All comics by ojcme

Profile

 

by ojcme
12-08-07
Speaking with the HR Fatass
Kyle, I know you hate CAF pushing, but can you at least put on a smile and do the shit?
Yeah, sure.
Kyle, what the fuck are you doing CAF pushing? I want you on the fucking sales floor in seasonal.
Alright.
Later...
Okay, time to go home.
I want you to stay an extra hour because I think you were going too slow zoning.

 

by ojcme
12-15-07
Ojay has encountered a random retarded child.
Ojay used seduction!
It's super effective!
God, why did I go through with this?
I can't tell the difference between right and wrong!

 

by ojcme
12-24-07
Happy Jesus Cross day.
Wait, when did you start calling it that?
Ever since you sinners secularized the word christmas.
Why don't you just call it happy delusional mind trip day created and founded by pegan beliefs?
That's easter, yo.
My b.

 

So I'm pregnant.
You can get pregnant?
by ojcme, 12-26-07

 

by ojcme
12-28-07
her face expression is priceless
so what if she was really 18 years old but she looked just like that, would she still not be hot or something dude?
you are sick in the head.
so you think shes hot?
definitely

 

by ojcme
1-02-08
Republicans.
Will you vote for Obama?
But he's black!
Democrats.
He aint black enouf, yo.
Independents.
He's a corporate cocksucker!

 

by ojcme
1-04-08
You know what cures yeast infection pretty well?
What?
Well, recently, I had Yeast infection, so I stuck some garlic in my vagina, and it cleared it right out.
You did WHAT in WHERE?
Garlic in my vagina
Afraid Dracula was going to eat you out?

 

by ojcme
1-14-08
So, Bush is happy about Iraq.
He's happy?
He's happy!
Well, I'm happy that he's happy.
The man's definately happy!
He's a happy man.

 

by ojcme
2-14-08
Okay, I'm going to look over your code right now.
Alright.
Hmmm, this is pretty interesting, but wait.
What?
Why did you make these friend functions?
Because only friends can touch your privates.

 

by ojcme
3-31-08
You know what feels really good is if you're ever taking a shit, if you have a whore suck you off while you're doing it. It's like massaging the prostate.
And how does it feel for the woman.
The what?
The woman? It must smell a shitload while she's doing this.
Who the fuck cares about her?

 

by ojcme
4-22-08
Obama is black?
Hilary is a cunt?
John McCain is a squirrel?
Ned Lamont is a pussy?
Your mother died of a heart attack?
I rape corpses?

 

by ojcme
5-07-08
So what's the new show you wanted to show me? Better make this quick, I have an abortion to attend.
Sir, this is a comedy show about two gay guys living in the city, trying to make it in the world.
Great, great, I love it so far!
Anyways, one of them dies and goes to hell, where they learn that homosexuality is a sin and now he has to tell his ex gay lover about it.
Why, that's not funny at all! I'm going to have to go with Dennis Fincklestein's idea show idea.
STOP PERSECUTING ME YOU GODAMN HOMOSEXUALS!

 

by ojcme
5-15-08
Woo hoo! I'm participating in the Stripcreator community!
I hope I'm still not doing this shit past 30.

 

Hmmm, what should I use to clean out my vagina?
by ojcme, 5-26-08

 

by ojcme
6-13-08
Sign #1: They have carved demonic symbols into their room
Son, what's with all the satanic symbols in your room?
It reminds me that there's nothing but pain when we die.
Sign #2: They wear shitty clothing from hot topic and pretend that they're smarter than the rest of us "drones."
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!
Sign #3: They read nothing but Harlan Ellison stories
That man is a genius. It ended on a sad note, JUST LIKE MY LIFE OH GOD I NEED TO GET LAID

 

by ojcme
6-25-08
Hey, come down here now. I have some news. We're going to destroy OPEC!
Are we going to war with them?
Come on down, we'll teach the bastards. We're going to save a lot of money.
k?
Here we are, a analog TV. We'll teach them a lesson by cancelling the TV and cable bill.
Great.

 

by ojcme
7-09-08
Here at Hoffman's Automotive, you can get previously loved cars.
Cool.
You see the one over there, that car was from a schoolteacher. She loved that honda.
What about this car? Was it previously loved.
Oh yeah, a lot. In the backseat, mostly.

 

by ojcme
7-22-08
So my sister wants to use the placenta from her child to make artwork.
And then she wants my dad to plant a tree over it in the backyard of his house.

 

by ojcme
7-27-08
Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay Present:
GIVE ME YOUR BADGE NOW, YOU'RE SUSPENDED!
You don't understand, Chief. AIDS killed my partner.
Und so ze carbohydrate molecules surround ze virus, acting like a coat.
Bitch gotta shield.
Catch it this summer!
THERE HE GOES! THE DUDE WITH THE AIDS SUPERVIRUS
Smash his monkey ass.

