All comics by OMG_DaGmAr_6481987

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So as I was saying, he's taking me to prom. Isn't that so great?
Yeah...
I think he's just taking me to take someone.
I just have this odd feeling whenever I'm around him that he just likes me as a friend.
Should I tell her that he's gay?

 

Swim, Fishie! Swim!
Do fish sleep?
My dog is dead?

 

Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....

 

Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry!
Today, on Springer...

 

The male is supposed to be my bro, BTW
Driving past the paper factory...
OMG LOLO IT SMELZ LIK MAMAW'S COOKIN
What was that all about?
It smells like school brocolli and cat butt.

 

WOW OMG LIKE HEHE MY BUT ICHS
LES GO FIND PPL 2 GT MUNY FRM LOLO
OK
LMAO STOP USN SCUH BIG WURDZ OMG
OK HEHE
U SUK LMAO

 

A/S/L?
OMG TAHT WUZ A FUN-Y JOK
HAHA LETZ CYBR
I CANT CYBR W/ SUM1 HOO CANT SPEL CYBR LMAO
OK BUT ITZ ONLE 5 $$$
DEEL

 

OMG LMAO HEY THER SECKSIE
HEY LES DU IT W/ CLOHTS ON
OK BT I CHARG XTRA 4 TAHT
ROTF DONT YUS SUC BIG WRDS
HAHA U SED "SUC'
IZ TAHT W/ CLOHTS 2?

 

OMG I HDA TEH FUNNST TYM W/ SUM HOTT GUY HE PAD ME 6 $$$$$
OMG LMAO MY SPRYT LOKS LYK IM STARN @ UR BOBS
I SHULD PUT SUM CLOHTS ON
THN ITL B TEH APOCKALIPS
OMG ITS TEH APOCKLPSE!!!
NOW UVE DUN TI
SRY

 

ITS TEH APOKLPZ BUTT WE CN STYL MAYK MUNEE
Really?
YEH
You necrophile.

 

1.
State your family lineage.
2.
You couldn't hit the broad side of the barn with that thing.
3.
Well, as you say around here, "git 'er done."

 

1.
It is here that these goats are "bred," which means that they do the "cock a doodle do."
2. Well, maybe that was just the World's Worst Farm Joke.
You're such a ham.
3.
This one's my size! Time to practice some of those "ol' farm traditions" they keep talking about!

 

1
I was going to recruit you for "The Bachelorette," but I remembered that you're an "All In The Family" kind of person.
2
I wonder who was the first to look at a cow and say, "I wonder what happens if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
3
What flavor is a cow pie?

 

It's so great to know that he loves me!
How do you know for sure?
He carved my name into his arm.

 

I had the weirdest dream last night, about this psychotic rabbit who wanted to rip my eyeballs out with a staple remover...
Yeah?
...and pull out my brain with a hook like the Egyptians did.
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

 

Sucky sucky fie dolla.
Me love you long time.
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

 

Dagmar is a rabid flaming lesbian poodle!
And then I dressed as a prep on a dare by another friend...
She's too good for guys so she has to have girls too.
Wow Dagmar, you look so beautiful!
Yeah. You should dress like that more often.
Who is the lesbian now?

 

Þ
ð
ç
ß
¶
Æ’
¤
ø
«

 

I lowered my cholesterol!
I saved on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
I can't breathe AND my nipples are hard. How much worse can life get?

 

Dear, I bought you some condoms and a cute little two-piece to match.
Stick with me and you won't break a nail. You'll just break a sweat.
...sittin' in a tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-G...

 

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback* And then God created the heavens and the earth...

 

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
It looks like you're writing a letter. Do you need assistance?
Wow. I think I'm in love...

 

Now, if you're going to be in the PHS marching band next year, you have to act like a high-schooler.
WANGS!
WANGS!
So did you really want me to act like a high-schooler?

 

Dagmar, you taste good, but not in that way.
I mean...I want to eat you, but not in that way.
GAAAAH
Uhh...?

 

So then we went to a party after prom, and--
Don't you think that an after-party party is a little excessive?
Well, no...you see--
I would think that if you needed to go to a party after a party, the first party wasn't good enough.
Actually, it was, but--
If you get wasted at the first party, there's no need to go to another party. Don't you have any decency?

 

Look at this picture of me and my boyfriend at the prom. Isn't my dress pretty?
Pretty what, I don't know.
What?
There's no need to emphasize the canyon inbetween your watermelons any more with a dress like that.
How rude!
No. I'm saying this for your boyfriend. Why force him to suffer with a boner all through prom?

