All comics by mandingo

Profile

 

by mandingo
8-01-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
there are some who call me...
Tim?

 

by mandingo
8-01-05
why do you raise with Q-8 offsuit?
why?
WHY?
WHY WHY WHY!
hi honny. how was your day?
good. they were raising with Q-8 offsuit

 

by mandingo
8-02-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
my name isn't important, Roy
how do you know my name?
i don't
you just called me Roy
i believe you're mistaken, Roy

 

by mandingo
8-02-05
what happened here?
they did it. they really did it. they killed my wife
who did?
my sons. but they won't find me. not in this disguise
Hi, Eric!
Oh no!

 

by mandingo
8-02-05
NIGGER nigger
nice day to go swimming!
sure is!
NIGGER nigger
oh my god!
Janey!
NIGGER nigger NIGGER nigger NIGGER nigger NIGGER nigger

 

by mandingo
8-03-05
nope! still tastes like heaven!
better check again

 

by mandingo
8-03-05
i just won four 8-player tournaments in a row. you know what the odds are of that randomly happening?
4095 to 1 against
why don't you play poker again?
i like slots

 

by mandingo
8-04-05
♣
♦
♥
♠
as you see, we have a fine selection of suits to choose from

 

by mandingo
8-04-05
i've come for the one named Steve
5 dollars if you go tell the guy at the door you're me
deal!
you stole my life!
no breaksies

 

by mandingo
8-04-05
How did you get all of these writing awards? You're the worst writer I've ever met!
No, I'm the worst speller you've ever met. I'm the worst speller anyone's ever met. I'm the worst speller that's ever existed.
What were we talking about?

 

by mandingo
8-04-05
merry christmas!
it's august!
you just made Santa cry!
NO!
he may even kill himself!
i'm coming, Santa!

 

Red Lobster, Jim? Red Lobster?
by mandingo, 8-05-05

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
♫ i would do anything for love, but i won't do that ♫
were you just singing meatloaf?
no
you were just singing meatloaf, weren't you?
no

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
check
fold
fold
i think i'm playing too tight
honny, you got any wrinkly clothes? i suddenly have an enormous urge to fold

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
i'm leaving, pa. there's nothing left for me here. i've already had my way with all the cows
my boy's leaving?
all the donkeys
where will you go?
the mules
never heard of it

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
the sheep
you hitchin a ride, boy?
the goats
well hop in my car and i'll take you where you want to go
the chickens
no officer, it just looked like fellatio. i'd never take advantage of the mentally retarded

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
the ducks
you new here, cowboy?
the geese
you're goin to need somebody to protect you
the turkeys
no, warden, it just looked like fellatio

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
the pigs
i'm the judge. you understand? judge?
the vegetable garden
i don't think you're mentally competent to stand trial. follow me to my chambers and i'll test you
the side of the barn
bailiff, i think i would know if this young man was performing fellatio on me

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
that dead bird Rex found
look what a mess you've gotten us into!
Rex's water dish
you know, you're goin to need somebody to protect you
Rex
guard, i think i would know if this young man was performing fellatio on me

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
the scarecrow
looks like you're getting off on a technicality
the old mill
come with me to property and i'll give you your possesions back
the scarecrow again
you offend me, police commisioner!

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
that's about it
you again?
... wait a minute ...
OK, but be more discreet this time. and maybe talk a little less
OH NO!
officer, do i look like a stupid man?

 

by mandingo
8-05-05
my boy's come back to me!
well, say something boy!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN?
hittin for the cycle, pa

 

no more scotch
by mandingo, 8-05-05

 

got tickets to Bowie?
yah
by mandingo, 8-05-05

 

by mandingo
8-06-05
surprise, nigger!
what the fuck!
RAT A TAT TAT!!!!!
that's what you get for wearing brown!
i'm wearing red!
WE DON'T EVEN SHOOT PEOPLE WHO WEAR BROWN!

 
by mandingo, 8-06-05

 
by mandingo, 8-06-05

 

by mandingo
8-06-05
what are you doing?
playing a Sit n Go
a Sit n Go is a single table poker tournament where 1st, 2nd, and 3rd places all finish in the money
who are you talking to?
no one
you're creeping me out

 

by mandingo
8-06-05
one must know evil to fight it. are you sure you can find these pornography pages?
yes, father
here's one now
like to sit on my lap while i fight evil?
hey, isn't that you?

 

by mandingo
8-06-05
an elephant sat on Joe and killed him!
oh.
"OH?" aren't you surprised!
you kidding? they must weigh 2, 3 tons easy

 

by mandingo
8-07-05
i kill them all. i shove the skinny guy up the fat guy's ass, the rich guy up the skinny guy's ass, the rich girl up his ass, the celebrity up her ass, and the dumb one up hers, forming a human snake
then i strip naked, pierce my nipples and scrotum with bamboo shoots, and ride the snake around the island hooting, "A THREE HOUR TOUR? A THREE HOUR TOUR?"
will you represent us, Mr. Coconut?

 

never call a bird J.J.
by mandingo, 8-07-05

 

by mandingo
8-07-05
hey, sugar. your legs must be tired...
grab a seat and blow me
if only PMS were corporeal
CHRIST GOD JESUS!

 

by mandingo
8-08-05
hi, i'd like to blow you while massaging your balls
sorry, not interested
come again?

 

by mandingo
8-09-05
so then Stan and Kyle stop fucking the preggo hooker and Cartman smashes through the closet and cuts her unborn fetus from her womb and they gang bang it while shoving a bottle up its ass
then Kenny cuts off its legs and pulls out the bones, and Stan and Kyle wear the legs as condoms as they doubleteam the weeping dying hooker with the legs of her now deceased baby
so?
SIMPSONS DID IT!

 

what happened to the reindeer?
i didn't rape and murder them, that's for sure
by mandingo, 8-10-05

 

think, Ed! what's a buddhist temple goin to do with a lawn ornament?
but its an elephant!
by mandingo, 8-10-05

 

yes?
RAAAAAWWWRRRRR!!! jesus saves
by mandingo, 8-10-05

 

by mandingo
8-11-05
sure, i still have more Assicle
kill me

 

burger good
by mandingo, 8-11-05

 

i'm really self-conscious about this mole on my neck
maybe it's cancer!
by mandingo, 8-11-05

 

excuse me, sir? have you seen a little poodle running around?
there certainly is a lot of traffic out today!
by mandingo, 8-11-05

 

my mom's plane is late
can you believe how lax security was!
by mandingo, 8-11-05

 

by mandingo
8-11-05
boy, that bus is really late
everyone you love is dead!
what?
nothing!

 

♫ where have all the cowboys gone♫
chemotherapy!
by mandingo, 8-11-05

 

by mandingo
8-11-05
wonder where my husband is?
no, he's not
I SAID, NO HE'S NOT!
have you SEEN his secretary?

 

by mandingo
8-11-05
i killed an old lady to steal her purse
level 3
i murdered 4 million of ze jews
Level 6!
i created Omaha Hi/Lo Split
LEVEL 7!!!

 

by mandingo
8-11-05
the flop
i have the best hand
the turn
i have the best hand
could you gouge out what remains of my heart?
they sucked out on the river, didn't they?

 

i see booooooooobies!
by mandingo, 8-11-05

 

by mandingo
8-11-05
hi, i'm here about the job
what job?
the job that pays me $250,000 a year not to tell your wife, whose father owns this company, that you're sleeping with your secretary
hi, i'm here about the job
2165 E. Ridgemore. make it look like a burglary gone bad

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