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All comics by sonesh123

 

PR ka PYAAR - Adventures of Jugaadu, a PR Professional :) by sonesh123 8-31-12
Jugaadu was pitching to the journo... I like the fact that your client is doing a survey on "Facebook usage in offices". It would be interesting to our readers. Yeah, and they are considering a sample size inclusive of 20% of Mumbai's working population to lend credibility to the survey.	Thats nice. Ask them to make it 25%. Ok, i will ask the client to include his neighbour's office employees in the survey too ;)

 

Adventures of Jobby: On Fruits of Labour :) by sonesh123 9-05-12
Jobby was remembering his Boss's comments on his joining date.... Remember son, fruits of labour are always sweet. कर्म का फल हमेशा मीठा होता है | Thats very enouraging sir. Thanks for the advice	then he remembered his appraisal.... Remember son, do you work sincerely. Dont expect fruits of your labour. कर्म करो, फल की आशा मत करो | Sure....कर्म तो हम ही करेंगे, और फल तू ही खायेगा :(

 

Adventures of Jobby: Life like a pen drive :) by sonesh123 9-07-12
Jobby was pondering out loud .. Our corporate lives are very similar to a pen drive. What makes you draw such a conclusion?	We download crap from our bosses during the day, only to delete it in the night. Then be ready for downloading more crap in the morning :) An unfortunate truth. But, such is life :(

 

Adventures of Jobby: Get Approved or die trying :) by sonesh123 9-11-12
Discussion on a project deadline.... How much time do you estimate for the completion of the project? Atleast 2 years.	But, as per the deliverables we should be able to complete it in 2 months?? Yes, 2 months are enough for completing the project. The remaining 22 months are estimated just for getting "approvals" :(

 

Jobby & Engineering Fundas - A "Civil"ized report :) by sonesh123 9-12-12
Review of a project report was going on... This report has 15 unnecessary instances of the phrase "laying a foundation", 17 instances of "building a bridge" and 23 instances of "end of the road". Can you explain their reason of this rhetoric? Sir, Prasad had worked on the report.	So??? Prasad is a civil engineeer undergoing rehabilitation :(

 

Jobby & Engineering Fundas - Engineered hiring :) by sonesh123 9-13-12
Discussion over hiring resources.... I want you to help me recruit a team of trainee engineers for development of our new software project. Sure sir, I will initiate the search with the help of HR.	After a few days..... I am surprised to see mechanical, civil and electrical engineers as part of your new team. Why didnt you hire pure IT engineers? Sir, they come at a lower price than pure IT engineers and are equally incompetent and confused.

 

Jobby & Engineering Fundas - On Engineers Day :) by sonesh123 9-14-12
Engineers Day was being celebrated in office on 15th September... Today being engineers day, I am planning to give a half day off to all engineers in our office. Interesting thought. But why give a half day off?	I want them to use that time to appreciate engineering innovations in our industry and achieve a higher state of being. What do you think? Knowing them, they would probably end up appreciating alcohol to achieve a "higher" state of being :(

 

Jobby on exotic instruments :) by sonesh123 9-26-12
Pondering aloud on investment planning...... I am thinking of investing in mutual funds. What other financial instruments do you suggest for investments? I only invest in two exotic instruments.	Which ones? Wine and Women

 

Jobby and a programmers viewpoint :) by sonesh123 9-27-12
Review of a project report was going on... This project review report seems to be going around in circles without reaching any conclusion. Who was documenting it? It was Sharad from the programming team who worked on it.	Can you explain the lack of conclusion in his documentation? He codes "infinite loops". For him, everything which has a beginning doesnt have any end :)

 

Jobby wants to "learn and develop" :) by sonesh123 9-30-12
Jobby pays a visit to the HR manager handling training programs.... Sir, i would really like to develop some of my latent faculties. Can you help me with appropriate learning modules? I am glad that you approached me. How can i help?	I would like to learn about how to effectively avail my leaves without fooling my boss. I am afraid, i have asked the corporate strategy team to come up with a learning module on the same. But even they have failed :(

 

Jobby and his dreamjob :) by sonesh123 10-04-12
Discussion on a better work profile.. My dream job is to be a host of a travel show. Whats yours? I already have a dream job.	Really, thats awesome. Yeah, i dream on my job almost everyday.

