All comics by Namgubed

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by Namgubed
4-01-09
Two penguins walk into a bar ...
Next two duck.

 

by Namgubed
4-19-09
CRASH!
Sorry, I dropped my plate, Daddy -
You know the rules, young lady, off you go to Debbie's room.
Waaahhh! I don't wanna go to Debbie's room!
You heard your father, honey, there's no use whining.
Can I come out now, Daddy? I ate all the identifiable parts ...
I SAID NO DNA EVIDENCE !!

 

by Namgubed
4-19-09
Sing to the tune of "Leave it to Beaver"
Alliteratively.
Circumcision.
Australopithecus!
Triangularity.
Retrogression.
Eat my crap!

 

by Namgubed
5-10-09
Welcome to Dino's Diner! Today's specal is mammoth chunks on a stick!
I'm an herbivore. Do you have a vegetarian menu?
Why, yes! Our vegetarian specal today is cinnamon roasted pine nuts with a side of acacia leaves ...
on a stick.

 

by Namgubed
5-10-09
Welcome to Dino's Diner, can I take your order?
I'll have the Pleistocene Plankton Platter and a side to Trilo-bites, with a medium Paleozoic Pepsi.
Look, buddy, this is Dino's Diner ...
Not Long John Silurian's
Boy, do I feel like a fish out of water.

 

by Namgubed
5-10-09
Welcome to Dino's Diner, can I take your order?
OK ... let's take a look at the, uh, menu ... hmmm ... well, I'll need a, uh, coffee refill ... and .... mmmm ... I don't see any, uh, Mesozoic creme-filled donuts on the list ...
Move it along, buddy! The apteryx behind you just evolved!
hmmm ... guess it's too late for scrambled Bronto eggs ... oooh ... OK, I've made up my mind.
Geez it's about ti- AAIIIEEEE!!!
CHOMPP!! Slurp! Here's a five-spot, keep the change.

 

by Namgubed
5-11-09
*CLAMP!* Ooohhhh! *CLAMP!* Owwww!!
*CLICK VROOOM!!* AAIIEEEEE!!!!
Wow...I'm glad that wasn't my boob.

 

by Namgubed
5-17-09
You ever think about quitting drinking?
Nope.
Really? You haven't even considered it?
Well, once for a whole month I went Wild Turkey.
Man, that's COLD turkey.
Don't be hatin', bro!

 

by Namgubed
5-24-09

 

by Namgubed
5-29-09
Hey, check out this souvenir my uncle sent me from the famous salt mines in Austria!
That looks cool! Let me plug in my laptop and get a close-up with the web cam!
Sure, here you go ... but watch out, that cord looks pretty chewed up, man.
Don't worry, I've done this a thous - AAAIIIEEE!!!
W-what just happened?
You've been charged with a salt and battery.

 

by Namgubed
5-30-09
Based on my, er, a true high school reunion ...
Why, yes, I am single ... would you care to trade phone numbers?
Actually, I'm asking for a friend of mine ...
O ... kay, then.
Gimme a call some time, big boy.
It IS true what they say, that they're fun to ride.
Oooh yeaaahh ...

 

by Namgubed
6-06-09
Somewhere on I-10 ...
THE THING?!? MYSTERY OF THE DESERT
It wasn't all that mysterious
In fact, it tasted a lot like beef jerky
THE THING?!? MYSTERY OF THE DESERT

 

by Namgubed
6-09-09
I'll have a Steven and Steven
You're a two-fisted drinker, ain'tcha?

 

by Namgubed
6-11-09
I am the guardian of the Cavern of Destiny! I will grant three wishes to reward your perilous quest.
Kewl
Hey, Claude! Where'd you get that bone?
From some asshole who stiffed me out of two wishes.

 

by Namgubed
6-12-09
Have you heard of these genetically altered puppies in South Korea that glow in the dark?
Makes you wonder if they'll use that technology to run night races at Ascot.
Now THAT would be a horse of a different color.

 

by Namgubed
6-13-09
Isn't it kind of late to go jogging, Tony?
It's never too late to get in shape, Ted!
Yeah, but this street is full of pot holes - like that one right in front of you!
AAAUUUGGGGH!! My ankle!
Now THAT is the worst road trip I've ever seen!
Shut up.

 

by Namgubed
6-15-09
...Before we start babe, can you whisper sweet nothings into my ear?
(sweetnothingswee tnothingsugarcoated zilchsweetnothi ngsweetnothing honeyglazednullsw eetnothingsweetnot hingsweetnothing)
Ass...

