All comics by Hatrix

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by Hatrix
6-04-08
..ehehehehe That was funny.
Hehehehe yeah...
Hey! Come back! Wait! I didn't mean to offend you!
Oh you didn't!...
...I just want to get it down on 'Strip Creator' before I forget!

 

by Hatrix
6-17-08
I can't believe it. Have you seen this "Dickipedia" wiki?
You can't believe there's a wiki list of all the biggest dicks assholes and losers?
No.
I can't believe they don't have your face on the front page!
Dick.

 

by Hatrix
6-17-08
Ohhhh baby.
Ahem...
Oh yeah. Oh yess! Hehehehe come to me my little dove!
Excuse me. What are you...?
Chickipedia

 

by Hatrix
6-23-08
I can't believe it! George Carlin died!
I know. I was just thinking about the good old days.
You knew him?
Not really but I used to play his comedy, especially his anti-church stuff really loud to piss off my uber catholic mother. It was so great.
RIP George- You Will Be Missed
He was a pioneer.
I know. He was like the witty, rebelious, older brother I never had.

 

by Hatrix
7-01-08
Dude! Happy Canada Day!
High five!
Isn't there supposed to be a mapleleaf here?
Wait ..what? It was there a minute ago.
Happy Canada Day!
Did you say "Maple" leaf?
*cough* Hey man, take this and pass it down.

 

by Hatrix
7-03-08
Somewhere at a brothel in Sydney's red light district...
Ok yeah you'll do fine. Why don't you and your little friends go try on the costumes? They're in the back room.
Ok.
What the hell are you doing?
Didn't you hear? The Vatican Entourage is going to be in town for a visit!
http://afp.google.com/article/ ALeqM5jiYcdOGio2S0jQntJo-WPf36gIwA
That explains why you hired the "altar boys" but what about the swastikas?
We're hoping the pope will drop by.

 

by Hatrix
7-12-08
Sir I have the data you were looking for and if you have time we can go over my recommendations for next yea...
Not now I'm writing up certificates for the kindergarten hockey team.
Two days later...
Sir I have those recommendations, the data and the projected budget for my dept. next year. You said you wanted that right away?
Hold on to it will you? I'll let you know when I have time for you.
Lunch time three days later...
Wha? Where the hell is that woman? Always gone when there's work to be done. She's getting a reprimand.

 

by Hatrix
7-16-08
I heard neocon mouth piece and all around faux noise douchebag brit hume is leaving his job.
Yeah?
Gay sex scandal or ass cancer?
No word yet but the pool is still open.
Awesome! Put me down for $20 on ass cancer.

 

by Hatrix
7-16-08
Mom there's a moron at the door!
?
What do you want?
Well first of all I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We're Mormons. You may want to correct your son.
Why?

 

by Hatrix
7-24-08
Hey Kate how are you ?
Lonely.
I've got no one to talk to.
No wonder.

 

by Hatrix
7-24-08
...and then I found this bag and suddenly you were here and that is everything I can remember up until now. So do you know what the hell is going on?
You're dead. You were tryinig to steal copper wire from a transformer and were cooked to a cinder by an electical shock.
Oh. So I guess this is uh...
Hell. Yeah. But look at the bright side.
What's that?
You could have survived.

 

by Hatrix
8-16-08
Ok Tim, bend over and we'll get this proceedure on the go.
Bend over?
Yes I have to go in through your anus.
For a tonsilectomy?

 

by Hatrix
8-29-08
That keyboard can't take much more of that you know.
My political forum is trying to figure out the reasoning behind grampa mcstain's VP pick.
Govenor fluffy? Former runner up beauty queen?
She's a brain dead xian fundie anti-woman, anti-thought, creationist who's married to an oil man and is currently under investigation for ethics violations.
The perfect republican.
The boobs are a factor too.

 

by Hatrix
8-30-08
The new reslug VP choice is quite a contrast from the current occupant of the office.
That's for sure. Not only is she a young woman but she's got a 4 month old baby. Can you imagine Cheney with a baby?
Well, yeah I guess.
A live one?
No.
Exactly.

 

by Hatrix
8-30-08
It says here the new girl is young and sexy and will bring new life to the team.
She's got experience in show biz as a former beauty queen and says she's looking forward to working with the team, even if it includes a cranky argumentative old guy.
Is that about the new American Idol judge?
No. the reslug choice for VP.
We're so fucked.

 

I swear I did not realize you would get car sick. I'm sorry.
Your punishment can be found in your shoe.
by Hatrix, 8-30-08

 

by Hatrix
9-01-08
So lynn johnston has written her last strip.
Yeah.
How will the world survive without another crappy whiney true life family based comic that's never funny?
At least you're holding up well.
I'm a real trooper.

 

by Hatrix
9-29-08
Thanks for letting me sublet with you Andrew. With 6 people, rent is almost nothing. It's the only way I can afford to keep taking classes.
Oh yeah, David, Marcus, Mouhan and Tammy all pulled out at the last second.
So there's two of us paying for this giant empty house all summer?
Yeah. But we still have to buy food for three. My girlfriend will be spending most of her time here but she's 16 and lives at home so you know...
I'm not buying groceries for anyone but myself. If I can still afford to eat.
Great another selfish bitchy roommate.

