All comics by TheElPaso

Profile

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-02
Hey professor, I was making a porn site and the javascript that brings up a hundred popups didn't work. Can you check my code?
Yes, I'll check the code.
No, I said check the *code*.
My bad.

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
I know how to become famous.
How's that, Jim?
We'll run for the presidency!
Hey, that's a great idea!
All we need is some really cheap advertising.
Hmmm..... maybe we can advertise by using that world wide internet thing?

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
Well, there's a problem with us running for president. The minimum age is 35.
That's not a problem. We do live in Washington DC, right?
Of course we do!
Then I'll be right back. I'm going to go put a decimal place on the Constitution.
30 minutes later
What took ya?
I thought it would be fun to draw naughty bits on the 18th amendment.

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
Okay, I'll be the president, and you can be the vice president.
I have to be the vice president? But I want power! The vice president has no power!
If I die you will have great power.
Hey, that's right!
Google search for "kill people anonymously and easily via the internet" Results found: 348000 *bookmark*

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
Now we need to get some advertisements.
I already bought some that will air during the World Series.
That's great! Let's watch it together!
WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! Vote for Jim. WASABI! WASABI! WASABI! WASABI!

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
So if we're going to run for president, we need to adopt a platform. You know, decide what we believe as far as major issues go.
I think we oughta nuke the whole Middle East and get it over with.
I like what I hear! Please continue.
Then we can force an abortion on everyone, ban everything the Christians like, and we'll also conquer Canada.
And we should fix that economy thing while we're at it.

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
Oh boy, the first presidential debate!
OK, what do you believe we should do after the tragedy in Scotland?
It think it tightly suffer the matter which alone respects $$R-with to produce oughta, individual this taste had already at the same time to form something it windwardly side seizes in my correct stra
So I see those four year olds are debating.
That's the incumbent, dear.

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
So we can either vote for Bush or for this new guy Joe. Well, I think Joe's got my vote.
Yeah, his policy to make the US currency based on pogs can only please everyone.
And how about his idea to make it rain chocolate, I love that one!
I love that "a gun in every household" policy!
I like how he wants to make every school teach students how to speak 1337.
I like how he wants to legalise rape.

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
I can't watch!
And the popular vote result is.... Joe Ronic, 47% George W. Bush 49%, and 4% with that car safety guy or that dude with the big ears.
Damn it!
However, all but three electoral votes have gone to Joe! Joe wins!
Boy I sure do love that electoral college! I think I'll go there after high school!

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
Wow, we're in power now. My first presidential act is to make the new presidential theme "Fight Song".
Fight Song? But Manson sucks! We should have My Way!
Fuck that shit! We'll use something by Slipknot.
No, not them! How about Pantera?
God, will these guys just shut up?
Today it's December 28th of 2007, and this is CNN. The Presidential Music Debate may come to an end soon, thanks to the so called "Justin Timberlake Accords".

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
Who the hell are you?
I'm Tony Blair of the knights who say ni. Resign the presidency, or we will be forced to say ni!
You can't fool me! I watched the Holy Grail!
Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni!
Damnit! I can only remember the scene with all those hot chicks in it. I admit defeat.
Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni!

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-02
So I have decided to resign the presidency, and since Arthur resigned previously, I'll leave Congress to appoint a new president.
I hope that I'll be remembered as a great president.
Who did you do your report on, Susie?
Chester A. Arthur, ma'am.

 

by TheElPaso
12-21-02
KICK

 

by TheElPaso
1-12-03
Anyone wanna sign up for "Screwing guys 101"?
Like, gag me with a spoon that sounds good!
Class starts now. For today, I'll provide the screwdriver. Starting next week, you'll bring your own screwdrivers. You'll need Allen and Phillips.
The screwdriver? Like, I thought this was a sex class, you know? Well, it's like totally too late.
You fail.

 

by TheElPaso
1-27-03
So, now we're traitors of the world's biggest religion, murderers of the leader of the free world, and we've pretty much pissed off everyone along the way.
Wanna fuck in that lake?
Sure!

 

by TheElPaso
1-27-03
So now we're at war with the world's biggest empire, who has without comparison the world's greatest magicians and fighters.
Wanna fuck while being watched by those Scottish freaks?
Sure!