 

by ojcme
8-26-08
Birth
Congratulations, it's a girl.
Oh, that's wonderful. I'm going to call her Indigo Love Goldman.
School
Let's pick on this hippie piece of shit.
I HATE YOU MOMMY
Career
Please put your hands together for the sexy star herself, Indigo Love!

 

by ojcme
9-20-08
So my uncle is being a bitch ass n-bomb.
N-what? Does that stand for nice guy?
No it doesn't you goddamn retard. You know exactly what it stands for.
Why wouldn't you just say it the way it is? It's just us here.
I know, I prefer it that way.
Hold me you racist prick.

 

by ojcme
10-02-08
I'm going to become a philosophical reductionist.
Which means?
Shit fucking sucks and then you die.
You know, I wish my arms would uncross so I could fucking smack you.

 

by ojcme
10-16-08
So this laptop comes with windows vista.
Is there any way I could get xp?
No, it'd end up breaking a lot of things and there isn't really support for it.
Bullshit, I'm going to get this and an xp disk.
Later
Well, I installed XP on that computer you gave me. It destroyed all the power saving options on the thing so I have a 30 minute battery life, though. But I'm not on vista, thank god.

 

Put yo weight on it!
But...but I'd break it.....
by ojcme, 10-21-08

 

by ojcme
10-21-08
Is that chick being really suggestive or do I have a dirty mind?
It's just you. I guess you have a dirty mind.
That sucks, I was thinking she was coming on to everyone here.
It's alright, there are worse things to have, like cancer.
Actually, I have something to tell you....

 

by ojcme
11-06-08
I need a new political comic. Let's see, Obama looks kind of like a monkey with his big ears, like Bush. I'll make fun of that!
Oooo oooo, I'm Barack Obama your new monkey president.
And so that's how I simultaneously lost my job and got a lot of angry black people on my case.
Get away from me you bad man.

 

by ojcme
11-11-08
Goddamn kids today with their goddamn videogames. Back in the old days, we used to listen to satanic music or something, these videogames I don't understand.
Yeah, and don't remember the ultimate babysitter of all time: porn!
Yeah. Yeah.
Wait, what the fuck are we talking about?

 

by ojcme
11-16-08
So anyways I was thinking that we should do something together with our wives and shit soon. I mean, it'd only be for a few hours and shit but I think we are spending way too much time at work and..
DEAR JESUS CHRIST MAN YOUR LONG SPEECH BUBBLE IS CREATING A VOID UNDER US INTO WHICH WE CANNOT ESCAPE
Shit we are so fucked

 

by ojcme
12-16-08
Before Linux
Oh man, I fucking need to look at some porn.
After Linux
Oh man, I need to compile the new major package. Oh god, they came out with some new support for my 5 year old wireless card!
Eventually
You know, I wonder what pussy feels like.

 

by ojcme
12-21-08
Gentoo sucks why don't you use ubuntu?
Fuck you. "emerge fist"
Well?
This is going to take a while. "//calculating dependancies"

 

by ojcme
1-21-09
Hmmm, what should I get for chineese food?
Maybe you should get the vegetarian dish. There's way too much meat eating in this house.
Just for that I'm going to order a large plate of Cruelty Filled General Tso's Chicken.
Why?
Because you opened your mouth, bitch.

 

by ojcme
5-25-09
Hey man, happy memorial day today.
Well, it would be happier if my grandfather didn't die today.
Jesus Christ dude, you're such a bummer. Remind me never to invite you into here again.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME

 

by ojcme
6-30-09
Hi everyone, Clinty McCunt here for channel 7 news. We are about to go live to the scene where 6 houses were destroyed.
So describe what happened.
Well, the tornado came down and destroyed 6 houses and it was horrible. This is the worst disaster I've ever experienced.
Meanwhile
I wonder what food tastes like.

 

by ojcme
8-11-09
Fallow me my good sir.
Uh, don't you mean follow?
I know what'st I said. Now you should fallow me!
Alright, if you say so.
And that's more or less how we came across all this land.
You're not daddy.

 

by ojcme
8-27-09
A long time ago, when my sister still ate meat
Okay, I have something to confess.
What is it now? Are you going to tell me that your'e going to stop eating meat or something?
No, I want you to be around when I meet this guy that I've been talking to online. He's my boyfriend.
Oh god, how did you meet him anyways? Same school?
No, we both were on the same online dating chat room on AOL.
Sounds like quite the hapless romantic.

