All comics by kane2742

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by kane2742
1-29-08
What made you decide to become a vegetarian?
I just think eating animals is kind of gross.
I don't get it.
Let me put it this way: Would you eat the Japanese delicacy shirako - fish semen?
That doesn't sound so bad to me.
I think I'm having this conversation with the wrong person.

 

by kane2742
1-29-08
How'd your first date with Adam go?
Pretty well. We watched movies at my place. I turned up the heat so he'd take off his hoodie and I could see his muscular arms.
You could have turned it down and cuddled up to each other for warmth.
I don't think we're at the "cuddling" stage yet.
But you are at the "taking clothes off" stage?

 

by kane2742
1-30-08
My New Neigh-borhood
Moo.
You're new around here, aintcha?
Ray-Ray the X-Gay
What's your mutant ability?
Fabulousness! Ahem. I mean, er, superhuman levels of manliness.
Groovy! - Fucking My Cat
That's one tight pussy.
Reeeowrr!

 

by kane2742
1-30-08
What's that smell?
I had to babysit my nephew again. He likes to hide stuff in the oven.
Sometimes I forget to check before I turn it on and end up with melted plastic that used to be his toys.
That doesn't smell like melted plastic.
I said sometimes it's plastic; this time it was the cat.

 

by kane2742
1-30-08
I'm bored. Let's watch a movie.
All right. I have a bunch on the rack behind you.
There must be 1,000 burned DVDs here, all arranged alphabetically.
You never told me you were involved in organized crime.

 

by kane2742
1-31-08
Who did that?! Whoever it was, you've killed us all.
Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact.
Hey, ninja! Look at me when I'm talking to you!
IT WASN´T ME!
Then why's the smell so strong over here?
Ninja farts: silenter, deadlier.

 

by kane2742
1-31-08
Are you ready for your prostate exam, Captain?
Yes, I'm ready for your finger to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Well, except for that time in the Academy.

 

by kane2742
1-31-08
There are a lot of things that annoy me about people online.
Like what?
People too retarded to spell "retarded" with the correct number of Ts and Ds, losers who don't know the difference between "loser" and "looser"...
...people who can't make up their f**king minds whether or not to swear...
How about people who complain about the Internet to other people online?

 

by kane2742
2-01-08
Tell me more about your date. What does he look like?
He has the body of a god.
Buddha? Ganesha?
A Greek god.
Pan?
I don't know why I even talk to you.

 

by kane2742
2-01-08
http://austinist.com/2008/01/ 17/tales_of_mere_e_22.php
I read this comic strip about a kid using the shadow of his belt to make it look like he had a foot-long penis.
I could make my penis's shadow look a foot long...
...by folding it in half.

 

by kane2742
2-01-08
Yo' mama's like a showcase: She can be yours if the price is right.
Well yo' mama's like a community college: Anyone can get in.
Both of your mamas are like electric fences: They make it burn when I pee.

 

by kane2742
2-02-08
Today's Groundhog Day.
Yeah. A holiday based on a bunch of gullible people thinking a fuzzy little animal has magic powers or something.
Yeah. That's ridiculous.
I know.... Uh-oh.
What?
I just saw a black cat walk by the window.

 

by kane2742
2-02-08
How was your blind date with that guy you met online?
Surprising. His profile was actually honest when it said "I have the body of an Olympic athlete."
Why do you look so disappointed, then?
He left out "...in my basement."

 

by kane2742
2-02-08
I'm tired of arguing science vs. religion with you. Got a quarter?
Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?
You pray to your God to influence the outcome. If he exists, he should be able to fight the scientific laws of probability to affect a simple coin toss, right?
Ummm... sure.
Okay. If it lands as anything but a quarter, you win.

 

by kane2742
2-03-08
Today's Groundhog Day.
Yeah. A holiday based on a bunch of gullible people thinking a fuzzy little animal has magic powers or something.
Yeah. That's ridiculous.
I know.... Uh-oh.
What?
I just saw a black cat walk by the window.