 

by TheElPaso
1-27-03
So now we've fucked a million times.
Wanna attack an evil oppressing government a million times our size?
Sure!

 

by TheElPaso
1-27-03
So, we're at odds with a creature who wants to reclaim the world for his extinct species AND a corporation that is going to blow up the world for his own profit.
*sword sounds*
???
So I guess us fucking is out of the question?

 

by TheElPaso
1-27-03
So, we're up against the empire that runs half the world, and the espers are mighty pissed off at humans.
Wanna fuck?
Sure!
Wanna join in?
Sure!

 

by TheElPaso
2-02-03
alright bitchyssoisegirl , give me what is rightfully mine , or else I will hack you !!!!!
okay v-girl , this is not funny i intentionally gave it to you but now i want it back !
fuck you !!! seriously, FUCK YOU !!! don't you know what you are doing is illegal ?
No, I think I'll keep your wallet.

 

by TheElPaso
2-02-03
So I'm saying that the Al Qaeda should lose a hat and a dog and... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STEALING MY MONEY FOR?
I'm the repo man. You haven't been paying the bills, sir.
However, to make it up to you, I will say "repo man" in a deep kick-ass voice.
REPO MAN

 

by TheElPaso
2-09-03
Ideal Comic Setup
Sucky sucky fi dollah.
We love you long time.
Bad Comic Setup
SUCKY SUCKY 5$ :)
WE LUV U LONG TIME ROFL
Horribly Wrong, But Still Slightly Better Than Your Setup
LIKE DOOD!!1!!11! WTF?????/??/ SUCKY SUCKY %$ :) ;) :( >:( :P ^_^ o.0 ): '_' DANCE KIRBY DANCE!!!!!!!! <('.'<) (>'.')> LOL KIRBY JUST DANCED
OMFG WE LOVE YOU LONG TIME (I AM THE BEST THING TO GRACE THE EARTH SINCE JESUS, AND ANYONE WHO HATES THIS IS OBVIOUSLY OF AN INCORRECT RACE, RELGION, POLITICAL PARTY, SEXUAL PREFERANCE, AND SIGN!

 

by TheElPaso
6-14-03
Look at my dong, LOOK AT MY DONG!
Oh... my...
Now do you see the benefits of the dark side?

 

by TheElPaso
6-16-03
The best thing about my job is ending sadness.
Although I think killing sad people is a bit much.

 

by TheElPaso
6-16-03
Avast ye matey, thar be something wrong here.
I'll look into that.
It says in the Pirates for Dummies that pirates live on the seas and oceans.
Shit.

 

by TheElPaso
6-16-03
I am bored out of my fucking mind.
You should have pirated some MP3s for the voyage.

 

by TheElPaso
6-16-03
I think I'll put a note in the suggestion box to stop lining the whole of the division directly behind a koopa.

 

by TheElPaso
6-16-03
Okay, Captain Stewart of the Eck army, is the tanker full of oil now?
Yes sir!
Good. Sail towards the Valdy coast. You know the course?
Roger!
Then I want you to intentionally crash the boat near the enemy beach. Understood?
Yes sir, I'm on that like Ecks on Valdies!

 

by TheElPaso
6-17-03
Waiter!
How can I serve you, sir?
This burger is bland.
How can I fix that for you sir?
Could you get me some condiments?
I'm on that like E coli on our hamburger!

 

by TheElPaso
6-17-03
Hey you. That cross on your neck. You're a Christian, I see.
Yes, of course.
Can you help me out with "Help put food in little kids' mouths" charity?
I'm on that!
OK, you can pass out fruits and vegetables.
I didn't think that was what you meant by food.

 

by TheElPaso
6-18-03
I have no home and no money. Can you provide me with food and shelter?
Well, I could, but I can't do it for free. How will you repay me?
Well I could help you fulfill your sexual fantasies.
OK.
All you have to do is catch this cow.

 

by TheElPaso
6-18-03
I thought it was weird when I read Anne Frank's diary, and it said something about not getting laid by Bob Saget.
Then I remembered that Bob Saget is gay.

 

by TheElPaso
6-19-03
EVERYONE WHO USES THIS SITE IS A FAG WHO FUCKS FAGS AND THEY SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES FOR BEING A FAG!!!!

