All comics by boloboffin

Profile

 

by boloboffin
12-13-06
Is it hot out here or did I just eat my testicles?
Whew! It's hot out here!
Oh, thank God.
You gonna finish that?
No, please, help yourself.

 

by boloboffin
12-16-06
The Wrath of Khan
KHAAAAAAAANNN!
I'm dead, Jim.
The Search for Spock
SPOOOOOOOCK!
I'm feeling better.
The Voyage Home
DOUBLE DUMBASS ON YOUUUUU!!!
Save the whales.

 

by boloboffin
12-19-06
*sigh* I hate this part of my job.
Please, someone, let me out of this coffin!
It's not a coffin, you daft git. It's a morgue drawer...
You mean, my family didn't come after me? *sob*
O for the love of...
Could you guys keep it down out there?

 

by boloboffin
12-20-06
*sigh* I hate this part of my job.
Marco.
Polo.

 

by boloboffin
12-20-06
Well, this sucks.
What?
Are you kidding me?
Come on, man. All you can drink, free cable, and a Jacuzzi is not my idea of suckitude.
You don't have cable?

 

by boloboffin
12-20-06
The Sensitive Boyfriend knows the words to every Jim Croce song in existence...
Well, I know it's kinda late -- I hope I didn't wake you.
But there's something that I just gotta say...
...and takes them literally.
I knew you'd understand...

 

by boloboffin
12-24-06
MERRY XMAS!!!
Happy Holidays!
Felice Navidad!
Five dolla!
ME AM DOG ON BALL! GRRR! ME AM GET CHAINSAW....
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

Grandma got run over by a reindeer!
Thank God there's a roadkill law in this state!
by boloboffin, 12-24-06

 

No one could be prepared for the horror of... Toilet Squirrel!
That's no place for a squirrel!!
Ri-ri-ri-ri!!
by boloboffin, 12-24-06

 

by boloboffin
12-27-06
Jimmy Carter will fall off a house being built for Habitat for Humanity...
That smile... That creepy smile... It's still there!
George HW Bush will commit suicide after his son bombs Iran's nuclear facilities...
Daddy, I solved the Middle East crisis and you didn't! Daddy? YOU BASTARD!!!
Bill Clinton will succumb to a "heart attack" moments before Hillary announces her intent to run for President.
Say hello to Vince, asshole.

 

by boloboffin
1-02-07
There, there, Pat...
God told me that terrorists will attack America late in the year 2007!
This way, Mr. Robertson...
God didn't say it would be nuclear, but it could be!
In ya go...
Of course, with 3000 new members of the 700 Club, that could be avoided!

 

by boloboffin
1-03-07
Hi, I'm Barack Obama, a United States Senator.
And I'm Osama bin Laden, a terrorist leader.
We're here today because a number of media types have been mixing up our names.
Yeah. We'd like to point out some ways of keeping us separated in your minds.
For one thing, it's pretty damned easy to find me.
Holla!

 

by boloboffin
1-03-07
Another thing is we look nothing alike.
I'm a Muslim and he's a Christian.
I'm a UNITED STATES SENATOR, and he gets his buddies to fly planes into our buildings.
And you've had seven years to learn my face, twenty if you've been paying attention, but Obama here's been in the public eye for five years.
I don't think they're getting it.
Yeah. We're losing the "wouldn't have either of them marrying our daughter" crowd.

 

by boloboffin
1-03-07
Look, people. My last name is Obama. His first name is Osama!
I think that's too subtle. Those are the names we're known by in the American press.
Hm. Well, I've got a B in my name, you've got an S. If we work out an association with the letters and ourselves...
Hey, you've got two B's. Barack Obama.
BB?
Yeah! Would you mind holding one for the rest of your public career?

 

by boloboffin
1-03-07
Ladies and Gentlemen, Obama and Osama have agreed on a mnemonic device to help us keep their names straight. Gentlemen?
I can't believe...
Let's get it over with.
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
Aagh! Snake! A Snake! Snake! A Snake! Ohhhh, it's a Snake!

