All comics by theburninator

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by theburninator
2-13-08
You know what I can't fucking stand? When some whiny bitch goes on and on and on about some stupid shit that A) No one cares about, and B) Will never change! I mean, get the fuck over it!
I wish these fucking dumb cunts would quit wasting my fucking time with their goddamn stupid rants! They should all be burned alive! I mean... um... I mean... wait...

 

by theburninator
2-14-08
Bocelli is one of the foremost classical singers.
Who are the other three?
Suck, My, and Cock.
Aw, Daddy, not again!

 

by theburninator
2-14-08
Grandma says when we put away the Christmas things, we shouldn't put the Christmas Spirit away with them.
What does that mean?
It means your grandmother is a drunk, and I'm hiding my bottle of Peppermint Licqueur.

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
Oh my god... what happened? Where am I?
HI! Welcome to HAPPYFUNLAND! Everyone here is HAPPY ALL THE TIME! Everything is FUN FUN FUN!!
Ohh... kaaay. Uh, how do I leave?
You CAN'T leave! You are my MAN-PUPPET now and we're going to have HAPPY HAPPY FUN FUN!! YAAAAY!! Now bend over so I can RAPE YOU WITH THIS RAILROAD SPIKE!!
WHAT?! That's not FUN!
It is for ME! BEND OVER MAN-PUPPET!!!

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
WAIT! COME BACK MAN-PUPPET!! I RAPE YOU WITH HAPPINESS!! COME BAAAAAACK!!
*Pant pant* I think I lost her. *Whew* That was close. What the hell is this place? How did I get here?
Hello there, fellow HAPPYFUNLANDIAN!
What the FUCK?! Uh.. I mean, hi. Can you tell me what this place is?
This is HAPPYFUNLAND!! Everyone here is HAPPY ALL THE TIME!! Everything is FUN FUN FUN!! I RAPE YOU!!
Oh, jesus fucking CHRIST! Not AGAIN!!

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
*Gasp* *Wheeze* Ok, I think I'm safe again for now. God, I wish I knew how I got here...
HELLO!!
Oh, shit... Let me guess; man-rape?
HAHAHA!! NO!! I break your face with rock THEN rape you!! HAPPY HAPPY FUN FUN!! YAAAAAY!!
Oh, thank god... Wait, what?

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
*Wheeeeze* *Gasp* Ok... I've got to *gasp* figure out *pant pant* how to... get out *wheeze* of here...
HI HI HI!!
Oh god FUCK! Alright, I give up! Just fucking RAPE ME AND KILL ME ALREADY!!
Rape you and kill you?... Oohhh, the kids found you first didn't they? Haha, well don't worry, you're safe now. Follow me, I'll tell you all about HappyFunLand!
...I was kind of looking forward to the rape...

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
So, you see, Ted -- can I call you Ted?
Actually, my name is Kevin.
You see, Ted, HappyFunLand is the place where childhood imaginary friends go when children outgrow them.
So why do all these kids' imaginary friends want to rape me?
Well, as you can imagine, it gets pretty lonely here. The younger imaginary friends act compulsively to feel any sort of companionship that they can. Rape comforts them.
I see... wait... what the FUCK?

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
Ok, so, the whole rape thing aside - how did I end up here?
You mean... you don't know?
No! One minute, I was on my way home from work, the next minute, here I am - running from imaginary rapists!
Right, right... well, let's think about this: why would you end up in HappyFunLand, the Home for Outgrown IMAGINARY FRIENDS?
Because... no... it can't be... I'm... I'm some kid's... imaginary friend?
What? No! You're in a coma, silly!

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
A coma! Of course! This is just some ultra-intense dreamscape!
Right?
Boy, you're gullible! Haha! Welcome home, Imaginary Ted! See ya later!

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
Excuse me? Umm... where am I?
Hello?...
Ah, fuck it. I RAPE YOU WITH HAPPINESS!! FUN FUN FUN YAAAAAY!!
AAAAHHH!!

