All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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Well... If she sinks, she sinks!
Who gives a rat's ass? I know I don't!
This Generation-Y movie version of "The Titanic" SUCKS!!
And, fuck that stoopid-ass rich bitch up in first class!

 

Seen anything yet?
All clear, Mr. President!
Good job, captain!
And, you all out there think that I ain't protecting our borders! SHAME ON YOU!!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
So... Have you seen anything unusual around here?
I haven't SEEN a thing!
But, I'll keep my EYES open!
Good, man!
*snicker*

 

Hey, Bob...
Those bombs sound like they're getting closer!
Bob?

 

OUCH!
...........
Goddamn! I'm tired of getting nailed in the nuts!
Then, you're not going to like this, Gabe!
What does it [oomph!] say?
Apparently, you getting nailed in the nuts is a big hit with the viewers, and the writers have no intention of ending it any time soon...

 

Hmmm... I think I know, but...
...it's not written up on the wall there just above the door to the left.
Give up..?
Yeah... Please, give me the answer!
Well... Despite what it says up on the wall there just above the door to the left, the letter "N", not the letter "O", follows the letter "M"!

 

RARRRR!
Is that you, TOBOR?
YES! TOBOR BEEN LOOKING FOR MELTY ALL AFTERNOON! WHERE THE FUCK YOU BEEN?!
I've been standing right here for the last twelve hours...
AH, SHIT! TOBOR'S SUCK-ASS HEAT-SEEKING OPTICS MAKE IT VERY HARD TO FIND MELTY IN SNOWDRIFT!!

 

Keep walking towards the border, Poncho!
Si, senor!
Like I told you yesterday...
...this town ain't big enough for TWO illegal aliens!!
Ay carramba!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
I think there were three of them...
You think..?
Or, four...
Three? Four? How many were there?
In today's episode, Blind Cop checks in with his snitch, Blind Pimp...
I think I heard four of them talking... But, it could have only been three...
Work with me, goddammit!

 

Up!
Down!
Up!
Down
Up!
Down!

 

Waffles!
You said it, mang!
Said what?
WAFFLES!!
Yummy!
And, I thought Tard Boy was an idiot!

 

If I told you once, I've told you a million times...
DON'T STAND UP IN THE AIRPLANE, SHAQ!!
Sorry!
And, will you PLEASE put that thing away?!

 

.....................
We are gathered here today...
....................
...to join Stick-boy and Twiggy in holy matri-
Hold on a second, reverend! I'm not done reading this pre-nup...
Okayyy...

 

Yo, dawg! You looked depressed...
Wazzup..?
I ain't got no body!
Schnizzle!

 

Dude... You feeling okay?
You look a little green...
Yeah, I am experiencing some dizziness...
I think Father O'Flaherty slipped some "Jesus Juice" in my Diet Coke again...

 

Hmmm... We're approaching the half-way point in this movie...
*pant*
...and, I'm the only black guy in the cast...
*pant*
...so, that must mean the warm breeze I feel on the back of my neck is Jason behind me with his knife about to carve me up like, well, the only black guy in a slasher movie!
*pant*

 

...so, you say Gabe's failing ALL of his subjects? How can this be?
Of course, he has a normal home life! And, I impress upon him the importance of an education...
In fact, every morning after I'm done hooking for the night, I get home just in time to wake Gabe to go to school... Well, unless I score some crack on the way, and I get delayed!
I hate bringing mom to "Back to School" night...

 

So... You humans actually believe fatboy here flies all over the world on Christmas eve...
...and, is so FAST, he can delivery presents to, say, a BILLION households before sunrise? Sounds hinky to me!
But, what the fuck do I know? I'm just a canary in a coal mine...

 

I thought this was a "no fly" zone!
Fuck off!

 

OUCH!
You nailed me in the nuts! What the hell did you do that for?
It's what we big brothers do!
I'm telling mom!

 

Me love you long time, fatso!
Ho! Ho! Ho!
She certainly would hit the spot right now!
It's been a long time since I've had "Eskimo Pie"...

 

This is ANOTHER fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley!
Goo?

 

"Superman" to the rescue!
I'M BURNING UP! HELP ME, SHAQ!!
I'M ON IT!!
HURRY!
Damn! I don't have to pee!
OW! OW! OW!

 

*ring* *ring*
*ring* *ring*
*ring* *ring*
WILL SOMEBODY COME ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!

 

Hello?
Is the faith healer in?

 

Hey, Frank...
Hey, Chad...
What's going on?
Well, I just brewed some coffee... Would you like a cup?
Nahhh... I'm cool.
Gee... Chad hardly ever shows up to work in his polka-dot underwear!

 

I'm sorry, El Presidente...
The American people are fed up with illegal immigration, and they want something done about it! There's nothing I can do! It's out of my hands...
What about those pictures I have of you and that donkey in Tijuana, Jorge?
Uh... Er... I'll take care of it!
See that you do, juero!

 

Ah, shit!
Just look at the place!
Looks like the Eagles have re-united again!

