheric density
So I took the metric circumference of mercury, and the amount of atoms found in a square metre of its main compound, iron.
Then realised that I didn't know how to work out the area of a circle.
I'm taking my break-up with Becky harder than I thought

 

by lima
11-26-06
This pac-man report is pac-man packed, i'll sure know all about pac-man at the next meeting
...well of course I read it, how else would I know that the alarm bell is triggered by the sound 'wakka wakka wakka'
When I told you the report was 'Pac-man Packed' I meant it. Literally.
You mean...
He's packed it in. The guy's a pie-chart now. Forget him.

 

by lima
11-30-06
Since when did black guys work on farms?
Thats a little racist
Y'think thats a little racist? You should meet my sister...
IT'S A NIGGER!

 

ICICPCCT Brooklyn (Inter-City Inner-City Political Correctness Councilling Tour, Brooklyn Leg, November 2006)
Y'know dawg, when I call you dawg, I ain't callin' you a 'dog' dawg, y'know what i'm sayin'? I aint dissin u dawg, I jus' callin you 'dawg', dawg, cos you the dawg, but you aint no woof dog, kay dawg?
Shut up and throw the stick
by lima, 11-30-06

 

by lima
3-10-07
Last night, in bed, making love to my girl, whilst taking in her utmost beauty and just how sexy her body looked as she moved beneath me... all I could think in my inconceivably tired state, was...
"Standard Liege... Club Brugge... Feyenoord... Anderlecht... Sparta Rotterdam... A.D.O. Den Haag..."
Have you ever, during sex with a loved one, called out the name of an old flame at the moment of truth?
Let me assure you that calling her the names of obscure Dutch and Belgian football teams has far worse consequences
She didn't believe me that a popular latin term of endearment is 'Heracles Almelo'...
...A dutch football team that now owes me a penis

 

by lima
3-15-07
Hey Irony Kid. Writing another hilariously pretentious joke for stripcreator?
Sure am, Dexter
Nice to see you're a fellow left-hander too
Sure am, Dexter

 

by lima
3-19-07
In internet terms, a meme is basically when a so-called 'funny person' latches onto a popular fad from another source
In most cases, they do this to squeeze a cheap laugh out of whatever mindless half-arsed drivel they're posting,
Such fads usually stem from well-known net personalities such as Maddox, or popular forums like Something Awful
These morons will regurgitate elements of these fads without any recognition of the fact that, by doing so...
...they are showing an inutterably pathetic and inexcusable lack of any comedic talent or integrity whatsoever.
Also, Cocks

 

by lima
3-19-07
You cheated on Martin with the POPE?!
I know. Not only have I broken his heart...
But you've fucked up his entire religion!
I'm so sorry. I hope he isn't going to do anything stupid
'There are various points of this religion that i'm not entirely happy with..'
Its the gold-plated statue isn't it? He hates the sodding decor...

 

by lima
3-23-07
So, this week, you actually aren't going to attempt to humiliate Wirthling in your usual imaginitive and scatological manner?
I've taken the formal route and transcribed my hatred to paper
....all it says is 'Three lemons, an envelope'... its a shopping list....
A yellow shopping list
...that smells of lemon
You ever tried jabbing dry paper in someone's eye?

 

by lima
3-23-07
So, this week, you actually aren't going to attempt to humiliate Wirthling in your usual imaginitive and scatological manner?
I've taken the formal route and transcribed my hatred to paper
...its a shopping list... for 'three lemons, an envelope, and a paper-shredder'... and it smells of lemon
Well, have you ever tried jabbing dry paper in someone's eye?
...and the shredder?
He's not keeping my fucking envelope!

 

by lima
3-24-07
Israel's staunch defence gave England some problems today in a drab nil-nil draw
The Israeli footballers dealt comfortably with England's full-backs bombing up the wings
Which is more than can be said about what happened in their last game...
...a violent encounter against Palestine that finished 16-1
While hardly percieved as a footballing mecca, for obvious reasons, Israel's Ramat Gan stadium has a capacity of six million
Its an ashtray

 

by lima
3-24-07
Where...... where am I?...... I remember...... the last thing I remember...... I was attached to a rock...... an enourmous, giant rock...... hurtling through space at maginificent speed......
it swerved its course..... through this universe..... but I couldn't feel it spin..... I could stand up..... and could breathe...... and on my tiny section..... a bittercold smattering of surface....
amidst a caucophony of liquid... were scattered herds of giant statues.... of cylinders and cubes.... giant to me yet.... tiny to this world.... and one such sculpture.... that so aroused my curiosity
with grandeur of design..... yet warmth of interior.... allowed me to enter its core..... to marvel at its sculptures of glass.... and sultry temptresses.... draped over tables....
and sipping honey.... from icy cylinders... or decanters of nectar... of which one was bestowed upon me... poured from a vase of crystal.... upon which was emblazoned... in letters proud and pure....
'Absinthe'

 

by lima
3-26-07
The suspense is killing me...