 

by Hatrix
9-29-08
Good news. I've got us another roomie to help with the rent n shit. Chandra, she's a friend of mine from work.
That's good because I was about to lose it. I'm working two jobs and I seem to be the only one paying any bills, or doing any cleaning. And your girlfriend is eating all my damn food...
Oh yeah, that reminds me... Chandra and I are hooking up, don't tell my girlfriend, Hayley.
TMI. I don't want to know. Just keep the bitch out of my groceries. I'm just glad my room has a lock on the door.
About that...Chandra wanted the room with the lock on the door 'cause Hayley's such a kelpto so we sorta put your stuff in the back bedroom.
I'm going to the hardware store do you need anything?

 

by Hatrix
9-29-08
What the hell is going on? It sounds like a jerry springer episode out here! I have to get up in two fucking hours!
Hayley found out about Chandra. Chandra threw Hayley out. It's ok though! Chandra called Hayley's parents to come get her and they're pissed!
This had better be the end of this shit.
Oh for sure. Right uh.. Chandra honey?
Yeah. Look I'm pregnant so you need to move out. I already cashed your rent check. We'll consider it your damage deposit. Oh and I'm having a shower.. bring a gift!
Are pox laden baby blankets appropriate for unwanted demon spawn?

 

by Hatrix
10-04-08
Hi honey! Hey I know you think we just met but we're actually deeply in love. You have amnesia and you just can't remember me.
Ok. I love you! Let's hook up!
Who was that guy?
Another "first date" *snicker*
Don't you feel bad at all for pimping your amnesiac daughter?
Medical bills don't pay themselves my friend.

 

by Hatrix
10-07-08
Sure I can help find this book for you. It may take me a while. We don't have a computerized system.
Oh that's fine, take your time. I'm just going to browse.
So which title did you task that unsuspecting part time clerk with?
"Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying"
Heh heh. What is it with you?
People who don't read should not work in book stores. Now c'mon, let's go move religion books to the fiction section while he's gone.

 

Jezus man! lighten up!
by Hatrix, 10-07-08

 

What the cat is really thinking...
I love you kitty.
I love food too.
by Hatrix, 10-10-08

 

by Hatrix
10-31-08
Happydale Assisted Living Community
Oh jesus help me! I'm not ready oh LORD! OH GOD!
What th... AAAaaaaaggghhhh oh my heart! *gurgle*
That's IT Mr. Jenkins. You were warned twice now hand over that costume.
Awww.

 

Uh Mrs.Palin, Do you really think it's wise to wear a costume to a campaign event?
Costume?
by Hatrix, 10-31-08

 

by Hatrix
11-02-08
Uh... I replaced your kidney with a baked potato in a radical new experimental surgery?
No. I don't think so.
How about.. You were hanging kitchen curtains in the nude and fell on it.
Yeah! That'll work, put that on the form. Thanks Michael. You're really saving my ass. Literally.
Right! Heh. Let me just extract that for you...
Ok but ... take your time.

 

by Hatrix
11-03-08
Ok kids I know it's xmas day but it's time for the trip to Grandma's house. You and your brothers and sisters get in the car.
Hooray four hours of nausea and vomiting.
Four Hours later at Grandma's
Dammit kid! You ruin every trip with this car sickness crap. Just lie down until you feel better.
*urp* Ugh. The room is still spinning.
The next day...
I'm finally starting to feel better dad.
Great. Grab your coat we're heading home.

 

by Hatrix
11-04-08
A month before xmas
Mom can I get this playset for xmas?
Oh you never know! Santa may already have got that for you *wink*.
A week before xmas
Hey mom I know I mentioned that playset and the legos and the teddy but do you think santa might bring me this?
Heh. Well Santa has a big sleigh! I expect he's got it covered. *wink*
Merry fucking xmas!
Mom I like the socks and underwear but um what happened to all the stuff on santa's sleigh?
Guess he gave it to the kids who deserved it.

 

by Hatrix
11-06-08
Nothin' but net!
Congratulations Mr. President Elect!
We did it together Joe! The whole country.
Better get the net...
So dahs dis meen I don't get tah be dah presiden... I mean dah vise president?
Someone get this crazy bitch away from me. I need a fucking drink.

 

My sister's having a kid. I think it's going to be a virgin birth because the father is a priest.
by Hatrix, 11-07-08

 

by Hatrix
11-07-08
Have you heard about M theory? It's the current popular theory of 'everything' in theoretical physics.
Life, the Universe and Everything?
Essentially, yes.
Is this the part where god disappears in a puff of logic?
Soon!
I can hardly wait!

 

by Hatrix
11-07-08
Accept program: Tobor cornhole, dry, infinite loop. Engage.
Now entering secure chamber. Insert gift recipient and press "lockdown" when ready.
Ms. Maura what the hell are you doing now?
Thinking about what I'm getting you for xmas this year, sir.

