All comics by TheGovernor

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by TheGovernor
2-03-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Come on Daniel, forget about work, My twin sister Jennie has got the whipped cream, and Ive found the handcuffs
Yes come on Daniel, my doctor said Ive got nymphomaniac tendancies, but I need you to give me a second opinion

 

by TheGovernor
2-05-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
... I never wanted to do this job, I dont want to write reports about management and fiscal budgets all day,, I wanted to be.. A LUMBERJACK!!!

 

by TheGovernor
2-05-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Agghhh! Its the Crimson Permanent Assurance!!!!

 

by TheGovernor
2-13-04
I still can't sleep, its a total bummer man
Have you tried counting sheep?
(68 x 34+(99/3) +5)/10 =235, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the square of the opposite sides, pi=3.142
Well did it work?
No, but I got an "A" on my maths test.

 

by TheGovernor
2-13-04
It looks like you want a date for Valentine's Day. Press [OK] to run Microsoft Matchmaker
Success! Your perfect Valentine's date is all arranged.
I can't wait.
Well this is weird.
You said it.

 

by TheGovernor
2-13-04
Hmm Jon's been shopping again, I guess its time for my pre-dinner Lasagne topped off with a few burgers and a mountain of chips, before the second lasagne, then maybe I'll kick Odie off the table...
Thanks, I should have thought of that a long time ago.
No problem, but I'd advise you steer clear of the Chow Mein at Mr Wongs Chinese Restaurant for the next couple of weeks.

 

by TheGovernor
2-13-04
What's up Jones?
Ive got bad news sir, A portion of our Windows source code has been distributed on the net
Good god, how did this happen?
We've traced the problem to our file servers in Connecticut, looks like someone managed to get a Backdoor into Mianus
My God, Do you know what this means...
Yes Sir, Mianus is Bleeding! We need to shut down Mianus. Nothing should go in or out of Mianus until we find the leak in Mianus

 

by TheGovernor
2-13-04
Frodo! We must take the ring to Mordor, cast it into the fires of Mount Doom. We should put together a fellowship to complete this task. Let us head to Rivendell
Actually I already took care of it
What! Without the aid of an Elf, a dwarf, a couple of men, some hobbits and a wizard, how on middle-earth did you manage to pull that one past the enemy?
Quite Simple really, I mailed it to him.
Int. Mount Doom.
Master Sauron, A letter has come for you from Hobbit's Digest, It says on the envelope that you're in with a chance to win up to $200,000 but you need to reply within 6 days
Bah! Bloody Junk Mail. File it with the rest of them in the fire

 

by TheGovernor
2-22-04
I don’t care if you are a peace loving Buddhist, with an honorary degree in Nice from the University of Happy People, you're not coming in, we don’t know you and you may cause Trouble...
And I don’t care if you've won the Nobel Peace Prize three years in a row, or that you were voted "most likeable easy to get along with person 2003" We cant allow just anyone off the street in here
Why didnt you say you were a Student in the first place? Go right in!

 

by TheGovernor
2-26-04
Hi Clango, Redfish here, I thought we could organise getting our Battle Royal finished. If you're not busy why don't you pop round?
Sure I'll be right over!
You do realise that robots and water generally don’t mix very well...
Nope.

 

by TheGovernor
2-26-04
Press Conference; Number 10 Downing Street
Of course we didnt spy on the UN Secretary General
Spying isnt really a term we like to use around here
We prefer to use the phrase "Unsolicited Fact Finding Mission"

 

by TheGovernor
3-05-04
Show me a Stock Report worthy of Mordor
Make me a Cheeseburger worthy of Mordor
Show me an Email worthy of Mordor

 

by TheGovernor
3-08-04
Ready?
I guess...
Well?
Let me put it this way.
That’s definitely an Outie

 

by TheGovernor
3-20-04
Holy crap! It's a scary alien! AAGGHH!
Take me to your leader.
Why? What do you aliens want from us humans?
You know what we want...
Dude, Slinky's went out of fashion ages ago, get with the times man.
Aww, but have you seen them walk down the stairs on their own? Its brilliant!

 

by TheGovernor
3-22-04
Holy crap! It's a scary alien! AAGGHH!
Take me to your leader.
Why? What do you aliens want from us humans?
You know what we want...
An Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator?
Bingo.

 

by TheGovernor
3-22-04
Holy crap! It's a scary alien! AAGGHH!
Take me to your leader.
Why? What do you aliens want from us humans?
You know what we want...
For the last time, "Star Trek" was a TV series, you can't join the Federation it's just a geek-boys wet dream. Now take your alien shenanigans elsewhere.
Yeah right!, next you'll be telling me you dont have a Stargate inside a mountain linking you to other planets... You dont? Ahh Crap, What about Superman?... Fictional character you say.... Bugger.

