All comics by ragu4u

 

by ragu4u
11-03-08
The Polar Bear Hunt
Ah...this'll make my 1st Polar Bear kill...
The Polar Bear Hunt
...and a fine 2 point buck he is, at that!
I'll bet that idiot forgot to load his axe.

 

by ragu4u
11-04-08
So, I hear "Starbucks" is giving out free coffee to the people who vote.
I'm not fighting those long voter lines for a stinking cup of free coffee.
It comes with a Krispy Kreme donut.
Damn...where's my voter I.D. card?

 

by ragu4u
11-04-08
Hi folks, ragu4u here! Well I did it. I just voted.
I walked right up to that voting booth and grabbed it...and I shook it until all the votes for the STUPID other guy fell into oblivion and only my intelligent vote remained.
I hope it catches on. THANK YOU! Thank you very much. And God Bless America!

 

by ragu4u
11-04-08
Obama-Biden Celebration Location
Who is that nit-wit on the dance floor?
Beats me. Say, what the hell is he doing & how'd he get in?
Before Nit-Wit Hears His Ticket Lost
Hey Mac-aruda, Mac-aruda, Mac-aruda. Hey Mac-aruda, Mac-aruda, Mac-aruda. Hey Mac-aruda Mac-aruda Mac-aruda. Hey Mac-aruda!

 

by ragu4u
11-04-08
Well, the polls have closed in America, my little sheepish friend.
Their leadership has forced me to live hidden in these god forsaken canyons....
...till today! "Happy days are here again. The skies above are clear again. So let's sing a song of cheer again. Happy days are here again!

 

by ragu4u
11-04-08
Listen much?

 

by ragu4u
11-04-08
Did you see the film "White Men Can't Jump"? It is just so freakin true.
I know a better one for you to see. It opens Jan. 20, 2009 & it's even MORE true.
What's it called?
"Black Men Can't Govern." See ya in the Poor House.

 

by ragu4u
11-05-08
Somewhere in Fly Over Country
Well, the country went & fell fer it.
Fell fer what, pappy?
Somewhere in Fly Over Country
That thar business bout "A watermelon in every pot"
Mmm! I voted for Seedless.

 

by ragu4u
11-05-08
Please, step up to the mic and say a few words Senator, on this monumental occassion.
Well, I truly did feel success was in my grasp but the tide was unstopable and my dreams...
A..excuse me Senator Clinton. I was speaking to Senator McCain.
You MUST be kidding, right?

 

by ragu4u
11-05-08
Uh...Houston....What are all those flashes going off down there all across America?
Uh...Moon One, it's election night and Senator Obama won.
Aha! That explains it. Those are folks celebrating with fireworks, huh?
Nope. Suicides!

 

by ragu4u
11-05-08
Highway Nere-do-wells...
Hey beat it Butch. I pick up all the "HOT" chicks stranded on this highway. Not YOU!
HaHa! What he don't know won't hurt him.
Earlier That Day....
Need lift, baby?
Why yes. It's over 100 degrees and I'm roasted.

 

by ragu4u
11-05-08
And what are your thoughts about clubbing seals?
Actually, it's fine for the ones with no mate.
?
But once they get married they're clubbing days should end.

 

by ragu4u
11-05-08
Say lady, didn't I see you here feeding that baby when we opened this morning?
You most certainly did.
Well why are you here again 12 hours later?
The dead ones don't need to eat often.

 

by ragu4u
11-06-08
Boy those Dems sure keep dissing Palin.
Is it true Sarah Palin didn't know that Africa was a continent?
How can an island be incontinent?
I do so hope this child isn't his.

 

If this gets out it's your ass, Private!
Super Glue in the shampoo bottle, huh Sarge?
by ragu4u, 11-06-08

 

I'd nail that!
by ragu4u, 11-06-08

 

by ragu4u
11-06-08
Can you help me find a book about my ancient ancestors?
Me know just de book.
Uh huh, yep...this be it, you betcha.
What's it called?
Jurassic Pork!
I shoulda saw that comin.

 

by ragu4u
11-06-08
C'mon buddy .... hold up your head or you'll wind up with a neck like mine.
What kinda neck is that, mister?
A neck that has more chins than a chinese....
Oops....My bad!
Yeah, right

 

by ragu4u
11-07-08
Well, here it is...our last day.
Yup. Did you do anything special to mark the event?
Yeah. Lots of us signed the last hundred cars we built, under the trunk mats. How bout you?
Nothing THAT permanent. I was with the group that only half tightened the lug nuts on the wheels.

