All comics by NeoVid

Profile

 

by NeoVid
7-02-04
Mr Brando, will you come to my birthday party?
My personal appearance fee is $250,000.
We'll have cake.
I'll waive the fee.

 

by NeoVid
7-19-04
Man, $2.95 for one comic book. Sad.
Things sure have changed. When I was a kid-
-comics were 75 cents each, and that's the way we liked it!

 

by NeoVid
7-19-04
Hey, did you see that they're releasing collections of a bunch of PS1 classics?
It'll be great to see them again. There was hardly a bad game in the first set of Playstation games, right?
I was too young for video games when the Playstation came out.
I see. Excuse me, I have to go check myself into the nursing home now.

 

The first player plays Black, so it looks like you're White...
Multiracial, actually.
by NeoVid, 8-08-04

 

by NeoVid
8-11-04
*Translated from Spanish
{So, you doing anything later?*}
{No, just running errands...}
I've always been impressed by people who can speak other languages.
Yeah...
Because, you know, there's hardly anyone in the world who can do that.

 

by NeoVid
8-20-04
They're still staring at us...
Quiet! Act like you don't notice!

 

by NeoVid
8-20-04
Damn, standing here gets me bored.
Don't start.
Hey, why did the chicken cross the road?
You were telling jokes on his side.

 

by NeoVid
9-20-04
COMING SOON...
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2!
Rated Arrrrr.

 

by NeoVid
10-11-04
Hey, did you hear there was a gas main explosion at the law school and no one there lived through it?
Wow. What would you call a building full of lawyers being killed?
Not enough?

 

by NeoVid
10-15-04
All the booze I've had in my life probably doesn't add up to one glass.
If I ever get work again, I'll have to take you to a bar and fix that, man.
I've never been interested in drinking. After all....
I'm part black, part Irish and part Amerind. I'm sure I inherited an alcoholism gene in there somewhere.

 

by NeoVid
10-15-04
The only alcohol I've ever liked was a $7 bottle of wine I had some of...
That can be a good thing for your budget.
...Yeah. Because you've seen lots of successful people who really like cheap wine.
Damn, I'm going to get a lot of comic strips out of this conversation.

 

by NeoVid
10-20-04
...then it's yanked a few inches farther out, the tendon is reconnected, and my job's done.
Extension surgery sounds a lot more painful than I thought.
True, and like all unnecessary medical procedures, it can have complications. Such as one patient who, afterward, had erections that pointed down.
Yike.
Though that one was my fault. I thought his wife said she wanted him to have a divinING rod.

 

by NeoVid
10-26-04
So I was thinking it would be better if we met on Sunday next time.
Sorry, Monday's the only night of the week I'm free.
Oh.
How about Saturday, then?

 

by NeoVid
11-17-04
All right! I just had a comic idea! Better get it made right away...
...I'm sure I'll remember what it was any minute now.

 

by NeoVid
12-08-04
In this day and age, you may think abstinence is the right way. Well, you're 100% wrong. If you abstain for too long, you'll be laughed at for the rest of your life.
So by the time you're twenty, do it with anything that moves!
Virginity ruined my life. Don't let it happen to you.

 

by NeoVid
12-20-04
I've been planning on seeing that new Bill Murray movie today.
Why? I keep hearing it sucks.
You have?
But the commercials made it look really good!

 

by NeoVid
12-22-04
I hope this homeless guy doesn't ask for money...
Got any change- whoops, sorry, man.
Goddamn, I'm broke.

 

by NeoVid
12-30-04
You've got to start rolling the dice behind a screen so you can say they came up lower than they did.
Just so you know, the lawyer who was kicking your asses for three rounds started with 6 hit points...
Time for another smash and grab... well, for us, a smash and smash and smash and smash and smash and grab.
My character is such a stereotype that if he wasn't being played by me...
Damn! A 1! Well, let me see how bad the mistake is... a 1?! Why are you snickering like that!?
Now that I'm finally proficient with this armor, I get +4 Strength! GOTH SMASH!!

 

by NeoVid
1-13-05
And that much motivation was all it took.
First order of business: make sure there's no one to compete at anything my company does.
I've got an idea. Get everyone to start working on our new project, and make sure the newspapers hear about it.
EXTRA: MICROSOFT DECIDES TO MONOPOLIZE VIDEO GAMES ALSO! MAKES NEW SYSTEM CALLED 'XBOX'

 

by NeoVid
1-13-05
I can't believe your reign of evil is my fault.
Well, honestly I've always been like this. I've been doing this sort of thing since I was a kid...
Hand over that lunchbox, loser!
Hey! That's mine!
I don't see your name on it.
From now on, everything I own is going to say 'Donald Trump' in really gigantic letters!

 

by NeoVid
1-13-05
People hate me for how successful I am. Maybe I could cover it up with turning to religion...
GAAHHH!
Hmm. I've rarely seen anyone ignite the instant they enter a church.
Screw covering it up. I'm just going to sell my soul to Satan.
I'm not touching you with a 75 foot pole. I can't afford to have you make me look small-time.

