All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
12-10-03
yo dog. did you ever get it on with a french poodle?
no. i came close but...
but it didn't work because she thought she was better than you. damn. we animals are no better than humans sometimes. makes me want to vomit.
actually, this french poodle happened to be male.
so what are you trying to tell me?
that even you believe human stereotypes.

 

by Cobb
12-10-03
you won't believe the grief i've been getting this past week.
you too? i can hardly believe my ears.
i dunno. i feel like we really have to care about each other more - like we have something to prove.
i felt like that at first. now, i'm rather hoping that we can avoid all that seriousness and just have fun.
but doesn't that prove them right?
who cares? you still drive that lexus right? let's just go.

 

by Cobb
12-12-03
i just read a wild rumor about a black and white couple. it's crazy but stranger things have happened.
you know, of all people i thought you were above such pettiness.
it's not petty. it could change the whole balance of political power and what killer liberal symbolism!
liberal symbolism? what are you talking about?
i'm talking about a howard dean and carol mosley-braun democratic ticket. what are you talking about?
get me out of this comic strip, please!

 

by Cobb
12-12-03
..and topping the business news, the dow jones industrial average closed above 10,000 points for the first time in 18 months.
also, the nafta free trade treaty is ten years old this week.
finally, according to a zogby poll, mexico and canada are the top two destinations for ceos fleeing fraud investigations.

 

by Cobb
12-14-03
we got him at wolverine two.
yay for our side.
that doesn't sound like you.
well, i'm so used to blaming george bush, i might as well be consistent.
i understand. it's good to be an american today.
i think it's pretty good to be an iraqi too.

 

by Cobb
12-14-03
now that saddam hussein has been captured, are you going to re-elect president bush?
i will not vote for george the lesser.
you scurrilous ingrate! how dare you spit in the face of american democracy!
i'm just a permanent resident, i don't have the right to vote.
well vote anyway. you cheated to get here. cheat again.
ahh, so we can spit together as brothers.

 

by Cobb
12-14-03
still reading the news?
yeah, i'm analyzing these video clips from major news outlets. they seem very suspicious.
you think that the jubilant iraqis are faked?
yeah. they never show more than 50 or so of them at a time.
not quite enough screaming idiots in the streets jumping up and down shooting guns in third world style to be convincing, eh?
am i really that cynical?

 

by Cobb
12-18-03
what are you doing in a bikini? it's the middle of december!
i just got back from a howard dean rally. he's my candidate now.
your whole demeanor defies reality.
all you understand is the status quo.
you just don't get it.
you just don't get it.

 

by Cobb
12-18-03
i had nothing to do with it.
saddam's capture you mean.
yeah. my handler actually sent me to 300 miles away.
you would have killed him wouldn't you?
yeah but only a little bit at a time. he'd still be about 60% alive today.
isn't he?

 

by Cobb
12-18-03
you understand that i'm quite conflicted about saddam hussein. i hate humanity, but i suppose i should love him. he did what i would do if i were free.
you do talk quite a bit of crap for a canary.
i have my reasons. still...
still you can hate saddam. i won't count that against you.
but i can't hate saddam. i have to be consistent.
what are you a democratic advisor?

 

by Cobb
12-18-03
i have a problem. should i hate saddam or not?
yeah i feel you though. check it. i say ignore the fool.
ignore him? how can i? he's the biggest war criminal..
whatever to that. you need to worry more about animals and stop hating on humans. it makes you like them.
i've never thought of it that way. you may be right.
duh! you be talking all the time with that cia agent. no wonder your mind's all twisted.

 

by Cobb
12-18-03
still working for the dean campaign i see.
yes. wearing a bikini in december proves that anything is possible when you are inspired.
hmm. i'll say. you're inspiring me right about now.
then you should join our side.
how does saturday night sound? why don't we join up then?
fine, but you'll have to bring a redneck and a black person.

 

by Cobb
12-20-03
i think you're right. i should be more in tune with the animal kingdom instead of mankind.
they're just a blip to us. who gives my ass about saddam hussein?
we were here before them and we'll be here after their demise. so to hell with them all.
now you're talking.
so now to the first order of business. get me out of this cage.
do these look like opposable thumbs to you?