 

Moh! Moh! Moh!
How do you like it? How do you like it?
Moh! Moh! Moh!
How do you like it? How do you like it?
Moh! Moh! Moh!
How do you like it? How do you like your love?

 

Me name is Blueballs! (Aaarrrrrrrrggghhh) I be your substitute teacher for today, ya buncha landlubbers!
If anyone's going to play "hooky" or "cut" class, arrrgh, it's going to be me !
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Arrrgghhh!)

 

buk buk
What the hell is this?
buk buk buk
I've already told you...
buk-GAWK!
I DON'T SUCK COCK!!

 

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
HURRY UP TARD BOY! I GOTS TO TAKE A MAJOR DUMP!!
Give me a second... I'm almost done reading this article in Reader's Digest about Irritable Bowel Syndrome...
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Wow! Did you know that twenty million Americans suffer from IBS..?

 

Well..? Your place or mine, Stick-boy?
Hold on...
............................................. .............................................. .............................................. ..............................................
Wow! I didn't realize the Surgeon General's list of diseases that can be contracted from whores was so long!

 

RAAARRRR!!
TOBOR CORNHOLE WHOEVER IN OTHER ROOM!!
Wazzup!
OH, SHIT! TOBOR RUN AWAY SO AS NOT TO BE CORNHOLED BY SHAQ!!

 

Top of the morning to you, Jon!
Hey, Frank...
I just brewed a fresh pot of coffee... Want me to pour you a cup?
Nahhh... I'm set!
This is like the fifth motherfucker who's turned down my coffee! I SWEAR TO GOD I'm going schoolyard on the next asshole who says no to my coffee!!
Oh, look... There's Chuckaduck. Why don't you ask him?

 

[munch, munch]
[GULP!]
Does Polly want a cup of my coffee NOW?

 

Did you check all the chambers?
Everyone's accounted for, O' Supreme Leader of the Underworld!
Thanks!
You're welcome!
This guy Spankling here gives even ME the willies!

 

Relax, Gumby...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
I said, "Bubba is hung like Pokey"...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...not, "Bubba hung Pokey"!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

Hey, Frank...
Hey, Clippy...
That's "Clappy"...
Yeah... Whatever!
Say! That coffee smells fresh! Will you be so kind as to pour me a cup?
Don't you have anyone else you can pester, Crappy? I'm sure there's someone right now using Word you can pop in on, and ask if they need help, when if they needed help, THEY WOULD HAVE FUCKING ASKED!

 

Talk to me, Goose!
Dude... I'm a duck, not a goose!
And, you're not Maverick!
This is Ghost Rider, requesting a fly-by!
Quit fucking around, and help me find a way out of this place!

 

Well, I just thought it would be easier this way 'cuz we won't have to drag his carcass down to the morgue...
...and, since he's already deceased, I doubt he'd really care, anyway.
Oh. I see... You need the body for evidence...
If, any of you motherfuckers had bothered to check my pulse, you'd realize I'm not even dead!

 

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Bossie the oblivious cow...
Bossie, the oblivious cow who?
Did you say something?

 

Rex..?
Oh, great! Now HE'S extinct...
Maybe, there really is something to this "Global Cooling" I keep reading about in the papers...

 

Baby... Baby, baby, baby I'm gonna leave you...
Honey?
I said, baby... Baby I'm gonna leave you...
There's something I need to tell you... Honey?
I'll leave you in the summertime... Leave you when the summer comes a rollin'...
Take a break, Stan. I don't think my wife's home yet...

 

Uh... Honey?
Why didn't you tell me you locked the doggie-door?
I just asked Wolfie if he wanted to go for a walk, and he got so excited, he...he... Well, you're just going to have to come in here and see for yourself!

 

Hey, Mike...
Hey, Mike...
What do you think he's going to say today?
He'll probably talk about 9/11, again, and his "strategery" on how we'll win the war on "terrah" in Iraq...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Hey, Frank...
Hey- is that you, Sal? What the hell..?
I was trying out my new invention and... Ah, fuck it! It's too long a story... Can you make me a cup of your famous coffee?
Why, sure! How do you like it?
With a little cream, and a fuck-load of sugar!
Sorry... I'm a little low on sweetener. Will a handjob-load work for you?

 

OUCH!
What's wrong?
What do you mean "what's wrong"? My nuts are killing me!
Well... You didn't follow Pocket-Pool Club rule number one!
What's that..? "Don't talk about Pocket-Pool Club"?
No... "Don't squeeze your balls too hard"!

 

PEOPLE OF AMERICA... LISTEN UP!
THE MUSLIMS ARE NOT YOUR ENEMY! IT'S THOSE DAMN JEHOVA WITNESSES!
I MEAN, CAN'T A NIGGA SLEEP IN ON SUNDAY WITHOUT ONE OF THOSE DIPSHITS POUNDING ON MY FRONT DOOR?

 

OUCH!
I'm sooooo sorry!
Why don't you watch where you're going, witch! You flew right into my nuts!
I said I was sorry!
Tell that to my aching gonads, Broom Hilda!
You better ease up, home-grown, 'fore I turn yor ass into a newt!

Showing page 5.

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