 

by kane2742
2-03-08
You watching' the Super Bowl tonight?
Of course. Who isn't?
My son. He'd rather play video games.
I don't get that - sittin' in one place for hours watchin' some game on a screen and eatin' junk food.

 

by kane2742
2-03-08
Facebook sure has had a lot of privacy issues lately.
Yeah. First the News Feed, then Beacon, now apps.
They make it so easy to get people's private information, it makes you wonder if the government is using it.
Yeah. Forget wiretapping; they should have "Patriot Wall" or "Patriot Poke" or something.

 

by kane2742
2-04-08
Today's Groundhog Day.
Yeah. A holiday based on a bunch of gullible people thinking a fuzzy little animal has magic powers or something.
Yeah. That's ridiculous.
I know.... Uh-oh.
What?
I just saw a black cat walk by the window. Whoa. Déjà vu.

 

by kane2742
2-04-08
I've been trying to figure out why the South is the Bible Belt, when it dawned on me:...
Jesus is his own dad. With a family tree like that, he must have been a hillbilly!
I don't get it.
You insultin' Jee-zus?!
Boo!
*ch-chink*

 

by kane2742
2-04-08
For freeing me from those filing cabinets, you can have three wishes.
I'm a motherfuckin' ninja! What more could I wish for?

 

by kane2742
2-04-08
It's time for the company physical.
Yeah. I heard that budget cutbacks forced them to hire someone... "different" since he works cheap.
Well, I hope he's gentle during the hernia exam.
Good luck!
Later...
I think my hernia exam turned into a sex change.
That's why you should never hire a squirrel to handle your nuts.

 

by kane2742
2-05-08
Today's Mardi Gras.
Yep. A day when women will flash their boobs for cheap plastic beads.
Why isn't it called "Super Tuesday" every year?

 

by kane2742
2-05-08
Do you ever feel like we should give back to the community more?
I give a lot of money to Charity.
Coming up next on the Bada Bing stage... Charity!

 

by kane2742
2-05-08
Y'know how they say "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten"?
Yeah...
What if you masturbate while killing a kitten? Does that kitten count as the one that gets killed, or does another one die, too?

 

by kane2742
2-06-08
You wanna come over and watch a movie tonight?
Sure. What movie?
I'm thinking one or more of the Evil Dead films.
Alright. Any particular reason why you want to watch them tonight instead of this weekend?
It's Ash Wednesday.

 

by kane2742
2-06-08
I saw a flyer hanging up that said "College Blow Job Opportunity - $20."
That's "College Bowl Job": They're looking for people to time matches, read questions, keep score, etc.
You and dyslexia always have to conspire together to crush my dreams.

 

At the salad bar at lunch today, I saw some of the ash from someone's forehead fall into the vinaigrette.
I guess now it's cross dressing.
by kane2742, 2-06-08

 

by kane2742
2-07-08
Today's Chinese New Year.
The new year started over a month ago.
Not the Chinese New Year.
I never did understand the International Date Line.

 

by kane2742
2-07-08
People's Facebook statuses sure can look weird if they don't watch what they're typing.
Like what?
"Joe is killing tim."
Oh, he forgot the "e" in "time."
I thought he just forgot to capitalize.

 

by kane2742
2-07-08
Are you almost done with the computer?
Sure, Mom. I was just Googling myself.
I thought I told you not to do that outside of the shower.

 

by kane2742
2-08-08
Some jerk took my clothes out of the dryer before they were done so that they could use it.
Some people don't know how to wait their turn in the dorm laundry room.
I got revenge by putting something red in with their white clothes.
In the dryer? I'm not sure that will accomplish anything.
Obviously, you've never seen what happens when you combine high temperatures and roadkill.

