All comics by umfumdisi

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by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-24-03

 

by umfumdisi
7-28-03
A bull in the hand is worth a stitch in nine.
Mrph.
You can't make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke?
Mrph.
You can lead a whore to water but you can't make her take American express!
Mrph.

 

by umfumdisi
7-29-03
August 15, 2003
Hi, I'm Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-In-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-The-Other-Direction.
these pretzels are making me thirsty
August 15, 2003
Hey, did you know that today is Walk Backwards Day?
I admire The Monkee's singing
August 15, 2003
Just turn around, DAMMIT!
my garbage can smells like Tootie

 

by umfumdisi
7-29-03
Extensive duration, lack of visual--honored compatriot!
Likewise, my metallic-plated associate.
Has your neural net previously processed the humourous anecdote regarding why Pertelote traversed the macadamized byway?
Perhaps, but such common antics often devolve into varied conclusions.
Well...said female fowl merely wished access to the opposite flank!
You ingest fundament.

 

by umfumdisi
7-30-03
The Post:
Your sexxxy!!!
thanx you
But Id rather have SEX with my Sister...
I am you're Sister! LOL!!
The Response:
You suck. Go back to kindergarten and stay off the computer.
Interesting. Not amusing, just interesting.

 

by umfumdisi
7-31-03

 

by umfumdisi
8-01-03
Meow?
Meow?
So when the salesman said the parrot was mental, I thought he was kidding, but I've had it for two weeks, and my dumbass cat still doesn't realize it's a bird!
That's cruel, dude.
Meow?
Meow?

 

by umfumdisi
8-02-03
Balki, I've got a crazy scheme that will make us rich and/or get us laid. Will you help me?
Cousin Larry, I will help you because I am naive, trusting, and loyal. However, in the end, you will realize that following my simplistic advice would have served us better.
Next week on PERFECT STRANGERS...
Balki, I've got a crazy scheme that will make us rich and/or get us laid. Will you help me?
Cousin Larry, I will help you because I am naive, trusting, and loyal. However, in the end, you will realize that following my simplistic advice would have served us better.

 

by umfumdisi
8-03-03
At last, I, Sisyphus, have finished pushing this boulder up this high mountain. Now I shall rest in peace...
Aw, Hades!
At last, I, Sisyphus, have finished pushing this boulder up this high mountain. Now I shall rest in peace...

 

by umfumdisi
8-03-03
Hey, do you ever wonder if alternate realities exist in parallel universes?
No, why do you keep asking?
Hey, have you ever "been" with an Asian girl?
No, why do you keep asking?
Hey, do you ever wonder if alternate realities exist in parallel universes?
No, why do you keep asking?

 

by umfumdisi
8-03-03
You forgot my pickles.

 

by umfumdisi
8-04-03

 

by umfumdisi
8-05-03
Rah, Rah, Rah--Siss, Boom, (cough-cough, hack-hack) BAH!
My favorite pass--the bomb!
I will have failed to have blocked that pass.
Damn, burned again!
Why am I always the ball?
Watch me snag this biznitch for a touchdown!

 

by umfumdisi
8-07-03
jes_lawson:
yes, www.palindromes.com!
mmyers:
Snoop-Dogg filling in for Al Roker!?!
"Fo' shizzle, ma nizzle, it's gonna drizzle"
kaufman:
Now to launch my own site...
www.thesmokingpun.com

 

by umfumdisi
8-08-03
Thanks for coming so far North. We only knew each other through Brad, so I thought a face-to-face would be a good way to start.
Our meeting was fruitful--know thine enemy as thy knowest thyself, eh?
Exactly. Still, in the spirit of gentlemanly competition, I offer this gift that I made myself.
Christmas in August--how gauche! I hope you will not be offended if I wait to open the gift until I return home. That way it will offer fond remembrance of my time here.
No problem, sir. I wish you Godspeed.
Thanks again to you and your "roommate." Our next meeting will take place upon the battlefield. Goodbye.

