All comics by jes_lawson

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by jes_lawson
5-21-03
B.A! Are you OK in there? Talk to me, buddy!
I swear man! I won't rest until you're back in your body and up in my plane again! Just show me a sign that you understand!
...and in shares, the unexplainable nosedive in the aerospace sector continues. A spokesman for Boeing said, "Shut up fool!"
I love it when a plan comes together!

 

by jes_lawson
5-21-03
Did you see those last 3 strips I did to take us over the 200 mark, Donkey?
The ones with the A-Team and Martin Luther King? Were you on the absinthe by any chance, Jes?
Correct! And I think it's time for another hit to finish the last panel!
Byron would be proud of you, you drunken pervert!
Meanwhile...
Do you ever think hallucinogenic liquor can be a substitute for real creativity, Chiba Sensei?
*Moc moc a moc!*

 

by jes_lawson
5-29-03
America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof.
Proof? What proof?
...that of a smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud.
Yipes! You've convinced me! What do we do now?
Throw any suspected witches in the lake. If they don't drown like good Christians, they're obviously in league with Satan!
And if they are, we'll burn them at the stake! I'll go get my mother-in-law...

 

by jes_lawson
5-29-03
Good news sir! Your mortgage application has been approved!
Awesome! Time to buy a house!
Please sign here. Thumbprint there. DNA sample there. Firstborn son there. Now, onto your monthly repayment details...
Hang on... what's with this flaming pentagram forming around me?
Welcome to Mortgage Repayments! I'll be in charge of shafting you each month for the next 25 years!
I think I'd like to move somewhere else, now. Like downtown Grozny maybe?

 

by jes_lawson
5-30-03
I call this one "Technicolour Yawn"
I should cut down on the absinthe, shouldn't I?
Leave me alone, loser!

 

by jes_lawson
5-31-03
So I got the crap kicked out of me yesterday by a giant tennis shoe.
It was a black belt in Nike Jitsu

 

by jes_lawson
5-31-03
I should have remembered I was a black belt in Ching Ching.
Cock the .45 and point it. "Ching Ching, punk!"

 

by jes_lawson
6-02-03
Last night I had a dream where I was asleep and I woke up, but I was still dreaming. Then I "woke up" again, but it was still a dream.
And then I thought "How many layers is this dream going to have? What if in Reality, life is just a dream?"
I should stop rowing my boat gently down the stream before I go to bed.

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Remember Neo - There is no spoon.
Then what the hell did I eat all that soup with?
That was a spork.
Woah...

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
I hereby announce my intention to create Stripcreator Comic Number 150000!
Expect the Asian Girls to feature heavily!
You know, Jes_ has time to write something witty for us for once!
Yes , we're still about 30 comics away from the magic number.
Sucky Sucky?
$5!

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Well, it seems like Stripcreator's too quiet for us to wait for other people to push the comic count up
Yes, so we're taking matters into our own hands...

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Hey! Where did the Asian Girls go?
I thought they were gonna stay here until Comic 150000! I'd better go get them...

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Hey Chooby! Have you seen the Asian Girls?
Chooby...?
My mistake! You're not Chooby, you're just a giant bird!
Squawk!

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
The pressure's on! America is waking up! If I don't find the Asian Girls soon it'll be too late
Maybe one of the in-joke characters will know where they are...
Hey Cowboy! Have you seen the Asian Girls
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Con'sarn it! The Asian Girls! Small, Asian, perform sex acts at low cost?
Sorry pardner. All I know how to do is say "Ha ha!" and "What the fuck are you talking about".
You could try asking my graviton-generatin' buddy over there...

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Hey pard'ner! Have you seen...
*Foof!*
Gol'Darn it! I was looking for a Stripcreator in-joke, not a jes_lawson in-joke!
*fsssssshhhhhh*

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
One of these Stripcreator cliches must know where the Asian Girls went
RAAAR! TOBOR KNOWS! TURN AROUND AND BEND OVER...
On second thought, I'll ask the forum users...

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Hey Kajun! Seen the Asian girls anywhere?
Forget them! Do you know how many old regulars are missing? Read this list...
I haven't time for this...
...and now JrmynNate's leaving too, and another thing...
Say! It looks like they're giving away crates of Tennent's over there
WHERE?

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Maybe somebody on IRC has seen them. I'll just log on to the old Innernet then...
WiguRube has joined #stripcreator
Success! Here's one of them!
Dang blast it, it's just a bot!
fqzWiguRube! increase your manhood 32672, click this link!

