All comics by El_Phen

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by El_Phen
11-14-08
Yarrrrgh! That Jane from Accounts be an obnoxious sea-witch and no mistake!
Yarrrgh! Ye be correct me hearty. That Harpie kept me waiting until 4:30pm last Friday for the 'Jones' files. Which meant I got keel-hauled when I got home late.
Yaaarrrgggghh, I heard the incompetent Whore-of-Satan even managed to lose the John-Silver account after telling him parrots couldn't be deducted as a business expense!
Yaaarrrgghh! Be there no end to stupidity of the worthless wench?
Great tits though.
Yaaarrrrghh that be the truth.

 

by El_Phen
5-18-09
There's fear and darkness all around you.
The Jedi scum are on the run.
No use in hiding you can bet.
I'll hunt you down 'cause I'm the Fett.
I am the Fett, the big bad Fett.
The Bounty Hunter

 

by El_Phen
1-26-10
Dude, I'm totally going to cut myself as a cry for help.
Dude you totally should.
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHH! Fuck! That should get me some attention
Yeah, it totally should...Wasn't really a cry for help though.
Dude!? It was definitely a cry for help.
Nah, a cry for help is what your dad made after I tied him to a table and took off my pants.

 

by El_Phen
6-06-11
Wow. I just mean...wow. I thought MY dick was small.

 

by El_Phen
6-14-11
It was my FIVE YEAR Stripcreator anniversay yesterday.
To celebrate this I've decided to go with the traditional 'Asian girls on a white background' comic.
Yo know, due to prison overcrowding and weak judicial systems you'd probably get less than five years imprisonment for a wide range of crimes.
Such as armed robbery, assault, burglery, fraud even rape.
Of coursesome would say that being on here for five years was a far worse punishment.
Rarr. TOBOR want anal violation with lamp post to be worst punishment.

 

The past.....................................Now
Ah! Perfect. Now, I can work on stopping this housse from being demolished to make that strip joint for really tall robots standing just out of shot with long silver dicks.
Fuck.
by El_Phen, 6-05-12

 

by El_Phen
6-09-12
General Stickman! I have an urgent message from Colonel Cthulu.
God damn it Smtih! Not while I'm thinkning about nailing your mother! Fine, the moment's gone. Give it here.
What is it sir?
Good Lord! Cthulu's wife has left him for a French mime artist and he's demanding I allow him to leave to fight a duel or he'll explode a bomb in our last remaining warehouse of porn!
Duh-duh-duhh!

 

by El_Phen
6-09-12
Sir! You've been thinking for the past thirty seconds wthout moving. What are you going to do about Colonel Cthulu holding our last remaining warehoue of porn hostage for leave to fiight a duel?
The duel with his wife's lover the French mime-artist? I can't blame him. Mimes are the most stupid things on Earth and French ones doubly so. I'm thinking of allowing him to just kill the blighter.
What about the bomb that he's threatening to use to destroy the warehouse?
That's the problem man. How did he get it and, more to the point, how long do we have before he detonates the device? Also, what will he do when he learns that I'VE been giving hi wife sexy-time too!
Duh-duh-duuuhhhh

 

by El_Phen
6-09-12
Sir! You drifted off again! Colonel Cthulu! The bomb in the porn warehouse! The bloody duel with the French mime and your own 'shenanigans' with his wife! This demands your urgent attention!
Sorry Smith. Just thinking about Betty...Colonel Cthulu's wife and that thing she does with the pineapple and the donkey mask...
SIR!
What? Oh, yes, right. Take Colonel Cthulu's letter to General Snowman and General Tobor. Betty...liked her 'Little Generals' if you get my meaning.
Duh-duh-duuuuhh!
But sir, isn't General Snowman a woman?
She is now...

 

by El_Phen
6-09-12
Wow sir! Are you saying that Colonel Cthulu's wife was having 'relations' with four people, one of whom USED to be a man, and that he's threatening to blow up our last warehouse of porn for a duel?
The French mime he wants to kill is the only one of us that he knows about and I want it that way. Go to General's Snowman and Tobor and give them the letter you gave to me then kill yourself.
Kill myself!?
Yes. I can't risk Colonel Cthulu finding out about 'Tuesday Sexytime'. That French mime should keep his mouth shut but I can't be sure about you. I'd doo it myself but I need to lead this assault.
Duh-duh-duuuuhhh!
You can't ask me to kill myself after delivering a message to keep you and a few other General's alive.
I can Smith, because, when I was thinking about nailing your mother earlier it wasn't just wishfull thinking. Smith, I AM YOUR FATHER!

 

by El_Phen
6-09-12
I need to stop a bomber blowing up a porn warehouse by allowing him to fight a duel with a French mime and you want me to get a letter to some Generals, then kill myself because you're my father.
That'ss pretty much correct yes Smith. I mean Son.
Riiiiiiiiight
Well, it's either me, the mime, General Snowman or General Tobor. Personally I'd want it to be me. Or General Tobor, he's hung like a stallion.

 

by El_Phen
6-09-12
So you, a mime and two other generals had sex with Colonel Cthulu's wife and my mother. One of you is my father and now Colonel Cthulu's threatening to destroy a porn warehouse.
Yup.
That is, unless he gets to duel this French mime. You want me to deliver a message to the two other generals so they can prepare for the fallout of Colonel Cthulu finding out. And then kill myself.
Yeah, I'm not the best potential father I'll admit.
Duh!
You know what? Fuck it. I'm with Colonel Cthulu on this one. You enjoy your remaining hours of life you gang-banging freak.
Say hello to your mother for me!

 

*zzzip* And remember, you mean NOTHING to me so don't you fucking DARE mention this to Lois.
by El_Phen, 6-10-12

 

by El_Phen
6-10-12
Meanwhile, at the Porn Warehouse...
Duh-Duh-Duuuhhh!
*sigh*

 

G'Day. You're in the army now mate.
by El_Phen, 6-16-12

 

by El_Phen
6-21-12
Hello miss, I'm the Federal Boob Inspector. I've come to see if you 'measure up'
Really? This is the second time today I'll have been 'audited', *sigh* ok then, let's get to it.
Whum-chucka-wah-wah etc.
...and then on the 14th of March I note that you received 400 Quatloons from gambling, can you tell me why you didn't declare this?

 

by El_Phen
6-27-12
I really suck at comedy.
That's true. Don't give up your day job. What is your day job anyway?
I'm a prostitute.
Wow. You really do suck, as the Jewish family said to the Nazi vaccum cleaner.
...........................FIN

 

by El_Phen
6-09-13
Finally I'm alone! Now for some faeces flinging and masturbation!
*zzzzip*
Eeek!
You're never alone when there's a randomly appearing Snowman. Think of me as a particularly perverted, ever-watchful deity/ceiling cat.
Like that'd stop me.

 

by El_Phen
6-02-14
I really regret buying that Satellite Navigation system from the gay guy next door.
It keeps trying to take me the wrong way up a dark alley.

 

by El_Phen
6-02-14
Hello My name is Mr. Ufuk Gur I'll be your surgeon today.
That can't be your name surely?
No, but when you wake up with your arm sewn to your eyeball that's what you'll call me.

 

by El_Phen
6-04-14
Sarah Connor?
Seriously? I appear in a puff of Brimstone, looking like this, with all the hordes of Hell behind me, in the middle of the street, in broad daylight, and the first thing you ask is "Sarah Connor?"
Sarah Connor?

 

How do you tell the difference betwen male and female ants?
You put it in water and, if it floats, it's bouy-ant!
by El_Phen, 5-22-16

Showing page 5.

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