All comics by lukket

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by lukket
10-18-04
Don Marconi wants to be sure that you are not a rat.
Testing ... testing ... 1 ... 2....
Meow
Peace on Earth. Meat is murder. Globalization goes to fast. Down with the corporations.
Gee, I'm hungry. Let's go to McDonalds.

 

by lukket
12-26-04
What did you get for christmas?
*sigh* My misguided parents gave me a PS2...
Why the gloom? That's a cool gift!?
Not the IBM one...

 

by lukket
12-26-04
Story so far: Brunette has told Blue that Blonde has been with Red, but Blue want to hear it from Blonde, whom he's in love with
I'll be with you in a moment!
I wish!
Blue! What a surprise - come on in!
Did you expect someone else?
Oh damn! He's at Blonde's house. I must act fast!

 

by lukket
12-26-04
I'm glad to see you again.
Nice to see you too. Listen, I have something I want to tell you.
Go on. Come in and let's talk. We have a lot to talk about!
Thank you. It's kinda cold out here.
I just got a brilliant idea!

 

by lukket
12-26-04
Brunette makes a call
Hello this is Brunette. What colour is your phone? yeah? Wouldn't it be better if it was blue?
Do you have any interest in Red by the way? ... ok... great.... is Blue at your place now? OK. I'll let you two alone then. Bye!
He will be mine!

 

by lukket
12-26-04
Blonde has to answer a call...
Hi Brunette... Red! Yeah. Blue? Are you kidding me!?
No. He's all yours if you want him! Yes, Blue's here. Thanks. Bye!
That was Brunette. She...
You don't need to explain. See you around!

 

by lukket
12-26-04
Hey! What happened to Blue?
Love stinks! Life stinks. I want out
Ha! My plan worked. Hey! Where's Blue going?

 

by lukket
1-16-05
Hey. How did your blind date go yesterday?
Oh boy, he turned out to be an amazingly sexy man.
How did he look like?
Blue shirt, blonde hear, big head, little goatee and big eyes.
He sounds like an amazingly sexy man.
Yeah. Can't wait to tell my parents about him.

 

by lukket
1-16-05
Do your parents know that you're gay?
Um, not yet. But I think they will understand when they see how amazingly sexy my boyfriend is.
Do you have a backup plan?
No. That's my only plan.
You got quite some nerve.
Thanks. You too.

 

by lukket
1-16-05
Mom. Dad. Meet Dan. He's my boyfriend.
Hello mom, dad.
Son that's one heck of a sexy man you brought home. Congrats!
Hi Dan. Welcome to the family.
Later that night
Being together with our son and his boyfriend made me realize, Laura, that you are an amazingly sexy man.
Thanks. You too.

 

by lukket
1-16-05
Sorry Brad. You're a cool guy and all but that pilot is stupid. People expect more than one actor.
But. I'm Brad Pitt.
You are an amazingly sexy man
Thanks. You too.

 

by lukket
1-20-05
You've spent most of the day on that online auction. What are you buying?
I just bought a whole pig for $15!
Whoa! That's a lot of bacon.
You've spent most of the day on that online auction. What are you selling?
Um... nothing important

 

by lukket
1-23-05
Another day at the ranch...
So I says, "Serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenalin aren't each made from a single amino acid serotonin from tryptophan, and dopamine / noradrenalin from either phenylalanine or tyrosine by themselves."
Ha, ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by lukket
3-25-05
Why do I feel something's missing?
Let's see. Moonboots.Check. Oxygen...
Oh. I forgot oxygen.

 

by lukket
3-25-05
You're the worst personal assistant I ever had! If you mess up one more time, you're fired!
Sorry. Just give me one more chance to prove my worth.
OK. Here's the deal: You'll get me some whores that will love me like a father.
Thank you boss. You won't be disappointed in me.
The next day...
PAPA!!!

 

by lukket
3-28-05
I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions.
No, no, we're almost there.
Almost where?
The scrap yard - your new home and my source of quick cash.
You got the job as proprietor of the scrap yard?
Exactly!

