All comics by not_Scyess

Profile

 

by not_Scyess
3-04-05
There. I've finally finished my web site!
Let me take a look.
Click here to send e-mail via our web site.
Perfect! That should do the trick.
Three months later...
Well, damn. Here's another e-mail that says we should change the Pork Rib Cook-off into a Spring Water 'n' Celery Festival.
Wierd.

 

by not_Scyess
3-11-05
10:30 am
Holy crap! Great comic idea! I've got to remember to make it when I get home.
4:30 pm
Oh, yeah! That comic idea! I almost forgot! I'll make it when I get home.
8:15 pm
Fuck.

 

by not_Scyess
3-12-05
You goin' down the gay bar tonight?
I'm not gay, Karl.
No, me neither. . .
. . .

 

by not_Scyess
3-24-05
Do my demon cat eyes bug you?
Not at all. Does my hovering above the ground bug you?
Not at all. Does my 49¢/gallon perfume bug you?
Not at all. Does the fact you have to clean up seven metric tons of my manure bug you?
Well, actually, that one kind of bugs me.
...then I won't even ask what you think of my cabbage, garlic, and asparagus diet.

 

by not_Scyess
3-27-05
Christmas is a time of joy for children!
So is easter!
On Christmas, good little boys and girls receive presents.
On easter, they get eggs and candy, no strings attached.
Christmas doesn't involve cross-dressing.
Then you can have it.

 

by not_Scyess
3-27-05
Dude. What happened to you?
We ran out of "blood of Christ," so I cut off my legs so that we could still have mass.
Uh, you do know that the "blood of Christ" is really just cheap wine from Walgreen's, right?
Fuck.

 

by not_Scyess
3-27-05
Think you're hot shit with that eraser, do you? Go ahead! Try it! You'll never be able to draw anything better than me!
GAH!
Shit.
Man... it sucks to be right.

 

by not_Scyess
3-29-05
How 'bout you let me "enter the back door" tonight, hon?
Not for all the Wangs in China.
That's a lot of Wangs.
Not to mention the Dongs.

 

by not_Scyess
4-10-05
I know you just did. I can smell it.
Look, I'm not denying it. I just took a dump.
So you agree that I'm right.
Not at all! Everyone knows it's fact; you can't deny it.
But you used the toilet!
That doesn't mean I don't occasionally go in the woods, too!

 

by not_Scyess
4-15-05
So what's that thing over there?
It's called a "bidet."
What's it for? Power washing the ceiling?
No, it's for ramming a jet of water up your bum at upwards of 20,000 kilometers per hour.
You French people sure do have wierd taste.
Yes. We also have special hotel rooms just for Americans.

 

by not_Scyess
4-17-05
Welcome to Ahmud's pet store. Can I interest you in a cockatoo?
Sure! I've never tried more than one at a time, but I'm game for two.
Um... a cockatoo is a type of bird.
Oh.
Not that you won't scream like a banshee when I pound that ass, bitch!

 

by not_Scyess
4-29-05
So then she sort of stroked my tail feathers up and down and gave me this look.
Oh yeah?
So I said, "My pad is just around the corner, but if the corner is too far..." Then she started stroking my comb...
Awesome! So did you score?
Nah. Turns out she was just a cock tease.
Dude... that happens to you a lot.

 

by not_Scyess
5-12-05
For no apparent reason, I have a really bad feeling about this.
AAAAAAHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

by not_Scyess
5-16-05
For ten years this dog has stayed by the grave of his long dead master. Why does he do this? Is it Karma or perhaps it is love that keeps him here?
What can such dedication and loyalty teach us of Buddah's ways? If only he could speak and enlighten me. It tears at me that I may die and never understand!
Have you found a way to get the other end of your leash out of that coffin yet?
No. I wish that bald guy who comes around would just cut the damned thing.

 

by not_Scyess
5-18-05
Ouch. That looked like it hurt.
Yeah.
I didn't know a car could hit a guy so hard he literally exploded.
Yeah.
Good thing it didn't splatter all over that faggoty-ass vest you always wear. You might've had to buy some tasteful clothing.
That little remark just earned you a week of sleeping on the couch, you hurtful bitch.

 

by not_Scyess
5-19-05
Okay. When I give you the injection you may feel a little prick.
Screw that! I want to feel a little prick right now!
If you don't let go of my wang in the next two seconds, don't be surprised to find yourself waking up in a bathtub full of ice with a kidney missing.
Big talk from a guy with a four inch wang.