 

Jobby on making sense out of project reports :) by sonesh123 10-06-12
On a weekend review meeting... I am glad to realize that atleast you were able to appreciate my viewpoints in the project report. The team doesnt seem to agree though. I will convince the team and i am sure in the next meet they will collectively agree to your views.	After the review meeting... How could you make sense of his project report today morning? After 3 shots of Vodka everything makes sense. Trust me, you guys should try it for the next meeting.	After next weeks review meeting... I am surprised to see the team stay quiet and agree to all my viewpoints. How did you convince them? Some smalltalk. I made sure they were in "high spirits" today :)

 

Jobby on Negotiating Skills :) by sonesh123 10-07-12
Discussion on vendor evaluation for project... I want you to find me a cost effective vendor who can work on this project. Budget is around Rs.2 lakh Sure, sir. I will action the same immediately	After 2 weeks.. How did you manage to negotiate and get a vendor for Rs.75,000 only? Sir, Mr.Shah managed the negotiation. He is a gujju. The first word they learn since birth is "Bargain".

 

Jobby on short term goals :) by sonesh123 10-08-12
Discussion on training for new joinees... I have noticed that a lot of new joinees come to you for advice. What do you tell them? To focus on short term goals.	Why not long term goals? They wont stay that long enough to fulfill them.

 

Jobby on Amitabh Bachchan's values :) by sonesh123 10-10-12
On Amitabh Bachchan's Birthday... Passionate, Committed, Virtuous are values that define Amitabh Bachchan. I want to have them as our company values as well. What do you think? Amitabh Bachchan is very "charitable" too. I think thats the most important value our company should have.	Please explain why "charitable" is important as an organizational value? We all wish the organization to be "charitable" towards salary increments during appraisals.

 

Jobby on being "Spirit"ual :) by sonesh123 10-11-12
Jobby's colleague was giving him unnecessary gyaan on religion and philosophy.. What do you think gets you closer to GOD? Alcohol.	What??? Can you explain... It is "Spirit"ually relevant for me :)

 

Jobby on the most challenging equation in the world :) by sonesh123 10-19-12
Argument on equations...... E=mc2 is the most challenging equation ever proved by mankind. I disagree.	What makes you disagree? I strongly believe "Boss = Useful" is the most challenging equation. It can never be equated :)

 

Jobby on Dandiya :) by sonesh123 10-23-12
Discussion on dandiya... My wife is a control freak. She lets me participate in only Dandiya as a dance form. Why is that so?	She has the weapon of mass destruction (dandiya sticks) always ready in her hands in case i steal a look at other pretty ladies during dandiya nite. No wonder, you think twice before shaking hands with female colleagues around you :(

 

Jobby on secrets of a happy marriage :) by sonesh123 10-26-12
Debate on marriage.... Its been 2 years since you got married. Hope you have settled for good? There's nothing like a perfect marriage. Even Google doesnt believe in the same.	Can you explain? I was searching for "secrets of a happily married life" on google. In 7 search attempts, the browser crashed 5 times and the rest 2 times it showed me the message "your input is invalid" :)

 

Jobby on diwali gifts in office :) by sonesh123 11-07-12
Discussion on Diwali gifts.... I heard that there is something special planned for employees on Diwali by management. They are just doing Diwali Puja in office.	Is that it? What about the gifts? They strictly believe that gifts should be received in blessings only :(

 

Jobby's blues on Dhanteras :) by sonesh123 11-11-12
On Dhanteras.... Wish you a happy Dhanteras. May you get enough wealth to buy everything you desire. Wealth cant give me everything i desire.	Why do you think so? Whats the use of wealth, when it cant get you even one predictable BAI (maidservant).

 

Jobby never looks up to his Boss :) by sonesh123 12-04-12
Discussion on project challenges... You should "look up" to your boss for help. I cant.	Why? He is shorter than me. I always have to "look down" on him

 

Jobby is unfriendly on Facebook :) by sonesh123 12-06-12
Boss sent me a friend request on Facebook. Really, did you accept it?	Yes, i had to respect him. But, then i intentionally posted videos of all Altaf Raja album songs on his wall. To my advantage, he did unfriend me in a matter of minutes :) Cruel.....but smart !!