 

by lukket
4-02-05
This is the room where Lady Gauntlet was murdered.
Did they find the murderer?
Not really, so legend has it that she haunts this place.
So there's ghosts here?
In my 300 years as a guide here, I never saw any.

 

by lukket
4-02-05
What a mess!
Yeah. What happened, apprentice?
I was practicing my spells and my boyfriend asked me something, master.
What did he ask that could be this disastrous?
"What's the name of that Vietnam war movie by Francis Ford Coppola?"

 

by lukket
4-02-05
Hi there, I'm Jesus. My step-father was a carpenter, but I was too board with the trade to follow in his lead. I never saw my real father, but I'm told spirits was involved.
I started as a magician, but that was scrapped after I turned water into wine at the AA annual convention.
I know this outfit looks odd, but don't look too hard; you'll end up all cross-eyed.
Oh shut up for Christ's sake!

 

by lukket
4-03-05
Um....
What are you waiting for Jack?
You're a nice girl and all, Rose, but since you took of all your clothes, it's been impossible to see you.
If you don't make that drawing, we can't go on to the scene where we make love in that car.
There. I'm done.

 

by lukket
4-03-05
What are you staring at?
It's just that shirt. It's the same as mine.
So? We're men - not girls who fight when they have the same clothes.
It's just... I killed a man for my shirt because I thought it was unique!
You became a murderer for a geeky shirt?
You make it sound like there's something wrong with it.

 

by lukket
4-03-05
Have you made up your mind yet, son?
Yeah. I guess I want to have roasted duck.
I'll see what I can do.
These new self-service restaurants really take overhand!
Dunno. At least the food's fresh!

 

by lukket
4-06-05
I really miss Hunter S. Thompson.
Actually most of us squirrels do.
Chiefly because he was nuts.

 

by lukket
4-06-05
Welcome to Santa's Diner. What would you like to order?
I want to have a look at your smörgås selection.
You want to have a sandwich.
No. I want to have a look at your smörgås selection!
I guess you won't want any christmas gifts, then?
A club sandwich to go, thanks.

 

by lukket
4-07-05
Why did I leave my good life in Brighton to open a tobacco shop in Chicago?
Long days pass by without any customers, and when I get customers, it's usually buggers. Oh. There's one at the door.
Welcome to fags'r'us!

 

by lukket
4-09-05
I guess, it's cool to have won a trip in space with a famous astronaut of my own choice.
Yuri Gagarin was the wrong choice, though.

 

by lukket
4-10-05
Dan! What are you doing here in Santa Fe?
I went here after I got my degree in Mathematics. What about you?
I've just gotten a job here. I moved in 3 weeks ago.
Cool. Have you gotten used to it here?
I don't know. i feel like a fish out of water.

 

by lukket
4-13-05
... and then we got the Lansby contract. How was your day?
You know, I got to work two minutes later than usual, because...
Three hours later...
???
... and there we were, realising that it was 5 pm once more!
You know Anne. You're such a great listener!

 

by lukket
4-15-05
Let me introduce you all to my new pet.
I have dubbed him 50 cents...
mainly because he's half a buck!

 

by lukket
4-17-05
So here I am. I won the presidential election as a write-in-candidate.
Now I don't know what to tell the waiting crowd. I don't know much about politics.
And it's probably not a good idea to tell how I accidentally hacked into the Diebold main servers...

 

by lukket
4-23-05
I don't think we'll win that case after what you did in court.
Come on. I barely touched her.
Violence against the prosecutor can't be excused.
But she provoked me with her lies!
That's it! I'm going to find me another lawyer!
But I need the money for the bail!

 

by lukket
4-23-05
Honey, I'm home! How's your day been?
I went to see the Salmonellas with a couple of my girlfriends!
A bit of chlorine is addded...
That sounds fun ..oh no! ... cough... cough!
Argh!
Later...
Mom! Dad!

 

by lukket
4-23-05
On a hot afternoon...
Honey, I'm home and ready for .... eh... what on earth are you doing?
Uh... ungh .. oh...
By the looks of it it seems you're copulating with my best friend.
It's .. ugh... not ... ah... what it looks like.
What have you got to say for yourself, Rufus?
Wrouf!