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
One hour of phoning later..
Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop
Bloody Engaged tone...
Welcome to the Glastonbury Ticket line..
Woo Success!!
.. Unforunately all our lines are busy at the moment please try again later.
Son of a *****!

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
***Server Unreachable***
Damn you, show me the page. What do you mean 'Server Unreachable'?
Well you know that server that you want to get to? The one selling the Glastonbury tickets?
Yeah?
It's Unreachable
I hate computer logic.

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
***Server Unreachable***
Bah, Refresh!
***Server Unreachable***
*Sigh* Refresh
I'll give you two guesses what Im going to say next

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
***Server Unreachable*** Say, whats that in the background Beep beeping?
Its the phone, Im still trying to get through to the ticket line aswell
Ahh hedging your bets then? Wait Ive got something, yes definately some activity, yes yes yes....
What? What is it?
***You've got mail***
AGGHHH!!!

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
Two hours of computing later..
***Server Unreachable***
Stop saying that!! Im off for some caffine
***Only the Penitent man will pass***
What?
***Server Unreachable***
Bah!

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
***Server Unreachable***
I dont care, Im making coffee
Welcome to the Aloud dot com website, click here for Glastonbury tickets!!
WHAT!!!
***Server Unreachable***
You utter bastard

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
Hi Phone, What are you getting him with?
Oh its the old 'Engaged Tone' routine. Drives them mad. And you?
'Server Unreachable' ploy. It's a classic, wait until I hit him with the 404 errors
Wait, I think he's coming back. I gotta go...
Hey who were you talking to just there?
Who me? No-one! Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop!

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
Look, have you ever thought that it may not be us, and that there's a problem at the Ticket office or something?
hmm maybe...
At the Ticket Office
Cluck!
Mr Eavis Sir, I know you're trying to cut costs, but was it wise to hire chickens from your farm to answer the ticket hotlines?
Bah! Next you'll be telling me Sheep cant create a stable secure database for handling web transactions...

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
Hey have you ever played Good News Bad News?
No, whats that?
GOOD NEWS: Ive managed to get a connection to the ticket server
Really! Great!
BAD NEWS: IEXPLORE.EXE has encountered an unrecoverable error and will now close!!!
*Sigh*

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
After Two Hours Forty Minutes Twenty Five Seconds...
Actually no kidding, here you go, Ive managed to make a connection to the ticket server
Seriously, you're not joking with me!
No, honestly, here's the online form, you're on a secure server, just fill out your details and we can finally finish this
Wow!, great, ok, Debit Card details, address, Ok Im ready Submit it!
***Server Unreachable***

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
Tell you what, I wont say "Server Unreachable" anymore
Ok thanks, now will you click back and resubmit my form?
***Im sorry Dave Im afraid I cant do that, How about a nice game of Chess??***
Ack enough of that, just re-submit the form already
***She Can Ne Take Ne More Captain!!! Eye Can Giv ya Warp Five but any more an She'll Blow!***
I think I prefered "Server Unreachable"

 

by TheGovernor
4-01-04
Well I eventually managed to order the tickets
Great, did they cost much?
So then he promised me some new memory, a DVD drive and a super fast graphics card, and I gave him access to the ticket site
Cool
More than you can imagine

 

by TheGovernor
4-07-04
"GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM..."
"YOUR CIRCUITS DEAD, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG, CAN YOU HEAR ME MAJOR TOM?"
NASA Bar. Florida
Hey Tom, Weren't you supposed to be test flying that new spacecraft today?
Naah, It's all automatic these days so I sent a replacement, they'll never notice.

 

by TheGovernor
4-09-04
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces

 

by TheGovernor
4-09-04
Bright and Early for the Daily Races
Trust me Im 2-1 favourite
Going Nowhere
Hasn't the race already started?
Erm...
Going Nowhere
Ohh Crap!

 

by TheGovernor
4-09-04
Their tears are filling up their glasses
Bloody Horse, I lost Five Hundred Quid
No expression
No expression

 

by TheGovernor
4-09-04
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
Cheer up mate, I'll get you a beer, what do you want
No tomorrow
Double Jack Daniels, Neat.
No tomorrow
Better make it a treble

 

by TheGovernor
4-09-04
And I find it kinda funny
Cool a clown! Make me a balloon animal
You bastard! My wife died in a freak accident involving a balloon doggie and a safety pin. I'll never touch a balloon ever again
I find it kinda sad
I'm here to serve you with a writ for laughing at Korky the Clown. He's suing you for causing emotional distress
The dreams in which im dying are the best Ive ever had
So thats what really happened to Elvis. Hey do you want me to show you who actually shot JFK?