 

by Namgubed
6-17-09
Smog shark!!!
Gnash!
AAAIIIEEEEE!!!
Man, that was a close one!
I'll say.

 

Sea otters have two coats of fur.
So I guess PETA will have do dump twice as much paint on them.
by Namgubed, 6-21-09

 

by Namgubed
6-22-09
If it doesn't ring soon, I'm going to lose my mind.
Hmm....
The logical equivalent is that since you haven't lost your mind, I must therefore have rung recently.
Then I guess I just missed it. Thanks a lot, Mr. Leon Redphone! I feel better already.

 

by Namgubed
6-23-09
It's called a flower BED because that's where the flowers sleep at night.
Then in the morning, they bust into your room, shoot pollen up your nose, and poke your eyes with thistles!
Dude, that's hard core! I'm gonna squat right down an' plant me some hellacious marigolds!

 

by Namgubed
6-25-09
In addition to gold bullion, the Mint has stored valuable items for other government agencies. The Magna Carta was once stored there!
The crown, sword, scepter, orb, and cape of St. Stephen, King of Hungary ...
... were also stored at the Depository, before being returned to the government of Hungary in 1978.
A Hungarian wrap, said he!

 

by Namgubed
6-28-09
If you don't stop buggin' me, I'm gonna use my PG-13 word!
What the fuck you talkin' 'bout, bitch?

 

by Namgubed
7-01-09
Now back to "Most Frightening Spots on the Planet" with Belinda Lair!
Rumors that the ghost of Michael Jackson has possessed the left breast implant of Farrah Fawcett bring us tonight to her gravesite ...
*thump* *thump*
AAAIIIIEEEEE!!! Haunted disembodied implant!!
Thriller! Sha-MOWN!
Get it off me!! EEEEEK!!!
Wow...I'm glad that wasn't my boob.

 

by Namgubed
7-01-09
You're dead.
No, you're dead.
No, YOU're dead.
No, YOU're dead.
No, YOU're dead!
INFINITY!!

 

by Namgubed
7-11-09
Riddle me, O great Zen Riddle Master!
Then here is your riddle: Six women have one; doesn't it sound like a tantalizing conundrum?
Ha! Boobies!

 

by Namgubed
7-12-09
I brought you here, Son, to learn a lesson on how to treat a woman.
How is a morgue going to teach me on how to treat a woman?
... on this corpse, you'll notice that all the pressure points are marked in red, and g-spots in green. And if you'll assist me in turning her over,
uhh ...
... you'll observe that there are plenty of options on the backside, as well! Any questions before we put on our rubber gloves?

 

by Namgubed
7-16-09
If it's just a hop, skip and jump away, why are we takin' the car?
If you feel like skipping with three body bags and a 55 gallon drum of muriatic acid on your back, be my guest, man ... be my freakin' guest.

 

by Namgubed
8-09-09
It's only an owl. Now, get back in your own sleeping bag.
But look, Mom, now there's a one-eyed trouser snake!
... that's ABOUT to get a tent stake driven through it.

 

by Namgubed
8-11-09
Barfy's never had so many trees to choose from.
And I've never had so many small rodents to choose from!
Will? Holly? Marshall? Are you in there?

 

by Namgubed
8-17-09
My mattress has a flat!
Somehow, I figured that trunk full of silicone breast implants haunted by Michael Jackson would come in handy.
GAAAAHH!!
Sha - MOWN!! Ha!
HEEE - hee!

 

by Namgubed
8-21-09
Radioactive Minion awaits your command.
Minion! We need more entries for these random comic dialogue contests!
But Sir ... what if no one wants to submit any entries?
Do what we always do, you fool!
... BEAT them into submission!

 

by Namgubed
9-07-09
Look, son, I got a copy of the Democratic health care reform bill!
Wow! Mr. Obama told our class it would legislate universal coverage - but he didn't say who was going to pay for it.
Well, there's a whole big section detailing how the bill provides for preventative measures against pneumonia.
Does it tell how the government is going to give out free inoculations?
No... but it keeps the house nice and toasty.

 

by Namgubed
9-11-09
I guess tents aren't very good for throwing balls against.
Yeah, especially 'cause poop keeps the tent wher it is.

 

by Namgubed
9-11-09
Hey, Mom! This cute doggie followed me home. Can we keep him?
Woof woof!
GET THAT MANGEY MUTT OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!!
But Mom, he's nice and friendly, and he does tricks! And I figured we can use a good companion since Dad left us ...
Woof!
YEAH, WELL CAN HE FEED A FAMILY OF FIVE?
I dunno ... for one, maybe two weeks, tops, if you make extra gravy.
... woof?