 

by ragu4u
11-07-08
Mr. Obama, Rahm Emmanuel is waiting in the outer office to see you.
Tell him it will be just a few more moments.
Mr. Obama said you'll have to continue waiting.
Oh he did, did he? Out of my way, woman.
Look..."Chosen One" or not, I"M the one calling the shots around here from now on . Got it?
Must follow Rahm. Must follow Rahm. Must follow Rahm.

 

by ragu4u
11-07-08
Nurse, spread her legs open more...much more.
But doctor, the baby has crowned and the difficult part is over.
Not from what I see. More I said...more damn it.
Waa! awaaah, awahhh!
Awaaa, waaa!
These rare "swing births" are messy, nurse. Clean mommy up and lay her back down. I still have to saw off that stubborn OAK umbillical.

 

Random Drug Test Day
C'mon man. $100 for a clean cup of pee!
by ragu4u, 11-07-08

 

by ragu4u
11-08-08
Quick, blow out the candle.
Take it easy. You worry too much.
Blow it out now, I tell you!
Why? It won't hurt to let it burn.
Why? Look out the window. THAT"S why. She found her way back home, damn it!
Let me in mommy. I got out of the box but my hands are still tied and I can't open the door.

 

by ragu4u
11-08-08
Look Noah, this is a simple ticket for too many pets but...
..if you don't unclench those fists I may have to get rough with you.
Really? Oh Rex...here Rex...here boy!
Well....I guess I can look away just this once.....
Wise decision!

 

by ragu4u
11-08-08
Look out at the world below, Jesus. It's all yours if you kneel and kiss my feet.
ME kiss YOUR feet? HA!
Why, the stench alone would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.
What if I invest in some "Odor Eaters"?
Then, like Monty Hall used to say..."Let's Make a Deal".

 

by ragu4u
11-08-08
Double your pleasure...
Double your fun.
I'll screw the two girls and YOU chew the gum.

 

You don't be kickin my ass out in the cold. I done put ya where you is today, my bru-tha!
Sorry..it's a done deal. Rahm Emmanuel is my guy. End of story.
by ragu4u, 11-08-08

 

by ragu4u
11-09-08
There you go...your make over is complete!
I booteeful now.
Let's pick another salon!
Right behind ya, sister.

 

by ragu4u
11-09-08
Busing in Asian refugees is one way to fill Father Joes' church on Sundays.
We find them to be extremely grateful for a place to come.
Ooo! Me so hawny, me love you LONG time.
I hope I hold up. The need seems so great and the line is so long.

 

You want "Angel Food" cake, go someplace else.
So, no "Heavenly Hash" ice cream either I guess, huh?
by ragu4u, 11-09-08

 

Damn! He's got THAT look in his eye again.
You know, lil sheep, how lonely it get up here?
by ragu4u, 11-09-08

 

by ragu4u
11-09-08
GM Stockholders Meeting
...and without further adue, allow me to introduce OUR CEO, Rick Wagoner!
Yeah...drag that clowns ass out here pronto! We demand answers.
Please...the name calling is totally inappropriate.
Thank you all. On my left I have a demonstration of how I will balance the books & solve our financial woes.
whoa..oops, whoa, WHOA!!

 

by ragu4u
11-09-08
I'm getting an I-pod, an ATV, a plasma TV.....
...a dozen new video games, a horse and.....
...all they got you was that stinking bone. WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
I said "fuck you." What they should be getting you is a hearing aide, ya big asshole!

 

by ragu4u
11-09-08
Then I smote the earth with that meteor and killed off every one of your relations.
So did you, the lone survivor, learn anything from that? It appears not.
Now you've gone and picked up that nasty smoking habit.
Hey...it makes me look cool, no?

 

by ragu4u
11-10-08
"The Drudge Report" has a story about the govt. being able to I.D. people by their odor. I'll bet I can do THAT!
I really doubt it but lets test it. I'll send somebody in here and you name them.
It has to be Pierre!
Oui, oui, mon cheri.
Wow! You nailed it. How did you know?
His B.O. would gag a maggot.

 

by ragu4u
11-10-08
Hey....I thought GAYS couldn't be part of our organization.
They can't be. Why ya asking?
Well look over yonder. I'fn he ain't a gayboy I'll be jiggered.
What makes ya think he's gay?
All that dad gum embroidery and needle point on his robes is a dead give away.
I reckon yer right. And "Mauve" ain't zactly our "standard issue" color, now is it?

 

by ragu4u
11-10-08
Your horoscope says..."Before you sleep tonight you will be reunited with a bed partner from your last blind date."
Wow. This has to turn out great.
And why is that, exactly?
Wendy was the hottest, most willing and limber little piece I've had in ages. I'm heading home RIGHT NOW!
Damn her. Damn her. Damn her.
I thought Wendy told ya...I go everywhere with her.