 

by boloboffin
1-03-07
All right.
Hey, what'd you ever do about your Hussein problem?
But he's dead. You really think...
It is the American media we're talking about here.
*sigh* Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
Mushroom, mushroom

 

by boloboffin
1-03-07
It is I, the PASSIONATE AVENGER!
I fly through the air, seeking out my mortal enemy... Ah! There he is now!
CAPTAIN APATHETIC! We meet again!
Oh, brother...

 

by boloboffin
1-08-07
Your power to care about nothing frightens me not!
For I, the PASSIONATE AVENGER, will infuse you with emotion and enthusiasm!
Meh.
His powers have grown during his recent isolation. This may call for desperate measures.
He tickles me, he's dead.

 

Why'd you call my ass Rock City?
Cuz every redneck for seven states has been there on vacation.
by boloboffin, 1-09-07

 

by boloboffin
1-11-07
Debbie--your blind date is here.
Oh, boy! Yay!
Ask him if he's got a grandfather.

 

Mooooo!
Git along, little copies..
by boloboffin, 1-13-07

 

by boloboffin
1-16-07
Who's this cutie?
32, red hair, thin, NASA engineer, loves comics, role playing games, just out of the closet, eager to explore...
Dear God, do such things really exist?
A virgin with a good attitude!
Love red-skinned lizard guys in suits...

 

by boloboffin
1-17-07
OMG, he looks just like his pictures!
Yeah, I've never had sex at all. Look, here I am at the Comic Con.
omg he's dressed as nightcrawler
So how long has it been since you've had sex?
The costume IS pretty good.

 

by boloboffin
1-17-07
*smack* MMM *kiss* Ooo!
This may actually be the one...
RRRRRRRR rrrrrrrrrrrrr RRRRRRRR rrrrrrrrrrrr
What the hell are you doing?!
Oh, sometimes I just wish I had a double larynx.

 

by boloboffin
1-17-07
Wow...I'm not a virgin anymore.
No, you're not.
Hey, it didn't bother you there at the end, when I howled like a wolf?
No. Not at all. Hey, let's go see a movie. Now would be good.
Sure. Anything you want to see...
Great. I haven't seen Moulin Rouge, how about you?

 

by boloboffin
1-17-07
All in all, he was really sweet. Sometimes I wonder, if I had just let Baz Luhrmann's spell take me away...
No shit. It was just like a biped wolf howl. OOO-WOO- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

That was amazing, Grace...
by boloboffin, 3-14-07

 

by boloboffin
3-21-07
Now did I lock the kid in the closet or down in the basement last night?
Oh, behave.
"Have"? What do I "have"?
No, Austin Powers.
What's he got that I don't got?
Jokes that don't suck like Wirthling.

 

Mm, what's on the grill?
My sister. My wife. My sister AND my wife.
by boloboffin, 3-26-07

 

...and the REALLY naughty ones meet my friend here in a dark alley.
Billy, is 11 tonight good for you?
by boloboffin, 3-26-07

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Ah. A beautiful spring morning. Just the kind I like to resurrect on...
NONE THIS WAY SHALL PASS!
Oh, Jeez, not again.
Hey, it's Jesus! Metatron says Yo!

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Well, time to use the escape hatch...
Awww...
Wait. What the...
Injokester, you are so going to hell!!
You think this was the straw that broke that particular camel's back?

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Fan-fucking-tastic. A border angel blocking my path out of the tomb.
You say that like it's some sort of problem.
Dude. Christians around the world celebrate the Empty Tomb today.
Yeah. So?
Yeah, so it's not empty if WE'RE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!!
We don't have to tell 'em.

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
"We don't have to tell 'em?" Somebody is going to come looking!
What?
When Peter and the boys start saying that my tomb is empty, somebody is going to come looking!
Like who?
Like who? Pilate, Caiaphas, the sandal-shine boy, EVERYBODY!
Where's the love?

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Okay. I am the Creator God of the Universe. Let me pass.
NONE THIS WAY SHALL PASS!
LET ME OUT!
NONE THIS WAY SHALL PASS!
There's got to be a way past you...
Oh, right, the three questions. What's your name?

