All comics by Speez

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by Speez
12-04-02
While setting up Christmas decartions Denza notices Misty.
There is Misty, the women I love.
Earth to Denza, pass me the Christmas lights.
She is like a sweet angel, but she hates me. How I long for us to be together. Everything is going....dark.
Oh no! Denza, stop thinking!
Ah the ceiling. Sweet ceiling.
Someone help me! Denza tried to think and breathe at the same time and forgot to breath.....again!

 

by Speez
12-10-02
Alright, as a Christmas gift, every UBCS member will go on a vacation to Europe!
Woo! Europe!
Happy Dance! Happy Dance.
You do know what Europe is, right?
I assume it is some kind of pie.

 

by Speez
12-10-02
At the airport...
So Ace, is everyone on the airplane?
I counted everyone but Denza. But you must ask yourself, do you really care?
Nope, let's board.
Shibby.
Meanwhile, Denza just realizes he has been left behind at UBCS slaps his face and screams....
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!

 

by Speez
12-10-02
So, I have been left behind while the rest of UBCS went to Europe! How could they! Wait, this could be a good thing!
I can finally live out my life long dream of walking around UBCS pantless
Wait, I am wearing pants now?

 

by Speez
12-10-02
Meanwhile, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean...
Man, this plan has some major turbulance.

 

by Speez
12-10-02
What do you mean Denza is not on the plane? Where is he?
I think he is still at UBCS. Well, it is no biggie, he didn't make it to the airport in time. Why do you care?
Well...ummm...he owes me money! And I need that money! And I need it now!
Misty, don't do anything dumb.
She jumped out of the plane. Mental note, never ask a UBCS not to do something stupid.

 

by Speez
12-11-02
Oh my god, this is scary! But if I am right, I should be alright.
Anytime now...
UBCS man swoops down and catches Misty
What took you so long.
I was tied up.

 

by Speez
12-15-02
Hey Ace, what are you doing in the mod section of the plane? You aren't a mod!
Then why do I have a custom title?
Oh...
Man, do I feel stupid.
Bitch.

 

by Speez
12-25-02
Well, I never got the saga off before Xmas. Just know, that Denza and Misty saved Xmas and the rest of the UBCSers came back from Europe.
Now we are all having a great Christmas! Merry Christmas to everyone!
I am going to sue you because I am a jewish tree.
Merry Christmas
...really?
You put Christmas decorations on me aganist my will! I am so pissed right now!

 

by Speez
1-18-03
Welcome to "Denza talks about important quotes though history."
Though out history their have been such important quotes, such as "To be or not to Be," and "Four Score and Seven Years ago."
Today we talk about an important quote from the early 1990s. And it goes "I like big butts and I can not lie."

 

by Speez
1-19-03
Speez, I am from the goverment!
This can't be good.
Because your comic is being viewed to the public, you have a certain responsiblity to the young people who read it.
Oh no, I can't mention condoms, gayness and swear anymore?
No, that is perfectly fine. It's just that you have a character who is a ciggrate. You must get rid of it.
Thank you lord.

 

by Speez
1-19-03
Lightitup1337, we need to talk.
Make it quick, you cutting my spamming...err...posting time in Games.
The Goverment no longer wants you in the comic. Your a "bad influence" on the youth of America, so you must be taken out of the comic.
Oh, so I am being banned from UBCS?
Well, I was going to kill your white newbie ass, but we can do that instead.
I can't seem to put me arm down...

 

by Speez
1-20-03
Ace and Denza are pleading to Speez to be in the comic.
Come on Speez, everyone needs more of the pimp Ace!
Don't listen to this loser, just go for "Denza hammering himself in the head" joke.
That's it bitch, I had enough of you!
Bring it women!
Wow, two wrongs did make a right.

 

by Speez
1-20-03
Man, MTV is doing something right with these new shows. 3-South and Suspect are great shows!
MTV, the station that made stuff cool, informs you that 3-South and Suspect are being cancelled.
WHAT!!!!!!
And now we will bring you a ten day Real World marathon.
NOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by Speez
1-22-03
Hey LAP hasn't been around for awhile.
Not like I care or anything.
Meanwhile, LAP is still falling in the hole since the whole End Game saga.
Oh sweet jesus I have been falling for a long time.