 

Family Portrait Photographer at an abortion clinic.
Hey lady! Want to see my samples?
by Hatrix, 11-07-08

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
They ain't nuthin wrong with amarryin yer 12yr old neice. the lawd dun sayd so.
Agreed. And should their husband's die, they're a lot easier to throw onto the pyre come funeral time.
There's only one true religion. Anyone who doesn't find it will burn for eternity. God said so.
You got that right, infidel.
Best practical joke EVER Gloxnar!
Yeah but the best part comes when we go back in 1000 years and tell them the truth! Mass suicides! HA!

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
So what made you vote for Obama, Hal?
Well I like Mccain. But some of his associations left me cold.
My friends

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
Well there it is. We're here! We finally made it. With a lot of help.
Yes. You should thank me for that.
Thank YOU? Did YOU rally millions, organize, campaign and fund raise for two years? Did you volunteer? Did you make calls???
Uh.. well no.
Did you even VOTE?
Forget this. I'm going back to hang out with the backward, xenophobic, misogynist bigots. THEY like me!

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
Trix you make a lot of cartoons dissing religion. Every day I read your comics and you've got a new one.
So?
So...
Don't you think it'd be funnier if you put them out on Sundays?
Only for the western/xian types. The joke would be lost on the eastern cultists.

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
4:02am Dec 25th. After 3 hours of sleep the 8yr old wakes up screaming the good news that xmas has arrived.
OMGWTFBBQ it'sxmas santawashere mooooooooooooooom! getupgetup get upgetup get up!
I should have slipped him the nyquil when I had the chance.
4:06am Dec 25th. After three months of anticipation bordering on psychosis the 8yr old discovers the disappointment of television ad glamour vs plastic toy reality.
Maybe I'll take the nyquil.
What? But? THIS SUCKS!!!MOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOM! ITDOESNTWORKLIKE ITSSUPPOSETO WAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
Right after I get up!
Christmas eve.
After the yelling stops.
Dad sold our presents to buy crack so mom started early.
What are we talking about?
When our parents will start drinking this xmas.

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
Don't cha just love xmas son? The lights, the music, the warmth of family.
I know. It's so nice that the whole family can still gather for something as traditional as attending midnight mass together.
Yeah.
Well we should finish loading the truck and get out of here before they get back.
Yeah let me just check the bedrooms for hidden presents.

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
Hey look, another xmas card.
Not bad for November 9th. How many is that now?
Three. This one is from 'Jack, Myrtle, Mavis and the twins'.
How thoughtful of them to remember us!
Do you happen to remember them?
You mean we're supposed to know the people who send us these random seasonal greetings?

 

by Hatrix
11-08-08
So you add everyone who sends us a card to our xmas card list? Can I see it?
Sure.
The Pendelstels, The Brikmods, the Oblemeyers, the Von Vittens, Chip and Pippy Thresk, Val Klepper, Iggy and Vonda Nogmore...
Honey... who the fuck are all these people?
You know... I have no idea.

 

by Hatrix
11-09-08
You people disgust me. Why can't you repent and live decent lives like the rest of us? Why can't you stop trying to destroy god's laws?
So let me get this straight padre...
Raping altar boys, paying hush money and protecting the offenders is A-OK with your god but blessing the marriage of two consenting, loving adults of the same gender would bring about the apocalypse?
Stop trying to use logic to confuse the issue!
Ok. How about I just start an initiative to make your religion a crime? Sound fair?

 

by Hatrix
11-09-08
Oh are you the only one home with me?
Yeah. Mom and Dad are out shopping. Grampa and the boys are outside.
You know you're adopted right?
Yeah gramma. Everyone knows. It's not a secret.
Damn. Do you want to know what you're getting for christmas?
My inheiritance if you keep it up bitch.

 

by Hatrix
11-09-08
Hey kids! It's time for the Professor Know It All show! What's that Assistant Dolly? Why yes today we're... we're...
Oh my stars! Assistant Dolly! You're real! And we really ARE in Science land! This is so magical! I can't believe it!
It's true Professor! Your passion for teaching and your love for science made it all real! Show me your love Professor!
So ten minutes into the show he started mumbling and taking his clothes off?
Yeah. We cut the feed before he started humping the doll. EMS says it was a stroke or something.

 

by Hatrix
11-25-08
Sir, you're a thief, a conman, a liar and a sociopath without a moral compass. You have no ethics, no empathy and you base every decision on how it will effect only you.
Now you know we can't let you out of here...
Until you secure funding for your re-election campaign.
How 'bout if I just go back to preaching for a while?

 

by Hatrix
12-19-08
We are so so very totally Sorry!
Yes, we are complete and utterly sorry!
We're sorry you SUCK so much U FReekinG NOOB! My Granma could frag your ass with her eyes closed!

 

by Hatrix
1-25-09
So how are the anti-anxiety meds working?
Great.
Yeah?
Oh yeah. Now that I don't have panic attacks...
... I can focus on my crippling depression full time.

Showing page 8.

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