All comics by allenhenderson

Profile

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
I know what will put you out of your suffering...
Oh God! Oh God! I'm freaking out here!
I'm sorry I have to do this to you buddy...
Stop scaring me! Oh God! Just get it over with!
Not much later..
Hey! You were right, what you did fixed me right up! I'm not trapped along some kind of weird one-dimensional vortex anymore!
What can I say, I'm just that good. Now if you will join me, I believe there is an ice cream cone downtown with your name on it.

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
"Dear sir: Please pay the following very late bills forthwith, and straight-away."
"While this is in no way a direct threat, we have included a quite nasty picture of a dead body for you to look at.."
These guys are getting good.

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
You know I know how to check the Internet history, right?
But of course.
And there is both a temporary Internet directory and a list of website cookies on the computer that I can readily access.
Yes yes.
And also that 99.97% of the time when a parent tells their child the dog or cat "ran away" or "was sold to a farm" that means they found it a block away with it's head crushed by a pickup truck.
Oh God! I never thought about that! GINGER!!!!! Why didn't mom tell me???

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
Euuuuuuuuuuu
Bhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ehhhhhhhhh
AAAAAHHHHHH
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Pllllllllllll

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
LAAAAA!
Doooooo!
M-m!
Ooo!
Nn~n!
Hn?

 

by allenhenderson
12-02-02
Waaaaaaaa
Mmmmnnnmmmmnnnmmm
Yeeeeeeeeee
Uuuuuuuuuuuu
Huuuuuuuuh!
Ha-cha-cha!

 

by allenhenderson
12-22-02
Hey Allen.
Hi Rick. You know, we've known each other a long time, and I just wanted to let you know that
GIANT LIZARDS ATTACK LAS VEGAS
Rar!
Rar.
Wow. What you said was both eloquent and non-gay-sounding. I didn't know you could be so well-spoken.
Must have been one of those rare, moment-of-clarity things. Good thing someone was witness to it.

 

by allenhenderson
12-22-02
Hmm
Hm.
You're just pretend-thinking again for attention, aren't you?
Must.. maintain.. poker.. face..

 

by allenhenderson
12-22-02
Time for a tune-up!
You've already nailed my hands to the wall! Haven't you had enough fun torturing me yet?
No.
Some wriggling might change my mind though.
(Wriggle wriggle wriggle)

 

by allenhenderson
12-22-02
I cloned myself so we could do twice the work in torturing that little gray robot thingy.
Whoa whoa tone down the back-story there fella', it's not like this operation is a Lord of the Rings® sequel or something.
Speaking of which, could you give me a little back story on the first Lord of the Rings? I'm going to go see Two Towers® and I didn't see the first one.
Ok, you'll notice Frodo is travelling with some other little hobbit thing that he thinks is his friend Sam. But he doesn't know Sam is just a bog monster disguised as his hobbit friend..
Yes yes go on.

 

by allenhenderson
12-25-02
Most toys that children get on Christmas are made by Chinese girls toiling in factories for pennies a day.
China's ever-increasing population only adds to the available work force, driving wages ever-downward.
These toys are delivered to American homes by a bearded man in a flying sleigh powered by flying deer.
Ho ho ho.

 

by allenhenderson
12-25-02
Telephone! Get me the president of stripcreator!
You da boss
Hello!? Is this the stripcreator president?
Well, not really the president. I just run the site, you know the operation isn't really that big..
I want to buy 8000 shares of your company RIGHT NOW!
Yessir mister crazy man. Let me transfer you to um, "investor relations".

 

by allenhenderson
12-25-02
Hey, remember when I cloned you to help me do evil?
Hm..Yes! Yes I do...
...........-=FLASHBACK=-............
You are my evil clone, perfect in every way.
Yes.
So you remember that?
Oh my yes.

 

by allenhenderson
12-25-02
Oh my god they have this crazy lady on Trading Spaces again. I can't stand her, I want to ring her neck.
I was thinking, you know, since you cloned me for evil and all, maybe we should, you know, do some evil..
Oh god what is she doing to their fireplace! That was beautiful marble! She's putting crap on it with permanent glue! I would fucking kill her if she did that to my house!
I don't know..blow up some bridges..cause havok..
Oh MAN what the hell is she doing now?? Is she designing Two-Face's new lair?? Jesus christ!
I'll be on the back porch drinking beer again.

 

by allenhenderson
12-25-02
You are a robot hosting a copy of my consciousness, perfect in everyway. Well, as perfect as possible. I only had today to work on you.
Yes. Shall we do evil now?
Well, I was actually thinking you could help me start up an advertising agency.
I'm not THAT evil. I'm gonna go watch Trading Spaces for a while.

 

by allenhenderson
12-26-02
Ok, so we're taking heavy fire, trapped in this office rubble, I'm trapped in the body of Brad Pitt, and you, Brad Pitt, are trapped in the body of a robot I built.
Yes yes, why do you keep summing everything up?
Don't worry, I've got an idea to get out of this..I can only hope that luck is still on our side.
Hey, by the way, you saw The Two Towers right?
You bet your robot butt I did!
Tell me about the battle again! Tell me!