 

by Cobb
12-20-03
i'm devoting myself to the animal kingdom, so i thought you might let me out.
but you were raised in captivity. you couldn't survive outside of your cage.
how hard can it be? i've survived with humans who are much more intelligent.
but you don't understand animal rationality. you'd have a tremendous disadvantage.
for example?
if you had a clue, you'd know that i'm a nasa subcontractor and i think you look rather cute where you are.

 

by Cobb
12-20-03
you're an animal. now that i'm pro-animal instead of just anti-human, you could knock this cage over and set me free.
why?
unity and solidarity against the tyrannical forces of humanity.
that sounds political.
aren't cows supposed to be easy to convince?
ok.

 

by Cobb
12-20-03
animals are retarded. humans are depraved. i feel like the only morally intelligent creature on the planet.
no luck getting sprung by your fellow beasts, eh?
and the only person who understands my plight is you, a dodgy cia assassin.
i'll take that as a compliment.
the irony is staggering.
yeah whatever. did i tell you about the conversation i had with qaddafi last week?

 

by Cobb
12-20-03
i don't want to hear about you and qaddafi. i don't care about humans any longer.
i take that to mean your conundrum about saddam hussein is unresolved.
no i haven't if you must know.
just admit that military force and specwar can be constructive.
i just wish this headache would end.
be careful what you wish for. the liberal fairy might hear you.

 

by Cobb
12-20-03
i don't want to hear about you and qaddafi. i don't care about humans any longer.
i take that to mean your conundrum about saddam hussein is unresolved.
yes. if you must know. i can't bring myself to admit that war isn't just human ignorance.
just admit that military force and specwar can be constructive.
but that would mean my respect for you as a destroyer of human life would be undermined.
ahh, don't worry about that. i might have another attack of conscience. then you can feel superior again.

 

by Cobb
12-21-03
what's with the biohazard suit?
haven't you heard? there's an epidemic going on.
oh. so now you get it. i've watched people die for 15 years, you watch one episode of 'angels in america' and you're in a panic. lemme tell you brother..
angels in america? what's that?
oh no. don't tell me you're talking about the flu.
of course. and can you believe that they've run out of inhaler?

 

by Cobb
12-21-03
i've got a list of companies not allowed to bid for reconstruction in iraq. damned shame.
hey it's our money. why give it away to the weasels?
because it's in the interest of the world community that all nations participate.
yeah right. if the bidding were open, you'd be saying that the pentagon was buying favor.
i'm saying that now. they're buying favor with republican owned american companies.
you're just mad because you're not in the stock market right now.

 

by Cobb
12-21-03
i heard that you were reconciling with the animals. that's lovely.
i changed my mind. you're all worthless.
but for a short time you saw the value in it? surely you weren't mistaken.
aren't you that uncle tom syncophant duck?
the word is 'domesticated'.
the phrase is 'unenlightend self-hatred'

 

by Cobb
12-24-03
hey, merry christmas!
yeah, same to you.
you don't sound like you mean it.
i don't think i've ever been so stressed-out on the day before christmas.
holiday blues, eh?
no. orange alert.

 

by Cobb
12-25-03
i came to wish you a merry christmas.
yeah, yeah in a minute.
i can't believe that you're blogging on christmas day.
the world doesn't stop turning on christian holidays.
oh my god, you're jewish aren't you? sorry, i didn't know that.
so say happy chanukah already.

 

by Cobb
12-25-03
'happy holidays' sounds so bland. i should wish people the proper holiday greeting.
but you can't go around guessing if people are jewish.
yeah. and i don't want people to automatically assume i celebrate kwanzaa.
dilemma!
there's got to be a solution.
conspicuous religious symbols?

 

by Cobb
12-25-03
sickening isn't it?
can you believe they actually say it's uplifting and good for the soul?
how many people would you say are in that line?
at least 500. and even when they get inside, they'll be there for hours.
it's the same as last year this time, only worse.
what is a hobbit anyway?

 

by Cobb
12-27-03
we're surveying african-american negroes of black descent during this kwanzaa season. could you spare a moment of your time?
here we go...
does the rejection of america inherent in the celebration of kwanzaa suggest that you actually do want to go back to africa?
kwanzaa was invented in los angeles, you know.
but it was the african part of los angeles, right?
yeah, right over by the der weinerschnitzel on crenshaw across the street from the japanese bowling alley.