 

by ragu4u
11-11-08
Mr. Obama...You should dress as the people see you. This ensemble I'm wearing is perfect for you.
No, I have something else in mind. Allow me to go change?
You have to admit, I look pretty darned "FLY" in this outfit.
I said for you to dress as the people see you...
...but I didn't just mean the Republican people.
I Gotcha, my brutha!

 

by ragu4u
11-11-08
No wonder you smelled gas. I found this shoved up your tail-pipe.
My word! Last night it was a gerbil and today it's a kitty.
Not YOUR tail-pipe, dude...your CARS' tail-pipe.
Oops!

 

by ragu4u
11-11-08
A Road Trip in Amish Country
I'm lost. Can you direct me to the old wood bridge?
Ye asketh that of which knowlegde doth eludeth me.
Yea, I have traveled hither & yon, betwixt & bewteen briar & bramble as I seeketh that ye wisheth to aquire. But, alas, I succeedeth not. Therefore, I beseecheth thee, dally no further on this road
Say what? Look dude...I'm pressing "1" for English, as hard as I can here.
Oh, in that case..."Beats me!"

 

by ragu4u
11-12-08
I hear Al Frankin may win as Senator in Minnesota.
You mean the old, washed up, comedian from SNL?
Yeah. First he was down by 700 votes but now, as each day passes, he mysteriously picks up another 100 votes.
Are you insinuating there may be something funny going on with the vote counting there?
Yep, because there certainly isn't ANYTHING funny going on about Al Frankin, anymore.
Really never was.

 

by ragu4u
11-12-08
Have you seen that scientists have made the 1st Humanoid robot?
So what?
But HE"S Humanoid. He can do human stuff.
Like what?
He can frown, smile, smirk, wink, chew...all kinda human stuff.
When he shits hydraulic fluid on the rug I'll be smirkin on the inside but don't ask me to clean it up.

 

by ragu4u
11-12-08
Did ya hear they lifted the gay marriage ban in another north eastern state?
Yeah, I heard it on the radio. I'm sure it's gonna draw all the lesbians there to get married.
Well why would it draw more lesbians there than fags?
With a state named "Connect-the-cunts" what else would you expect?
It's "CONNECTICUT", dude, "CONNECTICUT!"
Yeah, "Connect-the cunts"...that's what I said. And stop yellin at me. I can hear fine.

 

by ragu4u
11-12-08
Now "Drudge" has a story about a Korean woman who was a plastic surgery addict. She injected cooking oil into her own FACE.
Did it do her any good?
Hell no, she looks terrible but now, when she's mad, you can cook french fries in her mouth
Ooo! That's HOT!

 

Love your TV show, Adrian.
NO! My name NOT Adrian, I tell you!
by ragu4u, 11-12-08

 

by ragu4u
11-12-08
Well it looks as if almost everyone is coming away with a pretty nice severance package after all.
It does appear we are all being treated rather well, doesn't it?
I do wonder how Walter was treated, though?
Yeah. He was here for at least 40 years. I'll bet he got some sweet deal, and a nice watch to boot.
"Sigh" After 40 years, stuffed in the trash with a knock-off wrist watch.

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
The crowd of 5000 looks hungry. Gather what food you have and feed them, Phillip.
But Jesus...all we have are a few measly fish and a few...
I said FEED them, my apostle.
Ok, we'll try, but I'm afraid this may not go as well as you might think.
Why do you bring me all these fish?
It appears they took a vote. Fish was out. They'd rather have pizza instead. Can ya swing it? I got a coupon.

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
A Kitchen in Rural Piskyswitch, Mo.
Honey, why do every Thanksgiving, we have to come here to your parents house to celebrate?
Cuz down h'yar the womenfolk know how to cook lotsa different varieties.
A Kitchen in Rural Piskyswitch, Mo.
Varieties, huh? Name me some, "Top Chef".
Well, there's baked turkey, smoked turkey, fried turkey, boiled turkey, broiled turkey. Plus...
A Kitchen in Rural Piskyswitch, Mo.
...turkey salad, turkey dip, turkey pot pies, turkey gumbo, turkey stew, turkey casserole...
How could I forget. It's the exact same list when one of you guys shoots a deer. I'll be in our room eating tofu and drinking a Fresca, ok?

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
This just in..."According to Barbara Walters, pregnant man is pregnant again."
Yes, barefoot & pregnant, yet again!
I am SUCH a slut.

 

by ragu4u
11-13-08
Are you going to the "Anything Goes" party at "The White Cockatoo Resort?"
Where's THAT.
It's a nudist resort in Queensland, Australia.
"The White Cockatoo, huh? And ANYTHING goes? Sounds great.
It's inter-racial, I suppose?
I certainly hope so. I'm actually looking forward to getting a "Black" cock-r-two.

Showing page 8.

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