 

by allenhenderson
1-20-03
So I have this terrible movie idea I've been trying to get produced for the last ten years and I'm just about there, man.
What is it what is it?
Like I was saying, it is a really terrible idea for this movie.
Yes yes, go on
It is so bad even a retarded child is not going to be impressed one bit.
Out with it man, out with it!

 

by allenhenderson
1-20-03
So I have everything lined up for this terrible movie.
ROCK dude ROCK
Except distribution.
I'm sure you can work something out somewhere
And there is no money to produce it or anyone that is interested beyond just humoring me to make fun of me.
YES YES uh uh I'm FEELING your dream! UH UH YES! You're making me believe all over again!

 

by allenhenderson
1-20-03
So I've got you interested?
Oh yes very much so.
Great! Let's do lunch sometime, maybe I can talk with your people.
Oh, I'm nobody very important, you were just making me feel better about myself.

 

by allenhenderson
1-20-03
Man I'm too tired to get in the shower.
It kind of looks like I'm holding a knife with a blue blade in my teeth by the handle.
And my right arm is snaking all the way around my back and my left arm is missing in action. And I'm wearing white pants with one big leg.
Oh jesus what's wrong with your body

 

by allenhenderson
1-23-03
I'm totally "web-bloggin'"! I was all, "blog, blog, hey what's that over there? Blog!"
Over-the-shoulder! Blog! Blog! It's the thing to do to be hip with the young kiddos! Blog!
I have been building a barn ALL DAY I could have used some help.
That explains the hammer, and also the nail.

 

by allenhenderson
1-23-03
Hey, what's "blogging"?
I think it's where you take online surveys about your personality and post the scores.
Tyler told me it was where you take your social security and credit card numbers and post them to the internet.
What else did he say?
The first rule of blogging is you do NOT tell Allen about blogging.
Ok, no problem.

 

by allenhenderson
1-23-03
I think blogging is like asking how many roads a man must walk down to be a man.
I think it's like throwing a theme party, and no one shows up and you're all alone in a costume!
I bet joecartoon started blogging, that is a pretty popular site you know.
Oh man, yes YES
I think it's a different languange nerds learn, like Klingon.
BLOG! Blog son of blog, blog blog blog! BLOGGGGG!

 

by allenhenderson
1-23-03
What if you blog about blog's you like?
That could destroy the universe and is a violation of the blog prime directive.
I am going to invent something called "blorgging".
That should be where you get to your online journal, and then just record the keystrokes as you weep with your face mashed against the keyboard.
Allen's in there talking to a stuffed animal donkey again.
I know I'm pretending not to see.

 

by allenhenderson
1-25-03
Colin Powell, how are you going to attack Iraq, you don't even have any allies.
We have a bunch of allies, I just don't want to grow weak and dehydrated from listing them all.
So how many are there?
It's got be like, at least twelve. Just a whole bunch.
So I can't list them all, ok? Do you want me to run out of breath?

 

by allenhenderson
1-25-03
Hey, donkey-thing. Did you hear about that supreme hacker they just released from carbon freeze after 8 years?
Do you think he like ran to a computer, or did he casually stroll by one and pretend to be semi-interested in looking at it?
I bet he really wanted to finish the second installment of the original Doom.
I bet he was all "man, Windows 3.11 was the best ever, the could never do better than that".
I bet he gets terrible revenge on his enemies who put him away and left him to rot.
I bet he uses his hacking for good now and not evil, like some kind of bad Robert Redford TV-movie movie.

 

by allenhenderson
1-26-03
Oh man, this Internet attack is going to shut down the Internet FOREVER! I totally knew that hacker guy they released was going to use his powers for evil! I was so right!
UNLESS it's someone else doing it to frame him, and he decides to use his awesome powers to save the Internet from being destroyed, just like I said.
Oh man, what happens if you are touching a computer when the Internet implodes? Jesus, I'm going to get out of the house!
Yeah, you do that.
[D-Pesh-Mode1121] This is Yellow Fox, Red Justice, are you there? No one suspects it is us.
[Tears4Fears] Excellent. Tomorrow we enter endgame.

 

by allenhenderson
2-25-03
Saddam got wise to the fact the United States might have just been BLUFFING the use of force to get what they want out of him.
Oh man they'd better shift strategy on that.
They are now amasing humanitarian groups on the borders to deal with all the dead bodies they are about to make all over Iraq.
Saddam must totally be getting nervous about that one.
Saddam Hussein: Profile of a Dictator (1937-2003)
Just to be safe they should send an advance copy of the History Channel documentary about the life of Saddam, and add the years he lived in died in parenthesis at the end of the title.
He would totally believe we were expecting him to be killed by us if we did that.

 

by allenhenderson
2-25-03
I would like to rent this movie please.
Sir I'm seeing that you have fifty-two dollars in late fees.
I'm afraid I must dispute those charges.
The charges are on a movie you just turned in when you walked in the door!
I don't remember ever renting or turning in any movie. You are offending me deeply.
The movie you returned was just an mpeg1 CD copy of the original, and the video starts with a title saying "h4Xx0r3d and burned by Allen Henderson"

 

by allenhenderson
4-02-03
HEADLINE NEWS: Cute 19 year old army girl rescued from POW camp in dramatic, co-ordinated effort.
All other POWs left to die or be tortured.

