All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
7-02-05
So what else can you do?
I CAN INFLICT HORRIBLE PUNISHMENT UPON THOSE WHO DO NOT RESPECT ALL THAT WHICH IS CHICKEN. LIKE SO: HUNGA MAKKA NUDDERBOLTS!
I don't get it. All you did was teleport us to the bathroom. What's the torture?
IF YOU'D HAD THAI FOOD BEFORE, YOU'D UNDERSTAND...

 

by HCRoyall
7-03-05
So what else can you do?
THE GREAT HAZUNDA HAS MANY POWERS! BEHOLD!
MUKKAKA NUDDERBOLTS! MOO!
Note to self: Destroy tiki statue when/if returned to normal...
NOW YOU HAVE WITNESSED ONE OF HAZUNDA'S GREAT MIRACLES!!

 

At the contracted On-Base Burger King:
Mugalla hussa Big King lafalla?
No, I want a WHOPPER with CHEESE. WHOPPER. Maybe I should just draw a picture...
by HCRoyall, 7-03-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-03-05
Does Butch like that computer game I loaned him?
Yeah. I'm a litle worried though.
Oh, he's getting too involved with the game, huh?
It's not that he's getting too involved, but the manner in which he's involved...
[Barbarians have raided your kingdom. They killed your women and raped your livestock.]
Noooo! Not the livestock!!

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-05
Man, these are some great hot dogs in the chow hall!
Eh. I don't eat hot dogs, especially not over here.
Why not? They use real meat and the kitchens are clean!
Those are valid points...
But when you see a bunch of castrated camels and hot dogs suddenly appear on the lunch menu...

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-05
Not a day goes by that I don't think there's a better way to do the everyday stuff, but if I ever make a suggestion it ends up like this...
Thinking for yourself is against regulations, Soldier.

 

So why haven't we hit the Top Rated Comics list yet?
You actually have to ask?
by HCRoyall, 7-05-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-05
I'm sick and tired of you contractors acting like you're so much better than us, when you have to rely on us for protection in the first place. What makes you think you're so great?
We get paid twice as much for half the work, only come over here for three to six months at a time, and we can just say "fuck it" and go home at any time if we want.
FUCK!

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-05
I can come to two conclusions about those who anonymously rated my comics: Either they're assholes who gave me a bad rating and don't have the guts to admit it...
... Or they liked the comics a lot but are too ashamed to let anyone know about it.

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-05
[dcom] HCRoyall, why do you post so much in the forums?
There's a simple answer to that.
I'm a Human Resources Clerk for the fucking military. You expect me to have BETTER things to do with my time?

 

by HCRoyall
7-06-05
All of your friends are still in high school or just gradutating? Like 'em young, don't you, you pedophile!
That's not it at all!
Besides, none of them will put out anyway.

 

I think I might be obsessive compulsive. I stopped eating sandwiches because lunchmeat round but cheese is square. The fact that I couldn't find a loaf of bread with exactly 40 slices didn't help.
by HCRoyall, 7-06-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-07-05
I got an e-mail from my hippy aunt the other day, about how she was proud of me but that War was an atrocity in of itself and the existence of a military was a sin.
This coming from a woman who dresses up like a skeleton and dances around in front of the terminally ill...

 

by HCRoyall
7-07-05
One of my fiancee's childhood friends was driving drunk, got into an accident, and died Sunday. She was really upset about it; I was speechless.
Mostly because the only thing I could think about was how it was Darwinism in Action, and I had a feeling that wouldn't be appropriate...

 

by HCRoyall
7-07-05
I got an e-mail from my dad. My brother, who is being homeschooled, might not be able to go to High School next year because he won't do his work.
Am I the only one who notices how sad that situation is?

 

by HCRoyall
7-07-05
Raar...Tobor... Tobor was... Cornholed!
What? Can't take a dose of your own medicine? You pussy.
At least Tobor has the decency to give a reacharound when Tobor is cornholing...
DEAR GOD! HOW COULD THEY?!