 

by umfumdisi
8-08-03
Hotter Than Hell:
Hot enough for ya?
Not really.
When Hell Freezes Over:
Bend over, baby. Ahma 'bout to go barnyard on ya.
I'd kill myself, but I don't think that would help.
Mad As A Red Bull On Tuesday:
THAT'S A SIMILE, YOU ASSHAT!

 

by umfumdisi
8-08-03
"But...I want to be a dentist."
Ha. These elves are so cute; it will be hard to kick Elf's ass without laughing. At least my video research is paying off.
Meanwhile...down in the basement.
uh oh
Pants told me not to open da box.
"You'll make toys and LIKE it, you pointy-eared, flaxen-haired fairy!"
That's strange, I thought I heard a background explosion.

 

by umfumdisi
8-08-03
My faithful servant reduced to ash? Damn that merry elf. Well, my angular friend, abyssus abyssum invocat!
I know it's really off-season, but since you're on your way back from vacation, could you just drop this package off at the North Pole PO?
Certainly, Elf is lucky to have a friend who sends him presents in August.
At the North Pole PO:
That package was marked, "DENTAL SUPPLIES." Are you sure it's for you?
Yes. And it's from Rudolph--how thoughtful.

 

by umfumdisi
8-09-03
A letter arrives at Pants HQ:
"Mr. Pants: It behooves me to inform you that the package you sent was opened by my beloved roommate, Hermie."
"Poor Hermie could little resist a box which seemingly contained the implements of his chosen profession."
"As our efforts to eliminate each other have thusly failed, I propose a cerebral battle at Chess Square. I will bring another package. The loser of the game must open the package. ELF."
The little buggerer wants to mate me.

 

by umfumdisi
8-09-03
Let's go Pants--I'll take your measure, cuff your pieces, and hem your King into a corner before you can say Jack Sprat!
You're such a Spazz-ky. Still, your comments are almost as pointed as your ears. I'll open with e4.
Ah, the Sicilian with a Dragon--you have some skill. I'll try the Najdorf Variation.
Several Moves Later...
Najdorf--HA! Even "Dorf on Chess" couldn't help you now.

 

by umfumdisi
8-09-03
Your knowledge is too great. I thought you were all eyes and mouth, but there is a brain in that head somewhere. I resign with much humiliation.
Quit stalling and open the package.
*open* I may suck at chess, but I never lose. So long, graphite-breath!
Ay, there's the rub...
erase, erase

 

by umfumdisi
8-10-03

 

by umfumdisi
8-12-03
*BOOP* Harold, you missed a great bus ride to Mother's. We can't wait 'til you get here.
Oh, and don't forget to unplug the Christmas tree before you leave for the airport.
Love you--bye.

 

by umfumdisi
8-13-03
Dad?
Yes, son?
What happens to us when we die?
Well, son, according to the manual, you go to a place where there's always electricity, you're never turned off, and there's always a human around to pay attention to you.
Six Months Later...
Are you my human?
Man, I'm never gonna recycle all these DELLs.

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-03

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-03
Good evening.
My name is Carrot Top.
I'm a prop comedian.

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-03
Welcome to my cell, phone. I've got your number, so listen to this message to make sure you don't cross any lines, Jack.
Okay.
I need space to roam, so keep a clear circuit around my personal area. Codes of behavior are strictly enforced. I don't want to hear any back talk or static.
Got it.
Sometimes I give off mixed signals because I stay so busy, and my thoughts get disconnected. Say, what are you in for anyway?
I hacked someone to bits!

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-03
The hero of my new comic: Iceman!
Just refill those ice trays, and we won't have any problems.
Iceman's alter ego: Wayne Bruce.
I'm a mild-mannered Toilet Brush by day.
Iceman's gay sidekick: Rusty Bottoms.
Is that a BOMB POP in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

 

by umfumdisi
8-15-03

 

by umfumdisi
8-18-03
I'll hold you.
But I'm scared.
Just wait...
What now?
It happened again.
Shit.

 

by umfumdisi
8-18-03
"Hello Goodbye"
"Goodbye To You"
"You Oughta Know"
"Know Me"
"Me So Horny"
"Horny Pony"

Showing page 4.

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