 

by Speez
1-24-03
Whoa, I never noticed this before...
Never notice what?
I'm not wearing any pants.
Wow, your right. No pants!
HEY! HEY! HEY! EYES UP HERE!

 

by Speez
1-25-03
Dude Ace, you have to unglue my hands from my face. This is getting annoying.
Dude, that wasn't poweful glue, it should have worned off like a month ago.
Really?
Yeah.
Boy is my face red...
Dumbass

 

by Speez
1-26-03
OUT OF THE WAY ACE! I MUST SPAM UP GAMES LIKE IT'S GOING OUT OF STYLE SO I CAN BE THE NEXT ONE TO HIT 10,000 POST AND MAKE UP FOR THE FACT I HAVE NO PENIS!
Assclown

 

by Speez
1-26-03
Wow Speez, it looks like you got hit by a truck! What happen?
You know that really hot girl next door?
The one we always watch while she undresses?
Yeah that one. I decided to be brave and go right up to her window and watch.
So, that doesn't explain the serve bleeding...
Well that nosey neighbor caught me looking in her window. She got the shotgun and I was booking.

 

by Speez
1-26-03
Hey Ian's door is locked and I need my toothbrush back and I know he's in there! I can hear him talking!
So are you ready!
What is he doing?
Oh, that toothbrush really brings out the animal in you.
I don't want my toothbrush back...
Ohhh yes, duffman likes the toothbrush up the pooper!

 

by Speez
1-27-03
Ace don't run with sisscors!
Why don't you want me to run with scissors?
Flashback to when Denza was in grade school...
Alright kids, why don't we run with scissors?
Because you may trip and cut yourself.
That's right, they would cut up you bitch!
NO DADDY, DON'T HIT ME AGAIN.

 

by Speez
1-27-03
What the hell, Winamp opened by it's self and starteed to play "It's Raining Men"
IT'S RAINING MEN!
DIE WINAMP DIE! Wait, I think someone hacked into my PC!
IT'S RAINING MEN!
You're dead Ian.
I have no idea what your talking about! Err, umm, I mean, it was Speez, that sick homo!

 

by Speez
1-30-03
Two Warriors set on a collision course. One the admin who spends way too much time in the bathroom. He is Speez.
WOO, GO ME!
The other is know as the Games Master and he craps spam! He is CC!
I can post in games faster than any sane man.
Who will reach 10,000 posts next? Who will taste victory while the other one will be laughed at and kicked in the nuts? Does anyone really care? Find out tonight on Pay Per View!
Bitch.
Homo.

 

by Speez
1-30-03
Speez and Ace go to a club and Speez is interested in a women, but Speez has not pick up line. But here comes Ace to the rescue!
Just say this pickup line and she will be all over you.
I dunno, but I will try.
Nice shoes. Wanna f@#%?
Oh that was great. I like the part when she picked you up and powerbomb you though the table.
I hate you.

 

by Speez
1-30-03
We catch up with Ian after being beaten once again by Ace.
I can't take much more of these Ace beatings! Something must be done!
I know, I will make a Anti-Ace club that will include all the people who hate Ace!
Later...
Turn out is low, but I will push onward.
So we go around the room and introduce ourselves or something?

 

by Speez
1-30-03
We need to think of something to do to Ace to get back to all the things he has done to us.
Well I think we should something with glue after he glued my hands to my face. How bout we glue him to the wall outside where it's cold and snowing!
Good idea! And then we can depants him so it's even more embarssing!
Yeah, that would be great.
And then we can stick blunt objects up his ass.
I don't like this idea anymore.

 

by Speez
1-30-03
Pretend there is snow and stuff.
You think we have enough glue on this wall to hold Ace's hands in place?
I dunno, Ace is strong. He has thrown me 50 feet.
Really?
Yeah.
He broke 300 throwing me.
I'll be getting more glue.