 

Jobby learns about PR :) by sonesh123 12-07-12
Chatting with the Public Relations (PR) guy... I have always wondered what do PR guys do for a living? We are glorified masseurs.	Can you elaborate? We massage ego's for a living :)

 

Jobby's views on greeting with Namaste :) by sonesh123 12-08-12
Henceforth, I would like all the office staff to greet each other with a "Namaste" rather than a handshake. Why a namaste sir?	I just learnt that Namaste is a beautiful way to acknowledge the divinity within you. In that case, at least you should greet us with "Stupiste" to acknowledge the stupidity within you.

 

Jobby's views on Boss's promotion :) by sonesh123 12-15-12
At the end of the review meeting..... The board of directors have decided to promote me as the sales head for the western region. Thats great sir. Congratulations....	Thanks. But with my set of competencies and intellect, i was hoping for a national sales head position. With your competencies and intellect, you would've made an excellent LIFTMAN, you dimwit :(

 

Jobby on being social :) by sonesh123 1-01-13
You dont take active participation in discussions. You need to be more social. Sir, I am very social.	I dont get it ?? I am very social on Facebook.

 

Jobby on seeing stars :) by sonesh123 1-04-13
I am going on leave next week. Please complete the project report before i am back. Yes Sir. Where are you going?	I have been interested in astronomy for a while and am going for a star gazing expedition. No need for that. Just let me slap you once for the stupid project report. You will see all the stars and constellations here.

 

Jobby on hiring a secretary for his boss :) by sonesh123 1-14-13
Why did you keep a KITE on my table? Sir, I was just following orders.	Following orders?? can you elaborate. You had asked me to find a secretary whose "strings" would be under your control and who would "dance" to your tunes. I could only think of a KITE.

 

Jobby on making a sophisticated report :) by sonesh123 1-25-13
This version of your report is really good. Earlier, it lacked sophistication. Thank you sir. I worked really hard to improve it.	Boss really liked your report. What changes did you make to make it look sophisticated enough? I ended every second sentence with "market share and ROI" and replaced product benefits with "customer value proposition". The report wasnt making any sense and hence was sophisticated enough :)

 

Jobby gets a qualitative period of reflection :) by sonesh123 2-09-13
Sir, i need a "qualitative period of reflection" before i begin work on the new project. Alright, i will give you 10 days leave.	How did you succeed in getting a long leave at this time of the year? I just reworded my request for a "vacation in goa" to a much needed "qualitative period of reflection" :)

 

Jobby on his friend's facebook updates :) by sonesh123 2-16-13
Have you seen Sachin's facebook status updates recently? No, what's the matter?	His updates used to be really funny until last month. But nowdays, he posts depressing poetries and quotes on life and death. What happened to him? Lord bless his soul. He recently got married. :(

 

Jobby on Women's Day :) by sonesh123 3-07-13
Today, I want to recognize the women in office for their contribution to the workplace. Thats a nice thought Sir. I have a very good suggestion.	What is it? For today, just "like" all the facebook status updates of our women colleagues even if you find most of them irrational. This is the highest level of "visible" recognition they can receive :)

 

Jobby on top management :) by sonesh123 3-28-13
So, what do you think about the senior management in our company? They are like "Abstract Art".	What? Can you elaborate..?? No one understands them but still they are deemed valuable :(

 

Jobby redefines "LIFE SENTENCE" :) by sonesh123 4-04-13
The Indian judiciary is being more liberal in giving life sentences to criminals these days. I have an even better suggestion for the judiciary.	What? The judiciary should transfer the home loans repayment liability of Mumbaikars to these criminals. This would be worse than serving a life sentence

 

Jobby: In the end, Its all about appraisals :) by sonesh123 4-05-13
I shouldnt have said NO to the project.	I will go back and accept it. It will help me get a good appraisal.	Sir, i am ready to take up the project. Thats awesome. He will help me get a good appraisal :)

 

Jobby on monday morning review meetings :)

A friend is writing a play which revolves around a pointless discussion between a group of people. He is looking for inspiration. Great. Ask him to attend our weekly monday morning review meeting. He wouldnt have seen anything more pointless than that :)

by sonesh123, 4-10-13

 

Jobby gets 360 degree feedback from his boss :) by sonesh123 4-13-13
Do you receive regular feedback from your boss? Yes, i receive a 360 degree feedback from my boss every week.	Really, can you elaborate on the 360 degree aspect? He takes my case from all angles possible.