 

by not_Scyess
6-03-05
I'm bored. Let's sacrifice ourselfs to destroy another comic.
Yeah! I'm for it!
COMICAAZZEEEEE!!!!
YAAAAAAHH!!

 

by not_Scyess
6-16-05
I sense the presence of our old arch-nemisis in this havoc.
Yes.
Only he would have the audacity to destory an entire city block because someone took a quarter he dropped.
Yes. We must move fast.
I agree. Let's get the fuck out of here.
No shit. This guy can destroy a fucking city block!

 

George Bush. I mean, like, really! Is he dumb, or what?! Ho ho! Sometimes, these things just write themselves!
by not_Scyess, 6-18-05

 

After spending months learning how to change the TV Channel to CNN, it should be a piece of cake to pick up this "comedy" thing, right?
by not_Scyess, 6-20-05

 

by not_Scyess
6-20-05
Hey, baby. Want to pet my loooove canary?
Jesus! Is that the best line you could come up with? A canary isn't even big!
You bastard. You told me size doesn't matter!
Ain't no thang.

 

by not_Scyess
6-22-05
Welcome to the Gogol Bordello. We'll be with you shortly.
What?! Do you know who I am? I'm Sir Thomas, Lord of Acid!
I'm sorry. Sit down and drink an Everclear with a spoon, Blondie
If you take too long I'll have you thrown into the firey furnaces, pigface!
But I'm ready for him! I know this isn't the Taj Mahal, and he's not a prince, but I don't want to rush to war. Why can't I see him now?
Because that's Tom, and Tom waits.

 

by not_Scyess
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that ADOLF HITLER was my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey...I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I DON'T WANNA BE SALLY HITLER!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler...and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
Although this does explain all the dead Jews in our sauna.
Oh, right. About the "sauna"...

 

by not_Scyess
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that ADOLF HITLER was my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey...I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I DON'T WANNA BE SALLY HITLER!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler...and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
Does that mean you're Woofy's mommy too?
No, Adolf cheated on me with some bitch.

 

by not_Scyess
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that ADOLF HITLER was my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey...I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I DON'T WANNA BE SALLY HITLER!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler...and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
Bobby also said Mr. Whiskers is Whiskers Hitler!
No, dear. He's Commerade Visekervich Stalin.

 

by not_Scyess
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that ADOLF HITLER was my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey...I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I DON'T WANNA BE SALLY HITLER!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler...and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
And by the way, Woofy. Sorry about the name.
Nazi bastards!

 

by not_Scyess
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that ADOLF HITLER was my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey...I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I DON'T WANNA BE SALLY HITLER!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler...and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
NOOOO!!! THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

 

by not_Scyess
6-28-05
Oh, great squirrel god Sk'uiiq, grand my wish!
First you must offer me up the supreme sacrifice!
I offer you my very life, mighty Sk'uiiq!
Cut that out, you moron. Why would I want the life of a loser who worships rodentia? Give me what squirrels want most!
Nuts.
No, you idiot! A 2006 Infiniti FX45 SUV! But speaking of nuts... you're definitely it.

 

by not_Scyess
10-17-05

 

by not_Scyess
10-28-05
This Charles Shaw cabernet sauvignon is a really delicious wine, with superb balance between fruit, tannin, oak, and acidity
While it's rough around the edges and lacks any character, I guess it doesn't have any serious flaws.
This is the last time I agree to dine with a Connoisseurus Rex.
I'll admit that there's not a lot of varietal character, but I do like its cherry notes. It will be an excellent compliment to your raw, bloody innards.

 

by not_Scyess
10-28-05
Meanwhile, somewhere in Iraq...
What happened? Are the men okay?
It looks like the men and the equipment are just fine, but every single one of our donkeys has been completely obliterated!
A few days later, Washington, DC
We've found the problem, sir. It seems Saddam Hussein was hoarding weapons of ass destruction.
I can totally spin this.

 

by not_Scyess
11-15-05
Alright, you erase the bars and with this coffee I'll speed in and out and kill the president in a split second!
wwwwhhhhoooOOOOOSSSHHHH.....
Well, that didn't go as planned...

