All comics by Devin

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by Devin
2-18-03
Okay, you freed me from the lamp, so you get one wish, yadda yadda yadda, hurry up so I can finally enjoy my freedom, will ya?
Um, okay... I wish for a million more wishes!
DAMN YOU!!!!!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Well, I guess my next wishes will be for money and power.
Grr, fine.
Here's a buck-fifty and an Energizer battery. Happy?

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Um, I guess I should've been more specific-- I meant that I wish for LOTS of money and LOTS of power!
Fine, fine. Here's the deed to a company that'll cover both your wishes at once.
Um, thanks-- wait a minute, you gave me the deed to Enron?

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Okay, I guess I'll do this one at a time... I wish for a million dollars!
Here you go.
Cool, thanks!
See, that wasn't so hard--
Hi, I'm with the IRS, and we're here to do an audit...

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Police are still searching for Laci Peterson, a Modesto woman who has been missing for a month.
That poor woman... I wish that she would be alive and well when they find her...
This just in. The police have found Laci Peterson, alive and well in a condo in Fresno.
The police have arrested the Petersons for insurance fraud, a charge which they both denied.
...Uh oh.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Okay, let me wish for power then. I wish to be king of the world!
DOWN WITH THE KING! STRING HIM UP! DOWN WITH THE KING! STRING HIM UP!
I get the feeling you're doing this on purpose...

 

by Devin
2-18-03
What, you don't think that I would deliberately screw up your wishes, do you?
I mean, why would I? All you did was free me after ten thousand years in that horrid lamp, just to make me serve you for another million wishes...
Without even THINKING about what I wanted! How would YOU like it if I stuck you in a lamp and left you there for ten thousand years, you selfish bastard?!
...So I take it you ARE deliberately screwing up my wishes then.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Ten thousand FREAKIN' years, and to top it all off I have to get this jerk as my master! How do you sleep at night, knowing that you enslave--
Argh, I wish you would just shut up for a second!
Okay, now--
--poor, innocent, and very cute genies for your sadistic purposes, huh? Do you have a heart? Why don't I rip open your chest and find out, huh?!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
A curse upon your houses! And your family! And your friends! And your pets! And you, oh yeah, ESPECIALLY you! I hope you wake up in the morning with your eyes gouged out by hungry--
DAMNIT, SHUT UP! I WISH YOU WOULD SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
Ah, finally, peace and qu-- vultures, and your scrotum bitten off by alligators-- no, no, make that DISEASED alligators!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Alright, I don't like you and you don't like me. But I STILL have plenty of wishes left, and don't you forget that!
And as your master, I wish for you to make me a sandwich--
...I really should've seen that coming.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
What is your bidding, MASTER?
Well, FIRST of all, I want you to change me back to my original form.
How's that?
This ISN'T my original form.
You're absolutely right! Your original form is a zygote!
Grr...

 

by Devin
2-18-03
You wanna play? Well, TWO can play this game! I wish for beautiful and gorgeous women! Let's see you screw THAT up!
Eww, THERE'S that pervert who peeked at me while I was in the shower!
Let's get him!
We'll teach you a lesson, sicko!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
How's your head, MASTER?
Argh, I wish it wasn't throbbing with pain...
Granted!
Wait, no, I take it ba--
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
I wish you would quit toying with me and just have me killed already.
MWAHAHA! I'm going to chop you up and hear you scream!
Make sure he dies slowly and painfully.
Sadistic bitch.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
You want me to take care of him for ya?
What, why would you offer to get rid of him after you brought--
I wasn't talking to you, dummy.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
*sigh* I wish for you to make me a hero sandwich this time.
AH ha ha ha ha! Again!
*sigh* I wish for you to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-- again.
OH ho ho ho ho! This is good, do it again!
*sigh* I wish someone would shoot me.
In due time. But first, do that again!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
You know, I wish you actually CARED about the fact that I'm making a fool of myself here.
But I DO care!
Why else would I do this?