 

by kane2742
2-08-08
I've always wondered something about time travel.
What?
If your future self had sex with your past self, does that make you gay, or is it masturbation?
Might be incest, since you're really closely related.
Anyway, if that happens, I just hope I get to be on top.
I'm pretty sure it can't be any other way.

 

by kane2742
2-08-08
I read that some royal families used to have siblings marry. Isn't that weird?
Yeah. I'm not at all attracted to my younger sister.
Don't you have an older sister, too?
Uhhh...

 

by kane2742
2-09-08
You sure have made a lot of comics. Where do you get your ideas?
From the Idea Bank in Poughkeepsie.
Really?
That, and an endless supply of stupid people to make fun of.
Man, I feel sorry for those guys.

 

by kane2742
2-09-08
How's your love life going?
Well, I've asked two girls in the past week if they wanted to go on a date and they both said "Yes."
That's good news, right?
Not really. One followed it with "Just not with you" and the other with "As soon as I get out on parole."

 

by kane2742
2-09-08
Hey, did you see that new game that arrived today?
Ms. Pac-Man? She could handle my joystick anytime, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I'd like to put my quarter in her slot.
Think she's up for some two-player action?
I don't think so; I heard she's dating Pac-Man.
Eww. Aren't they related? They look like brother and sister.

 

by kane2742
2-10-08
This country needs a candidate who stands for change.
This country needs a candidate who will reunite us.
This country needs... Hillary Clinton.
Huh?

 

by kane2742
2-10-08
Our guest this evening is Bill O'Reilly. Mr. O'Reilly, what do you say to those who criticize your support of the Bush Administration?
Nearly 3,000 Americans died on September 11, 2001. We must do what is necessary to stop that from happening again.
Warrentless wire- tapping, unorthodox interr- ogation techniques, and holding prisoners without charges are necessary to win the War on Terror.
Given that 30,000 people in this country die from gun violence each year, what is your stance on the assault weapons ban?
What?! You can't take away our Constitutional rights for a little extra safety!

 

by kane2742
2-10-08
Someone's murdered six legacy ports and shows no signs of stopping.
You don't mean...
Yep. We've got ourselves a serial killer.

 

by kane2742
2-11-08
Hut!
Hut!
Hike!

 

You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
Umm, actually...
by kane2742, 2-11-08

 

by kane2742
2-11-08
How many does that make?
42.

 

by kane2742
2-11-08
The chalkboard who lives on the other side of me...
...says his upstairs neighbors are always going at it like rabbits.
I never knew letters had such active sex lives.
Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Fucking A."

 

by kane2742
2-11-08
How was your date last night?
Hot. A little too hot, actually. I shouldn't have let things go as far as they did.
What happened?
Let's just say, I would have saved myself a lot of pain if I'd taken the advice of that Elton John song.
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart"?
"Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me."

 

by kane2742
2-12-08
"Ooh, look at me, I'm police tape."
Yeah. "My words are written in the right direction." What a tool.
I hope he doesn't hear us making fun of him behind his back.
Why, what's he gonna do?
I'm not sure; I've just heard you shouldn't cross him.

 

by kane2742
2-12-08
How was your date?
I thought that interspecies dating would be weird, but it went pretty well.
Interspecies? What is she?
I think she's the same species as you. I really like her. She's so pretty, she makes the whole world look brighter to me.
You know what they say: "When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's a moray!"

 

by kane2742
2-12-08

 

by kane2742
2-13-08
I finally have a date this weekend, but I don't know what to talk about.
Ask her about herself: her favorite bands, movies, what she wants to do after college...
I already know all that stuff.
I thought you just met this girl.
I've been cyber- stalking her on Facebook.
That's something you might not want to talk about.

 

by kane2742
2-13-08
The guy I like doesn't seem to like me. Do you think it's the way I look?
Of course not; you're beautiful.
Thanks.
It's probably your awful stench.

 

by kane2742
2-13-08
Somebody left this name tag on the counter.
Any idea whose it is?
I want you to think about that for a while.

Showing page 8.

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