 

by not_Scyess
11-15-05
The hour is come...
Tonight, with the spirits awake and the moon nearly full, I shall finally complete the rite I have been trying for these thirty long years...
"Dammit, Barney! Are you talking to inanimate objects again?"
... I will pool my savings from my lumberjack job and move out of my mother's house.
I thought he'd never friggin leave...

 

by not_Scyess
11-15-05
And now we join this man and woman in holy matrimony. Do you have the ring?
You mean the one ring to rule them all? I left in in Morodor! Ha! Just kidding! I have it right here.
At this point our religion allows you to behead him.
Good, 'cause I'd hate to have to switch religions.

 

by not_Scyess
12-11-05
Students, we are now going to have the Tri-Wizard tournament.
Gee, Dumbledorf... what's the Tri-Wizard Tournament?
Christ, Harry. You've been at this school for FOUR FUCKING YEARS now and you still don't seem to know shit.
Sorry. It seems my learning is limited only to what can fit into one 2.5-hour, third-person-limited-perspective movie per semester.
That's gay. You're expelled.
I'd like to see you try to make these movies without my wide-eyed incompetence, you old bastard.

 

by not_Scyess
12-17-05
Did you hear they thought they discovered another planet that can support life?
Really?
Yes, but then they found out it had no atmosphere.
It was all very anti-climatic.
Perhaps YOU'd like to move there.

 

by not_Scyess
1-02-06
E=mc3
I'm sorry. That is incorrect.

 

by not_Scyess
1-06-06
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... KILLBOT 5000.
Killbot 5000 has been trained in the ancient Japanese martial arts of bunraku and ikebana.
And I can do you a fabulous flower arrangement!
Uh... Is that in your primary objectives?
Before I get the genius here a dictionary... who wants to see a puppet show?

 

by not_Scyess
1-27-06
Yo! I heard you scored some salvia. Did you get fucked up yet?
I tried. But after drinking about three gallons I gave up.
Gallons? You know. It's SALVIA. The I comes after the V.
Well, did I at least spelled divinorum right?
No, I don't think it's spelled M-O-O-S-E.
Damn.

 

by not_Scyess
1-30-06
cheeeeeeeeee
eeeeEEEE
EEEEEEEEP!
You asshole. You knew what I meant when I told you I wanted to be a chick magnet.
Ha ha! **snort**

 

by not_Scyess
2-14-06
So it's been a while since I made a comic.
I guess this takes care of that problem.
Aren't these things supposed to be funny?
Crap! You could've said something before the third panel!

 

by not_Scyess
2-20-06
That didn't turn out the way it was supposed to.
I know. So what do we do now?

 

by not_Scyess
2-20-06
Where are you taking me?
To a magical land, far, far away!
But I've never been away from the city!
It's a new adventure! Learn to cherish and savor the experience.
Does everyone have a magical friend like you?
Ask your court-assigned therapist when this is all over.

 

by not_Scyess
2-27-06
Holy shit!
After all this time, people still think I'm the same person as Scyess!
After all this time, the AU and the UN have proved ineffective at stemming genoide in Darfur.
Also the house is on fire.
Could you stay on topic, please? This is important.

 

by not_Scyess
3-01-06
Did you get my report on corporate incompetence?
Yes. It was total shit.
Thank you.
Do you realize that incompetence is not a goal?
That makes my results look a lot less favorable.

 

by not_Scyess
6-01-06
I want you to search deep in your heart...
Isn't there something you want to ask Jesus?
Yes.
How did you get those great abs?
They're implants.

 

by not_Scyess
6-19-06
Stop sulking, you goob. It's not going to get any deader, you know.
Fuck off! It's not YOUR dick that got sliced off by ninjas and buried here.
No one believes it required a full-sized plot, you know.
You're lucky I can no longer piss into that cunt you call a mouth, labia-face.

 

Go on, mother fucker. Go on and ask. I'll plug your ass.
by not_Scyess, 6-19-06

 

by not_Scyess
6-21-06
FUCK YOU!
Aren't you forgetting something?
*ahem!*
Right. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Thanks. He doesn't like to be left out.

 

by not_Scyess
6-22-06
I don't believe it! I can't believe it! It's simply not possible! I mean, how could that possibly true? No way!
It's unfathomable! It must be completely made up. No way could that actually be the case. There's maybe a one in a million chance.
Tune in next week for another episode of The Incredulous Hulk
One in a billion. One in the national debt! No, even less! Absolutly zero chance! Nope! None.

Showing page 5.

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