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Here, just to show you I'm not all that bad, I'll restore your form and arm you with something to defend against your killer with.
Um, thanks, but what's my weapon exactly?
A sharp tongue!
Oh my god, please mean that literally.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Hey! I said to do it AGAIN!
That's what your mama said last night, you retarded freak!
WHAT???
ER, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it! I'll-- your mama's so cheap, I paid her 2 cents for a blowjob and she gave me change!
GRR!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Please don't hurt me, the genie made-- your mama's so cheap, she has to PAY people to do her!
YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART, DON'T YOU?!
No, no, not at all! I'm not-- your mama's so cheap, the bum across the street turned her down for sex because he was too good for her!
WHY YOU...!
And let's not even mention how her johns pay her in food stamps-- um, please don't hurt me?
You leave me little choice.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
See, I told you I'd help you. You made that guy so mad that all he did was pound you to a bloody pulp!
Yeah... thanks...
By the way, you want me to do something about your headaches?
Yeah, why not? You can't make it any worse than this.
You underestimate me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!!!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
See if you can screw THIS wish up! I wish to be able to run as fast as a horse--
Wait a minute, I didn't say I wished to BE a horse!
You didn't say that you DIDN'T either.
Damned rules lawyer.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
I got it this time! I wish, without turning into a horse, that I'll be able to run as fast as a hor--
I wasn't finished.
I know.
Bastard.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
I'll show you! I wish... that we were married!
Huh?
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, DRINKING OUT ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN?! HURRY UP AND TAKE OUT THE TRASH, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING USELESS...
What the hell was I thinking?

 

by Devin
2-18-03
YOU BETTER GET A MOVE ON BEFORE I TAKE MY ROLLING PIN TO YA HEAD, YOU FAT LAZY STUPID PIG-HEADED INSENSITIVE USELESS IMPOSSIBLE--
ARGH! I WISH WE WERE DIVORCED!
What the?
Skipping out on your child support payments, have ya? I guess we'll have to teach you to be prompt.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
Wait a minute, child support? I don't have any children.
You suck, Dad! No wonder Mom left you!
What a brat. And I didn't even get the night of hot sex to make up for it.

 

by Devin
2-18-03
You can't beat me! Ready to call it quits?
I still have one trump card up my sleeve!
Oh really?
I didn't want to resort to this, but... I wish... that you'll suck me off!
Heh heh heh heh, granted.
W-w-why are you looking at me with that glint in your eye? I-I take back my wish! Keep away from me, KEEP AWAY!!!

 

by Devin
2-18-03
I wish for you to kick my ass! Let's see you screw THAT wish up!
I guess you got me there.
That's one wish that I WON'T screw up.
Oh sh--

 

by Devin
2-20-03
You have freed me, the Genie of the Lamp, and in return I shall grant you a wish!
Alright! I wish I wasn't a virgin anymore!
Er, this wasn't the way I wanted to lose my virgnity...
Less talk, more Vasoline.

 

by Devin
2-20-03
This time you'll HAVE to grant me my wish, because I'll be making selfless wishes! I wish for world peace!
Okay, here you go.
Er, a plate of peas?
WHIRLED peas!

 

by Devin
2-20-03
You're losing your touch, genie. You couldn't manage to make my wish go horribly wrong!
What the, how'd these peas stick onto my face?
OH MY GOD, THEY'RE EATING MY FLESH! GET OFF OF ME, GET OFF OF ME!!!

 

by Devin
2-20-03
Hey, mister, do you think I'll grow up big and strong?
I know you will! Genie, I wish this boy will grow up big and strong!

 

by Devin
2-20-03
Alright, now that's low. I wish this boy to be big and strong and you screw him over.
I'M the one you want! Making this poor boy suffer isn't going to help in your revenge against me!
*CRUNCH CRUNCH*

 

by Devin
2-20-03
Please, no more, I give up! I wish that you were free!
Free? What do you mean, "free?" Like "sucky sucky zero dollar" free? What kind of genie do you think I am?!
But, but I'm trying to let you go--
You're asking for it, aren't you? I'd start wishing with one eye open if I were you.
B-b-but...