 

by HCRoyall
7-09-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
Define "sometimes"...
Only on days that end in 'Y'.

 

by HCRoyall
7-09-05
Honey, I'm *hic* home...
This is the 15th night in a row that you've come home late! I've had enough of this shit, I want a divorce!
Please forgive me baby...I swear, I'll make it up to you.
And just how do you plan on doing that?
Chippendale dancers?
It's a start...

 

I wanna fuck ewe like an animal!
by HCRoyall, 7-09-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-11-05
My Fiancee e-mailed about a "problem with our relationship". As usual in such circumstances with her, she tells me she has a problem but won't tell me what it is.
She won't tell me what it is until I call, and she refuses to be available on my terms even though her schedule is more flexible than mine.
So I don't know until after I call whether or not it's worth getting bitched out by my supervisor over.

 

by HCRoyall
7-11-05
With my last comic I realized I may look like I am trying to rip off dcomposed's "Why I Hate" series. This is unintentional. A bad choice in titles that I am too lazy to change.
Besides, if I was going to rip someone off I'd pick someone funny.

 

by HCRoyall
7-11-05
The other day I was just reading comics by random users I picked on a whim.
I realized I was paying more attention to people's Favorites lists, checking for my name.
I am a sad, sad excuse for a human being.

 

by HCRoyall
7-12-05
My dad sent me a "News of the Weird" article. It was about a government-funded study in England.
The study found that inebriated ants will always fall over on their left side.
Just one question, Brits: Doesn't your government have better things to spend money on?

 

by HCRoyall
7-12-05
I dreamt that the world was dying. The spirit of Death came to me and showed me everything.
Everyone, everything, was destroyed. "Can this be prevented?" I asked. "Yes," he replied...
Moh!
Well I thought so. But are you sure about the DP with the scythe?
Just bend over and take it, bitch!!

 

by HCRoyall
7-13-05
I had some people on a different site call me a racist against people from the Middle East. Not true; I hate everyone, regardless of ethnicity or gender.
Ik ba Allah!
I just have an excuse to hate them more than usual right now.

 

by HCRoyall
7-14-05
Hey boys! Lookin' fer a good time?
No way, bitch.
Especially considering you're about as clean as a truckstop bathroom.
What?!
Though to be fair, at least the bathroom can be disinfected.
And has probably had fewer men inside of it.

 

by HCRoyall
7-15-05
Get that cock out of your mouth young lady! I told you sucking on a cock would spoil your appetite! How are you going to eat your dinner if you've always got a cock in your mouth!
But Mom, can't help it! Cocks taste so good! Every time I see a cock I just can't resist sticking it in my mouth and sucking away at it!
We'll see what your father has to say about you sucking on so many cocks! Speaking of your father, where is he?
Betting on a lollipop-fight.

 

by HCRoyall
7-16-05
Are you sure it was a good idea to let you brother babysit for us, honey?
Of course! What's the worst that could happen?
So, you don't want to keep that diaper on, huh? Uncle Jim has a solution for that...

 

by HCRoyall
7-16-05
And while the anthrax vaccine is not mandatory, is it highly recommended that you get it anyway.
You said the formula is unchanged since it was originally banned in the seventies.
Didn't the side effects of that vaccine include the possibility of permanent blindness and sterility?
Why do you always have to be difficult, soldier?

 

by HCRoyall
7-17-05
Butch! A comic featuring you has made it to the Top Rated List! What are you going to do now?
... Well?

 

by HCRoyall
7-18-05
HCRoyall! You are now among the illustrious stripcreators with comics on the Top Rated List! How does it feel?
?
How did you get inside the gate without being shot?

 

by HCRoyall
7-18-05
How does it feel to star in a Top Rated Comic?
A lot better than a swift kick to the nuts!
Why'd you do that?
I need a reason?

 

*ahem*... "Nigger." Thank you.
by HCRoyall, 7-19-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-19-05
Have you ever noticed that when Boritom runs out of ideas...
... he just has us engaged in some foul-mouthed and offensive discourse?
Shut the fuck up, you slant-eyed cunt.