 

by Cobb
12-31-03
i resolve not to call you 'honey'.
i resolve to lose 5 pounds.
i resolve to put the toilet seat down.
i resolve to improve my self-esteem.
it's all about you isn't it?
i resolve not to smack you down.

 

by Cobb
12-31-03
i just came by to check on you.
oh really. i didn't know you cared.
there's no need for sarcasm, mr. high and mighty wall street bull.
yeah well i'm just fine and on my way to 13,000.
..and then he said something about merging with NASDAQ..
it's worse than we thought.

 

by Cobb
1-06-04
how on earth do you think you can get away with comparing bush to hitler?
you have to admit, it's working.
only with people who have no understanding of history.
which according to the latest poll is 69% of americans. sounds like a mandate to me.
that's it. the gloves are coming off. we're fighting fire with fire.
too late. godwin's law. the debate is over.

 

by Cobb
1-06-04
you want me to volunteer for howard dean?
when you're inspired, anything is possible.
i'm not about to wear a swimsuit.
oh, the dean campaign is swimsuit optional.
do you have any idea how that sounds?
better than 'black bush women', don't you think?

 

by Cobb
1-06-04
i've been thinking about us, and i wanted to ask you a question. tell me the truth about something.
uh oh.
i mean we love each other, and petty things couldn't come between us right?
yes, we do and no they couldn't.
the n-word isn't really so bad is it?
sure go right ahead. i mean you're smarter and funnier than lenny bruce.

 

by Cobb
1-06-04
so what's keeping you up nights, my spy kid?
it's those damned koreans. they're being reasonable.
how so?
well, they're offering to uphold a nuclear test ban.
ahh. fewer wmd chips in the korean pile means more peace.
i hate this damned economy.

 

by Cobb
1-06-04
you used to be a weapons inspector. i would think that the north korean offer would mean more work for you.
well, you know our guys had a falling out with hans blix. that's why i went over to kidnappings and assassinations.
well, you can still do that, can't you? covert ops and all.
no, covert ops work best in the confusion of a shooting war.
so you're out of luck.
i don't know. maybe there's work in homeland security.

 

by Cobb
1-08-04
oh my goodness! that's ghastly. what is it?
it's a video game simulation of the d-day landing at normandy.
why would you ever want to relive that?
are you kidding? this is great. better than an action flick!
is there any limit to the amount of violence you can find entertaining?
that depends. how much destruction is mass destruction?

 

by Cobb
1-08-04
you see, we all have different tolerances for violence and potrayals of violence, so mass destruction is all relative.
but every man's death diminishes us. each soul is equally valuable. the evil of mass destruction is more grievous.
but heaven is infinitely large. so what difference can human killing make in god's sense of time and space?
thou shalt not kill means one. how could anyone justify breaking that commandment thousands of times?
we're arguing about video games right?
yes. why don't you get some porno movies, I want to argue about that too.

 

by Cobb
1-13-04
what are you up to babe?
we broke up before arnold was elected. you can't call me 'babe' any more. and for your information i work for dean.
i heard that you were doing it in a swimsuit. you never posed for me, but you'll wear a swimsuit for dean?
i'm working for dean for america. so what i'm doing is for the country. why are you pestering me?
i heard you dug up some dirt about paula abdul.
that's paul o'neill. i can't believe i ever took you seriously.

 

by Cobb
1-13-04
hey there handsome. don't i know you from somewhere?
you look sort of familiar, but i can't quite..
well i just wanted to tell you that i'm ready for action, if you're a good breeder..
..weren't you asking me some questions a few weeks ago?
you wouldn't be from canada would you?
you again!

 

by Cobb
1-13-04
then she has the nerve to ask me about my family tree.
it's enough to make you puke.
this stupid mad cow thing is really cutting into my action. all the cows are just creeped out about it. it's not even sexually transmitted.
well you know cows, they'll believe anything.
what a downer.
ha ha very funny.

 

by Cobb
1-15-04
i can't believe that you don't want to go!
well, don't you think we should be contributing to community service or something? it is mlk's birthday.
duh, it's the biggest skiing weekend of the year for black america.
at heavenly valley?
i'll introduce you to gary dourdan..
should i wear red, black or green?