 

by Devin
2-20-03
Look, let me clarify: I wish that I never had any wishes.
Okay, but I can't grant that because if you never had any wishes, you wouldn't have been able to make the one wishing that you never had any wishes.
Why are you being such an ass about this?

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Mwahahaha, I'll never let you go, jack, I'll never let you go!
Imagine, a man who has all his wishes fulfilled but never gets what he desires! Oh, the irony is so delicious!
Argh, I'll never make a wish again! Please, just... leave me alone!
Never! Now get back here and make another wish!
NO!!!

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Dear Diary, I've been running from the Genie for a few days now. I've donned some new clothes to help disguise myself, but apparently my nemesis has too.
Hmm, isn't it a bit early to be in that get-up?
Now now, don't be a bah-humbug. Just tell Santa what you wish for--
Rats, I guess that was too obvious.

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Okay, you've passed the initiation!
Now for the pledge. Repeat after me, "I do solemnly wish to--"
Blast it!

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Put your right hand here.
Do you wish to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
I-- wait a minute, did you say "wish?"
Um, no, no I didn't. Now hurry up and say "yes."

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Hello?
Yes, I'm looking for an Ai, last name, Wishphorstuf.
Uh huh...

 

by Devin
2-21-03
You should really think about settling down. What about that nice girl, Megan? Which country does she come from? And what does she do?
She's from Ireland and she's a foreman at Wal-Mart.
I'm sorry, son. She's a what what?
I said, she's an Irish fore--
Wait a minute...

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Ah, finally, some peace and quiet. I wish it was a little warmer here though.
Oh sh--

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Argh, cramp, cramp! I wish I were taller so I could reach that shelf without standing on tip-toe.
You're really slipping.
Oh shit, please, no, no no no no no--
Wait, don't shoot! I'm not gonna hurt anyone!
That's what ALL the oversized monsters say! Tell the jets to commence with Operation Neuter!

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Dear Diary, I am tired of running. I guess I have no choice but to take my wishes like a man.
Hee hee, here you go.
...Thanks. And now I wish that I was in more pain...
Granted!
...Now I wish I was in even more pain...
See how much easier it is if you simply submit?
Yes, yes I do. By the way, I didn't say stop-- keep it coming... I wish it.

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Hey you! I forgot to kill you last time, so I came to finish what I started!
Yes, yes! PLEASE, kill me! Slowly, quickly, I don't care, just DO IT!
...Wow, I am totally unprepared for that answer. Now I don't know what to do...

 

by Devin
2-21-03
What do you mean you don't know what to do? KILL ME ALREADY!
What a slut. I'm too good for you!
DAMN YOU! Genie, I wish this guy would kill me!
...So a minister, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar...

 

by Devin
2-21-03
Damn you for not granting my wish. *sigh* I wish I was in some kind of excruciating pain.
Granted! See, who says I don't grant your wishes?
Yeah, yeah... so how many of my million wishes do I have left anyway?
Actually, I'm not sure. I lost count at 2,346,901.
Oh, oka-- wait a minute--

 

by Devin
2-21-03
And you're sure that you took him out?
Of course! I even went down there to make sure he was dead!
I asked him myself!

 

by Devin
2-23-03
Argh, quit it! How come you get to mess with me but I'm not even allowed to touch you?
Because you're my LITTLE brother!
Just you wait! One day, I'm gonna be older than you, then you'll be sorry!

 

by Devin
3-01-03
Hmm, your anus doesn't look like it's bleeding... I better make sure.
Um, pardon me, Doc, but I thought I was here for an eye exam...
The real doctor will take care of that for you. Now, relax your cheeks for me...

Showing page 9.

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