 

by TheGovernor
4-09-04
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
So I lost the rent at the races, and a clown is taking me to court.
Im Pregnant.
When people run in circles
Get off that ball you're making me dizzy
It's a very very, mad world, mad world

 

by TheGovernor
6-23-04
Ok, here are your code names for the heist, Mr Bashful, Mr Sneezy, Mr Sleepy, Mr Dopey and Mr Grumpy. Nice Guy Happy as you already know will be co-ordinating this.
Hey, Why do I have to be Mr Dopey?

 

by TheGovernor
7-06-04
I bet you're wondering what happened in the Drexle versus FeatforEars battle royal?
You probably assume 'fuck' made an appearance and "unconsenshal sex" played a part, sadly the truth is something of a let down.
B Five
You sunk my battleship.
But that’s how it happened. I’m sorry if it didn’t meet up to your expectations, but cheer up we decided to end this comic with a topical surprise to make up for it
Yes, Sucky Sucky is now Six Dollah. We blame volatility in oil markets and war in Iraq for increase.

 

by TheGovernor
7-08-04
Ok Brian, I'll trade you the my shares in Microsoft for 2000 of your shares in British Airways
Ok its a deal, I'll go speak with my broker now

 

by TheGovernor
7-08-04
Hi Jim, is there something troubling you
No, why do you ask?
You seem to have a monkey on your back

 

by TheGovernor
8-03-04
We got a problem Mr President, it seems the Democrats are getting a lot of kudos from their convention, people actually like what they've got to say
What do ya suggest we do?
We need something to keep the plebs minds off it till our convention comes around
Well do what ya think is best
This just in; Big ass bomb scare in major US cities. Al Qaeda are going to strike!! Homeland Security say threat level now Orange with a hint of Crimson.

 

by TheGovernor
8-25-04
So let me get this straight Mr Lucas. You start with Princess Leia in the original Star Wars so naturally her mum is a Queen in the prequel right?
Yes
But then you make the Queen democratically elected thus making Princess Leia's mum nothing more than a senator before she's even had her
Indeed
You're just making it up as you go along aren't you?
Beep Beep Boop Boop

 

by TheGovernor
8-28-04
Look, its quite simple, Im bigger than you, harder than you, starred in Fight Club, and generally could beat the crap out of you in seconds so why not forfeit now and save yourself some Agro?
You've forgotton one thing
Whats that?
Im the developer of this site
**KER PHP SQL QUERY TRANSFORM**
Touché

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-04
So to recap, Ive spent 2 years crawling round the internet sess pit that is stripcreator.com
Ive seen some good times, Ive seen some bad times. Ive swapped CDs, made some friends, had a laugh or two, but in all this time Ive yet to spontaneously combust...

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-04
There's a present here for you Mr President
Great who is it from?
It's from the Democrats, there's a message attached "Well done on the election it was a tough race, here's a little something to show you there's no hard feelings, J. Kerry."
Well aint that good of them, I wonder what it could be?
Mmmmmmm, Pretzels!

 

by TheGovernor
11-19-04
Well Tarquin, it looks like those common folk have finally put an end to our primal fun
Seems that in a civilised law abiding society there is no more room for our upper-class activities anymore...
So I'll just have to find a human to lick my balls from now on, sorry boy.

 

by TheGovernor
11-21-04
M'Laird, I know you're trying to get around the Hunting with Dogs ban, but I dont really think hunting with pigs is the answer

 

by TheGovernor
11-22-04
Hold it right there M'Laird, I hope you and your Hunting party aren't doing anything illeagal
Why of course not officer, what would give you that idea?
So you're not in these woods hunting foxes then?
Absolutely not!
We're hunting Penguins instead

 

by TheGovernor
12-18-04
Sorry, we dont have any Playstation 2's in for Christmas, apparantly there was a fire at the factory that makes them
Earlier...
Letsa get outa here Luigi!!
I guess I'll get a Gamecube then

 

by TheGovernor
12-20-04
Dear Santa, its great to see you using computers these days, so as to get emails of kids present lists, well done on that, and please find attached my list.
I also however assume you've extended the use of this new technology to other areas of your business, including databasing whose naughty and nice...
In which case under the Data Protection Act of 1994, I demand you send me a copy of all information you have on record about me.

 

by TheGovernor
3-07-05
Wabbit Season!
Duck Season!
ELMER SEASON!
ELMER SEASON
uh oh!

Showing page 5.

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