 

by ojcme
8-27-09
This is how I knew all along my sister was special
Okay, we're getting close to where I'm supposed to meet. Get a little further away from me just so that he doesn't think that you're my boyfriend.
I have a really stupid question. What if he is a 40 year old dude that wants to rape and kill you.
I dunno, I guess that fate will make this right. I know it in my heart.
Great that you're using a blood pumping organ for rational thought. I hope the dude is a stupid loser.
Why would you hope that.
Anyone willing to date someone on the internet instead of meet someone in real life? Sounds like you're picking a real breadwinner for yourself, sis.

 

by ojcme
8-27-09
Dear god why didn't I realize how special she was sooner
Any other questions while we wait for him?
Yeah sure how old is the dude?
He told me he's 23.
Okay so let me get one thing straight: He's 23 fucking years old. You're 16.
Our love is all that matters, our age doesn't make a difference at all.
It does in the court of law.

 

by ojcme
8-27-09
So he just called and said that he's very close by.
I sense forthcoming ass raping. Voluntary or not.
Oh here he is. This is Rob.
Hey there.
I can barely understand what he's saying he's so quiet.
Oh god he has a band shirt and long hair. You're dating a metalhead.

 

by ojcme
8-27-09
So why do you always use the kid with the backwards cap as your character?
What do you mean?
He's always the dude you use. Is it laziness, or something?
Physical attachment. I associate the strongest psychologically with this kid with his backwards cap.
I'm mentally fucked.
Just think about it, he's too cool for school and all that dope shit. And he still has a lot of growing to do.

 

by ojcme
8-27-09
Oh man is that a Sega Saturn?
It sure is. I'll be willing to give it to you if you convince your sister to have sex with me.
It's a deal!
Alright, let me pack this stuff up.
Later...
You know, I can't help but feel like I got the raw end of the deal.
Are you ready to play no games?

 

My grandmother died not too long after
Opi, Omi I'm bisexual.
by ojcme, 8-27-09

 

by ojcme
10-22-09
Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, that's good. That's good. Just like that, NO NO NO
Okay, this is working, oh damnit!
What's with all the racket. You masturbatin' again?
No, dad. I'm making webcomics on stripcreator.
Same thing.

 

by ojcme
11-03-09
So, I'm interested in writing something for your publication.
Okay, well, that seems reasonable. Okay, so your writing porfolio is actually pretty fantastic!
Thank you.
Well, one thing to ask, do you have any additional qualifications?
I have syphilis.
You must be a fantastic writer!

 

by ojcme
3-07-10
Why even go to these resuraunts? We can save a whole lot of time by just going to your house and fucking. It's what I want to do in the end anyways.
Why even bother selling me something with lettuce and whatnot? We both know that all I want is meat.
I realized I don't have any friends other than you.

 

by ojcme
3-10-10
Okay, before I start I should let you know that I have a small penis, and that I'm not guaranteed to actually get you off.
'kay tee hee
Now my diagnosis is that you don't have enough dick. So you need more.
Yes! God yes! Give me dick!
Sorry, but we have to send you out do get you some.

 

by ojcme
5-07-10
Okay, this interview is going pretty well. I can tell you're exactly the kind of person we want here. One last thing: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Thank you Mr. Clownowski. To answer your question, I see myself being in space.
Before you get all excited about space travel, I should remind you one thing: They don't allow fat people in space.
Get the fuck out of my office you fat fuck.

 

by ojcme
9-19-10
I have a quick question.
Okay, sure.
How do I know this is the same laptop I gave you?
How do I know your vagina is real?
She then spent a few hours showing me.
That still doesn't explain all the bruises.

 

by ojcme
10-03-10
I still don't understand what we're doing here.
It's simple, when an ambulance has a dead guy they don't really rush to the hospital.
So? Why is that so important. You want to get your freak on with some maggot action?
No you dummy! I want to harvest a few organs to buy a new ipad.
Joke's on you. Ipod Touch does the same thing and it's not an expensive fucking device.
I like it when Steve Jobs whispers in my ear after he rapes my wallet.

 

by ojcme
10-03-10
Welcome to Shazam, just sing the song into the mic to find out the name of the song.
I'm just a small time girl. Living in a lonely wooooooorld!
Stop, just stop. I can't figure out what the fuck you're singing. Where'd you learn how to sing? School of the Deaf?
Listen computer, I have power over you. Don't make me pour water over your circuits.
At generic repair store
I have no idea why my comptuer is broekn. Can you fix it?
Sorry, I'm not allowed to help faggots that like Journey.

 

by ojcme
11-28-10
Dude, I need to get my driver's license. Heard it was hard.
Nah, easy as shooting crabs in a barrel.
Would that really be that easy though? I would imagine they could climb out of the side of the barrel, making them good sport.
This is really something that we need to test with reliable repeatable experiments.
Indeed.
Indeed.

Showing page 7.

« Previous Next »