All comics by Broly

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by Broly
2-07-04
Hello, how are you doing, frosted...
Sean, don't you dare.
... FROSTED NUTS YES GOODBYE!
Sean!

 

by Broly
2-23-04
In the future, whenever you rent a DVD, after so many days it'll just melt into recylcable mush. No need to rush it back to the store.
Pretty cool. Looks like you won't be able to find a way around keeping rentals, too.
Nah, I'll just rent a meltable TV and a meltable DVD player to go along with it.
If everything in the future melts, we'd better start investing in some scuba gear.
With your luck, you'll pry end up renting the scuba gear. Then it'll melt. And you'll die.
You're always the optimist.

 

by Broly
2-23-04
Did you hear about A-rod? He's a Yankee.
WHAT?!
He's going to play third base next to Jeter. They have a starting infield that costs more than most middle level teams now.
Oh, that is it, that is just it.
Must you complain to me constantly? I'm just trying to run the universe here.
Universe comes second, this baseball stuff needs to be fixed.

 

by Broly
3-05-04
St. Patrick's Day is almost here. I hope you've got the party supplies ready.
Party hats, nachos, and booze. Check.
Wait, booze, booze isn't alcohol, is it?
No, not at all. It's, uh... another word for a trampoline. Yeah.
Oh, in that case, we'll be boozing it up!
Yer damn right we will, you gullible chump.

 

by Broly
3-18-04
I spent my St. Patrick's Day doing arts and crafts at the Salvation Army with unfortunate children. What did you do?
None of your damn *hic* bishnish.
You got drunk, didn't you?
A liiiiitle bit.
Just how drunk?
Let's put it this way. If Janet Reno comes over saying I haven't called her yet, tell her I was way too drunk that night.

 

by Broly
3-29-04
Isn't front closed yet?
Well, do you want it done fast, or do you want it done right?
How about both?
Both? Why, that's just, absolute... complete...
Darn lousy logic.

 

by Broly
5-22-04
Man, those NBA playoffs sure are exciting.
Damn, I'll say.
I have the Lakers to go all the way. They just have so much overwhelming talent, you can't possibly ignore all those Hall of Fame players.
True. Devean George, Kareem Rush, Rick Fox, the list goes on.
Um, aren't you maybe forgetting a few certain players?
Oh yeah, of course, Medvedenko, too. Nobody can lay a finger on that mofo.

 

by Broly
5-22-04
My all-time best in bowling is 173. How about you?
I once scored a 349. Top that.
That would be difficult to beat. Considering the maximum score is 300.
Well, I have a secret strategy not many other people fully utilize. First, I bowl down my lane, then I shoot other people's pins with a shotgun.
As long as it's a safe tactic.
I always tell Judge Reinholdt that my shotgun is a "legal document". Works every time.

 

by Broly
6-05-04
Well, Ronald Reagan died today.
Poor young fella. He was always a pretty cool guy.
That he... wait, young? The man was into his 90's. He lived a long life.
To quote Bill Cosby: You're only as young as you feel.
The man was near comatose, he wasn't... hold up, Bill Cosby? When did he say that?
William, stop changing the subject and get back to explaining why you murdered Ronald Reagan.

 

by Broly
6-09-04
...And that's how you cook grilled chicken.
Cool, thanks.
How's training going?
Oh, fantastic. The man has it down pat. He'll completely wow you with his mad skills.
Would those "mad skills" include him chucking patties at others like it's a frisbee?
No, sir. No sir they don't.

 

by Broly
6-26-04
Have you been following the Presidential campaign ads on TV?
Of course. Every so often I would take a break from them and go have a poison Sumac sandwich, or gargle burning hot coals. You know, just for a release from the pain.
Y'know, because watching that shit was painful.
Ok, yes, I got it, I think we all got it.
Just making sure.

 

by Broly
11-25-04
I was watching this HBO special about prostitutes... well, I was channel surfing, but anyways, these guys kept using these stupid lines.
Honestly, it isn't doing anything for the situation. Bear in mind you're paying the woman for sex.
The fact that she's going to have to screw an obese 50 year old sleaze won't improve things for her by him telling her she's pretty.

 

by Broly
2-03-05
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, chumps!
It's February, dude.
Uh, fine then. Happy St. Valentine's Day!
Nope, isn't St. Valentine's just yet.
How about merry fucking hit-the-dumbfuck-in-the-hoody day.
On second thought, we can rewind to Kwanzaa if you really want.

 

by Broly
5-11-05
So I work at the Espresso Bar at the Buzz Inn now.
So, basically you're a barista girl, haha.
If you consider in the fact that I still make a cook's salary, plus tips, for a slower-paced and easier job, yeah.
You know I hate you, right?
Damn, and we were hiring, too.
By hate I mean adore, you know that.

 

by Broly
5-11-05
That Roger Clemens is kicking some major ass.
It's a shame his Houston Astros are sucking some major testicles.
What do you expect? Should he just re-sign with the Yankees? Just empowering them with more starpower?
Creating a super team leaving the rest of the league to sign 17 year old Cuban refugees that play shortstop?
That's how it is now, actually.
Yup. Too bad the Yankees are tanking like Exxon, ha!

 

by Broly
6-22-05
Oh snap! The Pistons have officially pushed the NBA finals to a climatic seventh game!
The Spurs lost to boost ratings.
How do you mean?
NBC pays the players off to lose certain games so that it winds up into a seven game series.
Wow, that's fascinating. What's your source of information.
I'm just making shit up.

 

by Broly
6-22-05
Did you hear?!
What, what happened?
The whole earth is going to be destroyed! I saw it on the TV!
Agh, Jesus save us all! Wait, are you sure it wasn't a commercial for that video game "Destroy All Humans"?
Now that you mention it, it was.
Better luck next time.

 

by Broly
6-22-05
Hey, I was just wondering.
Yeah?
Is Wu-Tang clan something to fuck with?
No, in response to your question Wu-Tang clan ain't nothing to fuck with.
How about the purpose of turtlenecks?
To protect your neck.

 

by Broly
7-27-05
Hey, I've got a new job, I'm selling drugs for a living.
That's an evil practice, detrimental to public well-being and overall health. Plus it's illegal!
No, no, I work for Pfizer, America's top pharmaceutical company.
Oh. It's not illegal at least.
Buh dun tsssss.
That's what's called a rimshot.

Showing page 8.

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