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Aw heck, mAAk! Do you know where the Asian Girls have gone?
*mAAk releases killer bees into WiguRube's overalls
*WiguRube has left #Stripcreator (Quit: Bees stinging genitals)
De Beez, yes? :|

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Hey! Where the hell is this place?
AOL Hell.
Now get out of here so we can do our job!

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
We hate to resort to tactics like this...
...but since no-one else seems to care...
We think we can get away with it!
$5

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
...
...
...
Hey! That was better than some of the newbie strips around here!

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
Oh no! What if someone makes a strip and steals the big 150k
They won't. Now get back to work...
Ever stop to think about the children of the world?
All the time. That's why I'm on medication

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
We're nearly there! Soon comic 150000 will belong to jes!
Remind me why he's bothering again?

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
So it's nearly upon us! Comic number 150000
And you're SURE no-one else is going to get there before me?
Gabe Billings isn't on-line, and no-one else is really botherd
I'll excuse the typo!

 

by jes_lawson
6-04-03
YES! I didi it! Another pointless landmark!
Great! Now where's our money
$5, plus expenses. That comes to $147,568 thanks
George Bush will manipulate his way back in '04! Jes will use the editing feature to edit this strips punchline!
Why did I even bother?

 

by jes_lawson
6-05-03
Santa! But I thought you didn't really exist!
Ho ho ho! I exist alright! As long as little children believe in me!
So if I don't believe in you, what happens then?
Well...I....um...
Thought so.

 

by jes_lawson
6-05-03
I used to believe the maxim "What they don't know won't hurt them."
But I was wrong.
Those kids didn't know about the landmines I laid in the playground and...well...here I am!

 

by jes_lawson
6-05-03
People these days are paranoid about keeping children safe!
So much as offer to help a kid across the street and you get yelled at by everyone! Where's the logic?
And you try offering to help a kid put on its swimming costume! Oh, man!

 

by jes_lawson
6-12-03
Well folks, This one was stone cold bitch of a table to make...
...I'll be damned if you lazy bastards offer me less than $3000 a time for tables like this little beauty!
For New Yankee Workshop, I'm Boorite! See you on the top 100 rich list, suckers!

 

by jes_lawson
6-24-03
For your perusement: My trip to Scotland and The North East in comic form.
Day 1. Wednesday.
Crap. I've missed my train. I could wait 6 hours and thengo to Glasgow...
But what good's getting there if it's too late to get wrecked with Kate? I'm not even out of the house yet and things have got FUBAR!

 

by jes_lawson
6-24-03
I was disappointed to have messed my published plans up. But...
I guess I could go to Edinburgh first, there's a train to there I can catch now...
4 and a half hours later
Man that was one rough trip! But it's good to be back. Arthur's Seat looks awesome!
I booked into a B&B and went to my old local the Southsider
I need inspiration for my pub quiz team name...Aha!
Seriously folks, he called his team "Tobor will cornhole you!" No wonder you came last, idjut!

 

by jes_lawson
6-24-03
After the pub, as the light was fading, I spotted a taxi...
Hic...Driver! Take me to Ego please
It's shut outside term time pal. You could go to the Opal Lounge...
I'd gone looking for my mate DJ Beef in a random part of town
Yes! Take me to a strange club I've never been to before!
Right ye are pal!
DJ Beef wasn't there. But there was cold Hoegaarden and some fine ladies
You've got the best arse I've ever seen!
My Slinky sense is telling me there's a drunken Ulsterman sizing up my can

 

by jes_lawson
6-24-03
Thrown out of the B&B at 10am, I decied to climb Arthur's Seat
Wow! Being hungover is increasing my climbing skills!
I may even make it to the very top!
Awesome! Nearly at the top...Uh-oh, I'm sobering up....HHEEEELLLLP!

 

by jes_lawson
6-24-03
Later I hung out in all the old record stores and coffee shops...
Well I know I'll be back here, but it's a bit lonely these days. Time to go to Glasgow
Day 2: Thursday afternoon, seconds after stepping out of Glasgow bus station
Ah! What a vibrant and exciting city! Much more alive than posh Edi could ever...
Oh for feck's sake!
Eh pal! Can ye loan us twenny pee? I'm fuckin starvin'! It's fer a big o' chips, honest! Actually, make it a fiver...

 

by jes_lawson
6-26-03
Soon enough, my old flame Kate was there to meet me
Hiya gorgeous! How's it going?
Really well! It's lovely to see you. Let's go get some food, I'm starved!
I got to meet her new boyfriend as well
Grand.
By the way, this is Davey...
For one horrible, horrible moment I thought...
Hi there, I'm Davey!
Hi there, I'm Davey!