 

by theburninator
2-16-08
Mommy put the hospital bill in my Baby Book.
There's none in mine. Maybe I was a freebie.
Haha! Don't be silly, Dolly! You weren't born in a hospital; we found you in a dumpster!
WAAAHH!!

 

by theburninator
2-18-08
What?! But... but I thought you were happy just to be asked to guide my sleigh!
Oh yeah, totally thrilled - and I just loved being a complete outcast my entire life because of my fucking nose!
Well... ok....but... I mean... do you think it's safe?
Look, fat man, you wanna deliver those toys or not? On your knees, bitch.

 

by theburninator
2-18-08
Dude, we have got to clean the fridge.
Do you think it's safe?
Uh... yeah, totally. You open it.
Dude, the last time I looked in there, the Chinese takeout had EYES!

 

by theburninator
2-18-08
No... no... NO GODDAMMIT LEFT YOU FUCKASS!
Dude, calm down, it's just a game!
Yeah, I'll show you what's just a fucking GAME! Take THAT, DICKSMOKE!!
Well, you destroyed ANOTHER computer.
How many does that make?
42.

 

by theburninator
2-18-08
Have you ever... done it... with a boy?
Leave her alone, Bender! I'm gonna kick your ass!
Boys would like you if you put on way too much makeup, and wore this ridiculous dress that I just happen to have with me.
Really?
We're all friends now! But I'm still a nerd.

 

by theburninator
2-18-08
This place looks great for a quiet weekend. That guy who said it's haunted is just stupid!
I'm going to go take a shower, so I can show my boobs! Tee-hee!
Hey, man, wanna smoke some grass?
Sure, bro! I called you "bro" to prove that I'm truly "from the streets" and not just the token black guy who will be dead soon!

 

by theburninator
2-20-08
Office Christmas parties suck. I hate these people at this bar just as much as I hate them at work.
Oh, don't be so negative, man! There's fun to be had here. Look at me, for example; I've had six margaritas, and now I'm gonna go flirt with your receptionist!
What?!
Yeah, I've been dying to tap that ass ever since she got that boob job.
Hey, back off, asshole! You know I'm fucking her!
Yeah, and I'm fucking your wife. What's your point?

 

by theburninator
2-23-08
Alright, Butch, it's getting late. Let's go home.
*Sniff*
Butch, you have plenty of corpses to molest at home, now let's go.
But Butch don't wanna go home yet.

 

by theburninator
2-24-08
I had the craziest weekend, bro. We snuck into mexico for a weekend of debauchery. I woke up with a condom in my ass, and I think I'm missing a kidney.
Wow, that's crazy dude. I've heard Mexico's dangerous; I would have warned you if I knew you were going.
I think I might have a concussion, too, because my memory is a little messed up; like, the office doesn't seem familiar.
Wait a second... I don't work here.
Yeah, I was gonna say. Who the fuck are you?

 

by theburninator
2-24-08
Hiya, Fred. Nice day, today, huh?
Hey there, George. Sure is; nothing like a good ol' Sleepytown spring day.
Got that right. How's the wife and kids?
Oh, they're super. Little Henry won the spelling bee last night!
Oh, hey, good for him! So, what do ya think of this whole martial law thing they set up this morning?
It's always something. Either those darn skateboard hooligan kids, or a military blockade and Abrams tanks on the Courthouse lawn; I just can't get a good night's sleep lately.

 

by theburninator
2-24-08
Last night, five miles outside of town
At the Gilroys' place
Lester, dear, did you hear that?
I'll bet those darn skatebike boys are egging cars again. That does it! I'm calling a neighborhood watch meeting tomorrow!

 

by theburninator
2-24-08
Old man Foster's farm; dawn.
Well, dang... where'd my cows get off to?
Greetings, Earth-beast.
Well, hey there, little feller. Say, you wouldn't have happened to have seen my cows roamin' about anywheres, would ya?
Do you know what I am?
Well, you're Jack Benson's boy, aintcha! Run along, now, and ask yer paw if he's seen my cows. Ol' Bessie needs to be milked by ten after six, or she gets cranky.
I... what? No... no, no, no. Listen, is there someone less senile I could point this laser at?