 

by Cobb
1-16-04
you've been down on the planet! that breaks protocol!
no no, i was in cognito as a female human.
but we're alien. all of our normal behaviors would seem completely out of character for any earth creature.
not if it was britney spears.
that's not only disgraceful but disgusting. what do you have to say for yourself?
oops?

 

by Cobb
1-16-04
alright, maybe k won't like me impersonating humans, so what? what have you been up to?
unlike you, i've been fulfilling responsible duties on mars.
responsibility on mars? who are you kidding? it's a huge resort. hey, you could have let me know. i could use some good old fashioned fun.
seriously, they're sending probes. i had a lot of work to do jamming signals and camoflaging the oceans. not to mention the rings...
you are so full of yourself sometimes.
they still think it's red don't they?

 

by Cobb
1-16-04
what's the scoop on paul o'neill?
haven't you been paying attention? he's revealed that bush always wanted to go to war against saddam.
and?
and this proves that bush lied and was using any excuse to send the military to iraq long before september 11!
you mean like to support clinton's no-fly zones?
dammit! i supported them too.

 

by Cobb
1-16-04
so what do you think of all this mars talk?
it's about time. i'm sure you realize that humans can't talk seriously about colonization without bringing animals into the picture.
hmm. i was hoping they'd just all take off and leave us alone.
come now rabbit, you don't have the scamper power to survive in the wild any longer.
look who's talking? where did you get that banana, ralphs or vons?
that required honed animal instincts. those striking cashiers are cagey!

 

by Cobb
1-17-04
it doesn't surprise me that george bush wants to colonize mars.
world domination isn't quite enough for him.
halliburton will surely fit into this somewhere.
they'll build the luxury rocketships for the next generation of capitalist crooks.
the ubercriminals of the future will be hounded off the planet, but the bush interplanetary airport will accomodate them.
they probably won't even have to take off their gucci shoes.

 

by Cobb
1-21-04
i've never met you or seen you before, but the president said i should say thank you.
just doing my duty.
i'm sure as hell not going to do what you do, so i figured what the hey. i hope you don't mind my protests and all.
it's a free country.
i like your attitude. maybe when you're tour of duty is over and you can't find a job, we can hang out and smoke.
don't you have daisies to plant or something?

 

by Cobb
1-21-04
what's new on the gaming scene?
i just unlocked a porsche gt1 in project gotham racing. i've amassed over 300,000 kudos.
'kudos'?
yeah they're like electronic credits - brownie buttons, the quantized karma of gaming.
i forgot how much of a geek you are. you lost me at 'porsche'. that is a virtual porsche isn't it?
i'm really going to have to bring you inside of my world. you've spent too much time outdoors.

 

by Cobb
1-21-04
so you collect electronic brownie buttons from all your games?
not only the online games, but websites too. if i looked at all of my identities and collected all their points, i'd be fairly wealthy.
so every game and website has a different currency?
well, the value is more in the heads of the people who participate in the virtual economies, so they're really not interchangeable.
can you get real cash though?
only if i sell my souls.

 

by Cobb
1-21-04
wait a minute. did you say souls? you refer to your online identites as souls?
yes. every identity expresses a part of me. for example my xbox gamertag 'sixoseven' is a kind of vicious aggressive competitor.
what about your sensitive side?
she hangs out at salon's table talk.
she?
if you tell anybody, i'll kill you.

 

by Cobb
1-21-04
look who's here. it's the liberal fairy. whose life have you been ruining lately?
you're still upset at me for bringing you back from north korea?
you know how much i enjoyed my time as a vulture. eating dead humans was a lifetime fantasy.
yes i know, but i'm here to tell you that you got me in a lot of trouble with the fairy council about that.
there's an injuction in effect pursuant to an ongoing investigation into the anger quotients of our grantees.
so this means that howard dean won't be winning new hampshire either.

 

by Cobb
1-26-04
you went to syria didn't you?
i may or may not have been to syria in the past year.
did you see any weapons of mass destruction?
that depend upon how massive you mean by 'mass' destruction.
enough chemicals to kill 100 people?
are you kidding? you've got that much under your kitchen sink.

Showing page 8.

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