 

by jes_lawson
6-26-03
We all went to a restaurant. We caught up and made witty conversation.
...and that's when I said "Those rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha! We did a study on gravitons a few months ago!
Then we went to a bier keller and drank a lot of excellent European beers. Well, me and Davey did anyway...
Another round, Davey?
Well if you're paying, I'll have a couple of Franziskanners. Kate'll have Scrumpy Jack.
And the best part was, I was the one that got to sleep with Kate that night...
Well we haven't done this for a while...
No bragging to your friends that you've "slept" with me, OK? You're staying on that floor mister...

 

by jes_lawson
6-26-03
Friday: To Newcastle for a social function with some colleagues. The part of Jamie Irvine is played by Kajun
Whoops! I didn't know this was black tie!
I wouldn't worry. After the free wine's finished no one will notice.
Later, talking to my old pal Marty
*hic* I gotta come up here more often! More free wine?
Why aye man! Fancy a couple o' pints in the Lizard Lounge afterwards?
Even later...
Oh man, now I know why this is called the Lizard Lounge! I'm about ready to turn green and fall asleep under a rock!
Ha ha ha!

 

by jes_lawson
6-26-03
What happened on Saturday was a *bit* of a blur but I think it went like this...
Not one hotel left in Durham! This is awful! I'm going to Kingsgate for beer and sunbathing.
whrrrrr......
6 hours later...
EDINBURGH? How the hell did I get back up HERE?

 

by jes_lawson
6-26-03
Edinburgh: Late Saturday: A Youth Hostel
Have you got anywhere I can stay? I don't know how I got here!
We've got a bunk in a shared dorm for £16. Take it or leave it
I spent the night thinking of my lost weekend. And snoring loudly.
GNNNNNNZZZZZZRRRRT!
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
And on Sunday I came home. There's more to tell but, well, getting this far was hard enough.
Now, back to our irregular non-service!

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
What's with all of them?
Someone's trying to call my mobile. It's got that new "Polyphonic Spree Ringtone" technology.
o| Hanging A-round again!

You're hanging around again! o|
o| Hanging A-round again!

You're hanging around again! o|
o| Hanging A-round again!

You're hanging around again! o|
o| Hanging A-round again!

You're hanging around again! o|

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
What can you show me in the latest mobile phones?
It depends what you're looking for sir.
I want the blingingest phone you have. I want people to see it and say "That man, is the King of Da Bling"
This experimental WAP phone has Firewire, video messaging and polyphonic ringtone spree! And it makes martinis.
Sold. But there's not quite enough bling yet...
I'll get the rhinestone encrusted dollar symbol for you now, sir.

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
"King of Da Bling! King of Da Bling! Born to be King of Da Bling!"
"I'll show you my thing! King of the..." Hey Bryan!
Yo Roger my man! What's happening?
Check out this amazing new phone I just bought!
Take it out of the sunlight! It's blinding me! AAGH!

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
Hey! Let's go down to the beach and take some photo messages
Yeah! This thing not only does that...
...but it Photoshops them while you send the message!
Are we going to digitally remove bikinis and post the results to the Internet?
I've got alt.pictures.nakedgirls programmed into the speeddial

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
OK dude! There's Maura on the other side of the shore! Take a photo and let's see the goodies!
No problemo! [Click]
Upload man! Upload!
I...I'm having trouble connecting, this wireless connections a bit slow...
Here's your answer! Somebody's already WarChalked your phone!
You can't even take a quiet piss anymore, without some bandwidth bandit sniffing around your insecure areas...

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
OK, it looks like it's working...
Hot dog! Nudity here we come...OH DAMN! I've dropped it!
You! Ever dive for pennies at your local swimming pool?
Well, yeah once, but...
And don't come back up until you've found it!
Glub!

 

by jes_lawson
6-27-03
*splutter*! Here's your phone back!
Thanks! I'm giving you an extra ten pence for the way you held onto that cat while you were underwater!
Is it OK?
I think so...lemme test the mobile refridgerator...
Looks like it's working.
I could use a drink. Let's hit a bar and see what else this baby can do.

 

by jes_lawson
7-05-03
Ok man, let's have a couple of beers and dial us up some Russian hookers!
Can do! *dials*
I gotta take a leak, I'll be back in a minute...
Oh man, I can't wait for some hot, smokin' ass...
Whew! Whatta run that was! Somebody call for a rushin' hookah?
Uh-oh...

 

by jes_lawson
7-05-03
This club is strictly no smoking. You two and the giant fag are gonna have to go!
But...but...
Psst! I think he's talking to you!
Well shit, I've NEVER heard that one before!

Showing page 5.

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