 

by HCRoyall
7-20-05
My fiancee told me when I come home on Leave the door to my bedroom would shut behind us and not open for a couple days.
There's no joke here. I just wanted to rub it in the faces of you single readers that I'm getting some and you aren't.

 

by HCRoyall
7-20-05
An Army in-joke is that the letters of our "U.S. ARMY" logo on our uniforms stands for "Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet."
There are quite a few of those. My favorite is when you reverse the order of the letters.
Then it stands for "Yes, My Retarded Ass Signed Up."

 

What if mandingo meant "Shut the fuck up"?
Would you mandingo if it did?
by HCRoyall, 7-20-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-20-05
I'm gonna check out that little cuban restaurant down the street. You want to come with?
No thanks.
I can bring you something back if you want, then.
Naw, I've got some Mexican in the freezer.
Estoy muy frio...

 

by HCRoyall
7-20-05
HCRoyall! Your 300th comic is approaching! What sort of comic have you planned for this event?
?!
Where the hell do you keep coming from?!

 

by HCRoyall
7-20-05
So the big 3-0-0 is coming up. What should we do to celebrate?
Oh, I think we should take a 'trip', if you know what I mean...
Yeah, I get it...
Cross country killing spree!
Cross country killing spree!
OD on Acid! I mean... Cross country killing spree!

 

by HCRoyall
7-21-05
Yes, this actually happened.
Your leave dates got pushed back a couple of days due to there not being enough seats on the flight.
Okay sir.
This too.
What? No whining, complaining, or second-guessing the Army?
Why would I bitch and moan about something as trivial as that?
Thankfully, not this.
I'm putting you on lockdown, soldier. I think you've snapped.
Can we go somewhere without witnesses, sir? There are a few articles of Military Justice that I'd like to violate...

 

by HCRoyall
7-21-05
Bill! Tell me everything you know about Roman Polanski's movies so we can win possums's Comic Contest!
I would, but...
But what?
I only watch snuff films.
Dammit! Me too!
That inconsiderate marsupial titburger...

 

by HCRoyall
7-21-05
Okay everybody, here's how the 300th comic is going to... Who the hell let the In-Joke in here?
Sorry, my bad.
RAAR!!

 

by HCRoyall
7-21-05
bzzt... o/`Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana there was o/`bzzt...
bzzt... o/` Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's o/` bzzt...
bzzt... And now here's Country Music's #1 single of the week!... bzzt...
Having radio tuners installed in my nipples was pure genius!

 

The resulting shock left Mr. Sticks-his-dick-in-your-ass-when-you're-looking-the-other-way quite dependent on Viagra for the next few years...
Ooo! Robo-booty!
by HCRoyall, 7-21-05

 

Behold the glory of Hazunda in this milestone of... wait, what!?
by HCRoyall, 7-21-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-21-05
Sucky sucky!
How are them rotor turbines gonna generate gravitons with me in here?
Hey, look over there! Behind you!
RAAR! TOBOR CORNHOLE CORNHOLER!
Little Asian Girls, Cowboys, Mr. Sticks-his-dick-in-your-ass, and Tobor are all secured in the chamber, sir.
Release the nerve gas.

 

by HCRoyall
7-22-05
I am a wanted/ man for I did steal some bread./ Please don't hate me!
I am a Lawman./ Even though you served your time/ I will still hound you.
Argh! I am dying!/ I hate you, you stupid fag./ Go away and die...
Soon I die as well,/ But my daughter is happy/ that little orphan...

 

by HCRoyall
7-22-05
We are joined.
Sadness.
We are separated!
Joy.
These shrooms are great!

 

by HCRoyall
7-23-05
Why didn't you salute me, soldier?!
I'm in civvies, sir. Not only an I not required to salute you, by regulation I am prhibited from saluting you while in civilian attire.
And why the hell aren't you in uniform, soldier?!
Today's my shceduled day off. I don't have to be in uniform if I don't want to.
You just think you're sooo smart, don't you?
No, I just think you're an idiot.

Showing page 6.

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