 

by Namgubed
9-27-09
In entertainment news, actor Leonard Nimoy has admitted to using William Shatner's hairpiece as a horrific space alien ...
... in the mildly successful Star Trek movie. Our own Chip Beef has an exclusive interview. Chip?
Mr. Nimoy, can you explain why you didn't use a spectacularly expensive special effect as the alien?
The studio didn't want to spend that much, and quite frankly, I've got Bill's toupee.

 

by Namgubed
9-27-09
Cluck!
Yaarrraahhrrr-aaarrraahhrrr!!
Aye, Captain, I'll see to it straight away.
What the heck did he just say?
He said, "Thar's a large yardbird a-starboard!"

 

by Namgubed
10-07-09
I'm going to kill you Ben.
Why?
Because I hate the number 99!
Uh ... looks like 66 from here, Tom.

 

by Namgubed
10-07-09
Captain Jirk, this is Commander Spook - have you been able to negotiate with the Curvaceous Feline Nymphos of Babealicious Two? Over.
This is Captain Jirk - negotiations were long and hard, especially since they began with a traditional imbibing of the Champagne Gallon Toast. Over.
I hope, Captain, that this "tradition" did not have a negative effect on your diplomatic skills. Over.
Fortunately, Spook, the negotiations concluded successfully in the morning when they discovered I was well hung ... Over.
Planetary Federation, here we come!

 

by Namgubed
10-11-09
Meanwhile, at the optometrist ...
Our computer just finished the analysis of your ... unique vision corrective solution.
Great. So, what have you got for me?
Unfortunately, each part of your multi-faceted eyes requires a different magnification strength, and we don't have any thousand-eye lens.
That's OK, Doc ...
I prefer Ranch.

 

by Namgubed
10-16-09
Y'know, although I preferred Beyonce's video, I think Kanye West is an asshole.
Naaww, baby, he's just keepin' it real.
Yeah, I suppose he was just bein' real ... a real asshole.
Now YOU the one thass bein' a asshole!
Naw ... I'm just keepin' it real.
mumble mumble real asshole mumble ...

 

by Namgubed
10-25-09
Happy Halloween ... ?
Trick or treat, babe.
Yes!

 

by Namgubed
10-25-09
I think I'll take a break. I have to tinkle...
WAIT SARAH DON'T!!!
What the?? You look just like me! Who are you?
I'm you from the future. I went back in time to warn you about something very important.
Whoa, is there a homicidal rapist around the corner? Did someone plant a bomb?
Oh, yes. Obese Ophelia dropped a major bomb. And you don't want to be the one stuck doing rescue breathing on asthmatic Lucy with the braces.

 

by Namgubed
11-03-09
Say, isn't your name Reichenbock ... Joe Reichenbock?
Yes, sir, that's me!
Did you know there was a famous American WWI ace fighter pilot named Eddie Rickenbacker?
Yeah, there's no relation.
I think we already figured that out, you buttfuckin' loser. Oh, by the way, you're fired.

 

by Namgubed
11-24-09
There he goes with "Tommy", the old brain-damaged cat the animal shelter gave him.
Well, it just goes to show you - you get what you pay for.
And there's rumors flying around that their relationship may be ... less than appropriate.
Well, it just goes to show you - you pet what you're gay for.

 

by Namgubed
11-30-09
Hey Maura! Check out my Mary Cheney impression
OK!
My god, that's almost as amazing as your Melissa Etheridge impression! ... as well as your impressions of Jodie Foster, Ellen DeGeneres, and Hillary Clinton!

 

by Namgubed
12-23-09
Dashing thru the dust of the Serengeti plain,
Hunting for some goats that got away again,
The slavers threw their nets
And chained us on a boat
The hunters have become the prey,
They really got our goat!

 

by Namgubed
12-23-09
Oh, Kwanzaa bells! Voodoo spells!
Jazz in New Orleans!
Fish don't fry in the kitchen,
And the grill don't burn the beans!
Oh, Kwanzaa bells! White guilt sells, but made-up crap is gay,
Might as well put on a hood, and join the KKK!

 

by Namgubed
12-23-09
Hey, bud, whatcha up to?
I'm beta testing this new Wii controller for a potty training program.
How did this cockamamie idea even enter the minds of Nintendo?
Current trends indicate the next generation will be be tech trained before they're potty trained. We're committed to staying ahead of the curve.
Great. Have another bran muffin.
*GRUNT*

 

by Namgubed
6-04-10
Scooby Doo, where are you??
Rover rear!!
Zoinks!

Showing page 8.

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