 

by Speez
1-30-03
Ace stumbles upon Ian making the trap, but Ian is too busy to notice it's Ace.
What are you doing?
Making a trap that will depants Ace and glue him to the wall out here in the cold.
So, how will the trap work?
I will show you. Once Ace walks into this circle like I am now the net will go up and....argghh!!!
God you are dumb. Have fun out here in cold.
The breeze feels sooooooooo good.

 

by Speez
1-30-03
Dude, what are you doing out here with no pants and your hand on the wall?
Thank god you came back TAS!
Pretend TAS's hand is touching Ian's butt.
Hey, what's this stuff on your butt?
NO, don't touch my ass!
Umm, my hand seems to glued to your butt.
This isn't over Ace! I swear I will have my revenge! Whoa, stop squeezing dude...

 

by Speez
1-31-03
Ace, can I have a word with you.
Sure CP.
I went outside and saw something that scared me for life. Ian with no pants, glued to the wall, with TAS's hand glue to him.
And somehow I knew it had something to do with you.
Man, they been out there for a week and you just noticed now?

 

by Speez
1-31-03
Look Ace! There it is! Just like I told you.
Wow, I didn't think it existed, but you proved me wrong.
I was just walking outside and I saw it. Don't like strait at it, we are not worthy enough in it's presence.
This is the best day of my life.
Yep, The Porno bush will keep us busy for days.
Who says porn doesn't grow on bushes.

 

by Speez
2-01-03
Oh, life is good at the moment.
Yep, we discovered the holy grail for men. The prono bush.
No way this can get better.
Hey wait, what is that over there.
It's a tissue bush.
Man, who ever planted these bushes had a plan.

 

by Speez
2-02-03
I didn't get the last joke about the porno and tissue bush.
You see GD when some guys whack off they use a tissue to clean up the...err..."mess".
Oh, I get that part.
Then what are you having trouble with?
What is a bush?
Wow, that just...wow.

 

by Speez
2-02-03
Two unknown people come to UBCS out of no where.
You deleted my board and I am going to get your ass banned!
What proof do you have?
You were at the board the time it was hacked! Homo!
Bitch!
How did those two morons get here?
My fault, I forgot to turn on the moron deflector.

 

by Speez
2-02-03
Jesus Speez, you been in the bathroom for three days now!
Hey man, I have to think to take a crap!
What do you have to think about? You just sit and let it fly!
I have to think of chocalate fudge, planes dropping bombs...
You scare me, you do know that, right?
And soft serve ice cream. OHHH, that got it.

 

by Speez
2-04-03
I finally found you UBCS man!
Yes you have. Umm, who are you?
I am a big shot movie director who wants to make a movie about you interesting life.
Whoa, I can't believe it.
Believe it baby, superhero movies are the "in" thing now.
No, I wasn't surprised about that. I was surprised to learn I have an interesting life.

 

by Speez
2-04-03
Ok, I need to know your exact super powers for this UBCS Man Movie.
I am the most knowlege man when it comes to condoms and condom usage.
...seriously.
Ok, anything else?
Oh yeah, I have every item in the world up my butt. If you just think about the item and reach up there, you will find it.

 

by Speez
2-04-03
Ok, the script is done. We just need to finalize the title. I just like plain "UBCS Man". It worked for Spider-man, X-men and Daredevil.
I would have to disagree with you. How bout someting more interesting.
Like what?
"Not Without My Anus".
Umm, I think that might upset the...umm....asian community.
DAMN THOSE ASIANS. Ok, we will call it "UBCS Man."

 

by Speez
2-05-03
Ok UBCS Man, we need your real name.
But, but...I have a secert idenity.
We need to know it for the movie...
Ok, it's Mike Murduck.
That won't work as a movie name. You will be known as Jennifer in the movie.
Sounds good to me.

 

by Speez
2-05-03
Ok, now we need to find someone to play UBCS Man in the movie...
*cough*
Someone who can really be like UBCS Man.
*cough*cough*
I know, that Ben Affleck guy! He has not acting abilities but he looks hot in a thong.
Wow, he made the right choice.