 

by allenhenderson
4-09-03
Truly this is very symbolic..the tearing down of the giant Saddam statue..
This is just like that dream I had last night!
and the rubbing of the American flag on his face..I mean, 'hello! symbolic!'...
Except when the Iraqis got the statue down, they found out it was full of chocolate, and started to rejoice.

 

by allenhenderson
5-01-03
AAA!
AAAA!!
AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAA AA AA AA AAA AAAA!!!
Where were you last night?

 

by allenhenderson
6-16-03
Hey wanna see something?
Sure!!
Ta-da!
No, huh?
That is supposed to stay in your pants at all times except for in the bathroom.

 

by allenhenderson
6-16-03
Hello robot, my dear sweet friend.
Allen. Why are you in the trashcan.
I am killing myself by garbage man.
What!? You're crazy!
Garbage day isn't until Tuesday.

 

by allenhenderson
6-16-03
I heard once if you sit in one spot long enough eventually you'll meet everyone you've ever known in your life.
Great, a fucking monkey.

 

by allenhenderson
6-16-03
Good, that monkey left. Now I can wait to die in peace.
Oh man, a squirrel. What do YOU want?
Nuts. I bet you want nuts.

 

by allenhenderson
6-16-03
Wait, is this some kind of sign? Are you like my spirit animal? Are you going to show me some kind of vision of life without me?
And upon seeing this vision I will stop the process of committing suicide by garbage man and persue my life with renewed vigor?
omg, no

 

by allenhenderson
6-16-03
Come on, show me a vision.
lol no
Do it.
u r weird
I am throwing you down the sidewalk now. *throw*
ROTF!

 

by allenhenderson
7-30-03
Hey kids, are you ready to learn about where rain comes from?
Yay!!
First, gaze upon the cloudy sky..
oo!
..then go fuck yourselves.

 

by allenhenderson
10-02-03
I'm going to stick you into a meat grinder to better understand the human body.
Okie dokey!
GRIIINNNNNNNNDDDD
AIEEEEEE
Ta da! And I'm back to normal. The human body is an amazing thing.

 

by allenhenderson
10-02-03
Ok, I added hydraulics to the meat grinder so it will bounce around while it grinds me up.

 

by allenhenderson
11-08-03
Pretty good party huh? So the other day I was all "yo whad up" to dogonball and he was totally like "go away"-
and then I was all "well ok but I'm coming back, I live here to-"
The practice of a deficit economy by the largest GDP nation in the world is a politically-masked and militarily-enforced Ponzi scheme of grotesque scale, magnitude, and consequence.
Make love to me.
Well ok.

 

by allenhenderson
1-01-04
Hey Allen, don't you usually make a comic around every holiday?
Allen?
Oh my God he's dead!
To be continued.

 

by allenhenderson
1-01-04
Boy, hammering is fun. Hey donkey, what are you thinking about?
That time I found you dead in your room.
Oh God he's dead!
I sure am.
Yeah that was crazy. Is that picture straight?
Looks straight to me!

 

by allenhenderson
1-19-04
Now giant chicken, step into my shrinking device, and return TO NORMAL SIZE!!
And then
Yes at long last I've done it. I've shrunk my cock! I've permanently SHRUNK MY COCK!!
You've also left the intercom on to the main lobby.
It's so small! My god!

 

by allenhenderson
10-08-04
Ok Bush, we've sold out 50000% of the campaign. Now the only way they open the books on the scam is if we win the election. We must lose in 2004 to keep the money.
Leave everything to me.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ASSHOLES
Weee hooo! I'm Captain America!
You're up five points.
It's hard for me to think of a better idea with you leering at me Cheney.

 

by allenhenderson
10-08-04
Bush, if you don't lose this election, we're going to jail for election fraud.
Hold your horses Cheney I'm working on something that's sure to ruin us in 2004.
The country is under attack.
I haffa go potty.
Stop looking at me like that, we're only up three points this time.

 

by allenhenderson
10-08-04
Dammit Bush, we've oversold the election! If we win they open the books on the deal and we go to jail! I can't go to prison again!
Stop recapping the premise, Cheney, I'm working on a sure fire slam dunk.
Black people like fried chicken.
You've just taken the South.
*sigh* Ok ok hold on

 

by allenhenderson
10-08-04
You'd better have thought of a way to lose us this election Bush.
Don't worry the debates are coming up I've got a plan.
Will the moderator please instruct my opponent to stop communicating to me through a marionette puppet.
Sigh
Everyone deserves a second chance!

 

by allenhenderson
10-08-04
Last night Bush kicked off his "Everyone deserves a second chance" message at the debates, and has taken the lead in Massachusetts and Hawaii, the two most liberal and hard to spell states.
We have to lose this election Bush! We're running out of tries!
This is proving to be quite the comedy of errors.
Why don't you just mention social security?
Hmm.

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »