All comics by southlondon

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by southlondon
5-12-06
In the gents...
No luck, we've gone over this place from top to bottom. If there ever was a secret passage, it won't be here.
Well we can't give up yet.
I suppose you're right.
I know.
That part will come in a few hours, when we can hardly breathe.

 

by southlondon
5-12-06
In the gents...
It's no use, Pete. We've gone over this place top to bottom.
Well we can't give up yet.
Yeah, you're right.
That's the spirit.
The giving up part comes when we can't breathe, and then we'll be too fuzzy to notice.

 

by southlondon
5-12-06
Right. Well we pulled the floor up, checked extensively under the bar, and looked for holes in the ceiling.
You are so redundant!
I'm not redundant. I'm just explaining to our readers what we've been up to.
Readers? What are you on about? We're alone!
Suuure we are...

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
Andrew...do you hear something?
Yeah. Sounds a bit strange.
Like a clunking noise.
Woah, is that what I think it is?
DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
Wow, our predicament just got so much worse.

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
What the? Cybermen aren't real, they're only monsters in Doctor Who!
I'm aware of that.
Okaaaay...it talks...
Yeah. I'm not a Cyberman, I'm an actor. Me and my friend here have just finished shooting Rise of the Cybermen and we can't seem to get our costumes off.
So you stumbled in here and got lost? What was all the "Delete! Delete!" shit about?
Sorry, that's a tape recorder inside the helmet. It goes off unexpectedly.

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
Erm...excuse me...why is the door locked?
Paris Hilton? What the fuck are you doing here?
I was supposed to be on a date with Chris Hyde.
Chris Hyde? That loser? Why him?
Well, we have so much in common. We're both unhealthily thin, drug addicted alcoholics.
Ah.

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
Hey, Robyn, we're back on screen.
Yep, and I have a pretty good feeling we're going to have more time as well.
What did you do? Threaten the artist?
Yeah, I find one comic does more than a thousand threatening PMs.
Wow. We should totally have publicists now.

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
So you're Paris Hilton, huh?
Yeah.
Think of something intelligent and witty to say!
I'm Peter!
...

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
I'm starting to think this is useless. We'll never find the secret entrance, and we'll run out of oxygen soon.
Well, if we do die, there's something I think we both need to do.
Hold me, man.
Only if you hold me.

 

by southlondon
5-14-06
No luck with the secret exit?
Nah. What about you?
Nope. And it's getting annoying, that little dog Paris Hilton has is shitting everywhere.
Well we can't give up hope. Sooner or later we'll find a way out, then we'll be all the lot happier.
Wow, Robyn, that comment was so not the real you.
Yeah, the artist is on thin ice so he's portraying me in the most positive light.

 

by southlondon
5-15-06
Right, we've had our bit of excitement, now it's time to buckle down and look for an exit.
Yeah. What's the time, anyway?
1:30. Time flies.
Wow, we need to hurry up.
Fancy a game of pool to take our minds off our horrific fate?
Go on then.

 

by southlondon
5-15-06
(Puts on my best Ray Winstone voice) Oi, Stripcreator King, you slaaag!
After reading your series 'Reality Comics' I have decided that you are a ripoff artist.
I'm only little compared to you...
Well, I'm not gonna stand for it. "Say hello to ma leedle friend!"

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
I can't fucking believe this. It's nearly 2am, I'm starting to get drowzy, there's two really scary looking robot guys,
Paris Hilton's running round the bar looking for makeup, cocaine and cock, Neil and Bruce have given up and are playing pool,
And to cap it all off, all I seem to be able to do is moan!
I'm moaning too, semihetrosexual life partner. In my heart.

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Hey, Tony, have you found a way out yet?
No luck whatsover. Me and Pete have been trying for hours.
Almost makes you want to laugh out loud. Go on, laugh out loud. Go on!
(Sigh) how much did Sean pay to to make me do my laugh?
£20.
Give me ten and we have a deal.

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
So, do they tell you guys any plotlines from the new series? The last episode, maybe?
Nah, it's all kept tightly under wraps.
But surely you can steal the script? You must be a Doctor Who fan to volunteer to dress like this, would you ever be tempted to take a peek?
No! Definately not. David Tennant beats us if we step out of line.
He does?
Yeah. You know that Sonic Screwdriver thingy? He keeps a Stanley blade inside it. Proper psycho, that one.

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Neil and Bruce play pool...
Look, I know this is gonna sound like an excuse, but the only reason you're beating me so bad is because I'm so low on oxygen.
Mate, I'm nearly 7-Balling you. And we share the same air, remember?
Well, looks like you only have that one black ball to go. But I think I should remind you, if you 7-Ball me I'll never speak to you again.
I'm willing to take that chance...Yes! I got it! I fucking 7 Balled you! You suck!
What the fuck?
The floor just opened up!

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Neil? Bruce? Let me get this straight: The floor opened when Bruce got a perfect game?
Yeah! WE FOUND THE SECRET EXIT! WE RULE! OH YEAH!
Yes! Now all the rest of us need to do is 7 Ball each other and we can all get in!
Yeah, but the hole's only open long enough to get the two players through.
£4.50...£4.60....£4.70...£4.80! That's exactly what we need for us two, Chris, Tony, Robyn, Jade and the two cyber guys to get through. Qual!

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Paris! Have you got £1.20?
Like, duh, I can barely count.
Right. Well in which case, I've been nominated to say that we're going to leave without you.
?!
Oh yeah! No more series of the Simple Life!

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Wow, I can't believe we eventually found the secret tunnel!
Yep.
You know what's ironic about this, though?
What?
You saved your life by not being able to play pool to save your life!
Makes you think, doesn't it?

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Are we recording? Ok, good. Good evening again, my special victims. If you are watching this video, it means that you have precious few minutes of oxygen left. I would hereby like to...
Hey, the path leads this way...what the fuck?
The moodlighting is turned off...
Well well! If it isn't Mr Mysterious Figure. I take it it was you that blew up the plane, as well?
They found the secret way out? Damn!

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
The game is up, mate. We're gonna take your hood off and find out who you reall are.
My plans have failed. Minions! Help me!
He's fucking getting away!
Little tip? Next time, less chat, more hood pulling off.

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Later, everyone is at Neil's house recuperating...
So the mysterious hooded man has struck again, and we're still no closer to finding out his/her true identity?
In a nutshell.
So the Cyber guys are safe. What about Paris Hilton? Did she ever make it out?
Nah, they found her that night. She'd gone mad through lack of sexual intercourse and booze.
I think we did the world a favour.

 

by southlondon
5-22-06
Hello everyone! I'm southlondon. You may remember me from various Reality Adventures such as The Trip and Lock in.
I am very proud to announce that sometime over the next few months the official Reality Adventures motion picture will be released onto www.themoviesgame.com
The release date? Whenever I get off my arse playing Grand Theft Auto and get cracking on that Movies game I have.

 

by southlondon
5-26-06
This is what it's all about. Everyone just relaxing round mine, we have Chris' Lost Series 2 on the DVD playerand Pro Evo on the PS2.
You know what would make this day perfect though? Chips and dip.
But who's gonna get the chips and dip?
Shortly...
Why even ask?

 

by southlondon
5-26-06
At the Co-Op...
Hey, I noticed you're out of chips and dip.
Yes. Strange looking hood man came in just half an hour ago and bought them all.
He said if anyone wanted to buy some more they could be found at the abandoned and completely soundproof off license around the corner.
Thanks! (Common sense should kick in here and tell me something's not right, but as we all know, I have none.)

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
This must be the place. It doesn't look like a place to buy food.
(Shuffle in background)
I think I'd better go. Hey, wait! The door's locked!
You're in a horror film situation Pete. Think of Scream, Psycho and every horror rule you can think of.

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
Oh fuck, not you! Why can't you just leave us alone?
I'm afraid that is impossible.
Minions, seize him!
Thank God they sent Peter to do the shopping and not anyone stronger!

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
Hey, shouldn't Peter be back by now?
Eh, he probably started chasing a butterfly. Don't worry.
Hey, my house phone's going off. I'll be right back.
Hello.
See what happens when you watch Scream too many times?
Who's this?
You tell me your name, I'll tell you mine.

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
It's you, isn't it? Mr Hooded Guy? I'm in the doghouse at the moment because I couldn't catch you. Anyway, my name's Neil, so you have to tell me your name now.
Actually no, I was lying.
Whatever. So what do you want?
To see what your insides look like!
You're obsessed.
Well, what I actually want is to let you know we have your friend Peter.

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
You have Peter? I'd suggest you let him go before some BAD shit happens to you.
Peter's alive. For now. If you don't want to see him meet a nasty end, I want you and all of your little friends to get to the abandoned off license two streets over. DO NOT be armed.
Shortly...
Come on! Best out of three!
Nope, we have to respect the coin's descision. Looks like we have to rescue him.
Alright! But if we die, I'm blaming you.
Hell, blame the coin.

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
Ok you lot, we can't just go in there like lambs to the slaughter. We need to have a plan. A-Team style.
But you're the only one that watches the A Team...
True, but we don't have to BE the A Team. We can just hatch a plan.
Still haven't come up with a plan?
Shut up

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
My friends will be here soon and you'll be sorry.
Is that so?
Hey, why are you doing this? Who are you?
The time for you to know is soon.
Because I have a tenner on you being Paul.
You have just lost ten pounds.

 

by southlondon
6-01-06
...It's no use. The windows are all boarded up.
Is there any way we can prise them open?
Yeah, but we don't know where Peter is. They could kill him the minute they know we're inside.
Good point.
What if we built one of those little bug camera things the CIA use?
I dunno. Do you have a degree in nanotechnology?

 

by southlondon
6-02-06
Right. This is how it's gonna go down. Robyn, you go in from the roof. Chris, Sean, Tony, you go in by the back door. Jade, you climb in through the window.
What are you gonna do?
Me? I'm surveilance. I''ll be keeping an eye on things from a distance, making sure nothing goes wrong.
So basically you're letting us do all the work.
More or less, yeah.
...

 

by southlondon
6-02-06
Are you Tams?
No
Dom?
Nope.
Mr. Stanley?
Oh, for fuck's sake! No!