 

by theburninator
2-25-08
Greetings, Earth-beast. I am here to--
Haha! That's a great costume, Timmy! I bet you're excited about the school play, huh?
What? No... no, listen, I'm not Timmy, I'm--
Oh, that's right! Sorry, I forgot, Mr. Bork!
What? Goddammit, NO! For the last time, I'm... oh, fuck this!

 

by theburninator
2-27-08

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
Have I ever told you how much you mean to me? I love you so much.
That's ok, you don't have to say anything. It's an emotional moment.

 

This is what I hear when I watch the debates.
You're a filthy, lying nigger.
You're an old, stupid cunt. Even your husband won't fuck you. BURN!
by theburninator, 3-03-08

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
Sure is hot today.
You said it, buddy.

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
So, how's your mom?
Still dead. Thanks for asking. Again.

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
This is so boring.
You said it, buddy.

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
Sure is hot today.
God I hate you.

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
I can see you there.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can!
SHUTUP MAGGOT! YOU EYE-FUCK ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL SHOVE THIS FUCKING BILLY CLUB UP YOUR ASS!

 

by theburninator
3-03-08
...But just as the fire department arrived on the scene, the kitten came down out of the tree all by herself! Sally?
Thanks, Tim. We'd like to congratulate little Henry Noonan on his win at the Sleepytown Elementary Spelling Bee last night. Great job, Henry!
Well, folks, it's that time of year, again! Spring cleaning is coming up, so get out those hedge clippers and painting clothes!
Later in the program, Mr. Jack Benson, professional landscaper, will be stopping by to share some tips on making your lawn and gardens look better than ever.
But first: the alien invasion of Sleepytown. What does it mean for the annual Easter parade?
More on this story after these messages.

 

by theburninator
3-06-08
6:30 p.m., the Neighborhood Watch meeting
Ladies and gentlement, I have called this meeting to discuss several important issues that are facing us, the citizens of Sleepytown, PA.
Now, a lot's happened today, what with the alien invasion, the military quarantine of the city, and the murders of several prominent citizens by said aliens.
However, I feel that what calls for immediate attention is this: we must let the mothers of these skateboard hooligan kids know that we will not stand for anymore tomfoolery!
Hear, hear!

 

by theburninator
3-11-08
...So, anyway, like I was saying, Highway 61 Revisited is clearly Dylan's most musically and lyrically superior album.
Oh, I'm sorry, did you inhale some paint recently? Because unless you recognize the pure genius of Blonde on Blonde, you must have the brain of an infant.
You are such a dumbass! Hello? "Like a Rolling Stone"? Only THE FUCKING ANTHEM OF THE '60s!
Ooh, wow, I really give a shit what a bunch of dirty hippies thought, you stupid ass-rag.
God, I am so hot right now.
Totally. Let's fuck.

 

by theburninator
3-17-08
Hi. I'm TheBurninator. Are you tired of dirty hippie jews running the Comic Competitions?
I know I am.
That's why, this election day, you need to cast your vote for the one man who can make a difference, who can bring a fresh perspective to CC.
TheBurninator.
Paid for by friends of TheBurninator
TheBurninator is the sole candidate who will not rape your mother, rip off your father, and steal your dog. He is the clear choice if you want a regime free of any hooliganism.
Biped sucks.

 

by theburninator
3-17-08
Thanks to HCRoyall (/comics/HCRoyall/424892)
Nigga, don' be frontin'! You knows I be tha illest nigga walkin' these here streets of East Side! Bloods, repreeeezent, nigga!
I aint hurd that, nigga. I been reppin' tha E-Side niggas since you was a axident made by yo' rock-head ho mama.
Nigga, please! Ya'll knows I be tha baddest mufucka East LA eva SEEN!
Nigga, my pops is Rodney-mothafuckin-po9-brutality-KING.
Uh... Sheeit.
I'd say I jus' out-nigga'd yo' punk ass, bitch.