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
You know my name.
Ah, c'mon, play along. What is your name?
NO! All you're doing is the Monty Python sketch. I'm not playing along!
Oh, please. It's nothing like the Monty Python sketch.
Well, OK, that first question, but all the rest are totally different!

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
All right. I can't believe I'm doing this. My name is Jesus Christ.
No, it isn't.
Wha -- My name is Jesus Christ!!
No, it's Yeshua bar Yosef of Nazareth, isn't it?
What's the bloody difference!?
Seems to me I remember somebody getting pissy about Yahweh back in the first series...

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Fine! My name is Yeshua bar Yosef of Nazareth!
Great! What is your quest?
OK, except for those first two questions, it's completely different.

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Dude. You are doing the Monty Python sketch.
No, I'm not!
Well, all right then, what's your last question? "What's your favorite color?"
Not necessarily...

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
It is, isn't it? Come on. Tell me your third question.
I can't, until you answer the second question. We have to do things properly.
*sigh* OK. My quest is to save humanity from their sins.
Oh. Erm...
Yes?
What's your... favorite... spectrum of light energy?

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
That's the same thing!
No, it's not. It's completely different.
Color is nothing but a specific spectrum of light energy!
Is it? Well, who made up those rules?
I DID!!!!
Well, then, I don't see why you're blaming me for something that sounds like your doing.

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Hang on. If I tell you my favorite color, you have to let me out of here, right?
Well, yeah. That's the rules, innit?
Green.
Green????
Green is my favorite color.
Not hardly.

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Are you standing there saying that green is NOT my favorite color?
Well, come on. You're the Creator of the Universe, aincha?
If you expect me to believe that something as prosaic as green is your favorite color, then my advice to you is to pull the other one.
Fine! Chartreuse!
Oo, we've got a Nancy Jesus on our hands, have we?

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
Why, I oughta...
Easy there, God-boy.
Let me pass!
OK...wait a minute. Which chartreuse d'ya mean - the one called chartreuse now, or the one that's more yellow but was chartreuse in the past?
Hanh?
A little known feature of border angels: constant access to Wikipedia.

 

by boloboffin
4-07-07
I AM YOUR CREATOR GOD. I HAVE ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS. I DEMAND THAT YOU LET ME OUT OF MY TOMB!!
All right, all right...
Behold, I am your Messiah!
Same time next year?

 

by boloboffin
4-08-07
Tobor - New Materials Tester for NASA
RAHRRR!!! TOBOR SENSE LEAK IN SUIT -- HOLD STILL!
Tobor - New Environmental Consultant for George W. Bush
Lemme 'splan our policies.
RAHRRR!!! TOBOR GUESS --- BUSINESS AS USUAL!!
Tobor - Newest Member of Neilsen Family
RAHRRR!!! ANTHONY CLARK STILL GOT IT!!

 

by boloboffin
4-12-07
Hi, yes, I was trying to find out about my $205 credit being approved?
Mr. Boffin, it says that Tier 3 doesn't have the authority to approve this credit.
They don't.
No, sir, they've referred it to Tier 2.
That's where it was before. Why did Tier 2 give it to Tier 3 if Tier 3 couldn't do anything?
*click*

 

by boloboffin
4-12-07
Hello, yes, I'm checking on an escalated credit? The last person hung up on me.
I'm sorry about that. What's the credit for?
Well, I lost my phone.
Device.
Hanh?
Device. We don't sell phones - we sell devices.

 

by boloboffin
4-12-07
OK... "Device." I lost my "device," and when your company sold me a new "device," they also sold me a new "account."
Oh, they didn't switch the new device onto your old account?
No, so when I called up to fix that, they cancelled the old account, and then charged me for early termination AND activation.
Whoops, our mistake.
So any word on when I get the credit approved?
No one here can help you.

 

by boloboffin
4-12-07
Nobody at Helio can help me?
We aren't Helio. We're the outside company that Helio has hired to handle their "customer service." Helio Corporate is who we are waiting on to approve the credit.
Well, call Corporate and ask them when they are going to approve the credit.
Nobody here has the telephone number.
You're actually asking me to believe that you are in a contractual relationship with a company, and you DON'T HAVE THEIR TELEPHONE NUMBER?????
*click*

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »