All comics by ralahinn1

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by ralahinn1
2-12-17
ralahinn1, I have a bone to pick with you. Do you really believe all gay people say"faabuulous" all the time?
lol, nope. I have a bi brother, and growing up, I lived next door to a gay teen, and a gay man, and a lesbian use to sit us when my mom worked, because they were her friends.
faabuulous

 

There is a protest in Wisconsin today called "A day without Latinos strike". Are theses people illegals or here on "work visas"? Where is ICE?
by ralahinn1, 2-13-17

 

True story-Google it-
If you are in Israel, after 6pm today, Burger King will offer Adult "Happy Meals" with toys...yes, ADULT toys. What else can I say- fabulous
by ralahinn1, 2-14-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-14-17
I say, Percy, did you know some people refuse to leave the house on Valentine's day?
really?
Hello-
Hell no.
How rude!

 

I just heard there is a "Russian Spy Boat" cruising the east coast of the US. Come party in Baltimore, dude^_^.
by ralahinn1, 2-14-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-14-17
*The idea for this actually came from several sources-
I say Percy, isn't it odd that the media had a "witch hunt" on General Flin, causing him to resign when he did nothing wrong-
but no one questions all the things that have gone on under the Obama administration,or Hillery's "missing" emails?
Here's one for you...why do you think Obama is renting that house in DC instead of buying one?
Shocking.
It's so he will have little loss, in case he "suddenly"has to leave the US.

 

by ralahinn1
2-15-17
Stand by for Actin News-
This just in a Russian"spy" ship is traveling up and down the east coast of the US.
We have sent an investigation team to learn why they are here.
Ahoy, Captain, can you tell us why you are here?
We are just hanging around to see if anyone that said they wanted to go to Canada if Trump got elected need a lift.

 

by ralahinn1
2-15-17
Not so far away-
My nation will pay hansomely, Solo, if you could take the former president back to his home world.
I'd love to, but the Emperor and George Soros are school buddies, the Obamas have to stay.
Besides, do you think another world wants Soros,Obama, and the Zombie horde that follows them?
They're not zombies
Damn right, not a one of them would know what to do with a brain.

 

by ralahinn1
2-16-17
Stand by for Actin news-
This just in, today is"A day without immigrants"day -
Though we are sure they mean "illegals"so most of you will not be affected. We sent a crew down town to see how local businesses are doing-
-how are things today?
It's bidness as usual in my part of town, de girls and dat sweet mexican horse is on de skreet,and all kinds of stuff be goin' down here,so come and visit us.
I got 5 dalla, you got sale?
And as usual the first responders are working -
Hell, I'm hispanic, but I'm working today, my grandparents came over legal.
Are you sure about that, Rodrigus? A word to your viewers, send the name of businesses that are closed today to ICE-much appreciated.

 

I say, Percy, did you hear about the man in Florida who got arrested for planning to bomb Target stores and buy distressed stock?
Didn't Target stock get distressed enough when the company said it would allow men in the ladie's room?
by ralahinn1, 2-17-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-17-17
Any idea when we can get the"Binky Entitlement" program started?
We are tweeking the details now, sir.
Start with CNN.
Good call.

 

I guess it will always be like this-
You ass !
racist
by ralahinn1, 2-17-17

 

I say, Percy, did you hear Kid Rock is considering a political run in Michigan?
Let's hope he's doing it "for all the right reasons".
by ralahinn1, 2-17-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-17-17
Stand by for Actin news-
Good evening, we at Actin news want to take this time to say we are a full service media outlet with fully trained associates and well researched material-
-please join us as we go to DC for a "man in the street interview"-
Hi, I am with Actin news, and we are taking a poll- do you believe reports from national news, or the Trump administration?
- Sorry we seem to be having technical difficulties(*whisper*someone tell him who that is, or we'll look like a bunch of idiots...)

 

I say,Percy, did you hear that Maryland is considering a bill making "Drug Safe Zones"?
Closing most mental health hospitals was a mistake.
by ralahinn1, 2-18-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-18-17
Abu? Wake up, you have arrived. You are healed, time to welcome you home
Mohammad?
?
Not quite, but he should be around here somewhere. Ready to meet the first of what passes as virgins here?
Abu and I are old friends. I get to ride him now.
Hey, I'm a back door guy myself, I'm taking over once you warm him up for me. I bet he wishes he was "the blind sheik" here, and we are the"pretty ones"

 

by ralahinn1
2-18-17
Howdy. Usually you see people like me in some far away village, asking you to help us care for a disadvantaged child.
Thanks to you, I can be whatever some man says I can be, maybe even a prostitute, which is a respectable job with my people.
But as times change, we have found new people who could use your help in many cities- the "Social Justice Warrior"-
For the price of a cup of coffee, you could help people who go off their meds to live their dream of a science fiction future in our time.Your financial help will give these people hope.
Hey, is it time for me to get $5, a ham sandwich, and a bottle of booze yet?

 

Timmy's questions-
What did you mean when you said my mom was the town bicycle? I never seen her on a bike.
by ralahinn1, 2-18-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-19-17
A look at "Baby sitting in recent times"- the 1950's-2000-
Hey kids-guess what time it is?
Present day-
Man, I hate the lag!
-of course, this extends to grown children, living in the basement...
Mom, I'm out of beer, could you be a dear, and get me some when you go out later?
Gee, would it hurt you to go out yourself for a change, and find a girl, man, or whatever you are into? Or maybe a job?

 

by ralahinn1
2-19-17
Stand by for Actin news-
Good day, recently a reporter at another news company said that "calling something "fake news" is like using the"N" word"-
We sent a reporter downtown to ask, is it?
Ulp-do I have to?

 

Meet Jose, he has something to say about the recent "day with out immigrants"-
Ai caramba, the day after "a day without immigrants", became "a day without a job" for me.
by ralahinn1, 2-19-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-19-17
Pope Francis says Islamic terrorism does not exist! Let me hug you, my brother!
Wait! You will hit the deta-

 

by ralahinn1
2-19-17
Stand by for Actin news
From time to time, we at Actin news would like to share with our viewers topics of diversity -
Today,two who share the fasion statement of "turbans". Our speakers are a man from India, and man from the mid-east who practices Sharia law-
Good evening, I'm Sikh
I'm sick...death to America

 

by ralahinn1
2-20-17
Hey, you know this is an "anti-Trump"rally, right? Why are you here?
He's not movin' y'all out fast enough

 

by ralahinn1
2-21-17
I say, Percy, did you hear the Congressional Black Caucus is proposing a bill to tax white people for being"white"?
Humph, trying to sneek "reparations"in again,are they? What has "Welfare"been all these years?
And since there is no one in the US alive today who took part in slavery, unless you bring up "human traffickers"who are not white, who should be compensated?
How odd.
Have you noticed none of these groups, including "religious"leaders and "Black Lives Matter" say anything about stopping slavery in Africa and the Middle East today?

 

Somewhere not far away-
Did you hear, on Earth, multi-millionaire Bill Gates says robots should be taxed.
Really, I hope the Empire doesn't hear of this, it's hard enough to get enough lube as it is!
by ralahinn1, 2-21-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-21-17
True Crime-
Rode Island police report that a third suspect in a recent heist has turned himself in.The crime-stealing a truck containing $9000 in diapers. Age of suspects- one in 50's, two in 40's...
Were they "adult" diapers?

 

I say, Percy, I hear that some movie theaters showing the film "Fifty Shades Darker" are finding some of their patrons are leaving cucumbers there. How refreshing - healthy snack choices.
Oh, Reggie, there is really something we must talk about ...
by ralahinn1, 2-22-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-23-17
There is suppose to be a "woman's march" in Baltimore, on Mar.8 2017. I can imagine what it would be like-
Any of you fine ladies lookin' fo work?
Who do I see to get paid to protest?
Wimmin's rights
Woman's rights, I guess...thought this was another pride parade
Coffee and donuts in 15 minutes?
Sure.

 

by ralahinn1
2-23-17
If scam sites/books were real-
-this is not a conspiracy. Watch this program and the next 30 minutes will help you survive the upcoming conflict.
Nope, gonna watch cartoons.
Sometime later-
-told you.

 

by ralahinn1
2-23-17
I say, Percy, did you hear they are shutting down an online game called"Club Penguin"-
and gamers are making "speed runs"now to see who can get banned the fastest there?
Really, I didn't know- did you hear of this, Tony?
Hell yeah, we're going to go try it ourselves, cussing and everything.
There are already great "speed run" videos on You tube. If Disney wants to end this game after years of clients, we might as well make it fun.

 

by ralahinn1
2-24-17
Stand by for Actin news
This just in, witches around the world are gathering tonight to put a"binding spell" on President Trump
Yes, it now seems like the "legion of darkness" have joined the looney libs and butt hurt dems in this battle against the president. we sent a team to look into this-
Our reader's ask, is the dark sisterhood gathering tonight?
Not all of us are black...however if our master is not as busy as usual, we would like him or a minion to pay Trump a visit.
Next, some words from the president himself -
No worries

 

by ralahinn1
2-24-17
Stand by for Actin news-
This just in, our fellow news company, CNN reports they have been excluded from a meeting with president Trump-
We have sent a team out to get a "man in the street" report-
Excuse me, I am with Actin news. How do you feel about CNN getting blocked from a meeting with president Trump?
I'd be upset if "the Onion" got blocked too, who cares if one satire news site gets butt hurt when adults talk in private.