 

And then I danced with Tim! <3
I thought you said you weren't infatuated with him anymore.
Well, I wasn't. But when we danced...it just felt right.
Of course if you're horny, one's hand on your ass would feel right, wouldn't it?
Dagmar!
Wait a minute, that was YOU?!

 

Look at this picture of me and Laura!
You looked so pretty!
Oh wow. She's hot. Who is THAT?
God, Dagmar, you're disgusting!
I think she was joking.
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAA..

 

Them rotor turbines ain't gonna gravitate aeroplains by themselves!
Haha!
Oy vey!
Mozel tov.
You couldn't pronounce that if an airplane came and bit you in the (nose).
Look. It's a bird.
Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

Ouch, I think she's actually hurt.
Ooh, yes Bob, that looked like a nasty fall.
Anyway, onto a different matter. If we believe the prophets of disaster our world could soon end due to global warming or a meteor strike.
And if this topic turns out to be true they may be right. We now go live to our reporter who's on the scene of a very interesting new find.
His foundation doesn't match his skin tone at all.

 

Ouch, I think she's actually hurt.
Ooh, yes Bob, that looked like a nasty fall.
Anyway, onto a different matter. If we believe the prophets of disaster our world could soon end due to global warming or a meteor strike.
And if this topic turns out to be true they may be right. We now go live to our reporter who's on the scene of a very interesting new find.
Wait. Can you say "Ooh, yes Bob" again?

 

It's getting hot in here..
Git 'er done.
...Turn down the thermostat...
Hey, did you fart? Because you just blew me away!
Everyone's dü-ing it.

 

So I said, Them gravitrons ain't go--

 

You stop it right now. You have nothing to complain about.
Huh?
I'm talking to my boobs.

 

He was this big tall guy, and he scared me...
Until he opened his mouth, and this little voice came out...and it said...
...Penis.

 

I'm here LIVE at the beach, where everyone's making a splash!
Oh man! That guy just lost his swim trunks! Camera one, focus in on that naked man over there!
Well...that could've gone better.

 

Look at how thin this tomato is being sliced!!!
I just cut off my thumb! Look at all the blood squirting everywhere!
Look! It isn't even staining the stainless steel blade!

 

And then the space-time continuum shattered...
...the dimensions collapsing into a single mass...
...which took the form of my placenta, which ruptured into--
Well, something must've ruptured, because I smell something weird.

 

(slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow!
(slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow!
(slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow! (slurp) ow!
Are you licking the lightbulb again?

 

It's the new craze that's sweeping the nation!
Fo fie dollah!
Them gravitrons ain't gonna eat sulfur ions by themselves!
Haha!
OH FUCKING YES I JUST TOOK A LEAK ON MY HAMSTER!!!!!! THE FUCKING THING SPARKED ON THE NEIGHBOR'S DOOOGGGG!!!!!!

 

They helped me start my own business.
I lost 126 pounds.
I saved 25% on my car insurance.
I lowered my cholesterol.
They helped me enhance my libido.
I'll say they did, sonny! Bend over!

 

Don't use them! I am predicting mass turmoil!
Ahh, shut up. I love these things!
No. Seriously.
Way?
Way. Hey...You're making fun of me!
Seriously?

 

See? I told you! These things are causing mass destruction!!!
Is anyone listening to me?
Mass destruction? How awful! ................... where can I buy more of these things?

 

Next on Springer: "He bombed my closest friend!"
OH YEAH! WELL, I BOMBED FLUFFY!!
WHAT? SHE WAS MY OTHER LOVER!
I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR OTHER LOVER!!!
JER-RY! JER-RY!
JER-RY! JER-RY!

 

These weapons must be stopped before they take over!!
But we must come up with a plan! How do we do it?
Hey, why don't we just stop using them?
What a good plan!!! I appoint you chairman of the Not-Using-Them committee.

 

And then they stopped using them.
Okay, the series is over. You can stop reading it now.
Hey, I look like I have no hair.

 

He's not gay. He's just in touch with his feminine side.
He's not in touch with his feminine side.
He's just touching his feminine side.
And his feminine side is enjoying it very much.

 

Those commercials are about people orgasming by putting a toothpaste-covered condom on their finger and then brushing their teeth with it.
And this is what it looks like when you're done with it.
I am not a new Oral-B Brush Up. I am really a condom.
Ribbed?

 

I want you all to write about something mysterious in your life. You have 10 minutes.
Oh shoot, I don't know what to write about!
Oh! I know!
OMG CRPO CIRCLS LMAO LYK IN TAHT MOVEE "SINES"
Dagmar, what did you write about?
How mysterious it is that I can't think of something mysterious to write about.

Showing page 7.

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