 

by southlondon
6-02-06
Are you...
(Sigh) I have decided that the time to reveal my true identity is now.
Nya, you're just tired of playing the guessing game.
Be that as it may, it is still time for you to learn who I am. Just let me remove my hood and stand over there...
This is what I like to call torturing the readers.
(GASP!) Oh my God! I can't believe it! You're...you're...
That's right! It was me all along!

 

by southlondon
6-02-06
This is the Red Robyn calling the Nest...are you recieving me...
See Robyn? Isn't it fun to use codenames?
If you're a sad little virgin. Oh wait...

 

by southlondon
6-03-06
How...how can this be? You're...you're...me!
Technically no.
But...but...we're the same...how can this be?
Although no one in your world knows it, there is another Planet Earth. In a parallel dimension, on the other side of the universe.
So you're a parallel me?
I am your direct opposite. I am strong, ruthless and cunning. Who do you think organised this evil scheme?

 

by southlondon
6-03-06
I can't believe this is happening. An evil me. What about your minions? Are they like the others?
Yes, although like you and me, they are polar opposites. Minions, you may take your hoods of now.
Neil Brooks-Arrogant, aggressive and fiendishley intelligent, and Robyn Shelley-a sweet natured doormat with no backbone
Slave, go fetch me a sandwich.
Right away, master.
Chris Manlow-skinny fan of Steven Segal films and Sean McCarthy-he's a decent man, but oversensitive. These two are known to hate each other.

 

by southlondon
6-03-06
And let's not forget Tony and Jade, a good couple despite the fact that Tony treats Jade like a prisoner.
Oh, and Andrew Bruce. Despite being crap at any sport he plays, he is active nonstop. He gets four hours of sleep a night, and can be a little edgy.

 

by southlondon
6-03-06
So why are you trying to kill us?
Well, it's pretty simple. In our world, we are a few months away from becoming world dictators. Or more accurately, *I* am months away from ruling the world.
You're the leader of the group, then?
Yep. Everything about us is the opposite of you, including rank.
Anyway, once we take over, we need to make sure that no one challenges our power. And since your group are so similar to us, you are the only ones capable of stopping us. So you must die.

 

by southlondon
6-07-06
We're nearly there. I can hear voices up ahead.
Good. We'll have a quick peek round the door then if they're not armed we'll rush in.
Let's just remember that Peter's in there. And you know what that means, right?
Yep. Peter isn't you or me, so that means he's expendable to us.
It's like you're reading my mind, man.
Get used to it, my big bear.

 

by southlondon
6-07-06
Right. The door's just up ahead.
1,2,3, Go!
Smash!
Right! Grab him!
Which...one?
Guys! It's me! This guy's from another dimension!
No, I'm the real Pete! This guy's the copy!

 

by southlondon
6-07-06
Shortly...
...So basically, there's two Peters. One is our Peter, the other is an evil version from another dimension?
That's pretty much it, yeah.
And there's no way of telling them apart because they're so identical?
Not exactly, I've come up with a way of working it out.
Okay Peters, here's three questions. Only the real Peter will know the answer.

 

by southlondon
6-07-06
Okay Peters, here's your questions: 1) In which seaside town did you develop a full hard on in a room full of guys?
Hmm..semi by the sea...Worthing!
Oh, yeah, Worthing!
Right, this isn't going to work. I'll take you two into seperate rooms.
Room 1
Okay Peter, question two: What gay school do you go to?
That would be Hayes, Sean, although my evil alter ego said there was a Hayes in his world as well.

 

by southlondon
6-07-06
Room 2
And now for the final question: Which part of each others' bodies do we rub? Me and you?
The..the...penis?
I meant DURING THE DAYTIME.
Main room
I think we know who the real Peter is!

 

by southlondon
6-08-06
OK Evil Peter, it's time to take you down.
I don't think so! Minions, surround them!
Okaay, there's an evil Sean. This just got weirder.
Actually I'm the good Sean. I'm only going along with this to help my friend Peter.

 

by southlondon
6-08-06
Oh yeah, there's the alternative me.
Could you erm, like, please, be my hostage?
Oh, I get it. You're my sad pathetic opposite.
Erm...somebody help?
Get out of my way. In fact scratch that, lie on the floor so I can walk over you.

 

by southlondon
6-08-06
Hmm, what a day for being the observer in a highly dangerous mission. Oh wait, there's a call coming through.
*-Pretty ironic seeing as I drew the comics, eh?
Is that Neil Brooks? This is the hooded stranger. I would like to point out that you are the only member of the group that does not know my secret evil identity yet!*
The other thing I would like to point out is that we have all your friends captured (save one who defeated her capturer) and only your surrender can save them. Otherwise they will all die!
Later...
Make the the figure of fun constantly, will ya?

 

by southlondon
6-08-06
Robyn arrives at Neil's house...
So let me get this straight. There's a whole different version of us lot? And they're evil?
Well yours is.
So let ME get something straight. You were gonna wait here and let us all die?
Erm...no...of course not! I thought the hooded guy-Evil Peter-was bluffing.
Well he wasn't.

Showing page 5.

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