 

by Speez
2-05-03
Hey RR, can I vent some steam. It is so sad.
I know what you mean.
I can't believe they picked Ben Affleck over me as the movie version of UBCS Man. What's so great about it.
I mean, it is kinda hairy and smells alittle and the lady's don't love him anymore. It's so sad!
Umm, are we talking about the same thing?
I am talking about my sexy ass that is not so sexy no more...

 

by Speez
2-05-03
I guess I can finally accept Ben Affleck is playing me in the UBCS Man movie.
What? Ben Affleck wearing tights?
It was hard for them to convince me why he has to battle the final boss, shirtless....in the rain, but they gave me alot of money.
WOO! BEN AFFLECK SHIRTLESS IN THE RAIN!
And it does have some nice love scences with the sexy female co-star Jen Gardener
Yeah, yeah, right, right. Back to the part about Ben Affleck shirtless in the rain.

 

by Speez
2-05-03
UBCS Man gives a small speech before they show the "UBCS Man: The Movie" for the first time.
And thanks to my ass, the president was safe from evil once again.
There seems to be alot of teenagers. Alot of teenage couples and you know what they do if a bunch of teenagers gather in a big dark room. I know what I have to do.
Before we start the movie, everyone is familar about condoms and proper condom usage right? I have extra boxes up my ass if anyone needs them.

 

by Speez
2-05-03
UBCS Man leaves the movie theatre after the first time seeing the movie based on himself.
Hey, that movie was really good and Ben Affleck did better than I ever thought.
OH MY GOD IT'S YOU!
Wow, it must be a fan! This movie was a good idea.
YOUR UBCS MAN! OH MY GOD!
Thank you little girl! Here's an autographed photo of myself that I just pulled from my ass.
Wait, this says your name is Mike Murduck. The movie said your name was Jennifer.

 

by Speez
2-05-03
So UBCS Man, what are you gonna do now that you made some money off the movie?
I am not going to let money change me.
That's cool man.
I will always be the UBCS's superhero.
Go UBCS Man.
It's just now I have a toliet made of solid gold. Sure it's cold when you sit on it, but it's a potty out of gold! Isn't that a hoot!

 

by Speez
2-05-03
Someone has finally found me! Can you give me a hand kid I have been stuck up here for awhile.
Hello, can you help me? I have been up here for awhile and I have to go to the bathroom and stuff. Also, my hands really hurt.
I don't think you understand. I am your Lord and Savior! Now get me down!!!
This comic is gonna piss someone off...

 

by Speez
2-05-03
Hey I am a newbie and I think I will advertise in the General Discussion forum instead of the forum called Advertising.
This pannel edited by Ace
I am the bitch of Ace. Ace is like god to me and he showed me not to spam. I cannot look strait at Ace without going blind. Also, I love hard cocks.
Ace, can I have a word with you.
About what?

 

by Speez
2-06-03
Denza and Speez are carrying back the weekly supply of Moutain Dew for UBCS.
Man this is alot of Mountian Dew.
It sure is.
Alright, let's get moving.
So, did you kester you share? Umm...didn't you.
Of course I wouldn't kester the mountain dew, we get it for free anyways!!!
Oh, I was just asking. Not like I stuck some cans up my ass. You know, umm, heh heh...

 

by Speez
2-10-03
Dude CP, check out my newest video game. Dead or Alive: Extreme Mini-Golfing.
Extreme Mini-golfing?
Yeah the girls from DOA have been tricked and sent to an island where they decide to play mini-golf to pass the time, in their bathing suits, for some reasons.
Let me see that box. It says you can do the Matrix camera spin around the girl when she bends over to pick up the ball from the hole.
If this game sells well, they said they will make Dead or Alive: Extreme Freeze Tag.
That sounds almost interesting...

 

by Speez
2-10-03
What Speez is saying in the first pannel is true.
CP did you know that playing the actual volley ball in DOA: Extreme volley ball does not require the joystick? In fact, it only requires the A and B buttons. You know what that means?
No, I know what you are going to say.
Whatever could you mean CP?
Just say it and get it out of your system.
What, the fact you can play the game one handed.
That's it, I am leaving.

Showing page 8.

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