 

by TheElPaso
6-19-03
They should put warning labels on super glue about not using it as a substitute for Preperation H.

 

by TheElPaso
6-19-03
I think all employees should have offices instead of cubicles.
Why do you think that, Jones?
Cubicle walls don't stop bullets.
Jones, Jones, Jones. I think you, the only man in our division with a college degree, should know that nobody is going to enter our building and shoot randomly.
If you have any suggestions on how I can get a thousand pounds of crack cocaine to the Cuban cartel then, I'm all ears.

 

by TheElPaso
6-19-03
Let's play Muslim paradise. You can be one of my 73 beautiful virgins.
Damnit!

 

by TheElPaso
6-20-03
According to the poison Accounting, Spamco's profits have been drown this year. The cause for this is heart attack down, but it's obvious we ain't making pneumonia. What will we do?
We're going to form a murder with AOL Time Warner. Terrorism a thing that can stop us now!
AOL? I heard they don't give much aids to the burnsnisses they own. We're better off with a failed organization.
What are you stroking? They earn cold car crash. Besides, they have such great lawyers that we can put all thoughts of being suicide.
Do as I say! Cancer all ties with AOL! They just plague games with their partners. Side with hacking kaufman and the Swiss. Disease simple, don't make it hard.
Ok, but don't blame me when we don't gangrene.

 

by TheElPaso
6-20-03
Click here to see me naked! dgdsfg345 Riches from Nigeria Increase your bust size naturally kgd Wholesale printer toner at an all-time low! Death666, Increase your penis 1 to 3 inches!
Shit.

 

by TheElPaso
6-20-03
Ah, my high school yearbook, such great memories.
Of course, they would have been greater if the staff didn't strip out the class picture.
But I couldn't help myself. The principal was hot that day!

 

by TheElPaso
6-22-03
Zygote: The cell formed by the union of two gametes, especially a fertilized ovum before cleavage.
You asshole, don't give away the ending!

 

by TheElPaso
6-22-03
Bye, hon. I've decided I'm going to start killing people today.
Have a nice day.
Die, mankind, die!
Shit.

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
In local events, Rob O'Neal was found guilty of murdering 127 people.
Rob did that? I'm gonna have to give him a call.
ROB YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!!!!! ARE YOU PROUD OF WHAT YOU DID? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BREAK THE LAW LIKE THAT! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU ASSHOLE!
You could have just asked to use my bullets instead of stealing them.

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
We are the Shanghai Potheads. Behind us is the Great Wall of China.
It is tens of thousands of miles long.
So are the other three walls.
The roof has an area of a hundred million square miles.

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
I've decided to quit my job as a midget artist and take up robbery instead. Have a nice day, Jane.
Stop, thief! Come back with my possesion!
Oh well. I have plenty more pillowcases.

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
Now that school's out, I'm not gonna do anything related to school.
No math, no science, no history, no gym, and especially no reading long boring crap.
Here's your copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
I'm going to spend my twenty-ninth birthday going to wrestling, playing putt-putt, and having a salad bar.
Oooh, delicious eyeballs.
Now I'll plant this in the sockets.

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
6 PM
When will you be back from your night out?
In three hours. Bye, sweety.
9 PM
Shouldn't she back now?
Midnight
You fucking cunt, you're late! You're in for a fucking shitload of passive aggressive discussion, bitch!

 

by TheElPaso
6-23-03
It's my first Fourth of July in America! I'm going to celebrate by lighting some fireworks.
That wasn't fireworks, that was Andy.
I know.

 

by TheElPaso
6-26-03
If this fire spreads, I will die.
You were right sonny, this spot is comfy!

 

by TheElPaso
6-26-03
It was nice knowing you.
Brad's forums are now "pay to get in" forums. For commentary, we'll turn to Jesus "The Savior" Christ.
Brad was supposed to be the last person on earth to sell out. And according to dad's fact sheet, he is.
And with that, we.... wait a minute, what about you, Jesus? Aren't you going to be the last to sell out? You never sold out, right?
I mean, there's no way you can be "selling out" if you're going to help us all go to Heaven, right?
You earthlings still believe the Bible?

Showing page 5.

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