 

by lukket
4-25-05

 

by lukket
4-25-05

 

by lukket
4-25-05

 

by lukket
5-01-05
Um... I kinda lost the money I made today. But I won't bore you with the details.
Listen up, ho, I want the full story!
much later...
.. but he said that I should just lie back and enjoy the show while he...
somewhat later...
And that's what happened to the money.

 

by lukket
5-03-05
How about a beer for your beautiful pen pal from Prague!
Sure. I'll go get some.
You got no beers for us?
Everything went ok, until I told the bartender that I've written a Czeck!

 

by lukket
5-03-05
Geez. I told the proprietor to improve things around here, and now it's even worse.
You know. It's your own fault.
How can it be my fault?
You specifically told him to raise the bar!

 

by lukket
5-03-05
Hi Fred
Hi Mark. How was that new bar you tried out yesterday?
Strange but cool. Everyone was dancing, cheering and cheering; there was plenty of food. They allowed minors too, though.
How weird is that. What was the name of that bar again?
I think it was called Bar Mitzvah!?

 

by lukket
5-06-05
Um... not really.

 

A guy walks into a bar...
That hurt
by lukket, 5-07-05

 

by lukket
5-07-05
Here you go - it's all yours
Gee thanks, I think.
What's wrong with it Earthling?
I had expected a UK or an American or maybe even a French one - but not this
You asked for a Mars bar - I gave you one.
It's not that simple.

 

by lukket
5-12-05
We have a puzzle here, Inspector Lonnrot.
Indeed. Indeed! What do you think happened here?
I believe this to be a murder. Someone threw the victim out of the window and someone else wrote "murder" backwards.
And that's where you're wrong.
What do you mean?
Nothing - it just felt great to say it. Let's take these finger prints and DNA stain from the victim and analyze it and then get on with our crossword puzzle.

 

by lukket
5-15-05
HELLO I'M IN THE CHURCH AND YOU'RE NOT HERE AS PROMISED!
Hi honey! I need some sleep. I was a babysitter last night and I didn't get some sleep before the KID NAPPED.
KIDNAPPED!? WHERE ARE YOU!?
I'm at home and I'm watching Honeymoon IN VEGAS
IN VEGAS!? THAT'S HORRIBLE. WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?
I don't know. But Nicolas Cage is great. You can really see HIS PANIC!

 

by lukket
5-15-05
It looks like another dead end. I'll wait here, and then maybe you can go and find the exit!
Hmf... okay then...
Later
You can only escape this labyrinth if you prove to Jael that you are willing to risk your life for her sake!
Oh...
Ah, you're back. Did you find a way out?
Um... not really.

 

by lukket
7-16-05
Wait a minute. Am I on my way out?
No. My back is against the door, so I must have arrived just now.
Dang. I was going to the bathroom.

 

by lukket
7-16-05
How did you spend yesterday night?
I attended a satanist sex orgy with a guy cumming in my anus while a harlot sucked my vagina!
That sounds nice and family friendly.
Well, can you do better?
I dined with a heteroclite cockney on a fine restaurant. We got prawn cocktail, saltwater cockles and peacock roast with a nicely inspissated shitake sauce. Then we had a grapefruit crape for dessert.
Oh my gosh! How lewd.

 

by lukket
7-17-05
5 days without food and an allergy to coconuts. What a way to start a holiday.
psst...
Death! Why have you come here?
I'm come here to get you. Again!
Well, I thought so. But you're sure about the grammar?
Dang! You got me once more, now I have to do it all again!!

 

by lukket
7-17-05
It's fucking great to be here at the Live 8. Can you fucking hear me London!
I'm frightfully sorry lads and lassies, but a lot of viewers has called in to complain about the language in our Live 8 transmission.
To fill up the void, we have decided to show you the literature hour instead.
Today we will have a look at Dickens' wangling twanging cockney Fagin.
Cut!

Showing page 7.

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