All comics by squidrabies

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by squidrabies
4-02-06
The Karate Kid
I hate this stupid bike!
Wash my car.
I hate this stupid city!
Sand my deck.
I won this stupid karate contest!
Paint my fence.

 

by squidrabies
9-08-06
It's been so long, I don't know what to say or where to begin.
Take your time. No pressure.
Okay.
I hate retardeds?
Perfect.

 

by squidrabies
9-08-06
I just realized something.
Go on.
"Peehole" is a homonym.
"Peehole" isn't a real word.
I pee out of one and into one. It's totally a word.
It's called a "wizzmouth".

 

by squidrabies
9-25-06
A cry for help!
It came from the park!
This looks like a job for....
Someone who cares!!
Patrick Swayze!?

 

by squidrabies
10-17-06
Have you ever loved someone so much you thought you could die?
Yes.
Was it me?
Did you say "thought" or "wished"?

 

by squidrabies
12-29-06
We forgot to sing a christmas carol this year.
I don't know any christmas carols.
Let's sing "Do Me" by Bel Biv Devoe, except instead of "do me" we'll say "fuck christmas in its cruel and hideous mouth until it's as dead as my inner child".
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down.

 

by squidrabies
1-09-08
I'm working on an assload of cooler planets right now. Make it quick.
Sorry, sir, but they seem to hate gay.
Hate gay? How do they hate gay? It pretty much means they can screw anyone they want.
They think screwing anyone is bad. Especially gay screwing.
Wait, wait... I thought you got that guy to write it in that book. About how banging dudes or chicks is totally cool by me.
Apparently it was lost in translation, sir.

 

by squidrabies
1-09-08
So what's all the hubub?
Are blacks and whites equal?
Equal to what?
You know, do you love one of us more than the other?
Like... do I love my cat more than my dog? Do I love my shower more than my toilet? Something like that?
You better not be calling me a toilet.

 

by squidrabies
1-10-08
So here's the deal. You like cheese, you spread diseases, you serve no purpose aside from feeding larger animals and pretty much everything is going to try to kill you all the time. Forever.
Gotcha.
So... my advice, keep on your toes. Any questions?
Can I have a venomous sting or something? To even the playing field?
Hahaha. Sure. But yeah, no. You're food. Sorry, buddy.
Intelligent design is fucking retarded.

 

by squidrabies
1-10-08
I created everything and everone, right? So that's not enough for them now?
Apparently not, sir. They'd like you to... you know... make things better.
Better than not existing? Don't they already have that?
Specifically, they're not too excited about cancer. Or retarded kids. Or genocide.
I thought I gave them a sense of humor.
It's not quite as refined as yours, sir.

 

by squidrabies
1-10-08
So, what's on the agenda for today?
I've recieved a lot of prayers for you to answer.
But seriously.

 

by squidrabies
1-10-08
How's everything going down there?
Not great, sir. People are still killing eachother in your name. Constantly. All over the place. It's pretty crazy. Suicide bombers, hate crimes. It's getting worse and worse.
So, how does that affect me legally?
You're clean as long as you don't prove your existence.

 

by squidrabies
1-10-08
It is time.
Time for what, sir?
The rapture.
I understand, sir. All the true believers will ascend and join the kindgom of heaven. I'll give Jesus the heads up.
Wait, no. I meant get me pair of asian hookers.
Oh, that rapture. You know, if you want do this this every other week you should really think up a new code name. Like "The Japture" or something.

 

by squidrabies
7-19-19
TEN YEARS LATER...
It's been a while, huh?
Yep.
I heard you stabbed a nun.
I heard you were a nosy bitch.
Touche'.

Showing page 4.

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