 

Damn, I'm gonna miss the bus. I should jump out in front of it. If I was dead, I wouldn't have to go to work.
by theburninator, 3-19-08

 

by theburninator
3-21-08
Hey, Bobby, did you just get home?
Yeah, I was at Edith's Pub. I met this amazing girl in the bathroom and she gave me a blowjob and left me her number.
Edith's Pub? The one down by the docks?
Yeah.
Isn't that a tranny bar?
Man, that girl could work a urinal! I'm gonna call her tomorrow; three-day rule be damned!

 

Why are you listening to this?
Wow. You really suck.
by theburninator, 3-21-08

 

by theburninator
3-21-08
Our new head of department is said to be quite a strange guy. I wonder when he'll turn up here.
Hi there, I'm George, your new department chair. Well, it looks like you're doing a great job, so I'm going to leave you to your work. Have a great day!
Dude, what a fucking freak.

 

by theburninator
3-25-08
Hiya, Fred. Nice day, today, huh?
Hey there, George. Sure is; nothing like a good ol' Sleepytown Spring day!
It's almost harvest time already, don'tcha know? You should stop by in a week or so; I've got a great corn crop this year.
Sounds terrific! Let me know when you bring it in. We'll have to have you and the wife and kids over for dinner.
Well, that'd be mighty fine. Say, didja hear that the aliens destroyed the courthouse and the police station and Millie's Diner?
It's a darn shame. I surely did love Millie's pork chops.

 

by theburninator
3-25-08
Hi, Melvin.
So, Chen, what are you doing in my backyard?
I was, uh... well, um... I mean, I was just on my way to the... uh...
Your grass is just so soft and springy...
Chen, I keep telling you; I don't mind if you roll around nude in my backyard. Just let me know ahead of time!

 

GodDAMN that was great. And the best part is, none of that cuddly, "I love you" bullshit.
by theburninator, 3-27-08

 

by theburninator
3-30-08
An homage to Cyanide and Happiness' "Depressing Comic Week"
Joe! Thank god you're still alive! Hang in there, buddy, we're gonna get through this!
Jesus Christ, Kev, I'm so scared! I'm in the Reserve! I never thought I would actually see any battle! This is horrible!
Hey, just be cool, man! We're gonna be fine, okay? You just stick by me and we'll get home in one piece!
Kev... KEV LOOK OUT! RUN! RUUUN!!
OH GOD NO, KEV!! OH GOD!!!

 

by theburninator
3-30-08
FUCK YOU SANDNIGGERS! EAT MY FUCKING GRENADES, YOU GODLESS FAGGOTS!!!
What the fuck?!?! Holy shit... is that? OH MY GOD!! PLATOON, RETREAT!! IT'S A SUICIDE BOMBER!!
AAAAAHHHH!!!

 

by theburninator
3-30-08
I watched countless people I know die horrifically, including my best friend, who was blown up right in front of me.
This is the body of another friend of mine, who died from complications after he had a leg amputated after being hit by a car-bomb explosion.
I had to have my left arm amputated after I was caught in a suicide bomber's blast. I was granted an honorable discharge. I get to go home and go to my friends' funerals.

 

by theburninator
3-30-08
Well, a couple more blocks and I'll be back home, where I can see my three year old son, and my beautiful wife again, after three long years in the midst of desert warfare.
I lost an arm, but at least I get to go home; lots of my friends are dead and will never see their families again.
Give me your wallet, or I'll fucking kill you.

 

by theburninator
3-30-08
Ok, man, ok. Just cool down. You can have my wallet.
Don't fucking tell me to cool down, just fork over your fucking cash and credit cards.
Here, man, here. Can I please go, now?
You know what? No, fuck you. I'm not letting your bitch ass file a report on me and get my ass arrested.

 

...And so, we commit you to the Earth from whence you came. Peace be with you, Joseph, for you will now live forever in God's Kingdom.
*Sob sob*
by theburninator, 3-30-08

Showing page 4.

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