 

And now, a message from Bruce Jenner, or whatever it is now-
I enjoy being a girl, but I also like to pee standing up. President Trump, please don't take away our bathrooms.
by ralahinn1, 2-24-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-24-17
And now, a message from a business man in Mexico-
Hola. I am Juan, and I hear that your President Trump has just announced he is almost ready to take bids from those who wish to build the wall between our countries -
Ai Chiwawah-pick me! I don't think anything has been said yet on if the contract is limited to legal American companies-
Besides, I am known for my work. You may have seen some of my tunnels in the news for moving people and drugs. So, dear American viewer, ask President Trump to give me a chance.

 

by ralahinn1
2-25-17
(*Suggested by an "Anti-female social justice warrior")At the office of a famous scientist -
What can I do for you, son ?
I hear in the future men will not need women at all. There will be "sex bots" to fulfil our desires and even a way to have children without female involvement. Is there anything you can do today?
Some things may never happen, but I will send you to talk to a specialist-
Using science and nature, we have perfected a way where you do not need traditional male-female relationships to have your own biological children. There are risks though.
Faabuulous, where do I sign up?
Sometime later-
Success! Now go and enjoy your new life!
But all I really wanted was a sex bot...

 

by ralahinn1
2-25-17
Now there's something you don't see every day...
You not from around here, are you?
You are under arrest for suspected relations with a ewe.
But this is not fair, look at her- she seduced me.

 

I say,Percy, did you hear that a Texan transgender teen won the girl's state wrestling championship?
If it was a fair win, it should have also been fair to kick it in the balls.
by ralahinn1, 2-26-17

 

by ralahinn1
2-27-17
And now a message from a local businessman -
Hello, I have been in business locally for many years, and you may have heard my radio shows,and commercials where I offer my advice and services-
You should ask yourself, why do so many local and national people, many you would recognize, say favorable things about me-
-because you pay them to?

 

I say, Percy, did you hear Wendy's is planning to have automated kiosks running at some locations by the end of the year?
About time.
by ralahinn1, 2-27-17

 

I say, Percy, did you hear that Oprah Winfrey is considering a run at the US Presidency in 2020?
Oh my...she really must lower the last of her credibility even further and ask Martin O'Malley to be her running mate.
by ralahinn1, 3-01-17

 

by ralahinn1
3-02-17
I know the Evil Democrat Legion of Doom is attacking you,but stay strong Mr. President.
The people see what the, Democrats and the fake press and fake protesters are doing-
The truth always is stronger than lies, and people will soon see who the idiots are.

 

Hi, welcome to day care, are you a boy or a girl?
Daddy says I'm a democrat
by ralahinn1, 3-05-17

 

by ralahinn1
3-05-17
Trump Tower-Fall 2016-
Ok, who put this mike here?

 

by ralahinn1
3-07-17
CIA headquarters -
You know that girl's school in virginia? They put a "smart TV" in their dorm.
Say guys, whatcha watching?
...and they call ME a spook...

 

I just found out that the woman's march tomorrow in Baltimore is part of a larger protest called "A day without women".
A day without women? Faabuulous!
by ralahinn1, 3-07-17

 

To "bacon"-another Madonna gyn selfie (pap smear);)
by ralahinn1, 3-07-17

 

by ralahinn1
3-07-17
March 8 2017 -Stand by for Actin news-
Good day. Men around the city are celebrating as women, including staff here,take part in"a day without women"events-
We sent a team to a local bar for a man on the street report-
Doan worry, my girls are on de skreet, but it's bidness as usual.Come on down fo' a day wiv 2 wimmin special
Today we have our beer buckets and pulled pork sammys,and 3 large tv's showing sports, come on in
In another part of town some women keep their minds-
Well, I'm off, see you later.
Have a good day dear, dinner will be ready when you get home.

 

And now a message from ralahinn1 -
My views on "A day without women": 1)I am not a Communist. 2)Yes, everyone knows women walking around wearing red is good...(rolls eyes)
by ralahinn1, 3-08-17

 

I say, Percy, did you hear about the North Carolina man who beheaded his mother?
Yes, they say he was an illegal from Honduras. Congratulations to him for becoming a poster boy for "dreamers".
by ralahinn1, 3-08-17

Showing page 8.

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