 

Jobby on hiring family at work :) by sonesh123 5-28-13
Hey, how did the company hire your brother considering the fact that we have a strict policy of not hiring family? The policy is only restricted to immediate relations and not distant relatives.	But he is your real brother. No, as per his statement to the company he is my father's mother's mother's great grandson :)

 

Jobby on taking leaves :) by sonesh123 5-29-13
Jobby was speaking to HR.. So, you had a question on availing your leaves? Yes, i wanted to combine a casual leave and a sick leave.	How would you do that? I will casually fall sick :)

 

Jobby on the perceived value of his boss :) by sonesh123 5-30-13
Jobby was voicing his concerns to his boss Sir, being the "Employee of the Month" I was expecting a cash reward. All i got was a certificate :( The perceived value of the certificate is always higher than the cash reward.	Next day in office .... Why did you commit to the client that i will personally work on the report and send it to him. Weren't you supposed to do it on your own? Sir, the perceived value of the Boss is always higher than the employee :)

 

Jobby on restricting facebook access at work :) by sonesh123 5-31-13
Boss was discussing social media policy at work ... Jobby, its been a week since i have restricted facebook access at work. Can you tell me if there has been a positive effect on employee productivity? Yes, sir. Nowadays, people spend less time on facebook on their computer........	.....and spend more time on facebook on their phones :)

 

Jobby's views on working couples in office :) by sonesh123 6-02-13
I am planning to have an HR policy allowing couples to work in office. Do you think it would be a good idea? I dont know about women but men would certainly not avail of this policy.	Why do you say so? Married men come to work to spend quality time away from their wives everyday. This cruel policy would challenge their motivation levels :)

 

Jobby on his corporate idol :)

Whom do you idolize from the corporate world and why? Phaneesh Murthy. He never loses focus on business "affairs" :)

by sonesh123, 6-03-13

 

Jobby on his corporate idol :)

Who is your idol from the corporate world and why? Phaneesh Murthy. He never loses focus from his business "affairs" :)

by sonesh123, 6-03-13

 

Jobby tries to be brief in communication :) by sonesh123 6-07-13
In one of those long "gyaan" sessions by the boss... Your communication should always be brief and to the point. Yes Sir. I will definitely orient my communication accordingly.	the next day.... Your project reports have become shorter and meaningless .....much like my phone calls with my wife. Can you explain? Just trying to be brief and to express the point that I have always found the projects to be meaningless.

 

Jobby on fruits of labour :) by sonesh123 6-13-13
You have performed extremely well this year :) Thank you, Sir. But for some reason, my performance is not reflecting in my salary. I deserve a raise.	Its written in the GITA, "Karm kar. Phal ki aasha mat kar" (Do your work, Dont think about the fruits of labour) #&@%&* Same lame reason again. The GITA has ruined the fate of us employees :(

 

Jobby's opinions on his Boss :) by sonesh123 6-14-13
I had sent everyone in office an email with a link to a survey about me. Did you receive it? Yes, Sir. I did and answered the survey questions as well.	Thanks. I am really looking forward towards the collective opinion of my colleagues. The collective opinion would only confirm your unrestrained idiotic behavior and managerial incompetence

 

Jobby on "Compensation" and "Benefits" :) by sonesh123 6-16-13
Jobby was speaking to HR.... So, you had some queries on our HR policies? Yes. Why do you have a separate department called "Compensation and Benefits" in HR? Its quite an irony.	And why do you think that way? The "Compensation" you offer gives us absolutely no "Benefits" at all :(

 

Jobby on the dignified abuse by his Boss :) by sonesh123 6-17-13
Boss has been writing really abusive emails to us regarding the delay on the project. But haven't you observed? His abusive emails also end with dignity :)	What do you mean? No matter how dirty the abusive words are, his emails always end with "Warm Regards" in the signature :)

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