 

by NeoVid
1-13-05
I've done it. I'm the richest man on earth, and I've permanently crushed all opposition...
That's what you think, punk! I'm the richest man on earth!
Abe Vigoda!? What the hell? How can you be richer than me without anyone knowing about it?
I made some long-term investments that have really paid off.
What? IBM? My own company?
No... Air! Fire! Water! I knew they would catch on!

 

by NeoVid
1-24-05
YOU @#*&ING RETARD!! IF YOU THINK I'M EVER LISTENING TO A BRAINDEAD $#&* LIKE YOU AGAIN-
Sir, do you think that's an appropriate tone of voice?
No, but that's the loudest I can yell.

 

by NeoVid
1-24-05
First Dangerfield, now Johnny Carson. It seems like all the funny people are dropping like flies.
Yeah...
You should be perfectly safe, then.

 

by NeoVid
2-10-05
You can go first, sir.
You little punk!
Huh? What'd I do?
Back in my day, we didn't show any respect at all to our elders!

 

by NeoVid
2-14-05
Man, they're killing us with overtime at my new job.
I can tell. How many hours a day are they making you work?
All of 'em, I think.

 

by NeoVid
2-14-05
Are you trying to be funny?
I don't have to try to be funny, it happens naturally with everything I do.
Like with you and being a jerk.

 

by NeoVid
2-14-05
Jerk! Do you realize why people don't like you?
Because I have a repellent personality?

 

by NeoVid
2-16-05
Hey, man, everyone hates having you around.
Yeah? Well, I know when I'm not wanted.

 

by NeoVid
2-16-05
This half-pound burger has over 1000 calories by itself. And easily enough fat to clog arteries within months.
Whatever happened to health?
People got sick of it.

 

by NeoVid
2-16-05
That one customer is really being a bastard today.
Well, you can't really blame him. It's just because he's a type A personality.
Of course, the "A" is short for a word that rhymes with "gashole."

 

by NeoVid
2-16-05
I really believe that people should purposely act in a way they think everyone should also act.
I think that just makes you a wimp!
Yeah!? Well... I refuse to say or do anything to antagonize you!

 

by NeoVid
2-16-05
Every personality type will irritate someone. I just happened to get one that irritates most people.

 

by NeoVid
2-16-05
I will begin a new age of blackness in this city.
I've got to tell the media and get this in the papers!
EXTRA: AFFIRMATIVE ACTION GROUPS CHEER ANNOUNCEMENT BY SATAN

 

by NeoVid
2-18-05
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate NeoVid?
Can't answer if it only goes up to 10.

 

by NeoVid
3-14-05
I've never seen a good reason to be an atheist.
After all, what are you losing by believing you're going to heaven after you die?
Wow, believing that really got me here.
Not exactly. We just brought you here to show you what happens to smartasses who try to break the system. Saint Guido, get the lead pipes.

 

by NeoVid
3-20-05
I've told you before, I don't want you around!
Fine!
I'm not staying where I'm not wanted...
Man. Having to leave the planet was kind of depressing.
Excuse me, when do you plan on leaving?

 

by NeoVid
3-20-05
Wait, my car's going through a tunnel. I might lose the connection.
I'm through. Can you still hear?
Yeah, you're coming in just fine.
OK, ne- *click*

 

by NeoVid
3-25-05
Well?
All right, I'll tell Santa to bring you a real submarine if you just let me go!

 

by NeoVid
3-29-05
Hello? Is this Billy?
Santa?
Bingo. And I'm calling to tell you why you're never getting another present, punk.
Last year, when you left me the cookies along with that glass of white liquid that turned out not to be milk, I decided this Christmas thing wasn't worth the aggravation.
Well, I got a laugh out of it, and that's what matters.

 

by NeoVid
4-05-05
So, you got any idea where we are?
Nope.
Any idea how to get back?
Nope.
Man, this is some good booze.
Yep.

 

by NeoVid
4-05-05
It worked! They fell for it!
I didn't think they'd really do it!
I can't believe that they're hauling him away over that fake anonymous tip we gave.
And he's fighting back enough that they think he did it!
So, what do you think your dad's going to do to you once he makes bail?
I haven't thought that far ahead.

 

by NeoVid
4-07-05
I want people to like me, so it really gets to me when they don't.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off making everyone dislike me, like you do.

 
by NeoVid, 4-24-05

 

by NeoVid
4-24-05
Wait, did you hear that?
Nah. You're just gettin' paranoid.
I coulda sworn I heard a little voice say, "For God's sake, don't use the brown acid!"

 

by NeoVid
4-28-05
What the hell are you so happy about?

 

by NeoVid
4-29-05
What's that new flavor the shop's trying out?
It's chocolate with chili powder.
Meh. I don't like chocolate.

 

I'm feeling really good right now. I'd better do something about that.
by NeoVid, 5-04-05

 

You better not try anything funny.
by NeoVid, 5-04-05

 

Oh, very funny, dumbass.
by NeoVid, 5-04-05

Showing page 8.

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