 

by lima
4-23-07
Beach football? Sounds great! I'll be Zidane, you can be Marco Materazzi, prison rules apply...
Nah man, I mean Beach 'FUTbawwl'. American Football. Gridiron. You know, but on a beach
What? But don't we need to be dressed as brightly coloured sofas? With crash helmets? Who's gonna supply the cheerleaders?
We don't need either, but if you want, you can imagine those crabs are cheerleaders.
These are a cheerleader's crabs
I meant the crabs on the beach

 

by lima
4-23-07
Jimmy wants to play linebacker, Tobor, so you gonna be OK as a tight end?
TOBOR SEES YOU AS TIGHT END. TOBOR THINKS YOU SHOULD PLAY TIGHT END BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
Too late? What?
THE HUMAN BEHIND YOU AGREES YOU WILL NOT BE TIGHT END FOR LONG
Until when?
UNTIL TOBOR MAKES YOU WIDE RECEIVER! RARR!

 

by lima
1-11-08
Oh hai, I can has pint of beer?
Hmm... an internet meme...
And?
Used in a bar. In real life.
Fine i'm sorry
Epic fail dude..

 

by lima
1-12-08
This circle... represents 'diagrams'.... and this circle here.... represents 'overlapping circles'
Uh, Gerald...
...and where these two circles overlap... represents 'Venn Diagrams'
Gerald. You've just explained to me the concept of Venn Diagrams... through the medium of Venn Diagrams.
I've got those 'coping with deafness' audio tapes ready if you want them?
You're fired

 

by lima
1-24-08
Mr. President, this is a code-red. The muslim cleric we had arrested has died in prison. Subsequent riots in Basra have accounted for 12 deaths.
Then what are you waiting for?! Quick!
FIREBOMB THE ORPHANAGE!

 

by lima
1-25-08
Don't bother buying packs of playing cards from Australia
There'll be a joker missing.
Oh come on, it was three days ago, thats the best sick joke I can come up with.

 

by lima
1-26-08
Three Degrees Centigrade
"When will I celsius.... again..."
Three Degrees Fahrenheit
"daaa dooo..."
Three Degrees Kelvin

 

by lima
1-28-08
--------------1996-----------------------------1999----------------
Wow, my very first album. K-u-l-a S-h-a-k-e-r. Trippy, pretentious, epic long songs. This is alright.
Damnit I need something louder. Hey, whose this? Muse eh? Pretentious, epic long songs, heavy. Sounds good!
---------------2001------------------------------2003----------------
I need more oomph, more adrenaline. Wow, so this is Metallica? This is awesome! Epic long songs, heavy, angry. Awesome!
'Tallica's cool alright, but I need something wittier, more intelligent. This System of a Down is cool... Heavy, angry, pretentious. Nice.
---------------2005------------------------------2008----------------
Wow, Mars Volta are awsome! Angry, pretentious, trippy... this is cool. Kinda loud though...
Hey... hey is this Kula Shaker?

 

by lima
2-05-08
One down. "Puzzled Inca meets this dot and blasphemes. Quitter? (1,4,2,4,4)"
I Can't Do This Shit

 

by lima
2-11-08
I'm not all about sucky sucky you know. Deep down, I'm something of a romanticist.
No, I don't mean a romantic.
I won't buy you roses, laugh at your jokes, or take you to dinner
I won't whisper 'I love you' in your ear at night.
But I grow on you.

 

by lima
2-11-08
Err.. Hi...
Jesus Christ A TALKING LAMPSHADE
Don't be so fucking stupid.
I'm a lightbulb.

 

by lima
2-11-08
"Thats life... thats what all the people say..."
"Flying high in April, shot down in May..."
What are you doing?
Just a little light entertainment.

 

by lima
2-13-08
GRRR!!!
You two! Break it up!
GRRR!!!

 

by lima
2-15-08
I got my girl twenty red roses for valentines day.
Score?

 

by lima
2-15-08
No. I thought it was impressive, but Dave got his girl twelve dozen herpes sores for valentines.
Gross.

 

by lima
8-10-08
Ding digadigadigadigadiga ding ding dong ding, *calaclack*.................. Bing, bingabingabingabinga bing bang bong bing.... *clacaclack*
Dala daaaaaa, dah lah nah naaaaah naddle naaaaah...... dalalaaah nahnahna naaaah niddle NAAAAH badum NAAAAAAAAHH NIDDLE NAAH!
NAAAAAAAAAAH NIDDLY NAAAAWAAAAAH NIDDLE NAAAAAAAAH BA NAAA WAAA WEEEE WIDDLE WAAAAAH! BAAAAH! WEEEE!
BANG!

 

by lima
9-08-08
So, you've done 200 comics eh Lima? Pfft, I bet you can't find a way to mark the occasion without your head vanishing back up your arse in a poof of meta-fiction.
And if you turn this comic into a shitty over-complicated sub-intellectual pun then, well, I will forced to hire a group of Roman legionaires to kill you.
[Send]
CC: Rome

 

by lima
9-09-08
I'm completely unlike a musical instrument.
Hmm..
You're tightly strung, you've got a really long neck and a really small head.
Are you calling me a lyre?

 

by lima
9-09-08
I'm not coming out
Oh grow up, so he hasn't learnt the English for 'prawn' yet, big deal. Why couldn't you explain it to him?
How?! HE DOESN'T KNOW THE ENGLISH FOR 'PINK'! HOW ELSE DO YOU DESCRIBE A PRAWN?!
I'm not sure 'Imagine the love-child of Barbie and HP Lovecraft' was the second best option
You taken his order yet?
I will when his daughter's finished crying

 

by lima
9-09-08
Can I take your order sir?
Uh... what is 'Haggis'?

Showing page 4.

« Previous Next »